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The Right Way To Break Up With Someone

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A break up isn’t fun for either partner, but sometimes it’s just necessary. Here’s how to break up with someone the right way & minimize hurt feelings.

What She Said About The Right Way To Break Up:

Breaking up is never easy but if you want to do it the “right” way you need to be completely honest with the other person. This honesty needs to happen face to face also. So don’t be the ass who broke up with someone via text or email. I don’t care if the relationship was short lived, be respectful and end it like an adult. If you are done with the relationship then you need to save both of you time and pain and end it. Sort of like ripping off a band aid, don’t draw it out.

When you draw it out by asking for space or time to think you are just making things worse and you know you want to end it but are just trying to be nice. You have to end it and be done with it all the while you need to give the person your reasoning for ending it. Don’t leave them questioning what they could or should have done different or make them question your reasons for ending it. Be honest about why you are breaking up. It might not be easy and it might hurt, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to tell the truth then leave them hanging with no clear reason of the break up. It hurts when you hurt someone you care about but in the long run it would hurt even more if you lied to them just to protect their ego.

Long Term Relationships

If you are ending a long term relationship, be prepared for a lot more hurt and be prepared to have solid reasons why you are instigating the break up. Do not give them the line “It’s not you, its me” because it’s them, everyone knows it’s them. After you do break up, you need to have the courtesy to return their stuff, anything that belongs to them that they left at your place.

Then rid your self of things that remind you of them. I am not a follower of feng shui but it makes sense that personal items can illicit emotions and holding on to their items might bring negative energy into your life. So go ahead and throw away their tooth brush and any other mementos that serve no purpose.

When it comes to social media like Facebook, it might be best to “hide” them from your feed and do not overly boast about your newly singleness. You can easily hide your own relationship status from your feed without having to declare that you are single. Also, cut off your communication with them and do not text or call. Your ex will need time to heal from the break up, to cry, to be sad, to be mad, etc. and since you are the cause of these emotions, you can no longer be a shoulder to cry on.

Short Term Relationships

If you are ending a short term relationship you still need to give your ex the same respect, but you don’t need to be so dramatic about it. Yes give them a reason why you are breaking up, but honestly you don’t need to worry too much about hurting them. You should still not make a big deal about the breakup on Facebook. If it was a short term relationship, you shouldn’t worry about taking new pics with other guys or being out and loving being single.

You might even want to consider defriending the person if you two don’t have many ties (e.g. similar friends). It can still be messy but just take into account their feelings and try not to destroy them. On that note, do not even mention being “just friends” that may come in time but if you just broke the heart of a person who cared for you, you need to distance yourself and do it fast.

The main idea here is whether you were in a long term or short term relationship, if you have fallen out of love, met someone else or no longer love your partner the same way that you used to and want to end it, then end it. Put your foot down and break up. This is for your sake and for their sake too.

What He Said About The Right Way To Break Up:

Think of it as what it is: you’re firing someone. HR doesn’t give you a long drawn out emotional speech. They state the reasons, quickly and simply. It’s the bullet points they give you, not the in depth explanation. You don’t need it anyway, you already know what’s going on. They hand you your last check and then escort you out of the building. It’s not painless, it’s just as painless as possible.

That’s the way your break up should be. If you have their stuff, hand it to them when you break up, or just mail it back. Tell them simply and efficiently why it’s over. Then walk away or end the call. Less is more. The whole process should take no longer than five minutes. It may seem harsh, but it’s not. You’re just being professional about it and no one is really going to want this drawn out anyway.

How To Tell If Your Man Is Lying

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Relationship advice is important to have if you suspect your significant other isn’t being honest with you. Here’s how to know if they’re lying.

Something’s fishy, and not in good way. You think your partner isn’t being truthful, but you’re not sure, and you want to be. How do you tell if you guy is on the up and up or a dirty no good dog?

What She Said:

Guys get such a bad reputation for being liars and they fit the stereotype. Lots of men lie, but those same men are really terrible at it. If you are quick and pay attention, you can totally tell if your guy is lying to you. When you ask your guy a question and before he answers he hesitates, he’s probably lying.

That hesitation is him figuring out what the right thing is to say, instead of telling you the truth. Also when a guy is lying about something, he’ll put too much emphasis on what he says, and he’ll add too much detail. Lets say you asked him what he did last Saturday night. If he answers with lots of details, time, place, who he was with, what they drank/ate and he repeats his same story over and over again, there is a good chance he is lying. Guys are simple and not detailed like women, they can usually answer your questions in 3-4 words. Don’t believe me? Look at any text message you have gotten from a guy, I bet his responses to you are short and few words.

Now, if he is lying and trying to cover his tracks, he will have taken time to iron out details and make sure you know those details so it seems like it was the truth. So pay attention to him, not the details but in how many details he is giving you. That’s a sure sign that he is trying to save his ass. A man with nothing to hide will be able to simply answer your questions and move on to something else, like sports or beer.

What He Said:

My apologies to Ms. Johnny Cochran over there, but I think she’s on smack. You can’t automatically say that just because he gives you details he’s lying. Some people are detail oriented. Some aren’t. Some may be visual and can remember things well, others not so much. If the story is consistent, that’s probably a good thing. It’s when you ask the questions and the story changes or if he struggles to explain inconsistencies, that’s probably not good. Too many details can be a problem, that’s true. He probably won’t remember everything, you should probably hear “I don’t know” once or twice.

You, if you’re getting the truth, should hear direct answers, yes or no. If the conversation starts to sound like an oil executive testifying at a congressional hearing, then well, that’s not good. Also, demeanor and body language are important. Is he relaxed? Breathing heavily? Showing signs of confusion, frustration or fatigue?

He’s not going to like the whole interrogation thing, but if he’s anything other than relaxed and calm, you might feel your spidey sense tingling. Unless of course, he’s an actor, attorney, serial killer, used car salesman or elected official. Those people are trained liars and get off on doing so. You shouldn’t be having sex with them anyway. What is wrong with you woman? Seriously? Have you no taste? No sense of self worth? Why are you letting them pet the kitty? Aren’t there other people who aren’t professional douchebags who want to get naughty with you? Can’t you be attracted to them? No? You want guys who treat you like crap? Oh, okay. Who am I to judge?

Anyways…

You probably know your man pretty well. Or at least you should. So you should have a feel right away for whether or not he’s telling the truth. And at the end of the day, you don’t have to wonder about it. He will reveal himself. A persons actions do not lie, even though they may. Just wait, be patient. In time you will have the answers, whether you want them or not is another story.

Do you really want to know what he’s thinking or where he was last night? What will finding out do for you? It’s always good to make sure you really want to know. Sometimes when you find out that you would really rather not know. But you can’t go back once you do, so don’t ask unless it’s something you are prepared for. Sounds ominous, doesn’t it?

How To Tell If He Really Loves You

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Love isn’t fickle – it’s strong and it’s obvious. But some girls just don’t get it. Here is how to tell if your man is in love with you or not.

You love him. But does he love you? It’s a simple question with a complicated answer. How do you know? What’s love as opposed to lust?

What She Said:

The phrase, “I love you” doesn’t have to be said to know your man loves you. And love is different for every couple but there will be a moment when he’ll do something or say something that knocks you in the gut and lets you know he truly loves you. This goes beyond buying you gifts or spending money on you.

This is all about him doing something small and showing you he really cares about you. He can show you by the way he treats you. If a man really cares about you, he’ll find everything you do or say to be adorable. Maybe you pronounce a word wrong, or are bad at telling jokes or sound funny when you sneeze. Whatever your quirk is, he will find it enduring and amazing. It’s the things about you that make you unique that he find charming and sexy.

When you realize he finds your habits and quirks adorable, you might just realize that this man truly loves you. Another sign that he loves you is in the way he talks about you in public. Do you have mutual friends that always tell you your guy was praising you or talking about your accomplishments? That’s a sign that he is proud of you, proud to date you and loves you. Another tip off is how he treats you when you are sick.

If a man will hold your hair while you toss your cookies in a toliet, or bring you tea or soup when you are bed ridden with Scarlett-Malaria-Mad-Cow Disease, that’s a sure sign he loves you. When a man loves a woman, he cherishes her and supports her and wants to help her. A man who loves a woman will think she is the most beautiful woman and he will always see her in the best light. Even when that light is early morning after a late night and you didn’t remove your makeup. If your guy finds you beautiful and irresistible in all your ways, he really loves you.

What He Said:

You have dealbreakers. We all do. Something about you is a deal breaker for someone else. Except someone in love with you. For him, nothing else matters. He can keep his hands off you, but neither of you want that. He’s as turned on by you when you’re naked as you aren’t. He shows you off to his friends. The relationship just works. No drama. He’s okay with you wearing comfortable underwear around him. He’s seen you with no makeup on and still thinks you’re hot. He’s met your family and hasn’t gone into the witness relocation program.

If he’s seen you naked, physically, it’s one thing. But seeing you naked emotionally, that’s huge. If he’s seen you stripped emotionally bare and is still there. That’s a big sign he loves you. He will kill spiders for you and sits through chick flicks. He wants to do this. Because you like them and he wants to make you happy.

It’s important to note that I’m talking about actions here. Many guys aren’t comfortable with emotions and many of their friends will give them shit if they express that. It’s okay to bitch about your wife, but not tell everyone how great she is and how much you love her, etc. That will get you cockpunched. Not fair, I admit, but it is what it is. More often than not a man will show his love to you. You have to pay attention.

It may not be expressed in flowers, but practical ways like buying you new tires. Why would he do that? Because he doesn’t want you to die in a car accident. Romantic? In his own way it is. Be patient, he will warm up to the verbal message you crave. Drop hints. Say “I love you” first. That may free him up to say it.

You probably already know if he loves you or not. Does he take care of you when you’re sick? Is he nice to you when he knows he’s not going to get laid? Things like this are important. No guy who’s just trying to get a blowjob from you or maybe a little anal sex will do that. If he’s just in it for the sex, then he’s probably going to treat you like crap when you’re not…well, having sex. He may avoid you, or ask to have sex all the time. If he really cares about you, he’s going to dig spending time with you no matter what you’re doing.

Is Your Relationship Ready For Marriage?

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Marriage is a huge step, and it’s definitely not something to rush into. How can you tell if the relationship you are in is marriage material?

“Going to Fiji is not marriage, going to Costco is marriage” – Kelly Ripa.

You know you’re ready to marry someone if you are willing to endure the Hell on Earth that is shopping at Costco with that person. Seeing your significant other at Costco means seeing them at their worst: they will be angry, cranky, hungry, sleepy, annoyed, childish, and pissed off. They will try and convince you that you “need” to by industrial size quantities of some food that they know you hate (which they of course love), and you will be subjected to the sight of humanity at its fear based worst.

If you can make it out of there alive (without spending yourself stupid or killing each other), then you should probably get married. If you can go there and be so in love that you forget you’re in Hell (and by Hell I mean Costco) and not be bothered by this, then by all means run like hell to the altar.

Do You Like Them With Their Clothes On?

Sure, everyone’s tons of fun when they’re naked and doing naughty things you. And lots of sex happens when you are dating, often because you two have different homes and can get the hell away from the other. A relationship is one thing, marriage is different, because you’re always there with each other. Generally speaking, your spouse should be as much fun with their clothes on as they are with them off.

How Lucky Do You Feel?

When you’re around this person do you feel like you hit the lottery? Do they make you giddy like a school girl? Get lots of goosebumps? Then marriage is definitely in order. If you don’t, you may not want to walk down the aisle. Romance ebbs and flows but if you’re not feeling super lucky to be with them, then it’s a red flag.

How Easy Is It?

They say relationships are hard work. That’s not true. BAD relationships are work. Good relationships aren’t. If your relationship is easy like Sunday morning, then it’s time to start thinking about walking down the aisle. People love to say relationships take work. They don’t. Relationships are like a car. The vast majority of people reading this don’t know anything about brakes, shocks, struts and all the other car parts you can’t pronounce. Does that stop you from owning and operating a car? No. You don’t need to do work on your car. You just need to do maintenance.

All you really need to do is get it washed regularly, get the oil changed, and get tires every so often. That’s not doing work on your car. You put gas in the tank and turn the key. It goes or it doesn’t. If you don’t do maintenance, you’re an idiot, but you’re going under the hood either. The best marriages in my estimation are the easiest. The more work you’re doing the more problems you have by default. Sure there will be ups and downs, but too much time under the hood usually means it’s time to trade in for a different make and model.

Are You On The Same Page?

Opposites attract, but they don’t marry. If you are super frugal and your partner spends like a drunken sailor, do you really expect it to work long term? Movies always love to talk about the uptight, type A girl and the slacker/hippie type who steals her heart. That works in movies, but in real live they hook up or date but they don’t marry. Or if they do, they’re miserable. Why? Because she is who she is and he is who he is.

The more alike you are, the more you’re going to stay together, because common ground is required to build the foundation upon which the house that is your marriage is built on. The house is built on the foundation and the foundation is designed to fit the house exactly. They don’t say “well, it kind of fits, but we’ll work around it.” No construction foreman has ever looked at a foundation and said “well, I know that’s how it is now, but I’m sure it’ll change down the road.”

You’re two different people with different experiences and view points, so disagreements are inevitable, but you should be arguing because you both want to do the same thing, you just differ on how to do it. If you have the opposite problem, maybe you should just keep dating.

Things Not To Do After A Breakup

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A breakup is tough for everyone involved – but you’ve got to have some dignity afterwards! Here’s what you need to avoid when you’ve been through a breakup.

What She Said:

Regardless of who ended it, its over. If it was your choice to end it, you must have had a good reason, and I hope you are feeling pretty confident about your choice. But, if it was him who broke your heart, you might be a hot mess of a woman. So, here are some things you should not do after a breakup that will help you heal.

Basically the last thing you want to do is act like Bridget Jones for weeks on end. Yes, you should take a few days to mourn the lose of a lover, but then you need to get your shit and yourself together. In order to do that, do not pour yourself a bottle of wine, play Alanis Morissette and cry into his favorite t-shirt. If he dumped you, you need to dump anything and everything that reminds you of him. Do not spend hours looking at photos of the two of you! That will just lead to you asking yourself where you went wrong, or asking yourself what you could have done differently.

That is all a waste of time, energy and will make you feel more depressed. You should also stop all forms of communication or means of communicating with him. Do not call, text or email him. I don’t care how drunk you are, believe me, there is no really cute story that he wants to hear, no funny joke he wants to hear, and he does not need to know that you thought about him. He will not be amused. Along that same idea, DO NOT Facebook stalk him. Do not check his Facebook page, his new photos or read into his status updates. You might even just go ahead and de-friend him.

It’s not easy, but holding on to ideas of him, or of his things or even just holding on to hope is not going to help you get over this breakup. The best thing to do is get back out there in the world! Go out with your girlfriends, live it up and be single again. While you’re at it, call up that guy you have always had a crush on and have some rebound sex. Like the old saying goes, the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.

What He Said:

It’s always best to rip the band aid off as opposed to removing it slowly. Get it over with. Cut off all ties immediately. Who cares why it happened? You’ll never really know and if you do find out you will probably wish you didn’t. Cut all ties. I mean everything. Delete their number from your phone. Cut all social media ties.

If they gave you something, get rid of it. It should be like a military cover-up: the relationship should be as if it never happened. Of course it did, you’re not lying to yourself, but you want to get rid of the reminders. You will still have the memories, but you don’t want anything around that triggers them, if you can avoid it.

Keep your mouth shut. Sure, you may want to talk about it with a friend or whatever, but do not blog about it. Do not post about what a jerk this person was on your Facebook, don’t do standup based on your relationship. You will only look like the idiot. It may feel good to do, but that’s it. You’ll look like the ass, and guess what? You will be.

Keep your mouth shut and speak only in positive, philosophical terms, if someone brings it up (everything happens for a reason, we just weren’t a good match, I wish him/her the best, etc). Obviously if they stole your couch or something, yes, call the cops, but assuming there isn’t a criminal element to your relationship, just move on, quietly, confidently and as positive as possible.

This is not to say you sugar coat anything, but if they’re that much of a jerk, shouldn’t you be happy it’s over? Don’t go away mad, just go away. Cut your losses (or count your wins, as the case may be), and go forward. And by all means, have sex with someone new as soon as possible. You should do the first new partner you can, even if you’re against hooking up with random people. It’s very important for the healing process. Seriously.