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The Art Of Compromise In A Relationship

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In a relationship, learning how to compromise is one of the most important things you can do.. Though humans are meant to be in the company of other humans, we’re all individuals with our own specific needs and desires. That means we’re not always on the same page as our significant other, no matter how much we love them. If you and your partner can find ways to compromise on issues large and small, your relationship will be able to go the distance.

Communication – The 1st Step

The best way to reach successful agreements is to discuss open issues during calm moments. In the heat of an argument, you and your partner are likely more focused on your anger than reaching a solution with love. That means you should try to talk about your shared conundrums during happier times, like over a nice dinner or on a relaxed Saturday afternoon. Once you’ve established exactly what your issue is, try for a collective brainstorm.

For example, let’s say your mate was offered a job in another city which would force you to move and give up your job. Sit down together with the following ground rules in mind: you will each state your case, without interruption from the other party, and then you’ll both suggest possible solutions. Thus, your S.O. will explain why he/she thinks the move is a good idea, and then you will explain why you’d like to stay. This isn’t a situation where both of you will be able to get what you want, so you have to weigh all of the evidence at hand as you work to come up with partial solutions.

Perhaps you’ve been at your company long enough to request that they let you work from home if you have to move away. Maybe you make more money, so it makes financial sense to stay for your job, but you’ll help your partner keep hunting for something nearby. You may even have to decide that your S.O. can have their way, but you’ll get to have your way on the next big decision. As long as you both make an effort to meet each other part way, less relationship problems will come of it.

Learning To Make Tradeoffs

For smaller issues there are often tradeoffs to be made. You’ll clean the bathroom every week if your boyfriend or girlfriend will regularly vacuum the apartment. If he or she does the grocery shopping, you will do the cooking. Small, everyday compromises like these make both you and your partner feel equally important. It may seem silly, but splitting the chores or trading off which person’s friends you hang out with can make your relationship much healthier than most. Knowing that both of your opinions are heard makes each of you feel more valued and loved.

Avoiding the one-sidedness that preys on many relationships can go a long way toward the prevention of arguments and unhappiness. The best thing about a compromise is that everyone feels better in the end, even if they didn’t get exactly what they wanted. When there are clear winners and losers, relationships can suffer. That’s especially true if the same person regularly ends up on the losing end of the equation.

You have to make sure that you’re taking turns coming out ahead, or resentment starts to boil. Romantic relationships are ultimately partnerships, and that means you need to work together to seek the best possible outcomes. Things won’t work out perfectly every time, but making that effort together strengthens your bond. Ask any married couple out there, and you’ll find that compromises played a huge part in their romance success.

Relationship Advice: Are You Spending Too Much Time Together?

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When you’re in relationship with someone, it can be so easy to want to spend every moment you have with them, particularly in the beginning of the relationship. However, there’s a fine line between what is and isn’t healthy. If you start to notice that you never see your friends anymore, or you’re dropping activities you used to love from your schedule, things may have gone too far.

You may even realize that you’re beginning to grow bored with dating your boyfriend and girlfriend because you’re slipping into a routine. We can’t expect one person to satisfy all of our needs, so we have to have a well-rounded life. You may be surprised to find that pursuing your own interests and friendships can actually make you and your mate that much more intrigued by each other.

How Much Is Too Much?

Perhaps you are feeling smothered by your relationship, or you suspect you’ve lost your sense of self. Think back to the things you did when you were single. Did you have a regular ladies’ or guys’ night? Were you a member of a club or sports team, or taking a class to pursue a hobby? While you may not want to pursue every activity from when you were single, it’s worth adding a few back into your lifestyle. You don’t even have to do something as frequently as you used to. If you and your girlfriends had a weekly movie night, perhaps you can try to attend at least twice a month.

Maybe your monthly camping trip with the boys can now be done three times a year. As long as you’re maintaining at least one other important relationship in your life and taking some time out of your schedule for them, that’s a start. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. You may find that your girlfriend is that much more excited about spending the following weekend with you upon your return from that camping trip.

Keep Up With Your Own Hobbies And Interests

It is also important to keep up with hobbies and other interests you have, whether you invite your significant other to participate in them with you or keep them an alone-time activity. This isn’t just because you’ll feel happier, but also because it makes you a more interesting person. Your partner loves you for all the things that make you a unique individual, and that includes the fact that you love to read, or cook, or go running every morning.

Maybe you can no longer play video games for an entire Saturday afternoon, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fit in an hour here or there. Plus, this helps encourage your S.O. to develop his or her own interests. While you’re busy baking that cake, your mate can head outside and practice free throws. Now you have that much more to discuss with and learn from each other.

Don’t Shoulder Your Partner With The Responsibility Of Making You Happy

Truthfully, it boils down to this—if you drop all of your friends and hobbies for a relationship, you’re now reliant on your partner for all of your happiness. That’s not fair to either of you, and it can place a strain on your relationship in the long run. You will both feel better if you can learn how to maintain a sense of self-worth. It’s important to have friends there for the times when things aren’t going so great with your boy/girlfriend.

You need a network of support, just as you need to know that you can make yourself happy through hobbies and solo fun. Having two well-rounded people in a relationship will make that relationship that much more compelling. That’s the best way to ensure a long, happy and interesting romance.

Relationship Advice: Addressing Your Partner’s Annoying Habits

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When in a relationship, you spend a lot of time around your partner and whether you live together or not, you may find that their bad habits become particularly grating upon you. We all have bad habits and annoying traits that can get on someone’s nerves, so take it with a grain of salt. This is someone you love, so you can’t let a few annoying traits ruin your relationship. Instead of constantly arguing about your mate’s lesser traits, here’s how to find a polite way to address the problem at hand.

Figuring Out What Is Worth Bringing Up

Most annoying habits are small, so there are two fairly simple ways to deal with them. You can either decide that there are so many other great things about your S.O. that you can ignore one or two tiny annoyances, or discuss the issue calmly together. Oftentimes it can be good to combine both methods. Attempt to fix the problem, and if your mate just can’t break the habit, let it be. For instance, if your boyfriend leaves his towel on the floor instead of hanging it up when he’s done with it, find a neutral time to discuss it with him.

Don’t approach him right when he’s committed the act, or you might say something harsh in your moment of anger. Wait until later and casually mention that you couldn’t help noticing his towel on the floor. Tell him you know it may sound silly, but it would mean a lot to you if he’d hang the towel up the next time he uses it. If he doesn’t follow through, wait a few days and try again. If things don’t work after a couple of tries, accept that the trait isn’t going away. Then you can either elect to ignore it, or just accept that you’ll be hanging his towel up from now on. If that makes you angry, try to remind yourself that you probably have one or two bad habits yourself. That will ground you a little.

HOW To Talk To Your Partner About Their Annoying Habits

One of the most important things to avoid is accusing your partner of embarrassing you or being unworthy. Even if your girlfriend is the world’s most annoying gum smacker, you need to be tactful when you talk to her about it. You’re setting up an argument if you ask her to stop her trashy gum chewing in public. That just makes her defensive. Instead, try suggesting that her annoying trait might be making people think she’s less classy than she is in reality. Point out that you know she’s generally refined and fun to be around, and that she might want to reconsider her habit’s ability to give people the wrong impression. By working in compliments and pointing out what you love about your significant other, you’re effectively buttering them up to get better results.

What About Your Bad Habits?

If you really want to get results, you should be prepared to do some work yourself. Strike a bargain with your mate and agree to kick one of your bad habits if they’ll stop theirs. Pick a habit of yours that you know really bothers them, or ask for their input. When they suggest a habit for you to break, be ready to suck it up and accept the challenge. If you promise to stop cutting your toenails on the couch as long your S.O. stops popping their knuckles regularly, you’ll both appreciate it. It also helps remind you that nobody’s perfect; ending bad habits can be difficult. You’ll have more empathy for each other during the whole process.

Nobody’s perfect, of course. You’ll never be able to eliminate all of your partner’s bad habits, nor they yours. The main thing is to remember that you both love each other, and that your good qualities outweigh the bad ones. Keep a cool head, try for little changes, and don’t have ridiculous expectations. Patience and acceptance will win out in the end.

Long Term Relationships: How To Keep The Romance Alive

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Long term relationships are the hardest relationships in which you can help the the romance stay alive. But whether you’ve been together for one year or fifty, it’s important to make sure that there is some element of romance in your relationship. Life often intervenes in the form of work, children, and other stressors, but you can’t let that stop you from dedicating time to your significant other. You may not be able to date with the frequency of your early relationship days, but a little effort here and there can go a long way toward getting your spark back. That’s important, because boredom and disconnect can lead to arguments, and have been the end of many long term relationships.

Having Romance Takes Effort

You might not have the time to spend on your long term relationships that you once did, or perhaps you’ve just grown complacent as the years have passed on. That doesn’t mean you should just throw in the towel. Instead, make the best of what time you’ve got. It might sound cliché, but establishing a date night once every few weeks can be a big help. Once you’ve got a date and time picked out, come up with a really fun date idea. Think back to your favorite dates when you were first together. Did you have a particularly great time that night you went bowling? Was there a restaurant you used to love going to that you stopped visiting once you had kids? Recreating an old date not only shows your sweetie how thoughtful you are, but it can also put some spring back into your step. You’ll remember all of the best parts of your early days, and that will put both of you in a great mood.

Other Ways To Keep The Love Alive

Planning the occasional date isn’t the only way to help your love stay alive. Regular physical affection is important, too. Never underestimate the power of impromptu hand-holding, hugging and kissing. It may be a small gesture to momentarily rub your partner’s shoulders after they’ve had a rough day, but it shows you care. Human beings need physical contact with other human beings, and making that connection will make both of you feel happier. Plus, you never know when a shoulder massage or particularly good kiss will lead to more. Sex is a very important part of long term relationships or marriage. If you feel that you and your significant other have had less and less of it lately, take action. Even if you’re feeling a little tired, attempt to go for it anyway. Usually once things get rolling, you’ll find you’re not so tired anymore. The more often you do it, the more often you’ll want it, and vice versa. Therefore the best way to have more sex is to stop fretting about not having it, and just start doing it again. Talk to you partner, too. Mention that you’d like to start spicing things up again, but do so in a non-accusatory way. Nine times out of ten, they’ll be glad you brought it up.

Loving Gestures

Aside from showing physical affection and working dates back into your routine, there are other ways to make sure your long term relationships stay interesting. Small but thoughtful gestures show your significant other that you’re thinking of them. Bring home flowers or a bottle of good wine for no particular reason other than to show you care. If your sweetheart’s had a bad day, offer to engage in one of their favorite activities together. If that means watching their favorite terrible movie, just go with it. Demonstrating your support and love is worth two hours of viewing a bad film. That can be all it takes to remind your S.O. of why they fell for you in the first place.

Ultimately, if you’re willing to put in a little time and effort now and again, you can make things interesting for years to come in your long term relationships. Do your best to remind yourself of everything you love about your partner, then use your actions to remind them of why they love you. That’s the best way to light up the fires at the home.

Relationship Advice: How To Deal With His Drinking Problem

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I need relationship advice! My boyfriend drinks a couple of beers every single night. He doesn’t get wasted, he just enjoys the taste, but I’m concerned about his health. Should I bring this up or mind my own business?

What She Said:

Caring about your partner’s health is a natural reaction to being in love. You want that person around, so it’s normal to notice good and bad habits. That said no one likes a nag. The last thing you want to remind of is his mother!

Lead By Example

The best way to teach is to lead by example. Take care of your own health and perhaps your partner will notice and decide to follow along. Adding milk thistle and green tea to your daily diet are both great for your body, your liver in particular. Brewing a cup or two of tea every afternoon and offering some to your honey is a good way to start. No need to be sneaky, simply see if he wants to partake.

If there is concern, particularly if he has a family history of alcoholism, an honest talk with your boyfriend might be in order. Skip the blame or guilt. Let him know you’re concerned because you love him and want him around for a long time. Hopefully an honest conversation will cause him to reconsider the harm that consistent use of alcohol may be causing him.

Using All Natural Remedies For Excessive Alcohol Use

Please note: I’m not a doctor. This is my personal opinion, culled from online research. I’d recommend reading Dr. Andrew Weil’s website (www.drweil.com) for information on the use of milk thistle, as well as consulting your physician for additional details.

What He Said:

I guess the key here is to define “a couple of beers.” In college, if I said I drank “a couple of beers” a night, it would’ve really meant like a case and a half, whereas now, if I told you I drank a couple of beers a night, I would mean no more than three. If he’s drinking a moderate among, then it’s far from a health risk.

You Might Have Deeper Issues Than The Drinking

I’m not a doctor, but then again, technically, neither is Dr. Phil and he gives relationship advice all the time. I’d say if this is the worst thing you can say about your man, you’ve probably got it pretty good. Still, if you tell him it’s a problem for you and then he ignores you, then you have a problem and it’s not the alcohol. It’s the fact that he’s not listening to you. Relationships are about compromise and if you are a wonderful woman who’s doing all sorts of amazing things for him and he won’t give this up for you, then maybe you should sit down with a therapist and decide together how to approach the issue.

Maybe he feels like you’re trying to control or mother him. Maybe he sees this as a threat to his independence. Maybe there are other issues in your relationship. I don’t know. But I do know if you two are fighting over this, it’s probably a larger symptom of something and that is an issue you should check out.