Low and unhealthy social interaction can produce the same amount of stress in our lives as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, or being an alcoholic, or not exercising. A new study from Brigham Young University reports that healthy relationships improve our odds of survival by 50 percent. “The idea that a lack of social relationships is a risk factor for death is still not widely recognized by health organizations and the public,” write the editors in a summary of the BYU study and why it was done.

The Benefits Of Healthy Relationships

The study was developed by analyzing data from nearly 150 previously published studies that measured things like frequency of human interaction and tracked the resulting health outcomes over a period of years. Because information on relationship quality was unavailable from these studies, the 50 percent increased odds of survival may actually be an UNDERestimate of the benefit of healthy relationships.

While the study isn’t just referencing relationships with significant others, but rather all our daily interactions – from husbands and wives to co-workers and friends – some of the same techniques I teach for healthy romantic relationships can be applied to the relationships we have with other people in our lives.

For example, having what I call in my book, Make Up Don’t Break Up, a “smart heart-to-heart” can be beneficial to a friendship or a co-worker relationship as well as a marriage. It teaches us to create an environment for honesty and conflict resolution. Being able to put heated emotions aside and let each person share their experiences and feelings is beneficial beyond a romantic relationship and can work for professional and personal relationships alike.

Separation Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

Another technique I teach is break up to make up and this can be helpful for many types of relationships that have come to an impasse. Typically, I recommend it for those in committed relationships who are on the verge of break up or divorce as a way to separate from each other with the clear intention of getting back together. The separation ideally allows each person to determine or restructure their priorities and, yes, also ideally makes the heart grow fonder. But in any closer personal relationship – such as within a family or in a close friendship – there can come a time when it’s a wise decision to take some time apart.

After all – if you’re implementing some of these techniques to create happy relationships in your life, you may actually live longer! And according to one of the study authors: “When someone is connected to a group and feels responsibility for other people, that sense of purpose and meaning translates to taking better care of themselves and taking fewer risks.”

Men can do a lot of things to screw up a long term relationship, in addition to what women do to screw up a relationship. Some issues are small and can be worked out with their partners, but other things that men do when they’re in a relationship can really mess things up for both partners. Here’s the top things that men do that can end a relationship, and how you can avoid them.

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A Long Term Relationship – What She Said

Cheating – it’s my number one, and I’d be willing to bet it’s at the top of the list for a lot of other ladies as well. Of course with cheating comes the loss of trust and respect. Combined, those are things that can (and often do) irreparably screw up a long-term relationship. While behaviors that can throw a wrench into a couple’s union vary greatly, here’s a quick list of the most common ways men muck up their love nest. Consider it a primer of what not to do, guys. You can thank me later.

• Lying, whether about big or small issues, is never a good thing. It’s a slippery slope – don’t open that door.
• Forgetting to appreciate your gal. No one wants to be taken for granted.
• Letting resentment grow. Keep communicating – it’s a lot easier to air differences when they’re in the beginning stages.
• Letting the sex go out of your relationship. Or, worse, looking for it elsewhere. See above!
• Any kind of abuse, verbal or physical, is unacceptable.

The list could go on and on, but it really comes down to handful of things. Don’t worry; they’re all mutual! You’re not there to do all the work; you’re there to share in the experience with someone you care about. It all comes down to this: love, respect and communication. If you’ve got all of those things running smoothly, you’re golden. If anything seems out of whack, be willing to take a step back and explore why.

Feeling frustrated with your mate? Behavior and decide you need to vent about it with a female coworker at a bar after work? Thumbs down. Sitting with your partner and actually telling her what’s wrong? Applause meter! We all have that inner voice helping to guide us between right and wrong. It’s called intuition and, even though it’s usually associated with women, men have it too. Call it your gut, if you will, even if you have a six-pack. If something doesn’t feel right, your gut will let you know. However, listening to your gut is a two-parter. You’ve got to hear it AND follow through on what it’s telling you. It’s the “following through” part that trips us all up; and this is often where things go wrong. Be present, be honest and be kind. Following these little tips will make your girlfriend happy. And guess who gets to benefit from that?

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A Long Term Relationship – What He Said

Complacency And Inconsistency

For women, life is a journey. For men, it’s a destination. This kills more relationships than anything else. You have to consistency say and do the things that got her in the first place. You can never stop. Don’t think that just because you “got the girl” that you won the game. Wake up, sparky. The game is just beginning. If you screw up with some girl at a bar, or some random one night stand, who cares? But if you’re in a long term relationship, this is when the real work starts. You can’t get lazy. You can’t let yourself go. You never stop dating. EVER. You may stop dating other women, but you never stop dating her.

Lack Of Preventative Maintenance

You love your car, you baby it. You get the fanciest car wash possible, get the oil changed regularly; you lavish all kinds of attention on it. And it looks amazing. Why shouldn’t it? You put in a shit ton of work! Do you put that kind of effort into your relationship with your girl? Hell, no. That would make sense! In life, you get what you put in, and if you don’t put in the effort into the relationship, she’ll find someone else to put it in her.

Lack Of Appreciation

She was everything you’d ever wanted in a woman when you first met, but somehow you forgot all about this when you settled down together. She needs to be appreciated. She needs to be needed. You need to make her feel like the greatest thing to ever happen to you. Because she is.

A Gap In Communication

Chris Rock was right. “Women are like the police. They can have all the evidence in the world, but they still want that confession.” Yes, she knows you love her, and yes, she knows you want to do her. Constantly. But what she’s not getting is how much you love her. She needs to hear it. Constantly. She needs to know specifically what you love about her, how your life is better off with her in it, the whole nine yards. The sappier the better. I know you don’t want to say this, but that’s what you’re there for.

All right gals – let’s get one thing clear. Although you’re in a relationship, it’s still your job to make yourself happy. Having a partner is a bonus to living a full life; not your entire reason for living. It’s still your responsibility to make sure you’re a well-rounded person. Outside interests won’t detract, they’ll attract. Though I hope your love lasts a lifetime, men do come and go. The person you’re always going to have is you, so make sure you’re treating yourself well. That said, what are some surefire behaviors that will screw up your relationship? Let’s take a quick peek.

What She Said

• Of course you’re allowed to be comfortable in your relationship, but not too comfortable. It may sound shallow, but save sweatpants for the gym.
• Do not cling! You were living and breathing before this guy came along – remind yourself that you can do the same now.
• Along with no clinging comes no whining. Harping on every little thing is the least effective way to get what you want. Instead, it’ll have your guy looking for the exit.
• Be appreciative. Though you’re in a long-term relationship, saying “please” and “thank you” go along way. Give your guy kudos; he’ll dig it.
• Be affectionate. You’re in love, not business, together. Of course sex is uber-important, but so are the hugs and kisses in between bedtime romps. While that sounds like a rather sexist list of no-no’s; the fact of the matter is those are common stereotypes for a reason. I’m not trying to be Camille Paglia; I’m just trying to save you some time and trouble.

What I’m about to say is going to sound crude, but it’s a common complaint amongst guys, so I’m going to share it with you. Here it is: don’t let yourself go. He fell in love with a pert and pretty thing, and that’s where he wants to stay. Love goes way deeper than the surface. No one is arguing that, by any means. Being gorgeous from the inside out is as much for you as it is for him. You’ll be glowing and feeling great about yourself and, by proxy, the spark that attracted your mate will remain. This isn’t to say that you have to play games or keep a tube of lipstick by your bedside table. Rather it’s about being independent and being your best self, whether it’s year one or year ten of your union.

What He Said

“Mommy Mode”

Something happens to certain women when they have kids. I call it “Mommy Mode.” Mommy Mode is when a woman has a kid and forgets that she’s a wife and mother. She focuses solely on the kid, and ignores her husband, unless of course she needs help with the kid, or the kid does something wrong (then, suddenly it’s ‘his’ child, not hers). You need to remind yourself that you are a wife AND mother. Both are your job. Not just one. Just like he is a father AND husband.

“Kate Gosselin”

There’s an old saying. It goes like this “There’s the girl you date, and the girl you marry.” In many cases, it’s true. People change, but it’s like this: if I go to the restaurant, and I order steak, I expect you to bring me steak. Don’t bring me fish and then go “well, you know, the kitchen’s been going through a lot of changes lately…” Who the hell cares about the fish? I didn’t order that. Bring me the damn steak! We know you change, but we don’t like it. And you should still be the same person, just more evolved. It’s like a car. If I paint my car, it’s the same car. It just looks different in the parking lot, but I can still find it. It’s not like I bought a BMW and it magically turned into a Mini Van one day, because it watched an episode of Oprah, you know? Make sure if you do change, it’s for the better, like a sudden burst of bisexuality, or nymphomania.

What turns your man on when you met him will turn him on until the day he dies. And he expects you to do it, on a regular basis, until the day he dies. Period. If you were into three ways and anal sex when you met, guess what? He’s going to be expecting them on a regular basis. You can’t be a total whore (and I mean that as a compliment) in the beginning of the relationship and turn into a nun down the road. He’s not going to be happy. He’ll be pissed. With good reason. You’re not living up to your end of the bargain.

Removing His Crown

Your job, as a woman, is to make your man feel like a king. That doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat, but he needs to feel appreciated just as much as you do. And he takes a great deal of pride in doing the job right, so tell him. Tell him why you chose him, why there’s no other for you, etc. This will give him the feedback necessary to feel like he’s doing a good job. Then you’ll get him to do more of what you already like. Score!

Trying To Change Him

My mother always said “Men don’t really change; they just become more of who they already are.” This is true. What’s also true is that the thing that turns you on about a person instantly begins to piss you off when have a long term relationship together. If you loved that he was spontaneous, sooner or later you’ll be pissed off that he never plans anything. But he didn’t change. You did. Or more accurately, how you view him. You ladies love your checklists, and maybe you married/or settled down with this guy without a list, but you probably had one. And oh, how you’ve waited to start making the improvements. But you can’t. You broke it, you bought it. No refunds or exchanges.

Not Looking Hot

Basically, you want your man to want to do you. You need to look your best at all times for this. Yes, bodies change, but you should still do your best to look hot for each other all the time. No BS excuses, he can’t complain about stress at work, and you can’t use the kids as a reason you can’t fit into your clothes anymore. If you do, don’t be shocked when he’s not sexually attracted to you anymore.