Sex Tips & Advice

What Does Abstinence Mean To You?

If you’ve heard about sex ed, you’ve likely heard about abstinence. What is abstinence, anyway? Basically, it’s just a fancy word for not having sex. Believe it or not though, abstinence may not be as black and white as you think. Abstinence means different things to different people. What does abstinence mean to you?

We can all generally accept the idea that sexual abstinence means waiting for marriage to have sex… But here’s where it gets tricky – What does “Sex” mean to you? Is it sexual intercourse? Is it any sexually arousing experience? Is it oral sex? Anal Sex? Masturbation?

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The Definition Of Abstinence

Abstinence, in it’s most basic form, is to abstain, or keep from, doing something. Most people refer to it as refraining from having sex, but you can also abstain from alcohol, cigarettes, or anything really. In it’s most popular form, however, the definition of abstinence means to keep from having sex. In most cultures, the term abstinence refers to waiting until marriage to have sex, however, any couple can practice abstinence even if they’re married. Some married couples practice abstinence at a certain time during a woman’s monthly cycle as a form of birth control. In this article though, we’re going to explore how abstinence can mean different things to different people.

Defining Sex

To define not having sex, first you have to define the term sex itself. What does having “sex” mean to you? Does having sex mean only penetration, therefore abstinence from sex means oral sex doesn’t fall into that category? Or does having sex mean every type of sex, including oral sex, anal sex, masturbation and vaginal intercourse? Does your definition of abstinence relate to being a virgin? Is virginity still intact only if you abstain from vaginal intercourse, or is virginity intact if one abstains from the use of sex toys, or even tampons as well?

It Remains Undefined

The definition of sex, much like the definition of abstinence, remains essentially undefined. It means something different for everyone, and only you can decide what counts as sex and what counts as abstinence – no one else can or should decide for you. Abstinence, just like having sex, is a personal choice. Examine your own beliefs and morals, and do what feels right for you. Don’t let parents, a culture, society or your friends or family members pressure you into deciding to have sex or deciding to be abstinent – or even deciding what actions constitute sex and abstinence unless you’re sure that it’s what you want. It’s also not a one way street – just because you choose to be abstinent now doesn’t mean you can’t choose to have sex later if that’s what you decide. Similarly, if you decide to have sex now, that doesn’t mean you can’t decide to become abstinent later. While you may have lost your virginity in doing so, don’t assume that means you have to continue having sex if you’re not comfortable with it. Do what feels right to you!

Know Your Boundaries First

Before making your decision, know your boundaries. Think of the possible situations you might be in, and what you might decide if confronted with that situation. Really think about it – if you’re abstinent, does oral sex count? Does giving a handjob count? Do you want to be totally abstinent from every type of sex? Don’t be caught off guard – know what you want and what doesn’t coincide with your decision before you put yourself in a situation that might possibly make you uncomfortable if you aren’t prepared. Don’t forget sex education – learn about STD’s, pregnancy and birth control even if you’re being abstinent. You’ll be able to make smarter choices when you do decide to have sex. Ultimately, you’re responsible for your own sex education. You’re responsible for your body, right?

Are You Committing These 4 Bedroom Mistakes?

By leejenkins

As time goes by, it’s natural that certain things fall into a certain ‘routine’. However, when it comes to the bedroom, routine=boring. So, don’t you want to increase the sexual tension between you and your lady for more mind-blowing orgasms? Of course you do! Find out if you’re committing these four bedroom mistakes:

FOUR Bedroom Habits That Should Go BUST

You don’t MAKE LOVE, you just do things to reach an orgasm. This is probably the biggest gripe of women against us men folk: sex is like a race to the ejaculation finish line. Oh, where have the days gone when you used to engage in foreplay for hours? This is what women want from us once in a while. You know, savor the journey instead of focusing on the destination.

You know your TV guide, better than your woman. A lot of men can’t seem to tune into sex until they’ve tuned out their TV sets. I know you need to unwind when you come home but for some nights at least, resist the urge to watch any TV. Almost scandalous during these times I know, but trust me, this one pays wonders in the bedroom!

Try this tonight: make it all about lovemaking tonight. The minute you arrive home, make sexual innuendos; start caressing a part of her body when no one’s looking; carry on flirting until you guys are in bed (or on top of the coffee table) and engaging in hot sex.Friday nights=poker nights; Saturday nights=sex. Nothing can be LESS romantic than sex on a schedule. If you engage in sex only on certain days (or worse, only on certain occasions), then chances are you are also using the exact same sexual moves, right? And then sex is all over in exactly 11.5 minutes.

Bust this habit! I know that it’s hard to get rid of something that’s so ingrained in your relationship already so try something that will jumpstart it again. For instance, buy your woman sexy, hot, see-through lingerie; subscribe to adult magazines; rent adult movies and watch them together. At this stage, you need a MAJOR injection of thrill in your relationship so do that and busting your sex schedule will occur naturally.

Be More Spontaneous

Why is it that we men are bent on treating our women like ‘eggshells’ or ‘proper ladies’ in the bedroom? Don’t you remember how being so hot and dirty earlier in your relationship resulted in the best sex ever?

And guess what? Women don’t always want tenderness between the sheets either! In fact, a lot of women will appreciate a little more excitement in the bedroom every now and then. (Just remember not to scare her by whipping out a pair of handcuffs right in the middle of sex!)

So just be a tad more adventurous tonight… for starters anyway. For example, when going oral, instead of going down on her, ask her to sit on your face instead. If she loves woman on top, try reverse woman on top where she faces your feet. If you guys always go missionary OR doggy-style, try one after the other tonight!

Top 5 FREE Sex Education Resources

By loveandsex

Sex education – it’s a touchy topic and it’s everywhere. But what is modern sex education teaching us and our youth? Are we being honest about sex, or does today’s “sex education” leave much to be desired? We’re going to give you our 5 favorite FREE sex education resources, so you can start filling in the gaps, whether you’re educating yourself or educating someone else.

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Your Local Health Department

Your local health department is probably step one when it comes to getting the best free or reduced cost health and sex services. Believe it or not, your local health deparment will provide services including free or reduced cost physical exams, breast exams and pap smears, as well as sexually transmitted disease testing and sexually transmitted infection treatment. Many health departments offer free birth control supplies including condoms and birth control pills, as well as other hormonal birth control methods such as the IUD, the diaphragm, the birth control ring or the birth control patch or shot.

Find your local health department by visiting Health Guide USA and clicking on “local health departments.”

SexEtc.org

SexEtc.org is a great sex education resource for teens. It’s an easy to navigate website with full feature videos, forums and articles on the sex topics teens really want to know about. The best thing about SexEtc.org? It’s written by teens, for teens! Most teenagers hate the “condescending” feel of sex education from adults, and SexEtc.org gives teens the information they need from their very own peers. Teens can even chat and participate in polls on everything from their first time to homophobic bullying and more. If you are a teen or are a teen’s parent, definitely check out SexEtc.org!

Scarleteen.com

Scarleteen.com is another teen oriented sex education website with lots of useful information presented in a way that teens and even young adults can understand and relate to. This website is article heavy, but the articles are precisely on the topics that teens today want to know about, such as male reproductive choices, how guys can prevent rape and even more topics for girls! When researching sex ed topics, be sure to look at several credible websites and use your own judgement – most of the time, if you see similar information on a topic come up again and again on different websites, you can trust that the information is reliable.

Positive.org

The message given by Positive.org is a simple yet powerful one – you have the right to complete and honest sex education! A little less colorful than some of the other teen centered websites, Positive.org appeals not only to many teens but also adults of all ages who want the straight facts on sex. This site is a little more difficult to navigate, but talks about every sex topic you could possibly want to know about, including information about STD’s and STI’s, homosexuality, teen sex, safer sex, pregnancy prevention and much, much more.

Sexuality.org

Sexuality.org is a more adult oriented sex education website and is like an online book with lots of information available. Read articles about sexuality topics, review guides on educational books and videos, and check out transcripts of presentations from popular therapists, doctors and other notable figures. Sexuality.org offers lots of different perspectives on topics from erotic massage, tantra and BDSM, as well as other sex education topics such as pregnancy, birth control and STD and STI prevention.

Truth or Dare – How To Know The Truth Before You Take The Dare

By maryannecomaroto

So, my dog ate a ten dollar bill in the prosperity corner of my house the other day- and I will get to the relevance of this somewhat inconsequential travesty in a minute but first, my question for this post: How do I know if someone is telling the truth?!

Distinguishing Between The Truth And A Lie

It’s all well and good to ask something you just met an important question, like ‘Are you married?’ or ‘Do you have an STD?’ but if they lie about the answer, it’ll render your fact-finding mission null and void! The short answer is—you really can’t—so my nutshell advice is: don’t sleep with them until you find out for sure! And even then, there are thirteen or so other questions you need to know before you even consider entering into that sacred contract and dropping your drawers! That’s right. It should be much more of a process than we often make it out to be.

So back to the dog: So I see this crumpled up thing—it’s green. Does not resemble regular puppy paraphernalia from a distance. I hone in and as I get closer I realize it looks suspiciously like money. I lean down to reclaim what turns out to be a tattered half of a ten dollar bill. I look round for the rest and find a few other scraps that match and now I am on a mission to reconstruct this note—to no avail, I am afraid. (Fortunately, my 17-year-old walked in and informed me casually that as long as I have 52% or more of it the bill, I could take it to the bank and get the full value in exchange.) Suddenly am left to ponder why dogs seem to have so little discrimination— I ended up telling myself, “She’s a dog, that’s what they do” and left it at that. Number one, because I couldn’t ask her, and number two, it wasn’t something I cared enough about to waste any more time over.

So what does this have to do with the earlier question which is, how will you know when someone is telling you the truth? Well, unlike my dog, the person you are interviewing as a potential partner can speak (although sometimes you may wonder if they, in fact, can 🙂 — but unlike my dog, you cannot come to conclusions about who they are and why they do things as easily – at least not without potentially putting yourself in harm’s way.

If my dog COULD speak, and I asked her why she ate the money, being a dog she would probably say ‘cause it was there. As for your interviewees, they have brains that have well-developed behavior patterns and strong personality tendencies to go with them, and it is your job to take care to research whether or not what this person does and says match. THIS is how you can not only determine if they’re telling the truth, but determine what type of people they are: trustworthy, honest, liars, sneaky, etc.

Would You Rather Dare?

In real life when it comes to human beings, you will have to take this kind of vigilance and commitment over time—and bottom line, that’s what it takes to know if people are who they say they are! You must train yourself to watch what people say and what they do and make sure they match (before you drop your drawers). The good news is, we all have a few basic abilities that make us able to do this:

1). Our intuition, that gut feeling, whatever you want to call it, when you know or suspect or guess, deep down, something is or isn’t right.

2). We have the abilities to be logical and reasonable and we must use these skills to determine what our next steps will be with a potential partner.

The bad news is, too many of us have pushed these skills, intuition and reason down, down, down until we’re not used to listening to and trusting ourselves. And that makes it hard to determine if we should trust somebody else!

The 5 Biggest Mistakes Men Make In Bed – Are You Guilty?

By loveandsex

It’s no secret that men often make mistakes in bed. Men’s bedroom blunders are the talk of many a girl’s night cocktail hour, office gossip and one on one girlfriend phone calls. You can’t stop gals from talking about your bedroom mistakes, but you CAN stop making mistakes in the bedroom! Here’s the 5 biggest mistakes that men make in bed – avoid them at all costs!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve had sex with a few guys, but they all seem to be doing something wrong in the bedroom and I can’t put my finger on it! Is this a common thing? Do a lot of guys make mistakes in bed and if so, exactly what mistakes are they making?

–Judy, LA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uakW7Rx8dVU[/youtube]

When A Man Isn’t Dominant In Bed

Women are drawn to confident men both emotionally and sexually. In bed, one of the biggest mistakes a man can make is expecting the woman to lead and make all the moves. Sometimes women want to be dominant, but more often, women want a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to let a woman know. Don’t be shy about taking the lead in bed – if you want her to go down on you, let her know! If you want to make love to her, just go for it! No girl wants a jerk, but every girl is drawn to a man that is enough of an alpha male that he can take control and she can simply surrender.

When A Man Is Emotionally Distant

You might not think your emotions are involved in the bedroom, but they definitely are, whether you’re with a long time partner or in a new relationship. If you stand behind an emotional wall outside of the bedroom, you’re going to stand behind one inside the bedroom too. Not letting your partner get emotionally close to you during sex really puts her off – you seem indifferent to her, as though you could sleep with her or not and that it doesn’t matter. A woman doesn’t want to think you’re indifferent about sex! Let her in emotionally, let her know that you want her and she will want you right back.

When Men Become Boring And Predictable

Most men get excited when they find a sex technique that a girl likes. They get so excited that they want to repeat that technique over and over, because if it worked the first time, why wouldn’t it work the next twenty times? Girls don’t want a man to become predictable – they want him to be passionate and interested in finding new things that please them. So try new positions, try using sex toys and try lots of different things so you can find several things that she likes and always keep her guessing at what is going to happen next.

When A Man Is Technique Obsessed

Many men are interested in learning lots of techniques that make them better lovers – and kudos to them for taking the initiative to learn more about what a woman wants! But some men become obsessed with technique, to the point of leaving out the emotions and spontaneity of great sex. Don’t let your brain get overwhelmed with techniques – even if something doesn’t work exactly like the book says, go with the flow and focus more on having a great time and giving your partner pleasure.

When Men Pretend To Know Everything

Some men have all the techniques down pat, and others just pretend that they do. The only problem with that is that women can see right through it! Don’t worry about looking like you know exactly what you’re doing. Worry more about learning about how to do things right and being yourself in the process!