Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for Sex & Intimacy

Sex Tips & Advice

Q&A: How Do I Stop Day Dreaming During Sex?

By

Going from a busy, stressful day to sex without some time to wind down may leave you thinking about everything during sex but sex! If you find this happening to you, you’re not alone. Here’s how you can stop thinking about your to-do list, chores, television and bills and start thinking about having great, satisfying sex!

Question: When my bf and I have intercourse, I always find myself thinking about things non related to sex. How do I focus more about what’s going on rather than something like a tv show?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VGMs4KmY4E[/youtube]

Sex On The To-Do List

Many women have a difficult time turning their brains off when it comes time to get in the mood for sex. A woman’s brain, emotions and physical sensations are all interlinked and if her brain is going haywire, her body and emotions aren’t going to sync up either. Many women feel as though sex is actually a chore on their to-do list instead of something they find relaxing and enjoyable. So if you find your mind wandering when you’re trying to have sex and reach climax, you are most certainly not alone. Some women think they can’t do anything about it, but the truth is, you can!

How To Relax

Make a conscious decision to stop what you’re doing, put away everything from the day, and focus on getting ready for sex. Get yourself to relax by listening to whatever music gets you in the mood, reading a book (erotic novels are a great way to get your mind and body ready for sex) or taking a hot bath with a glass of your favorite wine. Putting your thoughts about the day behind you and the day ahead of you isn’t going to be easy, but it is most certainly not impossible. It will require effort though, and determination on your part to make sex a priority in your life. Turn off the television or computer, and do what gets you turned on the most. Give yourself time to warm up though, because getting in the mood for sex may not happen right away.

Is He Pleasuring You?

A lot of women don’t reach orgasm through sex and the culprit could be one of two things. A woman who can’t relax enough to let sex take over her body and mind will have a difficult time reaching orgasm no matter how hard her partner tries. On the other hand, a completely relaxed woman won’t orgasm if her partner simply rushes to reach his own climax. Encourage your partner to do some research on female orgasms and how he can help pleasure you better. Everyone has something to learn about sex, even if they feel like they’re a seasoned pro. During sex, don’t be afraid to let your partner know if you like something or if something feels good. If you give him lots of vocal reassurance about what he’s doing right, he’s going to want to keep doing that! With you relaxed and ready for sex after you’ve put the day’s activities behind you and your partner taking the initiative to pleasure you, you’ll find that you think about sex and how much fun you’re having way more than you’re thinking about television or bills!

Strip Clubs & Porn – What Role Do They Play In A Relationship?

By

Guys like their strip clubs and porn as much as they like their football and beer. But what role do they play in your relationship? Should you be angry? Should you be jealous? We’ll get to the bottom of this so you don’t have to.

What She Said:

We’ve talked a lot recently about marriage – is it dead, should you just shack up, should you have an open relationship? What do strip clubs and porn have to do with all this? Well, they are the great equalizer.

What’s that? What do titties, pole dancers and money shots have to do with love? Fidelity, sexual release, sexual fantasy and role-playing come to mind. Sounds kind of fun, doesn’t it? Whether you’re in a brand-new relationship or have been married for ten years, a healthy appetite for sex still remains at the top of the “Must Have” list for a happy partnership. The visual prompt of an evening at a strip club, or an evening in with a DVD from Sugar, can stimulate ideas for you and your partner. It doesn’t have to be an all-the-time thing, but throwing a little something in the mix can definitely spice things up.

To use a broad generalization, men are visual and women are emotional. “Allowing” your guy the option of blatantly ogling some strippers can be freeing – for both of you. Hell, what not get in on the act and go to a strip club together? You can see what kind of things turn your partner on – and emulate them at home. He’ll most assuredly find a way to return the favor! The best part? It’s a way for you to both safely indulge in play without repercussions. Believe me; that beautiful pole dancer isn’t a threat and she doesn’t want to go home with your man. She wants to finish her shift and get out of those painful shoes. There’s rarely any harm to “just looking.” The same goes with porn – and even less so, because you can only lick a T.V. screen for so long before realizing it doesn’t taste very good.

Please note: this isn’t to say your boyfriend/husband isn’t happy with you. You are beautiful and you are more than enough woman for your partner! This is more about shared fantasy and exploration – you get an equal say in what you’re comfortable with, as well as what is exciting! If you feel like you have to give into the strip club experience in order to keep your relationship, this isn’t for you. If you feel equally “naughty” and are having just as much fun – go to the bank, get a bunch of one-dollar bills and enjoy your night!

What He Said:

I actually don’t like strip clubs. There. I said it. I’m all for hot naked chicks, but to me, a stripper is just a really hot used car salesman. She doesn’t give a shit about you. She’s just looking to make the sale, and she’ll do anything to get that commission. Also, most strippers are really bad at their job: convincing the men in the joint that they’d actually like to do them. Really great customer service from strippers is as rare as calling a 1-800 number and getting a U.S. based customer service rep. That, and any strip club is locked down. I mean, seriously, they operate on DEFCON five. You look at one of those girls wrong and some large man will appear out of nowhere and beat the shit out of you. It’s very anal and restrictive in that way. And laws vary from state to state, so things may be a lot tamer than you’d think.

Still, it’s good for our female readers to go, mainly because they’ll never get jealous or upset about their man going again. You’ll be like “He gets turned on by this? This is way lamer than Chippedales! At least then I get to grab his cock!” Well, maybe not that far, but you get the idea.

And your man will love you if you go, because every guy wants to be the one who BRINGS a woman to the strip club. You go, you put down a dollar, you get molested by the stripper (she WILL take your top off, don’t know why, it’s just one of the laws of the universe), and you get a lap dance, and he’ll be harder than Chinese arithmetic. He will molest you when you get home if he makes it that far.

Porn is a tricky subject, because it’s written and shot, more for men than women. That’s changing. Damn feminists. Lol. If you find yourself a female made porn then you can find the plot, emotion and all that other crap that women care about and he can see hot chicks naked and going at it.

It can be a great way to spice up your relationship, especially if you’re monogamous. If you are, it’s going to get boring at some point, or you’re going to need to spice it up. That’s just a given. Porn and strip clubs are a tool. Like a hammer. You can build a house with one or bludgeon someone to death. It’s not the item that’s bad. It’s the person and the application that matter.

Q&A: How To Make Sex Better For Her

By

Making first time sex special is a concern for many couples who ready for sex but haven’t taken that big plunge yet. Many guys are worried that their girlfriend won’t find the first time pleasurable, and they’re afraid of sex being uncomfortable for her. Here’s how you can make the first time – or any time – better for her.

Hey, my question is – this will be mine and my girlfriends first time, and I would like to know how to make this very special for her. I’m a little worried it will be too short and I would like to know the best way to keep it going to satisfy her.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqlk7JfJGk4[/youtube]

Make Sex About Her

If you want to ensure your partner enjoys sex, make the sex all about her. Focus on her pleasure instead of your own. This is where foreplay can really become handy, because instead of rushing into penetration (which likely will be uncomfortable at the very least if it’s her first time) you can focus on getting her aroused through foreplay.  Start out by helping her to relax with an erotic massage, and make sure you take your time. Don’t rush into anything, even if you are tempted to hurry up and get your own pleasure. Taking the time to pleasure your partner is well worth it, because in the end sex will be more pleasurable for the both of you.

Give Her Oral Sex

Women love oral sex. That’s a fact! Most women, actually, can’t climax through vaginal stimulation alone and require some degree of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Helping your partner reach orgasm through oral sex before the actual act of penetration will help get her aroused and more physically receptive to your penis. This is especially helpful if your partner is having sex for the first time, as it will be more comfortable and pleasurable for her if she’s naturally lubed up. Another benefit of oral sex is that your women actually find it emotionally fulfilling as well. She’s going to love the fact that in that moment, even if it is just for a few minutes, she is the complete and total focus of your efforts. She gets to lie back, relax and enjoy receiving your efforts to please her!

How To Make It Last Longer

Many guys who haven’t had sex before or who haven’t had sex in a long time are worried about reaching climax too quickly once they start having sex with their partners. This is definitely a common concern, because many guys report they reach the brink of orgasm more quickly than they would like. To make sure you don’t climax too soon the first time, try masturbating often before the big event. Masturbation will help relieve pent up sexual tension, so you don’t feel the need to climax right away. This will give you more time to spend with her focusing on her pleasure and ensure that first time sex doesn’t go too quickly. These are actually all great tips that you can use beyond the first time as well, to make each and every time as amazing for her as it is for you.

Q&A: Is Sex Good For The Body?

By

Sex feels great, so it’s natural to wonder if sex does any more than just feel good. The good news is that it does! Sex can help just about every aspect of your life including physically, mentally and in your relationship. Here’s how great sex can be great for your body and why you need to start having more of it!

Question: Is having sex regularly good for the body?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0la44k43Mo[/youtube]

How Sex Benefits The Body

Sex actually does lots of great things for your body! Not only does it feel good, but it will help make you healthier all the way around. Sex boosts the immune system and helps more oxygen travel to the brain when your heart starts pumping and your breathing gets faster and faster. By boosting the immune system, sex can help you fight off diseases like the common cold or the flu. Couples that have sex often are generally healthier and have to visit the doctor less. Very vigorous sex will burn lots of calories and work your thigh, leg and abdominal muscles even better than weightlifting reps at the gym! Many women have used regular, vigorous sex as a way to exercise and lose weight. Sex sends endorphins throughout the body that help relieve pain, including headaches. Forget using a headache as an excuse to getting out of having sex on a particular night! Sex can actually be a great cure for headaches. And of course, everyone knows that sex will help you sleep like a baby! Many men and women use sex instead of sleep aids to help them fall asleep faster and sleep deeper, so they feel refreshed and ready to go in the morning.

How Sex Benefits Your Relationship

Having sex often with your partner helps build an intimate sexual bond that carries throughout your relationship. You’ll feel closer to your partner even when you’re just hanging out. With regular sex, your attitudes will be better towards each other and you’ll fight less! Sex will also help improve your self esteem and help you to feel loved and emotionally close to your partner. Sex also relieves stress, so if you’re having a tough day at work, it’s a great way to “cool off” and relax. If you don’t feel like you have enough sex in your relationship, try as best you can to have sex more often. Sex will snowball and if you have more, you’ll start to want more. Having more sex increases your libido so you can have more sex!

How Sex Benefits You

So sex can boost your immune system and help you fight diseases, help you feel better about yourself and your relationship, and help make you healthier! Different sex positions can also help you lose weight! On top of all this, sex feels great and satisfies one of our basic desires as human beings. After all, humans are indeed sexual, no matter how society tries to suggest that we ought to hide it or pretend that we don’t want it or like it. So enjoy sex and have lots of it, because it will definitely improve your life in many more ways than you thought!

Q&A: Premature Ejaculation – How Can I Last Longer In Bed?

By

Premauture ejaculation is a common issue for many men, both young and old. There’s nothing wrong with reaching orgasm quickly during sex, although, it can definitely put a damper on a couple’s sex life if he’s going too fast for her. Here’s how you can slow it down and last longer in bed so she can reach orgasm too!

Question: I have a problem, when me and my girlfriend have sex it’s like 5 minutes into it or so then I’m ready to cum. Is that normal to go that fast? How do I keep it together longer so it’s more pleasurable for her as well?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtCViBYpF7k[/youtube]

Masturbation Can Help

Masturbating can actually help a premature ejaculator to last longer in bed. Many men who have girlfriends, wives or regular sex partners feel like they don’t need to masturbate, however, they end up reaching orgasm within just a few minutes of having sex with their partner. By masturbating, men can somewhat “desensitize” their penis so they don’t feel the urge to climax as soon as they start receiving pleasure. You won’t desensitize yourself to sex completely, but you will program your penis to be able to withstand pleasure for longer. Practice getting close to orgasm when you masturbate and then back off a little before you actually climax. Do this several times in a row to practice holding and controlling your orgasm.

Take A Break During Sex

It’s not bad to take a break during sex when you feel like you’re almost on the brink of having an orgasm. Back off and let your partner know that you’re close, but you’re not ready for the sex to end. Do something else, such as light foreplay or pleasure for her. This coud be a great time to give her oral sex or finger her and give her an orgasm too! When you no longer feel like you’re ready to blow, resume intercourse with your partner. You can do this more than once during sex – in fact, you can actually do it as many times as you want until you just can’t control yourself anymore! Many men report that doing this during sex helps their partners to reach orgasm as well, and makes their orgasm more powerful and pleasurable when they finally do reach climax. If you don’t trust yourself to stop when you’re close to having an orgasm, try sex positions that put your partner in charge.

Practice Makes Perfect

The more sex you have, the longer you’ll last each time. Just like any other activity, if you want to be really good at it, you have to practice at it! Instead of going a week or a few days between having sex, try having sex every other day or even every day if you need to at first! Adding masturbation into the mix as well will really help you to become a master of controlling your own orgasms. You won’t have to do this forever either – as you become more accustomed to controlling yourself, you’ll eventually be able to do so even if you haven’t had sex for weeks. Even though premature ejaculation is a common problem for me, there are lots of ways you can fix it if you just put the effort in.