Sex Tips & Advice

Q&A: How To Find The Clitoris

The clitoris is known to be elusive to many men, however, finding it and stimulating it is one of the greatest pleasures you can give a girl. Many women aren’t even able to orgasm without clitoral stimulation! Here’s how to find the clitoris, how best to stimulate it and how you can avoid the #1 mistake guys make when they finally find it!

Question: Dear Dan and Jen – How do you find the clitoris? I want to play with my girlfriend, but I do not know where to find it and I don’t want to ask her cause it would make me look like a fool…please help!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Drbyx-jnM-w[/youtube]

Why The Clitoris Is Important

The clitoris is packed with thousands upon thousands of nerve endings that will send waves of pleasure throughout a woman’s entire body. The clitoris is the only human body part that was designed specifically for pleasure and pleasure alone! Even a man’s penis performes other functions, such as urination and procreation. The clitoris, however, does absolutely nothing except provide female orgasm when stimulated. It serves no other purpose! So it’s safe to say the clitoris is pretty darn important and well worth your time to become acquainted with it.

How To Find The Clitoris

The clitoris is located above the vaginal opening but below the pubic area. The visible area of the clitoris is a small “bud” like formation that gets bigger when a woman is aroused. The clitoris is actually way bigger than what you see on the outside and is hidden underneath the vaginal skin and muscles, but the most sensitive part is the actual “bud” above the vaginal opening. The clitoris is actually tucked underneath hood of skin called the “clitoral hood” and will peek itself out more as a woman becomes aroused. However, right before a woman reaches climax, the clitoris may suddenly shrink in size and go back underneath the hood. Don’t worry though, because if you stimulate the area where the clitoral hood is, you’re going to stimulate the clitoris as well and many women prefer this type of indirect stimulation.

The Best Way To Stimulate The Clitoris

The first rule of thumb when beginning to stimulate the clitoris is to go slow and soft! Many men make the mistake of getting excited once they find it and start pressing, rubbing, licking or sucking too hard at first. This can actually cause a woman discomfort and pain! Instead, start out soft and slow, and gradually build up pressure and speed as your partner becomes more and more aroused. You can also start out using your fingers our tongue on the hood of the clitoris to give your partner indirect clitoral stimulation to get her aroused and allow her clitoris to become engorged and “hard” before you start using any other moves or techniques. Many women will derive great pleasure from stimulating the clitoris from outside the clitoral hood, while mixing in a few strokes directly on the clitoris as well. There are many different techniques you can use to stimulate the clitoris, such as clitoral circles, however, no matter what technique you decide to use, make sure you don’t start off hard and fast.

Q&A: Does A Woman’s Vagina Get Looser After Having Babies?

By loveandsex

A woman’s body goes through several monumental changes when she becomes pregnant and has a baby. Not only does she have mood swings and weird food cravings, she’s also going to have larger breasts and – eek! – a looser vagina if she gives birth naturally. Is this something that is permanent or is everything going to go back to normal?

Question: Is it true that the more babies a woman has had the less pleasure she feels from sex, because she is ‘loose’?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zG0J3fxWei4[/youtube]

Does Everything Go Back To Normal?

While some women take longer to “bounce back” after having a baby than others, almost every woman’s body returns back to normal after having a child. The breast size will reduce after she stops breastfeeding, and the vagina will firm back up in the months after she’s given birth. A vagina does stretch a great deal when accomodating a the size of a baby, but the skin and tissue down there is very elastic and most of the time will return to it’s normal size and shape after everything is said and done. This certainly doesn’t happen right away, however, and it may even take several months to a year before her body is fully back to normal.

How She Can Take Care Of Herself

Exercising and eating a healthy diet is one of the best things she can do to help her own body return to normal as quickly as possible. To help her vagina return to normal after birth, she can regularly do kegel exercises. Kegels involve squeezing the PC muscles (the same ones used to stop the flow of urine) and holding them several times in a row. The PC and pelvic floor muscles are what are weakened during pregnancy and the birthing process, so exercising them regularly will help them firm up. Remember to follow all doctor’s orders for exercise, diet and sex after pregnancy. Most doctors recommend waiting at least six weeks after a natural, uncomplicated birth to release a woman for exercise and sex. This time frame may be longer if the birth was complicated or a c-section was performed.

Will Some Changes Be Permanent?

Typically, no. A woman’s body is designed to be with child and to give birth – it’s a completely natural process. The biggest changes you may notice after a woman gives birth are that she carries weight in different places than she did before or is heavier now, but of course, exercise and a healthy diet will help some with that. Her breasts may be a little saggier, but then again, gravity affects most women at some point in their lives! A woman’s vagina may be very different after giving birth if she had an episiotomy or tore during the birthing process. An episiotomy is where the skin between the vagina and anus is cut to make more room for the baby, and the incision is stitched up afterwards. Some doctors will repair vaginal tears and some won’t, depending on the doctor’s preference and the severity of the tear. This may change the way her vagina looks and feels, but it won’t stop her or you from receiving sexual pleasure and more often than not the changes are small and easy to overlook.

How To Bring Up Threesomes And Swinging With Your Partner

By cooperbeckett

It’s the question asked ‘round the world, by men and women everywhere, how can I talk to my partner about…(fill in the blank with some sort of open marriage revolving thing.) It’s no wonder, with the near universal yearning for variety, and that often bubbling below the surface desire to see your partner with another man/woman, that this question is so popular.

Those of us who are actually swingers, and have experienced the fun and excitement of threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes are treated as though we may have found the Holy Grail, and are inundated with variants on the above. What follows will be an attempt to give you a “get the ball rolling” sort of path to jump on. A lot here depends on you, and your partner, and you should be ever so cautious here at the beginning, ‘cuz it can easily feel as though you’ve wandered off the map, and thar be monstars in the unknown. Haven’t scared you off, have I?

No? Good. ‘Cuz you want to know a secret? Threesomes and swinging are really awesome.

Communicating With Your Partner About A Threesome

I feel they’re just about the most fun you can have without breaking anything but obscure old blue laws. Before we get to the “getting your partner to do” anything, we need to talk about fundamentally the most important part of this process. Communication. Period. If fantasy isn’t something you’re able to talk to your partner about, you probably need to hold off on the graduate level sexuality and focus on some remedial stuff first. Because the place you want to start with the threesome/swinger talk is with fantasy. Why? Well, if you’ve got a good solid relationship that can share fantasies and new ideas, you’ll probably be able to have the all important “sharing is caring” conversation. You also ought to be somewhat experimental in order to pull this one off. And not just you, the BOTH of you. If it’s missionary with the lights off every night, this might not be the time. (Not that there’s anything wrong with missionary with the lights off, in fact, missionary is one of my favorite positions. I love being able to look my lovers in the eyes.) So, if you feel you have good communication, and you may be more advanced than vanilla folk (you know, maybe vanilla bean, or vanilla with sprinkles) then it’s time to start playing with the fantasy.

Getting The Ball Rolling

Start non-specific, when my wife and I began the discussion, it was as simple as hot sexy talk, during the act, which of our friends would you bave sex with, who do you find hot, what’s your type, etc. These things are rarely discussed in a marriage, or a long term relationship, especially the “what’s your type” conversation, because married people like to assume they’re their partner’s type. (Not always the case, exceptions are often made for the spousal type.) Work this into your sex play, your discussions. Notice reactions when you do so. If your wife blanches at the idea of having another imaginary woman in bed, it’s doubtful she’d be up for having a flesh and blood real live girl lying next to her as well. It’s also important not to take fantasy acceptance as a green light. Really, it’s best to look at these stages as red and yellow lights. When you encounter a red light, you need to step back a bit, and run at it again. If you continually encounter red lights, and swinging or threesomes is extremely important to you, well, you have to decide if it’s a deal breaker or not. Now, if you’re getting yellow lights the whole way down, you’re likely to be sitting pretty before long.

Once the fantasy is out there, it’s likely to come up again. After a particularly hot lovemaking session where you’ve brought your best friend imaginarily into the bedroom to play the old fingercuffs game with your wife, there’s a good chance she’ll come up to you later, (sometimes as soon as in the shower immediately afterwards) and ask “wow, that was hot, where the hell did that come from?” A lot can be judged in the tone of this question. And tone can be the difference between yellow light and red light. If your partner doesn’t ask about it, or bring it up at all, or try to insert it into your NEXT lovemaking session, you shouldn’t read that as stop, just that they may be shy, or conflicted about their feelings on it. In any case, this is where that communication thing comes into play.

Why Communication Is So Important

Remember how EVERYBODY EVER has said that communication is the secret to a good relationship. Well, it’s also the secret to getting anywhere with the swinging conversation. If you can’t ask for something, you can’t do it. If your spouse doesn’t bring up that unique new fantasy or roleplay you guys did, well the onus is on you to do so. So suck it up and talk about it. It’s in this conversation where you need to have “the talk.”

Not the “when a man and a woman love each other very much” talk. The “it would be possible for me to be sexually attracted to another person” talk. And this is often the hardest conversation for people to have these days. Our entire society seems to scream that your relationship is bad if you have any attraction or wanderlust toward anyone other than your spouse for your entire life. (Well, except for all the cheaters, and divorcees, and…well, everybody who just won’t admit it.) So, take your deep breath and jump into the cold water. If you’re gonna be asking the question “do you ever think about being with another person?” know that your partner may think it’s a trap, so be ready with your “cuz I do sometimes, but I think it’d be super hot to do it with you.” (Don’t feel the need to use phrases like that which sound like they come straight from the pages of Dynamite Magazine for teens.)

This is the money point here. Especially with a threesome, it’s REALLY easy for it to appear that you’re just a guy who wants to have sex with two girls. Sorry for the crudity there, but it’s the truth. It’s why I never asked for a threesome. Because I failed to see what might be in it for her. This was before I knew that my wife harbored secret bisexual fantasies (see, lack of communication!) so I wasn’t able to suggest how hot it’d be for me to see her with another girl without risking triggering her defense mechanisms.

What To Talk About And When To Talk About It

In a healthy sexual relationship, we all have the desire to fulfill our partners fantasies, or to at least take them as close to the edge as we’re willing to go. So when your partner comes to you and says “darling, I’d love to see you fuck another person, it’d make me sooo hot!” well you at least consider whether or not you might be able to make that fantasy come true. The key point here is that threesomes and swinging shouldn’t be a “let’s try something new this weekend for my birthday, for our anniversary, for Arbor Day” conversation. It should be an ongoing discussion, with at least a few days between start and finish, but preferably, a couple weeks to allow the idea to really sink in. Especially with all the tertiary issues that can crop up, chief among them being jealousy, but also STI and pregnancy risk, the lunacy that can come from adding another person to a relationship, and so many more things that can broadside you because you hadn’t even considered them.

Now, if you’ve had these conversations and fantasies, and talked about what you’re interested in, well then, that sounds like a green light and permission to launch. Next stop, open relationship town. But that’s a whole other discussion, and that’s for next time.

Q&A: Condoms – Magnum, Magnum XL, or XXL?

By loveandsex

Finding the right size condom for your penis can be difficult, especially if you’re a little larger than average in girth or length. There are a variety of larger condoms available, but some are better for wider penises and others are better for penises that are longer. Also, you want to make sure that the condom isn’t too loose and still fits well around the base of the penis. Here’s how to measure your penis and find the right condom for you.

Question: Hey I have a question, since you said on one of your videos Magnum is wider and XXL is longer, what about Magnum XL?
Is that REALLY REALLY wide or is it the longer version of Magnum?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xhx0PT90Hsk[/youtube]

Magnum vs. Magnum XL vs. Durex XXL

How do you tell which condom is the biggest or which condom is the longest? It’s not written right on the box, but here’s what Trojan has to say about the size differences between condoms. A Magnum condom is 15% larger than a standard condom. The Magnum XL condom is 30% larger than standard condoms. The Durex XXL is longer than both standard condoms and all Magnum condoms, but not as wide as the Magnum XL.

Width vs. Length

Most of the time, men who have a large penis feel uncomfortable in standard condoms because they feel too tight. This is usually a girth issue rather than a length issue, however, it’s possible to be both too wide and too long for standard condoms. Comfort, however, is not the only issue here. A condom that is too large may feel comfortable, but it is much more likely to slip off during sex and fail at protecting you and your partner from pregnancy and STD’s. Measure your penis and if your girth is below 5.5 inches, use a standard condom. If your girth is between 5.5 to 6 inches, use a regular Magnum condom. If your girth is 6 inches or more, use a Magnum XL. If your penis is exceptionally long, use a Durex XXL. Remember that for condoms to be effective, they must fit snugly at the base of the penis and maintain the semen reservoir at the top.

How Do You Measure Your Penis?

To accurately measure your penis to determine the correct condom size, get your penis as big as you can. You can do this with your partner or without, but it can certainly be more fun with a partner! If you have a fabric ruler (you can get them at sewing stores or at most superstores in the sewing and crafts section) you can use it, or you can also simply use a piece of string that is several inches long with a standard ruler. A tape measure may work to measure the length of your penis, but you won’t be able to accurately measure your girth with a tape measure. Wrap the string around your penis at the very widest part and mark where the string meets itself. Lay next to the ruler to find out how many inches wide your penis is. The same can be done for length. Take one end of the string and put it at the very base of your penis up against your groin and stretch the other end to the very tip of your penis. Measuring both the length and girth of your penis will help you find the best fitting condom for your penis size. In addition to getting the correct size condom, you can also grab a few of each style of condom and try them out to find out which one feels the best!

Sexual Stamina Exercises For Great Marathon Sex

By leejenkins

Every guy knows (or secretly admits) that he has shortcomings when it comes to sex. Maybe it’s the incapacity to make a girl climax, maybe it’s the fact that he gets off after just 2 minutes, or maybe it’s that he just can’t get it up long enough to please his girl. Whatever your sex-related problem is, other men have had worse.

But, there are certain ways to make sure you don’t run into “technical problems” when it’s time to perform.

Practice Holding Back Your Ejaculation

Just like everything else, practice makes perfect when it comes to developing enough sexual stamina to hold back your climax. You can practice alone or with your girlfriend (if she’s comfortable with just practicing).

The problem is that most guys will not “practice” long enough to really learn the skills. I can’t blame you. I, myself, want to learn the basics just once and be a sex expert the very next day. It’s like going to a fitness center one morning and expecting to have bulky muscles by dinner time. It’s not possible.

When you’re masturbating and you feel tension building, hold it all in and do breathing exercises. You can also interrupt your own climax by shifting your attention to other things. When you’re with your girlfriend, you can change sex positions or you can go back to foreplay.

Kegel Exercises

Kegel exercises are the most convenient way to strengthen your inner thigh muscles without letting everyone know you’re actually exercising. There are so many tutorials around on how to do Kegel exercises, but they all boil down to one thing… you have to exercise your pubococcygeus muscle (also known as your pelvic floor). Tighten this muscle a few times a day and reap the benefits when you’re on sex mode.

The main benefits of doing kegel exercises include getting rid of erectile dysfunction, getting a rockhard erection and being able to control your ejaculation.

Increase Your Strength

Do you have to be a body builder to have great sex? No, of course not. But you have to be able to lift a girl’s body when you’re doing it standing up, or when she wants you to try some exotic sex position in which you need to partially carry her.

Staying fit can benefit you in the bedroom. If you eat well, work out and maintain a healthy lifestyle, your circulation will stay in tip-top condition and you will not have to worry about erectile dysfunction caused by circulation problems.

Sharpen Your Imagination

Marathon sex can be physically and mentally draining. This means you need to train your mind as well as your body to bear the demands of a thirteen-hour sex session. Remember, your brain is your greatest sex organ. Don’t let it get desensitized. If you can keep thinking of kinky stuff even after a few hours, you can be sure that you won’t lose your erection, and you can continue to please your girl for as long as she likes.