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How To Open Your Relationship

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Would you ever be open to swinging or having an open relationship? While the common reaction to this question is “hell no!” what if you are open to the idea? How do you tell your partner? Most importantly, how do you keep it from ruining your relationship? First and foremost, it doesn’t have to ruin your relationship (although many swear it will). You must be open-minded, trusting of your partner, and ready for lots of honest communication. Opening your relationship is not something to be entered into lightly.

Broaching The Subject

If you think your partner might be open to swinging, just be honest. Tell him or her that you might want to talk about doing it someday. Feel out the reaction. You don’t have to make a decision right away, and it may take several conversations before you decide if you want to proceed.

Getting Started

Talk it out, talk a little more…and then talk again. Talk about why you trust each other and how a situation like this could damage that trust. Talk about your concerns and expectations. Lay down ground rules to get past first time swinger fears. It cannot be stressed enough that communication is key. Choose if you’re looking for a swap or individual situation. If you’re going to meet someone one-on-one, decide if you will tell each other the dirty details afterward. Establish what kind of check-ins you’re going to have (checking in before and after a meeting makes your partner feel respected and lets them know you’re okay). Decide which acts you’re allowed to perform with others.

Seeking Partners

There are plenty of places on the internet to find people for sex. Your local CraigsList.com is free, but there are a lot of scams and prostitutes to sift through. Sites like AdultFriendFinder.com have a small fee, but eliminate the shady people who just want your money. This can be fun but tedious. Together, you can browse through the myriad of people. Discuss the type of (as well as what turns you on or off about) the people you’re interested in meeting. If you find someone you’re interested in, send a message. Ask about their habits and hobbies and why they’re in an open relationship (or looking for a couple). Tell them about your own expectations and agreements.

Getting Down To Business

Many people choose to meet in a public place for a first meeting. A hotel bar is usually a good location, since you can get a room if the meeting leads to sex. Now, this goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway: Protect yourself and practice safe sex. Use condoms, dental dams, a safe word, and make sure someone knows where you are. Tell your significant other about your plans; if you’re going out together, leave a note at home or inform a (very open-minded) friend.

In The Afterglow

Time for more communication! Talk about the things that you felt good or uncomfortable about, as well as whether you want to continue pursuing a swinger relationship. Finally, remind your partner of how important they are to you and of just how much you love them.

Q&A: Losing My Erection – Am I Gay?

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Losing your erection can be frightening, especially if you’re not sure why. There are lots of reasons that men lose their erections, whether they’re young, old, gay or straight. If you find yourself unexpectedly losing your erection, you’re probably wondering what it’s all about – and how to fix it. Here’s what to do when you start going soft.

Question: I have a problem with sex. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 months now. We’ve had sex for couple times. If we make out I get an erection, but if i want to have sex with her, my erection just goes away. If I masturbate with my friends together, I will get a really hard and long-lasting erection. Do you think I am gay?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfmIUPBrLsg&feature=channel[/youtube]

Pressure To Perform

Very few men are able to get it on when they’re under intense pressure to perform. If you’re in a new relationship and you feel like your partner is really scrutinizing your every move and sizing you up (literally and figuratively) you’ll probably be a bit nervous when it’s time for the lights to go out. It is not at all uncommon for this type of sexual pressure to cause men to lose their erection or to make it difficult to achieve an erection at all.

What Do You Fantasize About?

If you’re wondering if losing your erection around a woman makes you gay, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last. Going soft when you’re with a woman doesn’t make you gay and it’s not at all an indicator of whether you might be gay or bisexual at all. What you fantasize about when you’re masturbating or having sex is the best way to tell if you’re truly gay or not. If you’re with a woman and wish you were with a man or fantasize about having sex with a man, you might be gay or bisexual. Otherwise, don’t stress if you’re just having some erection issues. It doesn’t have anything to do with your sexual orientation.

Sexual Comfort

Many men experience erectile problems when they’re not in their comfort zone. If you’re with a new partner and in a new relationship, you’re not going to be as comfortable sexually than if you’re with your friends or with someone you’ve been with before and are comfortable with. Even if you’re masturbating with your friends and your friends are guys, it doesn’t mean you’re gay if you consistently achieve a long lasting erection when you’re with them. It may be solely that you’re in a comfortable situation where you’re not feeling pressured to perform and you can relax enough to focus on your own pleasure. Try getting to know your partner outside of sex. Get to know them as a person and as a friend. When you do have sex with your partner, find a place that is comfortable for you, such as your home or your bed. Going to her home or even having sex in the car may make you uncomfortable enough to lose your erection. Give your relationship time. You may find that your problem resolves itself when you get to know your partner and your relationship becomes more solid.

Q&A: Masturbation – Why Is It Taking So Long To Reach Orgasm?

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Reaching orgasm through masturbation is often easier for both men and women than it is reaching orgasm through intercourse or oral sex. That said, when it takes longer than usual to reach climax through masturbation, you may wonder if something is wrong with you. Here’s what to do if all of a sudden you notice it’s taking you significantly longer to get off when going solo.

Question: I am 15 and I masturbate often and only a week ago it on average took about 20 minutes to reach orgasm. All of a sudden starting the other night, it takes me approximately 1.5 – 2.5 hours, I didn’t change anything about the way I go about masturbating, so I am really confused as to this sudden jump, is this normal?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPby_x78Bh8[/youtube]

Changes In Your Life That Can Affect Masturbation

You may not have changed the way you masturbate at all, but other changes in your life can impact your ability to reach orgasm with masturbation and through intercourse and oral sex. Are you losing sleep or are you physically ill with a cold or perhaps the flu? Have you been super stressed out about something recently, such as a big test, moving or breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend? A lot of major life changes can affect how quickly you are able to reach orgasm, if at all. Fortunately, with most life situations, they are temporary and you will probably be able to get back to your normal masturbation routine once the stressor disappears.

Reaching Orgasm

Reaching orgasm, for both men and women, requires you to be calm, relaxed and have a clear mind. If you’re busy thinking about something that happened during the day or aren’t totally focused on the pleasure you’re giving yourself, it may take quite a bit longer for you to climax, or you may be unable to orgasm. This is especially true for women, but it can happen to men as well. If you’re not currently using visual stimulation during masturbation, give it a try. A picture, magazine or video may be all you need to distract your mind from day to day junk and instead allow you to focus on the task at hand – no pun intended.

Seeing Your Doctor

If you truly suspect something is wrong with your ability to reach orgasm through masturbation, and you can’t find any reason why masturbating is taking unusually longer than it has in the past, go see your doctor. You don’t have to be afraid to talk to your doctor about sex or masturbation, because your doctor knows all about it. They’ve seen and heard everything! If you’re not comfortable with your current doctor, don’t hesitate to find a doctor you are comfortable with. Talk to your doctor about what is going on and how it is a problem in your life. Your doctor can help find the causes of your inability to reach orgasm quickly through masturbation and find out if there is a true medical reason behind it or not. It never hurts to get an opinion from your doctor when you’re having an issue with your health – sexual or otherwise.

Q&A: I Feel Guilty Being Naked. Please Help!

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Sexual guilt comes in many forms. Some people feel guilty about having sex if they’re not married, and others feel guilty about being naked with their partners after sex. Being naked is natural, and something beautiful you can share with your partner and only with your partner. Here’s how you can get over your post-nookie nervousness.

Question: I’m in a relationship with a boy that I’m completely crazy about. We were both each other’s first and our sex life is great. What I do have a problem with is post-sex guilt about him seeing me naked. I know that he thinks I’m beautiful and loves me, and we’re both having fun while we’re having sex, but I can’t help but feel guilty afterwards because no one else has ever seen me completely naked before. Can you give me some advice? Thanks (and I love your videos).

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGLZWKjbLs0[/youtube]

You’re Perfect The Way You Are

No two people are created alike. Everyone is created differently, with different features and body types. Everyone is perfect and special just the way they are because there is absolutely no one that is exactly like them. Unfortunately, when it comes to being comfortable with your own body, saying is easier than believing. Many people are afraid of being naked and feel that they aren’t good enough, beautiful enough or thin enough. They are constantly comparing themselves to models and celebrities, because unfortunately society suggests that this is what is considered “beautiful.” You may not look like a celebrity or model, but you’re absolutely beautiful because you’re you.

Religious And Moral Suppression

Many religions shun nudity, or believe that being naked is “dirty.” Even though nudity with your partner is obviously allowed after marriage, a person may still carry guilt about being naked from when they were younger. Many parents will yell and get upset if their children see them naked or happen to walk in on them having sex. Many parents don’t teach their children about the beauty of the naked body or won’t allow their children and teens to view nudity at all in any form, and end up teaching their child that being naked is something that is shameful. This will often affect a relationship negatively, because it’s difficult to truly get close to your partner when you’ve been subjected to that kind of sexual repression.

Learn To Be Comfortable With Yourself

It’s time to learn to be comfortable with your own body and learn to love yourself and feel beautiful in your own skin every day. Practice standing in the mirror naked every day and find something about your body that you really like. Even if it’s something small, such as the color of your skin in the sunlight or the shape of your breasts. Find something different to like every day. You can also start a gratitude journal, where every day you write five things you love about your body. You can also write about why it’s okay to be naked, or what you like about being naked. Try spending time with your partner in the nude without having sex, such as watching a movie naked or just lying next to each other and talking without your clothes on. All of these activities will help you to become more comfortable with your own body and being naked.

Q&A: How Can I Make My Girlfriend Want To Kiss Me?

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Your first kiss in a new relationship is an important milestone, whether you’ve had dozens of kisses before or have never kissed anyone at all. If you’re going for your first kiss in a new relationship, rushing your partner into it before she wants to can actually backfire on you. Here’s what to do if you’re ready – and she’s not.

Question: Dear Dan and Jenn, I recently got a girlfriend and I really want to kiss her, but she says she doesn’t want to kiss because  this is her first relationship and she doesn’t want to kiss until we are older. But I REALLY like her and I was wondering what I can do to make her want to kiss?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXI_N2cyE1k[/youtube]

Respect Her Boundaries

Whenever someone says “no” to something, you absolutely have to respect that. Regardless of whether they’re a guy or a girl or what stage your relationship is in, you simply can’t ignore someone if they’re telling you they’re uncomfortable doing something that you want them to do. This applies to kissing, as well as sex. If your partner isn’t ready to kiss you yet, you can’t try to push her past her boundaries. Instead, learn to respect these boundaries because if you were the one who wasn’t comfortable with something, you wouldn’t want her to pressure you about it.

Practice Patience

In any situation where your partner lets you know that they’re not ready to do something or aren’t comfortable with something, it’s important that you learn to practice patience. Having patience when your partner says “no” isn’t always easy, especially if she says “no” to something you want very badly, but it’s the right thing to do. Even if you’re convinced that kissing her will take your relationship to a new and exciting level and she’ll really like it once she tries it, if she’s not ready that’s it. It’s over. Try to fill your time with your partner with other fun things, like playing baseball together or hanging out with friends. If you find yourself tempted to kiss your partner often, plan things to do with her that don’t create quiet, awkward moments alone together. Avoid going to the movies where other people are making out and try to stay busy doing fun activities together so you don’t think so much about kissing her and instead you’re focusing on just being with her and having fun with her.

Could It Harm Your Relationship?

Pressuring your partner to kiss you before she is ready can actually do harm to your relationship. At first she will be annoyed, and then she will become frustrated with you and come to resent you for not respecting her wants and needs. Trying to talk her into doing something she’s made clear she’s uncomfortable with doesn’t win you any brownie points. Even if she gives in and gives you what you want in the end, chances are she’ll remember the hurt for a long time. This definitely has the potential to damage your relationship, so if you value what you have with your partner at all, you won’t pressure her to do something she’s just not ready for.