Sex Tips & Advice

He Only Wants Oral Sex After The Baby!

Sometimes in a relationship, men and women can get off the same page when it comes to sex. As often as it happens, it still makes for an uncomfortable and awkward, not to mention unsatisfying sexual relationship.

A lot of times, a sexual rift comes between two partners after they’ve just had a baby. What can you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I had a baby and now my husband won’t have sex with me — he only wants oral sex? Is there something wrong with me? What can I do?

–Stacy, New Hampshire

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6cnw7pEync[/youtube]

He Wants Oral Sex Only – Help!

If you and your partner are experiencing a sexual rift, he may start to want oral sex more than traditional sex. He may not feel up to being intimate with you sexually, and prefers to ask you for oral sex only to satisfy his sexual needs.

Logical as it may be, it’s incredibly frustrating for the other partner when she can’t get her sexual needs met as well. The first step to fixing the problem is to take a long, hard look at the possible reasons behind the sexual rift.

And Baby Makes Three?

A lot of times, a new baby coming in to the mix can cause sexual rifts faster than anything else. It might freak your man out a little bit to see you caring for this new little human being and being a mother, when he used to see you more sexually as a lover.

It might be throwing him off a little bit to see you in this new light and it might take a little while for him to get used to it. It might also be that he’s a little freaked out about your equipment. After all, if you had a vaginal birth, your equipment might look and feel different than it did before.

Then again, he may just be having some emotional issues that have nothing to do with a baby. It’s best if you take an understanding approach to the situation rather than a critical one.

Talking It Out

Approach your partner in a positive, non critical way and ask him about the situation. Tell him how you feel, but also give him an opportunity to open up to you about how he feels as well. Listen to what he has to say!

The most important part here though is to remain calm and try not to be critical or negative towards him. Avoid using words or phrases like, “you never” or “you always.”

If you give your partner the opportunity, you might be able to talk it out with them and reach a solution or a compromise to the issue that leaves you both satisfied sexually and emotionally.

If you try talking to your partner and nothing seems to be helping the situation, you might consider visiting a non-biased sex therapist. A sex therapist can help your partner work out any inner emotional issues he may be having that is causing him to want oral sex only in a way that directly relates to your sex life.

You can also try implementing new things in the bedroom, such as dressing sexy to help him see you as a more sexual being, or just spending more time together trying to connect. With time and effort, you and your partner will once again have a sex life that is incredible for both of you!

How to Achieve Healing, Intimacy, and Ultimate Union With Tantra

By mayasilverman

When the average person thinks of tantric sex, their thoughts may jump to intense sack sessions that are solely for the pursuit of intense pleasure. While much of tantra does involve these kinds of sexual practices, after all, that’s what it became famous for in the Western world, tantra involves so much more than pure physical pleasure.

For example, did you know that tantra is often used as a means of emotional, physical and spiritual healing, as well as a method for achieving the ultimate intimacy that can exist between two people?

Sound intrigued? Then read on to discover how tantra can lead you and your partner on the path to ultimate healing and unity!

The Tantric Path to Healing and Unity

It’s no secret that many people may have emotional and mental “baggage”, thanks to previous relationships or life experiences. These problems can often manifest themselves during particularly intimate moments, including sack sessions.

Whether the problems come from inner issues (perhaps with self-confidence or body hate) or outer influences (for instance, you or your partner experienced abuse or grew up in a loveless household), these mental and emotional scars don’t have to become an obstacle in your quest for the ultimate intimacy and union.

Tantra is widely known for its healing powers. In fact, if you and your partner engage in tantric lovemaking practices, you’ll soon find that you both will grow to become more confident, loving and intimate partners.

The Distinction

However, when using tantra in an effort to emotionally and mentally heal yourself or your partner, it’s important to distinguish these nights from normal sack sessions. A healing tantric session shouldn’t have the same feel as a normal night of tantric lovemaking, since the latter focuses more on achieving spiritual bliss through physical pleasure.

Rather, a healing tantric session will focus more on unleashing and clearing away any mental and emotional obstacles that you or your partner may have in regards to sex and intimacy.

In a healing session, you must first distinguish your role as either Healer or Receiver; for example, if your partner is the one experiencing emotional or mental obstacles to tantric bliss, then you should be the Healer, and he or she the Receiver.

Additionally, it’s important to verbally confirm your role with your partner, as this will serve to relax each other in regards to any expectations.

Once Roles Are Established

Once each of your roles have been established, set up a comfortable and non-threatening space in a spot that is familiar to your partner. For example, most healing sessions are often successful in the bedroom, as this is usually a space that signifies positive emotions brought about by intimate and relaxing activities.

Let your partner know that anything that happens in the space will stay there; this will make him or her feel more comfortable in sharing intimate and vulnerable moments with you. Have your partner lie down and begin the healing session with a relaxing massage.

This should differ greatly from a massage that’s given in the pursuit of pleasure; rather, focus on massaging nonsexual areas before centering on the different energy channels located in the pelvic region and the heart. Once your partner has expressed his or her permission for you to move on to the pelvic region, use slow and deliberate massaging movements.

Remember, the goal of this activity is not arousal, so don’t rush your partner into orgasm; rather, let your partner experience the different emotions and sensations that come to the surface. For example, if your partner begins to become aroused, or even yells with anxiety, give him or her permission to feel these emotions.

Of course, if your partner wishes for you to stop, then the healing session should immediately end until your lover is ready for another one. Sometimes, past experiences can be so painful that it can definitely take more than one tantric healing session to release these roadblocks to pleasure and intimacy.

Practice Makes Perfect!

If you desire to play the role of Healer but feel uncomfortable with what it entails, try enrolling in a tantric healing course before engaging in these practices with your lover.

An expert can teach you what to do and how to react in certain scenarios, especially those in which powerful emotions come to the surface. An expert can also help you to become more in touch with your receiver’s energy, which will help you immensely during your healing sessions.

After each tantric healing session, be sure that you hold and nurture your partner, as this will reassure them of your love and devotion to their physical, mental and emotional well-being. Drink water, take a bath together, or just lie there holding each other, listening to each other’s breath.

Soon, your healing sessions will give way to more soulful and sensual lovemaking sessions, as you and partner will have overcome any obstacles to spiritual, physical, and emotional bliss and intimacy.

How To Host A Swinging Party Without Annoying The Neighbors

By christproerotic

Tact: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense.

(From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online)

My grandmother drilled the need to be tactful towards others as a child. My grandmother pointed out how adults can do things in front of other people without considering their own thresholds. I apply this lesson in my own adult life because it is easy to forget not everyone shares the same liberties as I do.

It’s a lesson Jim Trulock, Julie Norris and the city of Duncanville, Texas can learn in their battle over a tiny little swingers club called the Cherry Pit. No, it’s not an actual club in a building somewhere in the city but it is operated in the home of the couple.

The Battle Over The Swinger’s Club

Trulock and Norris opened their home to receive both friends and couples to party at their house. Not a problem with a party going on in the suburbs, but it becomes a problem when it is a weekly occurrence bringing traffic and annoyance to their neighborhood.

The weekly parties at the Cherry Pit prompted the city to do everything from visit the home with warnings to adding no parking signs near the house. When this didn’t work the city then enacted new laws prohibiting the running of a sex club out of a residential area. Citation after citation came from the city; when this happened Trulock sent his lawyers in to argue the constitutionality of the ordinances.

Once the police entered the facility to raid their “club” the battle escalated prompting court appearances, accusations, and a mention by Bill O’Reilly of Fox News.

In the year and a half of back and forth over who is right (whether the residence can be used as a private club or if zoning laws prohibited this activity in a residential area) I think the whole thing could be solved if both sides could meet each other half way instead of the legal monster it is now.

Isn’t it time for a little tact on both sides? How about a review of some swinging rules in this situation?

Swinger Lifestyle Rules

You know the basic rules in the Lifestyle:

No means no.
Treat ladies like ladies—before and after the party.
Practice safe sex

Here’s a fourth one: Never throw a swingers party in a place that either annoys the neighbors or draw attention to you from law enforcement.

Don’t Annoy The Neighbors

There are cases around the country similar to this one. Some are justified where others don’t seem to muster the fuss and attention city officials give it. Some of these cases range from couples having adult web cams in the privacy of their own home to couples who occasionally have a swing party in their homes.

I understand when you tell your neighbors you are having a few folks over for some fun and if things get loud don’t hesitate to let them know (out of courtesy). But when you hold these parties week after week with various vehicles and loud noises coming from your home Mr. Turlock and Ms. Norris shouldn’t be surprised by a visit by law enforcement. Hence the need for a tact in this situation.

On the law enforcements side it seems a bit trivial what adults do consensually with each other. No one is harmed at these parties and the way law enforcement (or the over zealous prosecutors) handle such disturbances seems to me more PR ploy than actual enforcement for a “disturbing the peace” situation.

Both sides handled this situation poorly and if nothing good comes out of this maybe it provides a warning to Lifestylers out there who want to have a good time but don’t want the hassle of law enforcement banging on the door.

If you want to throw a great sexy party do so, but be mindful of where you are at (i.e., location, location, location) and how you’d feel if such disturbances came from your fellow neighbors. Plus I know the economy is in the tank these days and we’re all trying to save and make money.

If you are trying to have a party and want to make some “bling” in the process it’s better to find a few hotel rooms or hold it at a building or residence far from the populace than to hold it in the middle of your own Cul De Sac.

If the subject is approached in a tactful way you can win your fellow lawmakers over and maybe invite some of them for some much needed relaxation. The cultural exchange could be eye opening.

For more on the case read the article from the Dallas Observer.

What do YOU think? Join the discussion on this really hot topic in the Ask Dan and Jennifer Love & Sex Forums – Dallas Observer – Swingtown Article (Duncanville Swingers Club)

How to Have 74% More Sex with your Partner

By jeannieruesch

What if I told you that reading romance novels meant more sex? Psychology Today revealed in a 2006 study that women who read romance novels have sex 74% more often with their partners than those who don’t. Seventy four percent. Caught your attention?

What Is It About Romance Novels?

Now, your first reaction is probably the same as anyone’s – of course it has to be the sex scenes. After all, romance novels are just porn for women, aren’t they? However, there is a strong distinction between pornography and romance, and that distinction is the difference in what arouses a man versus what arouses a woman.

No one understands this better than a publisher of romantic fiction. Women are the primary readers of romance, and as editor-in-chief of The Wild Rose Press, Rhonda Penders has to know how to give women what they want. “Men are very visual,” says Penders. “Women, however, need the physical part but we also need more than that. We need the emotional attachment; we need to feel there’s something else there. That’s not to say women don’t and can’t get aroused by watching an x-rated movie, certainly that happens as well, but we can read a love scene or an emotionally tugging scene and feel that pull of desire and that need to be close to someone we love in a sexual way.”

The Difference Between Men And Women

This is a defining point between arousal for a man and a woman. Men can be aroused simply by a naked woman, but the idea of a chick flick won’t do much. And while the visual of a naked man might earn a naughty thought from many women, it won’t do much else by itself. If you add that man as part of a fantasy—perhaps a hero from a “chick flick” or a romance novel or simply a daydream in a woman’s mind—suddenly he has the ability to kick up a woman’s proverbial heels.

Dr. Donald Symons, an evolutionary psychologist at UC Santa Barbara, found that women’s sexual fantasies focused not just on touching, but on feelings: the woman’s physical and emotional responses, her partner’s feelings, and the mood and ambience of the experience weighed in with equal importance. With romance stories that blend right into the fantasies many women daydream about—rekindling an old love, falling in love with a stranger, adversarial relationships turning romantic and many more—a woman can be that heroine while she reads.

Getting In The Mood

For most women, mental or emotional stimulation is crucial to “getting in the mood” and especially for today’s multi-tasking, busy woman, it’s often the most difficult to achieve. Too many things weigh on our minds, from family and children to career worries and everything in between. A romance novel provides a way for a woman to safely step outside of her everyday role, to set the world aside and live the fantasy of an intimate, romantic relationship for a few hours.

Is sex included? Absolutely. It’s a healthy part of any relationship, and the level of description in sex scenes can range from sweet to erotic. But the fantasy also includes the emotional roller-coaster. It’s the entire experience, from that first meeting to the intimate sex to the happy ending, that spur the feelings of intimacy most women need to crave sex. And in fact, you can break it down to the way a woman’s body actually responds to that happy stimulation. Phenylethylamine (PEA) is a natural chemical our bodies produce and PEA levels in your body react to sexual thoughts and feelings. Scientifically put, romance novels help spark those thoughts.

It’s All About The Chemicals

The chemical reaction is not lost on romance writers… it’s what we strive for, to help a woman get in touch with her emotions. Author Eliza Knight agrees: “Romances and eroticas that are written well spark some nerve or hormone in your body, and you just feel elated. When you get so happy and the ‘in love’ feeling, what other natural reaction is there than to saunter up to your man, strip him down and have your way with him?”

Is a romance novel a fix for a low libido? No, probably not. The woman’s mind and body are far more complicated and what works for one woman won’t always work for another. But romance novels can help women create healthy fantasies, especially for those who are uncomfortable thinking up their own.

From The Authors Of Romance Novels

“Until I started writing erotic, I had NO sex life. None. Zip. Zilch, “says erotica author Allie K. Adams. “Now that I write erotic, I’m finding myself more open to things I would have otherwise turned down. I’m also finding that I write my fantasies. If I can’t understand how something will work in my book, I call my husband and act it out.”

And in fact, sexier erotica romances are a booming industry these days. Author Bella Andre, known for her steamy love scenes, believes it’s about more than just fantasy. “Both reading and writing them is something that helps women take control of their own sexuality. It’s very freeing on both sides of the book.”

And indeed, for some women, reading a romance is a way to step outside of their “place” in life and be something else for a short time. Penders shares, “My funniest story is about the author who writes erotic romance and is a church secretary. How bad do you think that would be if she were to be found out?”

Only the secretary knows the answer to that, but I imagine it would make a pretty sexy romance novel.

How To Have Multiple Orgasms With Tantric Sex

By mayasilverman

The multiple orgasm has become somewhat of a sexual Holy Grail; often eluded to as the ultimate sexual experience, but frustratingly hard to achieve. It seems as though multiple orgasms should be filed away as relationship urban myth, desirable and yet unachievable as it may be.

Yes, Multiple Orgasms Do Exist

However, if you’re a follower of Tantra, a spiritual path that utilizes specific body sensations, vocalizations and movements in order to awaken and channel divine sexual energy, then you not only know that multiple orgasms exist; most likely you experience this intense sexual and spiritual bliss during every lovemaking session!

If you’re ready to awaken your multi-orgasmic potential through the art of tantric practices, then get ready to spice up your sexual life!

What Tantra Is

Before you can learn all of the tricks and secrets to achieving multi-orgasmic bliss, first, one must learn a bit more about tantra. Although tantra has been painted as a religion devoted exclusively to the practice of sex, thanks in part to Western influences, it is so much more.

Tantra, derived from ancient Sanskrit philosophies from India, Nepal and China, is a specific spiritual movement which taps into powerful energies that are continually coursing through our bodies.

These energies, which differ among men and women, are used to awaken sexual awareness amongst partners, and can help lovers achieve the most sublime sexual and spiritual bliss imaginable. In essence, sex is indeed an important part of the tantric experience, but it acts more as a catalyst for achieving divine bliss as opposed to an ultimate endpoint.

It’s Not as Intimidating as It Sounds

Sure, this may sound rather intimidating, but the trick to boosting your multi-orgasmic potential isn’t complicated or difficult to learn; rather, the key lies in being able to control the coursing of your sexual energy through your breathing.

Think this sounds too simple to be true? Try approaching it this way: the art of tantric sex revolves around controlled breathing as a means to heightening physical and emotional sensations, which leads to a more spiritual and satisfying form of lovemaking.

Additionally, tantric practices maintain that the breath cleanses and purifies essential energies in our bodies, including our chakras. Your chakras are some of the most important energy channels in your body, as each chakra is associated with a vital part of your body and mind.

The same idea applies to achieving the infamous multiple orgasm, as engaging in controlled breathing with your partner will heighten all the necessary sensations for the simultaneous multiple orgasm!

Just Breathe

Of course, you and your partner cannot expect to achieve your multi-orgasmic potential without first engaging in some very basic but necessary breathing exercises. These exercises will not only help you to intimately connect to your partner on a deeper and more spiritual level. They’ll reinforce the importance of controlled breathing during the peak of your lovemaking.

If you and your partner are tantric beginners, make a little time in each day to practice individual breathing exercises. To start out your first controlled breathing exercise, inhale deeply through your nose (this is done to get as deep a breath as possible) until your stomach expands out into a potbelly.

Allow yourself to full up with your breath and feel the cleansing power that just one simple breath contains. Once your stomach has expanded as far as it can go, breath out slowly through the mouth, making sure to concentrate as your breath leaves your body. Repeat these exercises a few times more, until your body feels completely relaxed.

If you’re looking for a breathing exercise that will get you ready for action, try rapid breathing in and out through your nose, which will sound a bit like snorting (this is perhaps a good exercise to do without your partner at first!).

This kind of breathing will completely energize you, which will lead to more intense and playful lovemaking sessions. Encourage your partner to try these exercises on his or her own before coming together for your tantric experiences.

Now You’re Ready to Start!

Once you’ve learned how to control your own breathing, you’re ready to join up with your partner for a sack session that will have you well on your way towards the ultimate sensual pleasure: the multiple orgasm!

During coitus, start out by synchronizing your breath with that of your partner, which will help you to sense each other’s energy patterns. Once the two of you are on the same wavelength, change your breathing pattern to the reciprocal breath, which involves “exchanging” air with your partner; to do this, simply inhale while your partner exhales, and vice versa.

Soon, you’ll be so full of your partner’s energy that you’ll find it almost too easy to achieve that once-elusive multiple orgasm!

Don’t Forget to Have Fun

In your quest to boost your multi-orgasmic potential, don’t forget the most important rule of all: have fun! Your tantric journey should be both fun and pleasurable, even if you’re not able to attain multiple orgasms on the first go.

After all, tantric sex is about exploring and appreciating your partner on a physical and spiritual level. Just approach your lovemaking sessions in this light, and you’ll hardly even have to try for that simultaneous multiple orgasm; it will be effortless!