Sex Tips & Advice

How To Give A Terrific Breast Massage

The eternal fascination for most men, and indeed many women, the breasts, can be an incredibly neglected and forgotten area in the realm of Tantric pleasure and touch.

Think about it. If you’re a man reading this, how much time do you lavish on her breasts?

Do You Have Tunnel Vision With Women’s Breasts?

The ‘Tunnel Vision’ approach assumes that a woman’s breasts are always ripe and ready for a bit of manual molding. Nothing could be further from the truth. The breasts and its many parts are very sensitive, and only a lover with a slow hand can truly appreciate them in full majestic glory.

Structurally they are made up of fibrous connective tissue and a layer of fat tissue. They are rich in blood and lymph vessels, hence the importance of massage in maintaining good circulatory flow of blood, lymph (tissue fluid) and sexual energy.

Perhaps more importantly the breasts are symbolic of a woman’s emotional center, healing and nurturing. By neglecting these lovelies, you fail to acknowledge an incredibly important part of the feminine mystique.

The Kama Sutra On Foreplay And Breast Plat

The Kama Sutra refers to the importance of foreplay and breast play:

“Ardent young men, do not neglect the preliminaries! Endeavor to satisfy your mistress. Listen to her desires. Some men, carried away by the power of their desire, forget the prelude, only to be surprised when they are pushed away later! Yet it is such a delight to kiss, to caress, to nibble one another…

To explore with your hand or your mouth her body, her breasts, her neck, her belly, down to her innermost curves. Fulfilled, the beloved shall return these kisses and caresses wholeheartedly. No part of the beloved’s body should be neglected. Her lover shall make it his duty to discover them, to reveal to his mistress all the pleasure she can receive from them.”

Tantric breast massage is an incredible gift with which to lavish unbridled attention on your lover. Pleasure, better circulation, toning, and nurturing are all aspects of the massage.

The Kama Sutra mentions key areas on the female body sensitive to kissing:

neck
forehead
cheeks
eyes
breasts
lips
palate inside the mouth (not sure how this works!)

Prepare Your Sensual Environment

Prepare your sensual environment with soothing music, dimmed lighting, perfumed candles and make sure the room is warm and visually inviting. Introduce items of spiritual or personal significance such as flowers, favorite nibbles, a photo – whatever works for you and your lover.

Begin by covering your lover with a sheet or towel so that she does not get cold. Rest one hand on her heart and the other on her yoni and visualize warm heart energy moving from your heart into your hands and down towards your lover’s heart and yoni. This is a very relaxing, healing, connecting and balancing visualization to use before launching into the breast massage.

Beginning the Breast Massage

Pour the warmed oils into your hands. Rub your hands together so as to spread the oil, and now place your hands on each of the breasts. Always massage slowly and gently up towards the heart, your right hand moving in a clockwise direction, and your left hand moving in a counter clockwise direction.

Massage from the outer edge of the breast inwards, but avoid the nipples until after at least 15 – 20minutes of breast stimulation. Don’t forget the skin above the breast (check area under the collar bone, as well as the skin under the breasts – two very sensitive areas).

Focus Your Attention One Breast At A Time

Now focus your attention on one breast at a time.

Place on hand lightly on the upper half of the breast, applying gentle pressure with the other hand again moving the hand in circular sweeps from the outer breasts in toward the nipples. Continue for a further 20minutes or more.

End the breast massage as you began, placing one hand on her heart and the other on her yoni. Visualize healing heart energy entering your lover and breathe slowly and deeply together for a few minutes. Allow her to rest.

If you’re not in a relationship, or just welcome the opportunity to nurture yourself and body, why not take the time to give yourself a great tantric and sensual breast massage. Once again, don’t be tempted to cut corners, take the time to create a sensual and erotic environment, dress to kill, get out your favorite relaxing music, perfumed candles, lie back and enjoy!

Getting Her To Give You Oral Sex More Often

By loveandsex

Many people love receiving oral. In fact, most people do. Whether you’re a guy or a gal, receiving oral sex can be extremely pleasurable.

However, giving oral sex might not be as fun. Some people don’t like to give oral sex at all, or they seldom give it because it makes them uncomfortable.

If you want oral sex to become a regular part of your routine, how can you get your partner to give more oral?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’m 18 and my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for over a year and are very happy together; but, I don’t think she gives me oral often enough – like once in the past few months.

I talk to my friends and it seems like i’m the only one not getting it. I’ve spoken to her about it and asked why, but she just said “Do any girls really like doing it?” and sort of didn’t talk any more about it and i didn’t want to ask again since in case she thinks i’m nagging.

I think that if i ask the right way then she will but i’d hate to say “suck me off” or “gimmie a BJ” as I treat her with much more respect than that. Any ideas what i could say… or do to change her mind?

— Adam, UK

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDsxy86Ufwk[/youtube]

The Taste And Smell of Oral Sex

The biggest complaint from oral sex givers is that both male and female genitals have their own taste and smell. Sometimes the smell or taste more strongly than other times, but this is something that is completely natural. However, a strong taste and smell might be off putting for someone who is giving oral sex.

You can make sure your partner is enjoying giving you oral sex as much as possible by making sure you’re clean and trimmed. Take a shower right before oral sex if you need to!Although genitals’ natural smell is perfectly normal, if you’ve been outside mowing the lawn all day, it might be a little strong for someone to consider going down on you.

You can also improve the taste of your genitals through what you eat. Naturally sweet foods, such as strawberries and pineapples, make semen and vaginal secretions taste sweeter, so giving oral sex is more pleasurable…

Talk To Your Partner About How Much You Enjoy Oral Sex

Although it might be an uncomfortable issue to bring up, talking to your partner about how much you enjoy oral sex and how much oral sex you would like to have is the only way to communicate your needs and wants to them.

Don’t expect your partner to read your mind! Your partner might be completely unaware that the status quo isn’t working for you. Speak up and give your partner a chance to meet your expectations. It’s likely that your partner wants to please you, but doesn’t know how much or how often you would like to have oral sex.

There’s Nothing More Giving Than A Sexually Satisfied Woman

Make sure that your partner gets something pleasurable out of giving you oral sex. Perhaps you could give your partner oral sex in return, or even try having simultaneous oral sex. If your partner views giving you oral sex as a chore, they won’t be very interested in giving oral.

Try getting your partner turned on before asking for oral sex. If they’re sexually aroused, they might be more inclined to give oral sex than if they’re not aroused at all.

By the same token, make sure you’re not a bore to give oral sex to! If you’re very quiet during sex or don’t let your partner know that you’re enjoying it, how will they know you’re enjoying it? They won’t!

Make a few noises or let your partner know you’re really into it in some other way. Many people who give oral sex suggest that they get more turned on by giving oral sex if their partner is clearly having a good time. All in all, just talk to your partner about your sexual wants, needs and expectations so you both are on the same page.

How To Extend Your Sexual Performance By Using Sex Positions Like An Expert

By edwardwhite

You can’t have penetrative sex without using at least one sex position. And some people say you can’t have really good sex without using at least two or three sex positions.

So what does this mean for a guy who suffers from premature ejaculation? On the face of it, it doesn’t seem to mean much.

After all, what difference does a second or third sex position make when you come two minutes into the first one? However, the truth is that sex positions can be a premature ejaculator’s greatest tool when they’re used correctly.

What Difference Does the Position Make?

Here’s how.

Let’s name 4 sex positions.

Missionary position (you on top, as she lies under you).
Spoons (you both lying on your sides, with you behind her).
Cowgirl (her on top, facing you).
Reverse missionary (she lies totally flat on her belly, you kneel—with one knee on either side of her body—above her)

You need to perform these in the order shown above next time you have sex, or, if you can’t complete them all in one session, over the course of several sexual encounters.

Setting the Sexual Stimulation Scale

Now we need to set up a stimulation scale in your mind. Make 0 mean absolutely no sexual stimulation. Make 5 mean fairly sexually stimulated. Make 7 very sexually stimulated. 8 should be close to coming. 9 should be right on the edge, just before the point of no return and 10 should be climaxing.

You’re going to perform each position for as long as it takes you to reach a 7 or 8 on the stimulation scale. While performing each position you should ask yourself the following questions (either silently, or as a discussion with your partner).

1. How tight does this feel on my penis?
2. How intense is the stimulation on my penis?
3. How quickly is it building up the stimulation?
4. How long does it take for me to go from 0 to 8 on the stimulation scale while in this position?
5. How easy is it for me to bring myself back down the stimulation while in this position by altering my thrust speed, depth and angle?

Determining Which Sex Positions Give You Control

By asking yourself the questions above, you’ll be able to determine exactly which sex positions afford you the most control of your stimulation levels and which afford you the least.

Based on this information, you can then rank them from the most intense to the least intense and then, you guessed it, use them in this order during your subsequent sexual encounters. Don’t worry about it getting samey. You can still mix it up a bit.

The important thing is that you now know which positions are a big no-no when you’re already on the edge of coming. That’s a very, very useful piece of knowledge to have when you have premature ejaculation. It will allow you to add up to 10 minutes onto your sexual performance.

Love, Sex, and Dating 2008 – The Best of Dan and Jennifer

By loveandsex

Just in case you missed any of the excitement this year, here’s a wrap of 2008!

I’m including our best, most talked about, and most controversial love, sex, and dating topics of the year.

Enjoy!

Love & Relationships

Sex & Intimacy

Singles & Dating

What ME a Sex Addict?

By melody

Only a few of us think that the way we participate in sexual activity is addictive, but often the beginnings of sexual addictions show up in covert ways that we may miss if we are not attentive.

I just spent three days at a symposium on addiction and the speakers there reminded me of just how ubiquitous sexual additions are in our society.

Most of the time I tend to think of men as the ones harboring secret sexual addictions but, of course, women are just as subject to sexual addictions as men. We really are not that different, are we?

The Truth About Sexual Addiction

Strangely, most sexual addictions have little to do with sex, other than the fact that the behaviors take place in the context of sexuality. Exhibitionism is really about wanting to feel the power of having shocked someone. Pornography is about fantasy.

Most of the others, like sadomasochistic fetishes are all about regaining a sense of power and control. Strangely enough, even the avoidance of sex can be a “addictive” behavior according to Maureen Canning of the Meadows Treatment Center.

As a wife who avoided sex over the course of many years of my previous marriages, this one got my attention. I was, as many women are, quite able to enjoy a courtship and “honeymoon” phase of an active and athletic sex life during the beginning phases of my relationships.

But, as the relationship moved out of the fantasy stage and into the reality of a real, day to day set of interactions, sex disappeared. It didn’t disappear because my husband wasn’t interested. No, it disappeared because I became angry and disgusted with his continuing to be happy with sex as the lifeblood of our relationship.

Once we were married I think I expected our relationship to magically blossom into a real intimate connection. Never mind that I had no clue how to do that. But I was certain it was my husband’s fault because HE was such an angry, avoidant, workaholic.

Certainly I was the innocent victim of his deliberate withholding of time, attention and kindness. So, I withheld sexual contact from him because I was so angry with him. I never thought of it as being addictive behavior.

But if you re-frame how you think about what addiction is, you can easily see how it really is an addictive process. As Maureen Canning says, most sexual addiction is really about power and control.

I was clearly attempting to get a sense of power in the relationship by moving into the Self-Protective withdrawal position. I put up barriers to prevent myself from feeling vulnerable to his angry, avoidant behaviors. I did this in an attempt to get power and control over feeling like his Victim…

Sexual Anorexia

How many wives do this? I asked Maureen if she new of any other resources for information about this form of addiction she calls “Sexual Anorexia” and she directed me to a book by Patrick Carnes. I have not yet gotten a copy of the book but I do think it’s fascinating.

A lot of unhappy husbands will probably relate to this scenario. Maureen talked about the “offending” quality of this behavior. I have to admit I never would have thought of myself as doing any “offending” by this behavior, but I was clearly damaging my relationship.

The word offending does bring up legal or even criminal meaning, but one simple definition is “wrong”. And it was indeed “wrong” of me to withhold sex in order to meet my own power and control needs.

But don’t you offending men take heart at this either, because addictive relationships generally require two addicts. The partners to the Sexual Anorexic are obviously the “Co-dependant” in the relationship and just as addicted in their own way. One partner is generally a “Sex Addict” and the other is the “Sexual Anorexic”. Both are just opposite ends of the spectrum from the other.

The more classic “Sex Addict” is the one who gets a sense of power and control by engaging in some form of sexual activity. Of course, the sex act itself is mood enhancing and can be a way to alter an unhappy mood.

Where Is The Real Problem?

Sex is not meant to be about power and control or even mood enhancing. Sex is supposed to be intimate, passionate play with your partner. Any other covert use for it is “wrong” or “offensive”. If passionate play is not how either of you experience your sexual relationship, then there is a problem.

So What Do You Do If You Are Using Sex Addictively?

First of all you have to just recognize that you are using sex (or your sexual power as in Sexual Anorexia) in a way that is harmful to your relationship. Once you recognize what you are doing you have to stop the offensive behavior and deal with the feelings that are buried underneath the behavior.

This can be a simple but uncomfortable process, or it can be a complex and debilitating one. If you begin the process of eliminating your sexual addictive behaviors and find yourself feeling overwhelmed. Don’t hesitate to call a professional because, like any addiction, if it is severe enough it can be life threatening.

No joke, the feelings underneath the sexual addictions can be very intense and lead to severe withdrawal symptoms. Take care of yourself as you open your eyes to how you may have been unwittingly causing harm to your relationship.