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The Female Orgasm Explained

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For a very long time, female orgasm was considered to be a myth. With nothing but personal accounts to go by, it was hard for male scientists to accept that there was a function and reason behind the elusive experience. Now scientists of both genders think they understand some of the purpose and evolutionary benefit of female orgasm.

We now know that the muscular “flutter” that occurs during female orgasm helps to encourage fertility. The strong muscle contractions in the pelvis, vagina and uterus occur rapidly at less than one second apart, allowing the cervix to open up for incoming sperm. The consequence of this is biologically significant and a verifiable physiological phenomena; couples who are able to have orgasms during penetrative sex are more likely to conceive.

A recent study found that when a woman reaches climax anytime from one minute before and 45 minutes after her partner’s ejaculation, her vagina takes up significantly more sperm than during sex when she does not orgasm. Even more surprising, a woman who orgasms before her lover by any more than one minute retains as little sperm as those who don’t have a female orgasm at all, making it necessary for her to either orgasm during PIV sex, or find a partner who will continue to stimulate her (with his dexterous hands!) after he has reached his own orgasm.

The Steps Of Female Orgasm

Orgasm is a three-step process, the culmination of a lengthy build up beginning with psychological desire, climbing through the various plateaus physiological arousal and peaking in the spasmodic release of orgasm. There are some times in a woman’s monthly cycle when she may be naturally aroused both psychologically and physiologically, depending on her libido type, but these days are few and far between. The rest of the time, you’re going to need to know how to really touch her, inside and out, to get things moving in the right direction.

1. Building Arousal

The signs of physiological arousal are obvious, if you know what you are looking for and are paying attention. Increased blood flow to the genitals caused by hot thoughts or stimulation results in swelling of the labia, clitoris and vagina. Increased lubrication helps make the peak experience of orgasm possible, opening a woman up for more intense activity.

This is prime time for using your ten best assets – your fingers! With such an incredible range of movement, those miraculous movers are exactly what you need to keep her going even when you can’t. And hey, your grandkids will secretly thank you for your Don Juan progeny.

2. Increasing Arousal

Sex educator and author Lou Paget points out in a Men’s Health article that too much repetitive sensation, especially in the early stages of arousal, can actually make the vagina numb. If you go ahead and plunge into intercourse before she is fully aroused and open, you aren’t just depriving her of the pleasure of your hands, but actually decreasing her chances of being able to have a female orgasm with you inside her! By “saving your energy” for the act of coitus itself, you are in fact ensuring that it doesn’t function properly.

3. Orgasmic Release

Female orgasm is an extreme sensual experience. The heart races, breath quickens, pupils dilate, skin flushes, lips and breasts swell with anticipation of the pelvic floor muscles contracting and sending out a ripple-effect that emanates through the rest of the body.

Each woman experiences this process differently, and for most women, every female orgasm is unique. Some may be the powerful, earth-shattering things we see in pornography or on television, but others are simpler, quieter and cascade like gentle waves along the body instead of a raging tsunami thrashing with ecstatic energy. They can be silent or deafening, or even both at the same time.

In her own medical practice, author Rachel Carleton Abrams M.D. explains that many women who come to her for help to reach female orgasm are in fact already experiencing them regularly during sex, albeit mildly. They just didn’t realize it, after the false expectations set by pornography and Hollywood’s over-the-top acting led them to believe that what they were feeling somehow wasn’t orgasmic enough.

Learning to experience several different kinds of orgasms by experimenting with stimulation involving a variety of techniques aimed at eliciting different but complimentary reactions is the best way to help a woman discover her orgasmic range, her preferences and desires, her favorite moves and, most importantly, the best combinations to ensure that sex satisfies both of your needs and desires every single time!

How To Make Sex Better For Her

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Sex is about both partners – you and her. Make sex even better for her by using these simple but powerful tricks to get her completely engaged.

You have figured out how to get her talking outside the bedroom, but you need to be sure she doesn’t clam up as soon as you’re both naked. Here are a few ways to encourage her to talk before she has the chance to turn let her nerves get the best of her:

Sex Show & Tell

As soon as things get heated up and her shallow breathing and flushed skin shows she is moving beyond desire to arousal, give her the chance to show off her best moves. If it will make her feel less self-conscious, offer to masturbate for her as well. Just make sure to keep your composure and pay attention to what she’s doing.

Once she has gotten comfortable masturbating for you and showing you what she likes, ask her to describe what she’s doing and how it feels. This will almost certainly be more difficult for her, so be sure to give her lots of encouragement. Ask qualifying questions, like how much pressure she is using, what the texture of her labia feels like under her palm, how the temperature of her skin is changing, if she can feel her genitals swelling, or how the level of her arousal is changing.

Be ready to reciprocate if she wants to turn things around on you!

Use Compliments

To make her even more comfortable showing you how she likes to be touched during sex, you need to be sure to give your wife lots of honest compliments. Tell her how beautiful she is, how much you love to watch her, how sexy her body is, how aroused she makes you feel, how much you want to give her pleasure, and how hot it is when she talks about what she’s doing. The more she knows that her words and actions are appreciated, the more comfortable she will feel and the more turned on she can get!

Responsiveness

Even more important than compliments is responsiveness. Don’t just respond to her descriptions with “Mmmm, yeah” or “Oh, that’s hot.” Say things that let her know, without any doubt, that you are listening and paying attention. If she is describing how she likes her clitoris to be touched, say something back to her like “You look like that feels so good. I can’t wait to make you feel that good!” When she talks about her levels of arousal rising, tell her the things you can readily see that send you the same message – that she is lubricated, that her skin is flushed, that her body is warm, or that her breath is hot and heavy.

Tell her how hot she is and how turned on her arousal is making you, too. She will appreciate your attention! When you are in the act, pay attention to her sounds, and respond to them. If she obviously doesn’t like something, apologize and ask her if she liked the last thing you did. Go back to that before moving on. If she is really into something you are doing, moaning and enjoying herself, why not up the intensity a little bit by telling her how incredibly sexy she is when she’s getting off? Whisper in her ear “Mmm, you really like that, don’t you?” and wait for her to melt in your hands.

Stop, Slow, Full Speed Ahead!

I assume that you know the difference between a moan or coo of pleasure and a groan or grunt of pain during sex. If not, you should consider using a safe word of some kind, even if your play isn’t kinky. I prefer Red Light for “stop everything right now!” and reserve it only for emergencies, pain or panic. A Yellow Light means “Ooh, that’s a bit much, let’s try something else” and is a nice, low-pressure way for her to say that something isn’t working very well. If you ease up when you should be speeding up, she can use Green Light to let you know everything is okay. If she doesn’t just want to scream “Oh yes, more more MORE!”

Focus!

Luckily for you, being turned on is a great way to remember the new sex skills you are going to be learning and practicing! A 1999 study found that the cognitive processes involved in arousal also make the brain more receptive to forming new memories. Even so; I know that it can sometimes be hard to focus when there is so much going on in so many different directions. Take a deep breath and practice a few of these exercises when everything seems to be a bit much, or you find your mind wandering off somewhere else.

Many concentration exercises suggest you start by focusing on your own breath. Instead, I want you to focus on her breath during sex. Listen to the sound of her sighs or gasps, watching her chest rise and fall as her lungs fill and empty again. Find the pattern and join in, matching your breathing to hers. Allow your movements to fall into rhythm with her breath, and don’t look back.

If you are getting so good at a few moves that you can handle closing your eyes, try to eliminate distractions by placing your palm over her heart and shutting your lids. Fall in line with her heartbeat and let everything else melt away. Open your eyes when you are once again ready to focus only on her.

5 Hot Spots That Will Drive Her INSANE During Sex!

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Sex isn’t all about you – in fact, you should make it all about her! Give her an incredible orgasm by touching one of these five super hot spots.

Besides the now-famous G-Spot, there are a few other spots in the very sensitive genital area that have a tendency to produce especially powerful orgasms. You don’t have to go searching blindly for these special spots. Here’s a general guide to get you started.

1. The A-Spot

Three to four inches into the vagina, on the front wall of the canal and near to the cervix, there is a large, bell-shaped, rough patch connected to the extended clitoris and the female ejaculatory system. Stimulating this area during sex is a great way to induce more lubrication in as little as five to ten seconds and to reach orgasm in only one or two minutes. Don’t ignore this one just because you’ve found the G-Spot.

2. G-Spot

Fingering is definitely the best way to hit this well-know spot and produce orgasms that gush instead of sex. Just a quarter inch or so long, on the front of the vagina, just an inch Besides the now-famous G-Spot, there are a few other spots in the very sensitive genital area that have a tendency to produce especially powerful orgasms. Place a finger or two inside the vaginal opening, there is a rough patch similar in texture to the A-Spot, which lies further in.

Using what is often referred to as a “come hither” motion,you can coax an orgasm, perhaps even ejaculation, from this stimulation. It rubs  the ejaculate-producing Skenes gland near the urethra.

3. U-Spot

Between the vaginal opening and the clitoris there is a tiny bundle of erectile tissues, surrounding the urethra, for which the U-Spot is named. She may find this spot a bit uncomfortable if you start with it, but if you are stimulating the G-Spot, a little added attention to this little area during sex might just give her what she needs to go over the edge and ejaculate!

4 & 5. X & Y-Spot

In a recent article, Kinsey Institute researcher and Men’s Health columnist Debby Herbenick, Ph. D. explained, “The most recent anatomical research suggests that the clitoris is perhaps better described as the ‘clitoral complex,’ where the vagina, urethra, and clitoris all function as a unit rather than as individual parts.”

The X-Spot and the Y-Spot are located on the left and right side at about 2 and 4 o’clock in the vagina, at about the same depth as her G-Spot. The Taoists describe this as a ring of pleasure that should be stimulated fully with shallow thrusting that curves to meet the vaginal wall, all the way around, for the best results reaching a multi-orgasmic ejaculation.

Using one or two fingers and a bit of lubrication, you can gently explore the entire surface of the vaginal canal, the major part of the clitoral complex, and find the spots that stimulate her pleasure centers in new and interesting ways!

Mastering Confident Body Language

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Body language is a sure way to tell if your partner is enjoying what you’re doing during sex or not. Here’s how to be a master of bedroom body language.

The “Outside-In” Body Language Method

Many think mastering body language means consciously controlling one’s movements. Take “confidence” for example. To exhibit such, one is told not to slouch, to keep the chest and chin up, broaden the shoulders, avoid fluttery eye movements and speak in low tones. Get those down and you will come off assured, certain and confident.

This is the “outside-in” method. It’s a “fake it ‘til you make it” thing where you initially feel like an incompetent idiot for trying to be somebody you’re not. You don’t own the gestures but merely acting it out, so it feels a bit off.

When this faked confidence undergoes hardcore testing, such as during dating, it’ll definitely break – because the genuine article doesn’t exist – yet.

But over time, something very interesting happens. You gradually become genuinely confident! By acting it out, you tricked yourself into believing it. Gestures from the outside have affected how you feel inside. The mind comes to believe the gestures and soon enough, the actions aren’t that awkward anymore – you own them. You stop reminding yourself to be confident, you simply are!

Some neat trick, huh?

Yeah, it’s all good, but we’re not doing that here.

Why?

It’s too slow and it doesn’t work for a lot of people. The whole façade crumbles long before the genuine articles begin to appear. Many onlookers don’t buy it in the first place. Trying to look cool, calm and confident often results in a strange, mixed message – and the very act of straining to keep the façade together indicates what’s really happening inside.

Can you imagine the clarity with which women see beyond the pretense?! You may stand upright all you want, but your blushing cheeks will give you away. You may be speaking in low tones, but those occasional cracks become very telling.

Faking it doesn’t guarantee making it.

There’s a more effective way. And the key is not to deal with non-verbals in piecemeal, step-by-step fashion. A woman doesn’t do that, she doesn’t measure the angles to which you tilt your head or the straightness of your back. She’s not trying to read or judge how you come off. To her, it’ll be just a gut feel, a funny intuition – it’s just there. That’s how minds work.

The “Inside-Out” Body Language Method

There’s an easier, more effective way. Gestures are most powerful when they come somewhere deep, that is, when they faithfully mirror what is really inside. We’re talking about core beliefs and attitudes here. The 2nd mode of mastering non-verbal communications is the “inside-out” method What’s inside, affects what is displayed outside. Let me explain.

Notice how easy it is to act happy when you actually are, and how difficult it is to jump for joy when you’re feasting with depression?

Maybe you’ve just had a break up with someone or you’ve just been fired from your regular 9 to 5. Imagine how hard it is to hide your disappointment, sadness, perhaps even anger. Your drooping shoulders and cast down gloom give you away. You work hard containing it, but emotions seep out the moment you put your guard down.

Conversely, when you’re flushed with joy, like when you’ve won the biggest cash prize in the history of lottery – notice that you don’t even try to act in high spirits. You simply are! You’re exploding with glee on the inside and this comes out naturally through the extra bounce in your step and the unmistakable smile you’ve been beaming since lunch. You don’t create the bounce and smile, you don’t even notice them. They simply ooze out.

No practice is required, you’re happy and it jumps out of you!

Both Methods Work, But Which Is Better?

Here’s the thing: Both methods work, (and it’s not like they are mutually exclusive), but one is clearly more powerful than the other. It’s like 2 modes of getting fit. You could enroll in a gym, do aerobic exercises and work the machines, Or, you can live a naturally active lifestyle by walking around a lot, baby-sitting hyperactive nephews and dancing at bars & clubs. Both methods work because they make you sweat and burn calories, one is just more natural than the other.

We’re siding with the 2nd method.

Mastering confident body language is really mastering what’s on the INSIDE.

No need to worry whether or not you’re moving in the sexy, seductive and irresistible way – that’s superficial. Those gestures are but visual reflections of what is inside. The crucial question really is not “How to make your body move?” but “How’s your inside?” – those invisible thoughts & beliefs in your head. Those are the stuff that ultimately matters because your body will find a way to put them on perfect display.

How To Last Longer While Having Sex

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Sex needs to last a certain amount of time to be truly satisfying for both partners. Here’s what you need to know to last longer while having sex.

We are all creatures of habit. We form habits that rule our lives. But what does this have to do with premature ejaculation and lasting longer? Well, plenty! You see, whenever you have sex, much of what you do will be the same as the previous nights. This means that if you suffer from PE, chances are that you have developed habits that consistently cause you to climax too quickly.

You Are What You Think – And Do!

Premature ejaculation is not something that will affect you permanently for life. You CAN reverse it. All you need to do is simply change what you are currently doing now! Think about this – you probably envy those guys who seem to be able to go on for hours during sex, or at least, for as long as they want. But honestly, the only difference between these men and you is that they are able to break out of their self-limiting habits. And you can too!

The Art Of Positive Visualization During Sex

So how do you change a habit? Before you start, you need to identify exactly the habits that are causing you to ejaculate prematurely during sex. For many men, it can be either: actively allowing the sexual excitement to escalate beyond self control; visualizing themselves ejaculating early; or engaging in rapid penetration, etc.

To reverse the tendency of PE, you simply need to do the opposite and consciously envision yourself attaining your new goal or habit. In this case, form a vivid image of yourself brimming with confidence, lasting as long as you desire, and giving your partner the best orgasms of her life. Visualize all the specifics. And replay this positive image over and over in your mind.

Habits, Once Formed, Are Incredibly Hard To Break

Once the new thinking and habit become entrenched in your mind, your subconscious mind has a new reference point of how sex should be like. As long as you keep practicing the positive visualization, over time you WILL automatically perform exactly the way you envision yourself to be.

This is an incredibly powerful technique that will help you break out of the vicious cycle of premature ejaculation and last longer in bed and make you much more confident about sex to boot!