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We Don’t Have Hot Sex Anymore. Can We Get It Back?

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My boyfriend and I are better friends than lovers. I’m crazy about him and don’t want to break up, but I miss hot sex. Help!

She Said:

First off, let me say that what you’re going through is totally normal. Passion cools in most relationships over time, so it’s important to be best friends when all is said and done. The good news is that you’re in a great position, if you can excuse the pun. The ‘bad news’ is that there is some work to be done – but it’s fun work, so don’t worry!

When You Don’t Want To Break Up

Think about what you’ve said – you’re crazy about your boyfriend. That is wonderful news! It means there’s still groundwork to build off of for the sizzle to return to your sex life. You don’t want to break up, which means there’s enough left to make you want to stay with him. There’s life in this thing yet!
Here’s your homework assignment: First off, think about what attracted you to your boyfriend in the first place. Now think about that when you’re having sex.

Remembering all the wonderful things that drew you to your honey in the first place are still there, so start appreciating those qualities again.

Bring Hot Sex Back Into The Relationship

There’s no penalty for using your imagination! What gets you hot, nowadays? Is there a movie star you like to fantasize about? Perhaps erotic fiction helps get you going? Use these things to your advantage. Most women need to be both emotionally and mentally stimulated to get really excited. Find the things that bring you to this place; then bring your boyfriend to the bedroom. When you’re feeling ultra-turned on, you naturally have better sex.

Be creative – that goes for both you AND your partner. All the work isn’t just on your shoulders. That said if you really feel that your relationship has moved to a purely platonic level, you owe to yourself and your partner to move on. Sexual pleasure is important to every aspect of health and happiness – and you both deserve to have the very best for yourselves.

He Said:

It happens. Relationships ebb and they flow. So does attraction. The most important thing is that you’re still crazy about each other. Everything else can be worked out.

First thing is to identify anything going on in your life that could be getting in the way of the two of you getting it on like teenagers on Viagra. If you just started a business together and you have a kid(s), and you are having trouble making ends meet, etc it is not conducive to getting it on. Identify and eradicate as many of these things as you can, and make your peace with the rest. Obviously, you can’t eradicate your kids (unless you live in Texas), but you can hire a babysitter and get your butts to a hotel.

A Vacation Can Reboot Hot Sex

Personally, I highly recommend a vacation of any kind to reclaim the booty making magic. (Say that five times fast!) Avoid going anywhere you’ve been in the past. You don’t want to bring up old memories if they are bad or expectations if you went there and the sex was amazing. For my money, I highly recommend one of those “hedonistic, clothing optional” resorts. Nothing will help you shed your inhibitions like shedding your clothes and letting it all hang out in the sun.  (Remember the sun block!) These resorts are adults only, anything goes and no questions asked.

Vacation sex is always the best because you are literally away from all your problems. They are back home. You didn’t bring your job or your in laws with you, right? No, of course not.  You’ll be going at it like bunnies. And you’re welcome (just remember that no man is ever as potent or as virile as when he’s on vacation, so plan accordingly!)

Exercising Together Can Help You Have Better Sex

I also recommend working out, ideally together. Nothing makes you wanna get naked more than if you actually look great naked. Working out boosts endorphins, hormones, etc. You’ll be all hot and sweaty and that means you need to shower. You two look great from consistently doing yoga, crossfit, or whatever you choose (I highly recommend the first two), and then BAM! You’re going at it.  It’s that simple.

Above all, take the pressure off yourself. Sex shouldn’t feel like something you “have to do” but that you “get to do.” You should feel like a kid on Christmas (yes, I ruined another holiday for you.) To that end, I suggest, researching tantric sex (Steve P has an amazing White Tiger Tantra video series), getting couples tantric massages, or just getting regular (no happy ending) rub downs anywhere you can.

Be patient and soon you’ll be going at it!

Q&A: My Husband Says I’m Too Fat Too Have Sex With Me

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It’s not uncommon for a man to have a reduction in his sex drive as he gets older, but he may try to blame it on you. He may suggest that you are overweight and not attractive, or come up with some other reason as to why he doesn’t want to have sex with you – and it will probably end up being something that he consideres “your fault.” The truth is, however, that there are many reasons that a man can lose his sex drive as he gets older, including being a new parent among other things. Here’s how to find out the truth of the matter and whether it’s really you or something else.

Question:  My husband is 30 & I’m 20 – he absolutely seems to hate having sex! We do it about 2 times a month, IF I’m lucky! He said it’s because I need to lose weight. (I’m 5 foot 5 inches and 165 pounds) He’s really rude about it. Is there a way to get him more turned on to where he’ll want to have sex despite how I look? I just had a baby 9 months ago. I’ve tried giving him a blowjob or a handjob, but when it comes to returning the favor he just won’t do it. Can you give me any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGgJynY_sbU[/youtube]

Try To Find Out What Is Really Going On

You may be taken aback at first when he suggests that his lowered libido is a result of your being overweight, but don’t take it to heart right away. There may be other things that are responsible for his reduced sex drive that he just doesn’t know about and the only thing he can think to blame it on is the way your body looks and that he considers it “unappealing.” A change in his lifestyle – such as a new job or a new baby – could be the culprit, as well as other things like certain medications and even his diet and exercise habits. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether it really is about you or if there might be some deeper issues going on that your partner just isn’t aware of.

  • When did this start?
  • Have you always had the same weight-to-height ratio or have you recently gained?
  • Have you always had sex just a few times a month, or is this something new that has started happening?
  • Did you just have your first baby?
  • Is he having job stress or other types of stress in his life?
  • Has he started taking medication of some kind?
  • Is he eating a healthy, nutrient rich diet?
  • Is HE exercising and maintaining a healthy weight?

Talking To Him About It

It’s important to talk to him about what is going on in your sex life (or lack thereof) but picking the right time and place is absolutely essential in getting through to him. Don’t try to talk to him about the issue right after you’ve either had sex or you’ve initiated sex and he’s declined. You also don’t want to do it when he’s stressed out, like right after work or when the baby is fussy. Hire a babysitter, set aside some time for you and your partner to go to dinner and initiate the conversation in a casual and non-critical way. The best way to get through to your partner about what is really going on with him is to avoid being critical of him and what he says. This can be difficult because he’s coming at you with accusations that can really hurt your feelings, but try your best to maintain a level head or the only thing that will come out of it will be a huge, ugly argument. If you can’t work through these issues on your own, consider couples counseling. Find a counselor that you and your partner are both comfortable with and talk to them about the problems you and your partner are having. A good counselor will not blame either of you for what is going on (because let’s face it, the blame game will get you absolutely nowhere) and will help you and your partner find the tools to change what you need to change in your relationship to have a better sex life.

Changing Your Body

If you’ve just gained weight from having a baby, relax a little and be confident that your body will return to its normal size and shape if you maintain a healthy diet and exercise plan. If you’ve always been overweight though, consider taking what your partner is saying to heart (at least a little bit). It may be hard to hear, but being overweight just doesn’t make you unappealing to him, it also places hazards on your health. Overweight people are more at risk for high blood pressure and heart disease, as well as diabetes and other life threatening conditions. Consider losing weight for you. Think about how great you’ll feel afterwards! There are lots of ways to lose weight, but one of the most fun ways is through sex. Perhaps if you tell your partner about some new sex positions that you’ve learned help lose weight, he’ll be interested in joining the cause!

Q&A: Condoms – What Size Do I Need?

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Condom shopping isn’t always easy because condoms come in a variety of different shapes and sizes. Condom sizes also differ from manufacturer to manufacturer, so it can be difficult to determine the best size for you in a particular brand. Getting the right size for you is important, because an ill fitting condom can reduce pleasurable sensations during sex at best or slip off and increase the risk of transmitting STD’s and unwanted pregnancy. Here’s how to find out what size YOU need!

Question:  According to a condom size chart I’m 5 inches long erect. What condom size do I need?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQ6CgYK05H4[/youtube]

Basic Condom Size Guidelines

If you look on the back of a condom box, each manufacturer provides basic guidelines on how large a condom is, in both length and width. You’ll also be able to find out what material it is made from and whether it comes lubricated or not. They may also provide information on how thick it is, so you can choose the thickness that provides the best and most pleasurable sensations. Most people will choose the thinnest condom that is available because this tends to allow both partners to feel more friction than their thicker counterparts. While getting a thin condom may help make sex better for you and your partner, it is much more important that you get the correct size, as this will make the biggest difference. Looking at the manufacturer’s specifications will give you a general idea of how large it is, and you can compare it to how large your penis is after you’ve measured it. Like most things though, the size of a condom will differ somewhat between manufacturers. An XL in one brand is not going to fit the same as an XL in another brand. Accurately measuring your penis and purchasing the correct size for it is an important part of having safer sex and preventing sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

Making Sure The Condom Fits Comfortably

When a condom is stretched lengthwise, it is much more stretchy and resilient than if it is stretched widthwise. Keep this in mind when going shopping – unless you have a very long penis, you’ll want to judge it mostly by its width, since there won’t be much give in that respect. You will be much more comfortable in one that fits the width of your penis properly! A condom that fits well lengthwise should actually be a little longer than your penis, with enough space at the tip to hold your semen when you orgasm. A condom that fits comfortably is going to benefit you and your partner during sex in many more ways than you would think. You (and your partner) will enjoy sex more, because one that doesn’t fit right will either hug you too tightly and cause discomfort or be too loose and decrease the pleasurable sensations from having sex.

Giving Condoms A Test Drive

A great way to find out which condoms fit you well and which don’t is to purchase a variety of them and give each one a test drive. Once you have a basic idea of how they should fit, you’ll be able to decide which one fits best on you and feels better for your partner. Many stores that sell sex toys also offer several different types of “variety packs” which give you one or two of each type of condom for you to try. It may seem silly, but don’t be afraid to take notes about which ones feel better than others and which condoms your partner seems to like the best. Once you determine which one is the right one for you, it will become your “go to” condom. Keep a good supply of your favorite one available, but don’t keep them in your wallet, your jeans pockets or your car. Women should not keep condoms in their purses unless they are protected by a hard case of some kind. The friction caused by a pair of pants or a wallet can cause the wrapper to degrade, possibly making holes in the wrapper and compromising the integrity of the condom. Keeping it in your car will expose the material to extreme heat and cold, possibly causing the latex or polyurethane to degrade, thereby decreasing it’s effectiveness at preventing pregnancy and reducing the risk of transmitting STD’s. Your best bet is to keep condoms stored in a cool, dry place to keep it “fresher” longer. Always inspect the wrapper thoroughly before using it for tears or holes.

How To Make Morning Sex Better

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Morning sex has its own special appeal – many couples like morning sex better than they like regular “after-the-kids-go-to-bed” sex or even “anniversary-sex.” While having sex with your partner in the morning before work can definitely make your whole day turn out better, sometimes morning sex can be a little lackluster. Here’s a few things you can do to have better sex in the morning – and maybe make your partner want it later that day too!

Set The Alarm Early

Morning sex is great, but when it’s rushed and one or both partners don’t get to reach orgasm, it can lose its appeal very quickly. If you and your partner are in the mood and start fooling around, only to be interrupted by the realization that you both are going to be very late for work, it can quickly put a damper on things. Not only will you and your partner find it difficult to reach climax when you’re rushed like that, you may have to end things before one or both of you get to have an orgasm so you can get to work on time. Instead, set the alarm fifteen to thirty minutes early to allow you and your partner both enough time to have an orgasm. If you and your partner aren’t in the mood, feel free to set the snooze alarm or get up and make yourself a cup of coffee and read the newspaper. If you do decide to have morning sex though, you’ll both be grateful for that extra few minutes that will allow you to finish on a good note.

Go To The Bathroom And Brush Your Teeth

Chances are, you or your partner (or both of you) are going to have to get up and use the bathroom before having sex in the morning. After holding it all night long, you might find it difficult to have an orgasm if your bladder is full of urine. This goes for both men and women, so make sure to head to the restroom soon after your alarm goes off. While you’re at it, go ahead and give your teeth a quick brush. One of the biggest complaints about morning sex is that partners don’t want to start kissing each other when they both have morning breath and that a blowjob will taste a little different when there is a buildup of plaque on your teeth and in your mouth. You don’t have to spend a lot of time brushing your teeth before morning sex (after all, you’re probably antsy to get busy while you still have time) because you can always go back later and do a more thorough job before heading off to work. But giving your mouth a good once over before heading back to bed for some hanky panky can make a big difference when getting close to your partner.

Keep The Lube Nearby

Most of the time, morning sex ends up being a quick or at least semi-quick affair. A woman’s body takes a few to several minutes getting warmed up enough to produce natural lubricant – so if you put two and two together, you’ll figure out that the time for mornings sex may be over before she even gets wet enough to have sex comfortably and even have a shot at having an orgasm. Instead of having a dry, uncomfortable quickie in the morning, keep the lube nearby so you can use readily use it. Sex with lube – whether it’s in the morning or at any other time during the day – is much better and will enhance the pleasurable sensations and make orgasms that much better!

Shower Together Afterwards

After having sex, you’ll probably want to take a shower, especially if it’s on your morning to-do list before heading off to work. Instead of trying to fit in quick showers separately while getting ready, take a shower together. This few minutes of non-sexual intimacy will help you and your partner really connect to each other, and give you both an even bigger dose of feel good hormones that will help last through the day. Wash her hair for each other and make sure to scrub each other’s backs with the loofah. You can also use the time together to talk to each other about the upcoming day and what each other’s plans are. Meeting up with each other to connect is an important part of any relationship and shower time after morning sex is a perfect way to fit emotional and physical intimacy and connection in your busy schedule!

Master His Secret Sex Zones – 6 Ways To Push His Pleasure Buttons

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Foreplay is absolutely essential for a woman to reach orgasm, but most men can reach orgasm simply through sex alone. That doesn’t mean that foreplay won’t drive him absolutely crazy though! Most women think that giving a quickie blowjob or a handjob is enough to get him warmed up, and most of the time it is. However, you can really take sex to the next level if you spend a little more time down there on the special spots that even he doesn’t know about. Learn how to push your man’s pleasure buttons with these simple techniques that will send him to the moon. He’ll be begging you for more before the night is through!

The Prostate Gland

The prostate gland, also known as the “male g-spot” is usually only accessible through the anal canal or by pressing on the perineum (the area between your partner’s scrotum and his anus) pretty firmly. Stimulating or “milking” the prostate gland during sex will heighten his sexual pleasure and may even cause him to have an orgasm immediately. An orgasm with prostate stimulation is incredibly powerful and is often considered the “best.” Try using a very small anal sex toy to stimulate his prostate gland during a blowjob, or you can use a finger if that is more comfortable for him. Remember to use lots of lube!

The Cremaster Muscle

The cremaster muscle is the muscle that draws the testicles in when your partner is cold and relaxes when he is warm and comfortable. You can stimulate this muscle during a blowjob or handjob by gently tugging on your partner’s scrotum while stimulating his penis. Make sure to communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t, because it isn’t hard to get a little too rough with his boys. Let him know that it’s ok to speak up if something doesn’t feel right – but especially if it feels good!

His Anus

The appeal of playing with the anus during sex is that it’s considered so “taboo” to do so. In addition to the psychological pleasure created by anal play, the anus is packed with nerve endings and can create great physical pleasure when stimulated. Some men are a little nervous about anal play or aren’t comfortable with it at all, so make sure your partner is ok with you touching his anus during sex or oral sex. Start by simply brushing your fingers lightly over the outside of his anus. If he wants you to insert a finger or a toy, make sure you have lube on hand.

His Earlobe

Many girls know that a man’s earlobe is a sensitive spot that shouldn’t be missed whether you’re kissing or having sex. Start turning him on by whispering what you want to do to him sexually, or simply just sigh heavily in his ear when you hug him. Flick the bottom of his earlobe quickly with your tongue before drawing it into your mouth and sucking lightly on it. This will drive him absolutely wild! He won’t be able to wait long until he wants you to do to his penis what you’re doing to his ear.

The Seam Of His Testicles

On a man’s scrotum, there is a line or a “seam” that separates the two testicles from each other. While this sensitive spot is packed with nerves that respond well to licking, touching and caressing, this spot is often missed by women everywhere. Take advantage of this spot when you’re giving your partner oral sex and lick up and down the seam while you’re gripping his testicles or the base of his penis. Try licking the seam while you’re giving a handjob at the same time if you really want to push his pleasure buttons!

His F-Spot

The F-spot is a little known but very powerful spot on man’s penis that can create waves of pleasure that will run up and down his body when stimulated. To find the F-spot, look on the underside of the penis where the head of the penis meets the base. This should look like an upside down “V,” and the F-spot is located at the point of the “V.” This spot is best stimulated while giving him head by flicking your tongue firmly against the spot while moving your hand up and down the base of his penis. The F-spot is a great way to pleasure your partner, but don’t try to stimulate the F-spot alone – it could make the rest of his penis feel left out in the cold.