Sexting & Phone Sex

Q&A: Tips For Talking Dirty – With Examples

Talking dirty is a great way to spice up your sex life with your partner. However, many people are uncomfortable with talking dirty, are embarassed about it or aren’t sure what to say. How can you do dirty talk without sounding ridiculous? Here’s how to talk dirty in the bedroom with your partner, with some sexy examples!

Question: Hi Dan and Jenn, do you have any tips for dirty talk? My boyfriend is really into it, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to say without sounding like a washed-up porn star. Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPfGwt6z_lY[/youtube]

Talking Dirty Got A Bad Rap

Talking dirty isn’t “dirty.” Actually, it can be quite sexy and a lot of people enjoy talking during sex. Talking dirty in the bedroom got a bad rap because back in the day, it wasn’t considered “polite” or “proper” to talk that way during relations. Fortunately, society has come a long way sexually since those days but the fact that sexy talk is considered “taboo” in the bedroom is half the fun! If your partner wants to hear you talk dirty to him during sex, it’s time to learn how.

Ways To Talk Dirty

There are lots of ways to talk sexy to your partner, and not all of it has to be during the actual act of sex. You can talk sexy to your partner over the phone, or via text, called sexting. Send him a racy email to find at a random time, or leave a hot note by the coffee that he can find before he goes to work (which will get him hot for you all day!) These are also great ways to “break the ice” when it comes to dirty talk, because it’s a lot easier to send a dirty text at first than to jump right in to talking dirty during sex.

Get Comfortable With Talking Dirty

Remember that when talking dirty, your partner is going to appreciate the effort. Even if you don’t sound super sexy at first because you’re still getting comfortable with it, he’ll be glad you tried. Try practicing talking dirty to yourself in the mirror at first, because if you can’t talk sexy to yourself in the mirror, how are you going to do it to him? If you’re unsure of what to say in the bedroom, start by talking about what feels good, why it feels good or describing how it feels. Get some ideas from an erotic book. Yes, some of them are cheesy but there are a lot of good, realistic erotic novels that can give you an idea of exactly what to say. When you feel more comfortable with the idea of talking dirty in the bedroom, take a little time to find out exactly what gets your partner off. What are his fantasies when it comes to dirty talk? Does he like it a certain way? Don’t be afraid to ask him questions or use a “fantasy box.” Your efforts will be much more effective if you’re talking dirty right up his alley.

3 Tips To Talk Dirty Without Offending Her

By loveandsex

Talking dirty is a great way to spice up your sex life and make sex more enjoyable and exciting for both you and your partner. If you’ve never talked dirty to your partner during sex, how can you start? Some women are put off by dirty talk, but other women really enjoy it. How can you avoid making her uncomfortable? Here are 3 tips to talk dirty to your partner during sex without offending her!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPIxQKXK5WM[/youtube]

Start Slow

If you’ve never talked dirty before with your partner, you definitely don’t want to jump in feet first. Avoid being vulgar at first, and start slow. Start by simply vocalizing your enjoyment during sex and see if she likes it. Try describing what you’re doing to her, what you want to do or what you are ab0ut to do. Watch her facial expressions and body language to tell if she likes it or not. Go with the flow and let her show you if she wants you to take it further.

It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It

Your tone of voice and attitude is more important than the words you’re saying when you’re talking dirty. It’s important to be genuine when talking dirty to your partner, because it’s easy to see right through you if you fake it. Take the time to get to know your partner sexually, and don’t be afraid to ask your partner what she likes and what turns her on. You want to tailor your “dirty” talk to what turns her on. For example, a woman may be very turned on by romantic talk, such as hearing how much you love her during sex. A woman on this wavelength is going to become very offended by vulgar dirty talk. On the other side of the spectrum, however, a woman who really gets off on vulgarity is not going to want to hear anything romantic. Try talking about your fantasies with your partner, or talking about her fantasies. Describe them, act them out and roleplay them. You can even incorporate costumes and toys when you and your partner begin to incorporate dirty talk more and more into your sexual habits.

The Possession Theme

One “dirty talk” theme that many women enjoy is “possession.” Talk about how your partner is “yours” and how she “belongs to you.” Say, “I want you, you’re mine.” There is very little risk involved in this type of dirty talk, because women in a relationship generally like to have a claim staked on them, even if it’s just in the bedroom and between you and her. She wants to know that she’s yours and that she’s attractive to you and you want her. As you become more comfortable with talking dirty with your partner during sex, you can use the possession theme in a romantic way or in a dirtier, sexy way.

Sexting… A Criminal Offence Or A Need For Better Sex Ed?

By karasutra

When it comes to the topic of teen “sexting”, the act of sending nude/barely dressed photos of ones self to another, I find it hard to believe that it can be a matter of “criminal offence” or a reasonable case for registering the photographer as a “sex offender,” especially considering the number variables and scenarios that come into play:

The role of the media and it’s influence on teens, up to and including TV/movies/music videos/advertising/print ads etc, and their continual use of sexuality to attain views, target a specific market or gain financial income. If a teen sees something, isn’t educated about its consequences, can we blame them for following the trend? Isn’t that the intention of most media outlets, to influence our decisions and behaviours?
Considering the amount of virtual unknowns that have become “celebrities” from sexual exploitation (i.e. Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Tila Tequila to name a few)it’s to be expected that teenage girls will only follow their lead as they think its ‘socially acceptable’, especially considering the level of fame and fortune that can be gained.
The constant need of society to sexualize everything i.e. a picture of three teenage girls “goofing off” in a bathroom barely dressed becomes the target of someone wanting to make an example of ‘child abuse’ or ‘child pornography’.
While it may sound out of place, I find we live in a society where there is a need to vilify others in order to seek a specific outcome; in cases where teens are taking photos of themselves and sending them, seeking to stop the behaviour in order to protect the “child” it is the child that becomes the so called “villain” with their behaviour tried in a court of law as “child abuse” or “child pornography”. It’s no longer the typical “Pedophile” found as the villain, instead the consequences fall on the “child” who is now treated as a creator of “child porn”. Something just seems wrong about that.
The lack of sexual education and the role it plays in helping teens develop a healthy sense of self, respect and personal sexual awareness limiting the need for negative sexual gratification through personal exposure.

Does Sexting Constitute Child Pornography?

What I think I have the biggest issue with is that the terms “child porn” and “pedophile” are being brought into the discussion. I say this because very rarely is an adult the intended audience of such photos. Instead it is the teens friends, unrequited love or girlfriend/boyfriend of the same (or near) age that are the intended recipients. I can only assume that most teens not only know better, but are self respecting enough not to send random naked photos of themselves to adults. But that’s another issue.

As for the actual issue of “sexting” between teens, the first thing that springs to mind is the old school “right of passage” where a boy would get a girl’s panties/bra, then show them to his friends in a way of gaining social acceptance/deliverance into “manhood.” The action of providing “proof” of sexual behaviour for acceptance is not “new”, just the method in which it’s being translated.

With all of the advances in technology, teens no longer need to seek physical evidence (in the form of panties/bra or whatever it may be) to show proof of sexual behaviour to others in an attempt at acceptance/belonging. Now everything is push button, instant gratification…i.e. a boy gets a picture of a girls boobs, sends it to his friends and *poof* in an instant he’s cool for having such material because it proves that he’s “sexually active,” not only that but he’s “special” since he is the only person who has that photo.

Herein lies the problem, rarely (if ever) do photos stay between the two people involved in the “transaction.”

When A Sext Comes Back To Haunt You

With all of the “instant media” comes a loss of control; once something (a photo, text, etc.) leaves our hands we no longer have any control of who sees it. A person may have sent something with the intention of it only being seen by one other person, but unfortunately that is rarely the case.

One of the very unfortunate side effects of this scenario is the belittling, bullying, teasing and unwanted sexual advances that usually come with such exposure, something that isn’t realized by the sender until after the fact.

That said, teens (between the ages of 12-17) “usually” don’t have the insight, life experience or education/knowledge to make decisions that are forward thinking enough to consider the personal repercussions and consequences that come with such behaviour whether it be tomorrow, next week or 10 years down the line. Realizing this I think it’s highly unfair that a teen should be charged with something that can negatively affect the rest of his or her adult life the way claims of “child abuse” or “pornography” can.

I really do hate to say it, but this is where I think the benefit of active parenting comes into play; as a parent, knowing that my child has access to such personally exploitive technology, it is my responsibility to help teach them about the consequences, especially knowing that if left to their own devices most teens will do what they want, when they want, unless they know of the repercussions and punishments attached to the behaviour.

While I do place some of the sex ed responsibility on the parents, I can also understand that in today’s hectic society, where both parents spend most of their time working to sustain the family, there usually isn’t enough time to “actively parent”. Acknowledging that brings me to the question that’s most often presented in relation to “sexting”; do teens need to be “protected” from themselves?

In an answer, yes….but not to the extent most legal cases seek.

Sexting Shows A Need For Better Sex Ed…And Better Parenting

I agree that there needs to be some sort of regulation or rule against it. Not in the instance of it being a hardcore criminal offence like “pornography” or “child abuse” (which to me seems unreasonable) but instead possibly a lesser charge of “indecent exposure” for the sender or “defamation of character” for the receiver (if it’s spread around without permission from the sender) depending on the situation and based solely case by case.

That said, like most laws which are based on the concept that a young person may desire sex but may lack the experience possessed by legal adults to make a mature decision, I think the same rules should apply to “sexting” in cases where one is an adult and the other a minor. Maybe in this case it could be classified as ‘child pornography’ but only in two instances:

The adult (or person of consenting age) was the person taking the picture of someone who is not the legal age of consent
The adult (or person of consenting age) asked for the photos from someone who is not the legal age of consent
Upon receiving the photos (without asking for them) the adult did not delete them or reprimand the “child” for such behaviour, identifying it as inappropriate and educating them why.

While I do find it inappropriate for teens to be taking nude/barely dressed photo’s of them selves and posting them for others to see, when ever it comes to the subject of teens, their sexuality and/or forms of sexual expression I find myself constantly having to choose between the lesser of two evils; would I prefer someone actually had sex or took photo’s of them self for the purpose of sexual gratification?

Knowing the possible ramifications and risks associated with intercourse, I choose the latter. Especially when it’s used in the attempt to delay sexual intercourse between two individuals who are in a committed, consensual, trusting relationship, but not sure if they are ready to deal with consequences like contracting an STD or an unintended pregnancy that come with it.

That said, do I think “sexting” a case for “criminal offence” or “child pornography”…no. It just serves to reinforce the need for more positive education on sex/sexuality and a wider scope of understanding.

How to Get a Woman to Masturbate on the Phone With You – Phone Sex for HER Pleasure

By david

Khiem and I are walking right now with Yakub, and we’re hanging out and doing what we call a “brainstorm day.”

Well, actually they both goofed off on some weird internet sites for a little while which they didn’t share with me and they downloaded things to my Mac which sort of scares me a little bit, but at least I’ll have some fun entertainment when I get home.

But we were all hiking and talking, and they were asking me, “What are the secrets of how to get her to masturbate for you on the telephone?”

Now, I’ve been somebody who has absolutely enjoyed the benefits of phone sex even before women got to enjoy the benefits of the Blackberry-vibrating phone sex! How to get a woman to masturbate for you on the phone is really very simple.

Use what you know

First, you have to call them late at night. Let’s say you’ve been emailing this woman back and forth. You’ve been flirting in emails back and forth, and maybe you’ve had a couple of phone conversations, and she tells you she’ll be around that night for you two to talk.

What you need to do in that email or text message is ask, “How late can I call you? I want you to be really cozy and comfortable when I call, so you’re not thinking anything about the day.” Then she’ll tell you how late you can call.

So then you call her that late – 11 o’clock at night. She’s in bed, she’s wearing her little jammies, and you start conversing with her. You talk to her about emotions, about anything that has to do with a deep topic. Because remember sex for a woman starts in her mind. You need to connect with her.

You can’t get on the phone with her and say, “So what are you wearing right now? Do you want to masturbate with me on the phone?” No! It’s about connecting.

Phone sex foreplay

Picture it as foreplay – or phoneplay! What you need to do is just talk to her a little bit, get to know her a little bit, make a comment on something you guys have shared together – maybe this is like the first or second phone call, and you’ve learned things about her.

Maybe she’s told you that she really loves deep conversations. You can say to her, “Man, I really love deep conversations with you. I love to get to know you better. It’s so much fun. I’m enjoying exploring you. I’m enjoying penetrating your mind.” When you talk in very subliminal sexual ways, it will make her very sexually turned on.

Most guys make the biggest mistake: a woman is talking to you late at night, you’re having an emotional conversation and you’re connecting, and the guy will immediately ruin it by saying, “Are you wet right now?” Or “You know, my cock’s hard. You want to feel it?”

You don’t want to say that! What you have to assume is that she’s already turned on. What I like to do is use very subliminal language. “I’m having so much fun connecting with you now.” That’s foreplay in her mind. “I’m having a great time learning about you.” “Wow, I wish I was sitting right there with you right now, seeing your eyes during this conversation” That’s another thing to say to her…

Or say, “Oh my God, did we just have like a kiss moment?” when you are talking about something. There’s a pause, and you both feel it. Then you need to get a bit more daring. Say, “Did we just have a kiss moment?” and she’ll say, “Well, yeah, I think so!” Then you can say, “Alright, let’s play true confession. If I was there right now, what would you want to do?”

And then she’ll tell you. If she feels comfortable, she’ll say, “Oh, I really want to kiss you and touch you right now.” You can say, “Touch me? I barely even know you! How do you know I’ll even let you?” You want to be a little bit playful.

Then she’ll say, “Oh come on. What do you want to do?” And then you tell her.

What I always say over and over again is, “If I was there right now, I would look deep inside your eyes. I would kiss you. I would look at you, and I want to feel your energy. I want to look and see what I stir up inside you after I kiss you.”

How to know when she’s getting into it

All of a sudden, she’ll take a deep breath, and say, “Really? Tell me more.” So then you tell her more! “I’m a very passionate person, and I love to explore a woman’s body, but only after I connect with her mind and her soul,” and then describe what you’d love to do to her.

What I do is do it very subliminally: “Right now, if you were standing in front of me, I would LOVE to look at you after I kissed you and see how hungry your eyes are. I’ll know just by the look in your eyes how I want to proceed with your body. I’ll know what I want to do next.”

You’re taking control at this point. You’re painting a picture. Most men don’t paint that picture – they paint a picture of weakness. You are basically telling her, “If I was there right now, this is what I would do to you.”

Then, at that point, you have to judge her temperature. You can ask, “Well, do you want to hear more?” 99.9% of the time, she’s going to say of course! At this point, you want to be very subliminal in what you say to her. You want to say things like, “After I’m done kissing you, I would take a look and I know your body would be talking to me, and I know exactly what I would do. I would start at your neck…” and describe it.

“I would start at your neck, because I want to taste your skin in my mouth.” Use very explicit terminology: “I would then take my mouth and kiss every inch of your body, tasting every bit of you, and feeling your energy and the way you react” Use those terms. Not once do you ever say, “I want to spread your legs and lick you like an ice cream cone!” It’s all very subliminal.

At this point, you tell a story. It’s all about how you tell that story . “Man I would just take you, flip you over, and kiss your back from head to toe,” and listen to the way that she is breathing. If she starts breathing a little bit heavier, or sighing a little bit or if she says, “Tell me more” and her voice is getting very breathy, it might even seem like she’s out of breath at this point. She might having short little bursts of breath, and saying, “more, more more…”

More, more, more

Then you can say to her, “Alright, if I was standing there, what would you do to me?” and allow her to describe it now. The thing about sex, and what a lot of men don’t do because they don’t understand how sexual women really are, is give women a chance to express their sexuality. Women are very sexual creatures.

You want to give women a chance to express their sexuality by saying, “Tell me what you would do for me.” Let them tell you and react to it! React positively. When she tells you the things she wants to do, say, “God I love that.” Encourage her a little bit more. A lot of times, her ex-boyfriend or ex-lover didn’t allow her to do those things – she didn’t feel that sexy around him.

The reason why she is exploring this with you over the safety of the phone is that she is trying to figure out who you are. She already has a fantasy about you in her head, so allow her to talk about that fantasy. And every time she says something great, say, “Oh man, that is so hot,” or, “Wow! That would feel so good,” or “I’m yours. You can do that!” And then just add some stuff to it so it becomes this conversation.

Then, at that point, when she is describing things, not only have you turned her on, but she’s turning herself on. You are allowing her to talk about her inner fantasies. At that point, you can say to her, “Let me ask you now, how wet are you?” She will say, “Very.” You then say, “I want you to feel yourself right now, and then describe to me how wet you are. Describe what it feels like in your fingers.”

Her reaction?

Many times she will say, “Oh I’ve been touching myself the whole time!” You ask, “You’ve been touching yourself?” And then you take total control. “Really. I want you to touch yourself some more, and I want to hear you. I want to hear what you’re fantasizing about right now. I want to hear your passion for me. I want to listen. I’m going to talk you through this. I want to listen to what you are burning for right now…” and allow her to talk.

Keep asking her, “What are you doing?” and she’ll tell you what she is doing! Encourage her. “Oh, keep doing that, I want to hear you cum. Cum for me baby, come on.” And then she’ll ask you if you’re touching yourself.

Whether or not you are watching ESPN or touching yourself is your own prerogative, but you say that you are touching yourself. Hopefully you are enjoying the phone sex, and actually having phone sex with her.

This is the way that you get a woman to have phone sex.

Not only that, but once you have phone sex with her, real sex is right around the corner. There is no waiting, no games, no playing, NOTHING. Once they’ve played with you on the phone, they want to play with you in person. You have something to go on.

The next day you text her and say, “Oh man, I’m going to make you beg tonight again. I’m going to make you beg!” and she’ll say, “Oh please don’t make me beg! When are we going to see each other?” And she’s going to beg, because you’ve gotten inside her head.

You have gotten inside her mind, and you’ve gotten inside her soul, like most guys haven’t done.

And that’s how you have great phone sex!

How to Use Modern Technology to Add Old-Fashioned Romance to Your Relationship

By phil

So, when’s the last time you used modern technology to share your romantic feelings with your significant other?

The advent of the Internet, cell phones and hundreds of other modern communication tools has indeed made our world a bit more impersonal and fostered an expectation of immediate self-gratification among a new generation.

And as I mention repeatedly on my blog, Romance Tracker, old-fashioned romance is all about patience, subtlety and good communication.

Gone are the days when lovers used pen and ink to write each other careful letters declaring their affection. Modern lovers no longer have the patience to wait for a message to be delivered by post, nor should they have to.

It’s understandable that many of my readers are surprised when I tell them that modern technology, with all of its instant gratification and impersonal attributes, does not spell the end of classic romanticism in the world. Like anything else, modern technology, if used correctly, can indeed make your marriage or relationship more fulfilling and romantic.

I’m going to give you a few examples of modern communication tools that can be used to add more romance to your relationship everyday, but they are by no means the only examples. If you’re a modern-day old-fashioned romantic, be willing to experiment with new technologies to make your relationship more exciting and fulfilling for you and your lover. Continuing to utilize subtle, patient, old-fashioned methods of declaring your love is fine, but toss in some modern technology every now and then to add a fun twist to your relationship.

Romantic Text Messages and SMS

If used sparingly and not overdone, text messaging can increase the amount of positive communication between lovers by allowing them to express spur-of-the-moment feelings that they wouldn’t be able to otherwise. If you have a sudden romantic thought while at work but are lacking the privacy to call your significant other on the phone, text messaging will let you send a short, private note that will reach them instantly.

Romantic Instant Messages

Instant messaging is becoming more and more popular as a way for two people at separate computers to communicate with each other and send notes back and forth instantly. Instant messaging provides a much more in-depth, conversation-like medium for lovers than does text messaging. And instant messaging may actually improve your communication with your lover, because it allows you to share thoughts that might be more difficult face-to-face due to body language, visual or auditory baggage.

Romantic Emails

From fun e-cards to lengthy online love letters, email has provided lovers with a new way to communicate with their sweethearts instantly. A spontaneous romantic email is a simple, effective way to show your significant other that you are thinking of them no matter where you are. And with the ability to attach images, video and music, email has taken the old-fashioned love letter into a whole new realm.

Phil Van Treuren is a professional writer and web entrepreneur from the Cleveland, Ohio area. You can read more of his thoughts on love and romance on his blog, Romance Tracker. Phil is also the webmaster of Contest Blogger, a site for online contests and sweepstakes.