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The Psychology Of Swinging – What’s A Curious Girl To Do?

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When it comes to swinging, setting the boundaries can seem awfully intimidating. Subconsciously, you might not want to set the boundaries because you’re nervous about swinging or you’re afraid of being rejected by your partner. You might not know how to talk to your partner about swinging, or how to begin setting the boundaries for what you’re comfortable with and what your partner is comfortable with. You’re curious about swinging, so what should you do?

A wife is interested in swinging and attracted to sexual encounters with girls (and guys), but is uncomfortable with the idea of letting her husband play too. Is this normal? Where can she set the boundaries?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zg420Z9HtAg[/youtube]

Complications Of Swinging

One of the problems that many couples have with swinging is that one of the partners wants to play with others, but they’re uncomfortable with their partner playing with anyone else. That’s why many couples have bad experiences with swinging, or don’t get into swinging at all, because they’re too jealous or selfish to let their partner have fun too. So if you’re uncomfortable with your partner getting to play, but you want to play, what do you do? The answer – which is the same for most questions about swinging – is talk to your partner. Be open with them. Tell them why it makes you uncomfortable. You might get lucky – your partner may not be interested in swinging themselves, but are interested in watching you play! You never know until you talk to your partner about it. But don’t be surprised if your partner feels that watching you swing while they’re on the sidelines isn’t fair (because it isn’t, unless they’re totally okay with it.)

Being Fair And Finding Balance

Jealousy and insecurity is normal when it comes to swinging and thinking about your partner having sexual pleasure with someone else. As fun as this idea might seem to you when you’re thinking about yourself getting to play, the tables can turn quickly when you imagine your partner with someone else. It’s important to be fair though, because unfair swinging has led to the destruction of many solid relationships. You need to learn how to work through your jealousy and insecurity and make sure you and your partner are both okay with swinging and each other swinging, and make sure that you both have open minds about it. If you can’t work through it? Don’t even go there. Don’t swing. Swinging isn’t for everybody and if you find that you’d rather not see your partner play, give up the idea of playing yourself.

The most important thing, however, is to talk to your partner before swinging. Come to agreements about what is okay and what isn’t. And don’t think you have to go all in if you’re just starting to swing. Maybe you just want to watch once or twice, or keep it soft. There are flavors of swingers for everyone, whether you want to go all the way or just keep it soft and sensual. You can always change your mind and go forwards – for example, if you want to start out just watching, maybe you can change it up and allow oral sex if you’re comfortable with that. Keep in mind, however, it’s harder to go back.

How To Find Your Swinging Comfort Zone

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Swinging seems taboo, but more and more couples are talking about it as a way to spice up their sex lives. Swinging can be fun and can involve flirting, roleplaying, watching or going all the way with other couples. Not everything is right for everybody though, so here’s how to find your swinging comfort zone so you and your partner can have fun and have a fun, exciting sex life!

How can someone interested in swinging establish their own comfort zone and boundaries so they can have a fun and exciting sexual experience?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcYrYs-MxSo[/youtube]

Challenging Your Comfort Zones

Many couples are afraid to start swinging because – duh – it’s completely out of your sexual comfort zone. Especially if you’ve been with your partner for years, starting to swing is just like dating all over again. You’re nervous meeting people, nervous about having a physical relationship with them…it’s not at all like the comfortable sex you have with your partner! Don’t worry though – swinging is commonly misunderstood. It’s not just a massive orgy all the time where everyone does everything with each other. Swingers are just adults looking to have a good time in a variety of different ways – so it’s time to challenge your comfort zones without jumping right out of them.

What Are Your Comfort Zones?

Even if your comfortable with your partner, you might not be in sync with them when it comes to thinking about swinging. You and your partner may have completely different ideas about what you want to accomplish while swinging and what swinging means to each of you. Find out what your partner is comfortable with and what their comfort zones are, and talk about what yours are too. Think about what would possibly make you uncomfortable. Decide what the boundaries are, what you’re ok with or not ok with. Write them down! Do you want to involve oral sex but not actual intercourse, or do you want to watch only? You don’t want to find out something is not ok after it’s already happened. The best thing you can do is communicate with your partner and talk, talk, talk – and then talk some more! The biggest reason that swinging doesn’t succeed with couples is because they didn’t take the time to discuss their thoughts and feelings about swinging before and after.

Reviewing And Redoing The Rules

The rules of swinging don’t change during swinging, but they can certainly change before and after. Just because you and your partner have agreed on a set of rules for what is ok and not ok during swinging doesn’t mean it has to stay that way forever. You and your partner both have the right to review the rules and redo them at your discretion – just don’t forget to talk about it! Above all, practice safe sex if you’re having sex with other people and be smart about it. Make sure everyone is in agreement about what is going to happen, including the other couple(s) and everyone is comfortable with what is going to happen. Even though the rules don’t change during swinging, if someone is getting hurt or you’re uncomfortable with something, you certainly have the right to stop.

I’m Attracted To Girls – How Can I Share A Threesome With My Husband?

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Ah, the threesome. It’s almost every guy’s fantasy, but men rarely get to indulge in this popular but taboo sexual act. Some guys get lucky though, and their partner is up for a little same sex fun with their husbands – but more often than not, the woman is scared to share her newfound interest with her husband because she’s afraid she’ll have to do it every time to keep her husband from getting bored in the bedroom. What’s a girl to do?

She’s attracted to girls, he thinks it’s great – but how can she share a fun, exciting sexual experience with her husband while still staying safe and without upping the ante in their sexual relationship at home?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grBELouBBuo[/youtube]

Opening Pandora’s Box

It’s a legitimate fear – she wants to share her attraction to girls with her husband, but she’s afraid she and her husband won’t be able to have regular sex again if they have a threesome. It’s his ultimate fantasy – so if she does it once, how can she ever live up to that again? It’s a fear that a lot of girls have and it’s one that keeps many of them from experimenting in the bedroom. Whether they’re afraid of opening the theoretical Pandora’s Box, or they’re jealous of their man with other women, many guys don’t get to have threesomes with their partners not because their partner isn’t into women, but because their partner is scared of the consequences.

Making It A Reality

If you decide that you want to try to share your attraction to women with your husband, take it one step at a time. There’s no need to dive right in with a straight-up, kinky threesome. Start by talking about girls first. Watch some videos with girls in it together, and try to meet some girls. See what it’s like to flirt and interact with other women. Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it make you jealous at all? If you find yourself uncomfortable at any time, it’s important that you recognize it as a sign to stop from moving forward. Don’t go too far too fast, because you might not be able to go back. Take your time and explore different things with your partner that involve women. You may find something that you like that doesn’t involve a threesome at all.

All Or Nothing?

Having interactions with other couples and other women isn’t all or nothing. When it comes to “swinging,” some couples simply get together and flirt, with a little light play. Some couples just watch each other get it on, while others go all the way and swap partners, share each other and do pretty much everything. Some couples just let the girls play. It depends on what you’re comfortable with, and you’re not expected to do everything all at once. The biggest reason that playing with other couples can fail is if you fail to communicate – so talk to your husband, listen to your husband, talk to the people you’re interested in interacting with and make sure that everyone is absolutely on the same page about everything.

A Facebook For Swingers? Why Kasidie is Better Than Adult Friend Finder

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Sadly, most people think swinging is all about indiscriminate sex. This is the reason so many people join Adult Friend Finder, as they assume that “it’s the largest swingers dating site, so it must be the best place to hook up.” But there’s a reason why their average account lasts less than 4 months.

The little known truth about swinging is that you “come for the sex, but stay for the friendships.”

And that’s why in the lifestyle Adult Friend Finder is known as “every swingers first mistake” – we all saw the member counts, joined in hopes of hooking up and left with a hollow feeling.

The Dirty On Swinging… “Sexually Social”?

So why isn’t swinging just indiscriminate sex? For the same reason it wasn’t when you were in college. There has to be some physical and mental chemistry and a high level of mutual attraction to create an erotic, lustful situation where you want to have sex with someone. And that doesn’t happen with everyone. Not even with most. Few, in fact.

However, what you do find is a new group of people who are open-minded, uninhibited, flirtatious, highly social and just flat out fun to be around. So even though you may not have sexual energy with everyone, you find that you enjoy their company and like hanging out with them far more than your previous social network of neighbors, work colleagues, PTA members are other “vanilla’s”. And the more social you are, the more friends and acquaintances you make, the more likely it is that you will find some people from time to time with mutual attraction and with whom you do want to take the flirtation up a few notches to more salacious fun.

A dating site doesn’t help create or maintain a social network of friends. They simply don’t provide the tools necessary to do that. There needs to be a way to make friends, to manage parties and other social events, to chat with people and see what they are up to, and to join in with others who share similar interests. For vanillas, FaceBook.com does this very well and that’s the reason why people spend hours a day on the site; but when you’re connected to family, kids, work mates, church members, and others then there’s simply no way to use it for the more adventurous side of your life.

A New Kind Of Swinger’s Website

This is where Kasidie.com comes in. It’s a site built from the ground up as a social network for swingers, or as they call it, those of us who are “sexually social”: building communities and friendships with a wide variety of tools. Here you can search profiles and find people similar to yourselves, just like a dating site, but you can also form bilateral friendships, post rendezvous for spontaneous fun, join in on hundreds of parties and travel takeovers (or even host your own), become a member of any number of communities catering to interests as disparate as wine, food, sports, travel and sexuality, and build a base of friends and social activities that are geared to getting you out of the house and into flirtatious, erotic fun.

Check out Kasidie.com, you might just have the best time of your life.

He Feels A Threesome Will Solve Our Sex Issues – I Disagree

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Threesomes have long been touted as the “coveted” sexual thing that all men want but can rarely have. If your partner has brought up having a threesome in your relationship, you’re likely not surprised – unless a “threesome” is your partner’s idea of revving up your sex life. While this can help two people who are very secure in their relationship, secure in themselves and secure in their sex life, if you’re not any of those a threesome can be disastrous. So how can you spice up your sex life without having a threesome?

Dear Dan  and Jennifer,

 

My partner wants to bring a third person into our bedroom, but I want to fix our sexual issues first. Our sex life is sketchy at best… I don’t see adding a third person (threesome) any time soon and feel that he needs to show me more attention and make sure that I feel secure before adding a third person. How do I talk to him about this without causing a fight and him blowing up?

 

–Alexis, TX

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRZgf0lAy1g&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

Roleplaying

It can be hurtful to think about it in this way, but gal’s got to wonder, “Does he want a threesome because he’s not interested in me sexually anymore?” While you may be confident that your partner loves you and wants to be with you on a romantic level, hearing him introduce the idea of bringing another woman into the bedroom can definitely make you feel inadequate. Is this wrong on his part? Not likely – he’s trying to find a solution to his problem and trying to involve you at the same time. So it’s time to think outside the box a little bit. What if you roleplayed a different person entirely for him? Wore a wig, a new outfit, or even played a different part for a little while? Your partner may become very turned on by this, especially by seeing you so “out of yourself.” It’s almost like having an affair without having an affair, and the excitement and different feelings of roleplaying can really set your sex life on fire.

He Can Roleplay Too

Are you bored in the bedroom? You could be initiating sex less (thus leaving your partner high and dry) because you too are bored, or unsatisfied with your sex life. That doesn’t mean that you love your partner any less, but a little safe excitement never hurt anyone. To that end, if your partner likes the roleplaying idea, ask if he’ll try it too. Share with him some of your fantasies (being arrested by a dirty police officer anyone?) and let him decide which he feels comfortable with and let him surprise you. You might find that your own sexual desires are awakened, without something as drastic as a threesome.

Thinking Out Of The Box

Roleplaying is just one way to spice up your sex life. Start thinking outside the box – introduce toys, books, magazines, videos, costumes, lingerie, lubricants…anything sexual that will take you outside of that normal comfort zone and put you in an exciting, new sexual place. Heck, it may even be having sex on the couch instead of the bed that does it! There are so many different things you can do to give your sex life, well, a new life! All you have to do is have an open mind and get a little creative! Browse the internet for some fun ideas and when it comes to roleplaying, never, ever forget that the Star Wars Princess Leia Slave costume is just about every guy’s wet dream. Have fun!