Swingers & Threesomes

We Play On Our Playdates – And Other Swinger Terminology

When I first got into the lifestyle, the idea that swingers call what they do with others “playing” seemed strange. They have “playdates.” They don’t fuck. They don’t have sex. No, they play. As a mother, this terminology cracked me up, and it made me cringe a little when my kiddo asked for a playdate with friends. I mean, ew. That is so not right.

It’s pretty typical for people who hang out together at work, as friends, in social groups to have their own vernacular. When you first enter that new world, it may seem like people are truly talking a foreign language. Here are a few things that swingers may say.

We’re Full Swap

In general, full swap means the couple has sexual intercourse with their playmates: female A will fuck male B and male A will fuck female B. Sometimes, female A will fuck female B, and male A will fuck male B (all depending on who is bisexual). Full swap is the most straightforward configuration in swinging, even in its complexity.

We’re Soft Swap!

Ah, soft swap is a little trickier. It may mean that couple A will have sex in the same room or on the same bed as couple B. Or, it may mean that female A will have sex with female B. Or, it may mean that female A will allow oral sex to be performed on her, but no penetration can occur; and maybe she’ll return the favor to female and/or male B. And perhaps, male A welcomes oral sex to be performed by female B and may perform oral sex on female B. And if the guys are bisexual, add those possibilities to the mix. In other words, if a couple says they are soft swap, that’s when you start asking questions. If you stop there, chances are someone will leave in a huff.

Girl/Girl Only

We don’t swap partners, but the girls can play together all they want.

Voyeur

One or both of us like watching you have sex with your partner, or you have sex with our partner, or both, but we don’t participate.

FMF/MFM/FMFM/Threesome/Foursome/Moresome

F stands for female, M stands for male. Most people can figure out the configurations. Threesomes, FMFs and MFMs don’t necessarily need bisexual females or males to make it work, but be sure you’re clear about what you’re looking for when you put it out there. Foursomes and FMFM are good fun, yet sometimes difficult to put together because everyone has to like each other and there are more people involved. Moresomes are typically more spontaneous, play-party-driven adventures where a big group of people wind up in a pile on a bed. Swingers may play in any or all of these configurations … or none of them (see voyeur).

I’m Bi-Curious

I’m interested in exploring sex with someone with the same chromosomal arrangement. In my mind, one can be bi-curious only through the first few encounters with someone of the same sex. After that, pick a side. Your choices are below.

I’m Bisexual

I like to have sex with someone of the same sex as much as (or maybe even a little more than) with someone of the opposite sex. If I’m bisexual, I will give and receive oral sex. Boys and girls can be bisexual, although bisexual men are generally still pretty closeted (and less accepted) in the lifestyle.

I’m Straight

If you are a boy and I am a girl, let’s get it on. And vice-versa. But if we’re not different below the belt, let’s keep it platonic. Sometimes, I’ve found, that straight girls are OK kissing other girls, or touching other girls in casual, nonsexual ways in bed. Usually for guys, straight means straight.

I’m Bi-Comfortable

And here we have yet another ambiguous bit of terminology. Bi-comfy–is s/he OK with kissing, touching, licking, sucking, going down on, being gone down on, or fucking someone of the opposite sex? In my experience, bi-comfy girls are cool with kissing and being touched sexually by another girl, and may even be OK receiving oral sex from a girl, but they’re unlikely to give oral sex. Still, it’s better to ask than assume.

Play/Playdate

Plain and simple: play is sexual play, from soup to, er, nuts. A playdate is the date you make with another couple or a single to play. No jumpropes required.

Vanilla

What swingers call people who don’t swing. Also, a descriptor for ideas that swingers find boring, negative, uptight or judgmental, especially if the judgment is about something us swingers are doing.

Swingle

An unattached swinger.

Dreaded Single Male

OK, maybe “dreaded” is a little over the top. I think that most single males in the lifestyle get a bad rap. Single males are usually on the “don’t call us, we’ll call you” list for most couples. They’re often on the “must call” list for single females, who are looking to hook up, but maybe not beyond a booty call.

Unicorn

The rare mythical creature that all couples seek, yet few find. A unicorn is a single female, usually bisexual. Having been a unicorn once, I can say that it’s a kick-ass place to be. You get wined and dined and can have your pick of couples. Or, you can be used as a sex toy, treated as something that’s not human, and it can be a sucky place to be. So be nice to your unicorns, people.

Hall Pass

A hall pass gives me permission to have sex with other couples or singles without my partner. About 60 percent of swingers have hall passes. Sometimes, they are “carte blanche” passes, meaning the person can have sex with anyone s/he chooses to. Other times they are “conditional” passes–perhaps the person can play with others when traveling for business, or with a specific person.

Same Room/Same House

We only have sex with a couple or single when their partner is in the same room, or perhaps their partner needs to be in the same house (a “hall pass lite”).

Bareback

Having sex without condoms. Believe it or not, some swingers don’t use condoms, a decision that I personally would not make.

DP

Ooh! Double-penetration … my favorite. Usually this means the woman has simultaneous anal and vaginal intercourse, but I also know chicks who like two dicks in their pussy at the same time. Either way, the experience is intense and not for the faint of heart. Also, a tip: ass first, then pussy. I learned the hard way (and he couldn’t stay hard).

The Swinger Lifestyle and Open Relationships – Is it Really CHEATING?

By loveandsex

Some couples have a truly amazing, exotic sex life that’s enough to make most anyone jealous.

But there’s more to a great sex life than endless sexual adventures and erotic games.

It’s not even about those amazing mind-shattering orgasms that many have heard about, but few have ever experienced.

The real secret lies in really playing together and being completely open with your lover, your playmate, your partner in crime. Open up and share your fantasies, and indulge your partner in theirs. That’s the well kept secret of those with the truly incredible sex lives.

So… How About a Threesome? Or Maybe Even Swinging?

In expanding their sex lives, many couples come across that point where they consider a threesome – or even consider inviting another couple into their bedroom. Gasp!

Sure, bringing another woman into their bed is possibly the most popular male fantasy of all time. But finding that ever elusive single girl that likes to play with couples in her spare time is more challenging than some might thing. Fact is, most single girls like to go out and have sex with single men – not with couples.

Of course there’s a lot of social stigma around “swingers” which generally comes to mind, but the reality today is very different. Rather than the old “wife swapping” lifestyle of decades past, some couples today choose to try new things to spice up their sex life, and this new thing may or may not include playing with other singles or couples.

This is not about “swinger groupies” – people who don’t care about much other than having sex with others in large orgies, and hanging out at swinger lifestyle conventions. It’s about a couple experimenting and trying a new thing or another to add more spice to their sex life. THAT’S IT!

What’s truly amazing is that for something with such stigma, over 20 million Americans engage in sex multiple partners, together with their spouses. And the most popular adult personals site shows a consistent number in each state, regardless of religious or political stereotypes.

Are you a bad person if you WANT to have sex with your friends?

Think back… maybe back to your college days. Have you ever had one of those late nights hanging out with some friends, another couple? You know the feeling… you’ve all had a little too much to drink, and card games are starting to become a contact sport. You look around the room and everyone’s feeling the excitement, the sexual tension.

And while you’re pretty excited to cross a boundary here, you’re terrified. Are you suddenly a bad person? Are you taking advantage of your friends? Are they taking advantage of you? Is it cheating to be even having those thoughts? Are you asking way too many questions for the amount of alcohol you’ve consumed?

Is It CHEATING to Have Sex with Someone Other Than Your Spouse, Partner, Lover?

That certainly depends on how you define cheating. It’s kind of hard for you two to be cheating on each other while you’re BOTH enjoying something together, isn’t it?

Cheating is a breaking of the sacred trust in your relationship. When you’re both enjoying a fun, new adventure, it’s not possible to “cheat” on each other.

But BEWARE. While it’s not technically cheating, there are a few things that could go very wrong if you’re not careful.

You MUST have excellent and very open communication, and a great, solid relationship, or this will tear your relationship apart. Swinging, or the broader concept of an “open relationship” is definitely not a crutch to drag out a failing relationship. It can only work for a couple whose relationship is steady and strong, and can withstand the emotional torrent that can be unleashed when you bring new people into your intimate relationship.

Are You Dabbling With The Idea Of Swinging?

By chickinheels

So, maybe it’s always been a part of your fantasy world. The thought of being in a room, sharing your partner with someone else, having a new person explore your body at the same time – no strings attached – just some good kinky fun right?

And now information about swinging is readily available to the average individual. The internet has made things a lot easier and swinging is a topic that most people are, at least, aware of.

The Topic Of Swinging

If you have a similarly twisted sense of humour you’ll understand how the topic of swinging can get the giggles going in a group of friends. Eyebrows raise, inquisitive smiles perhaps, a lot of chuckles I’m sure – but underneath it all, I’d be willing to bet most, if not all involved let the thought of going through with swinging cross their minds. Is it a fleeting thought that causes a laugh or instinctual disregard? If so, then you know swinging isn’t in your scope of possibilities.

Do you find that thought lingers with you, maybe just while fantasizing…maybe more? Where do you go from there? Well – first off, if you feel this is something you want to cross over into your real world you need to be open, safe and extremely secure with your partner. Many couples wouldn’t even consider sharing their true fantasies with one another for fear of rejection.

If your fantasies are well known to one another this step won’t be as much of a shocker.

The Real Possibility Of Swinging

The next consideration would be who you would want to swing with? Would your comfort zone be to swing with people you already know on some level? Or would you prefer to swing with people who might not otherwise be a part of the other aspects of your life. People you want to see again or people who would only meet one time? People who have experience with swinging or newbies like you? So many things to think through if you are going down this road.

If you make the decision to move forward into the world of swinging some other considerations may be to what extent do you want to participate? Do you want to have sex only with your partner but in the same room as another couple? Would you switch partners up? Would there be limitations to what you would or would not do with another? Ground rules seem to be key in a situation as sticky as this.

It seems that this would be a part of the introduction into the consideration of the swinging phenomenon. I cannot speak beyond this stage but recently a few jokes with friends created cause for consideration.. a little excitement, even if only for a fleeting moment.. and even if it verified for me, that the world of swinging was most enticing in my fantasy world. I do see, however that what is easy and free in the world of fantasy requires a whole lot more thought if you cross over into reality. As open minded as I am I believe it takes a lot of pieces of the puzzle to fit together to have swinging be a positive experience for everyone involved.

How To Host A Swinging Party Without Annoying The Neighbors

By christproerotic

Tact: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense.

(From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online)

My grandmother drilled the need to be tactful towards others as a child. My grandmother pointed out how adults can do things in front of other people without considering their own thresholds. I apply this lesson in my own adult life because it is easy to forget not everyone shares the same liberties as I do.

It’s a lesson Jim Trulock, Julie Norris and the city of Duncanville, Texas can learn in their battle over a tiny little swingers club called the Cherry Pit. No, it’s not an actual club in a building somewhere in the city but it is operated in the home of the couple.

The Battle Over The Swinger’s Club

Trulock and Norris opened their home to receive both friends and couples to party at their house. Not a problem with a party going on in the suburbs, but it becomes a problem when it is a weekly occurrence bringing traffic and annoyance to their neighborhood.

The weekly parties at the Cherry Pit prompted the city to do everything from visit the home with warnings to adding no parking signs near the house. When this didn’t work the city then enacted new laws prohibiting the running of a sex club out of a residential area. Citation after citation came from the city; when this happened Trulock sent his lawyers in to argue the constitutionality of the ordinances.

Once the police entered the facility to raid their “club” the battle escalated prompting court appearances, accusations, and a mention by Bill O’Reilly of Fox News.

In the year and a half of back and forth over who is right (whether the residence can be used as a private club or if zoning laws prohibited this activity in a residential area) I think the whole thing could be solved if both sides could meet each other half way instead of the legal monster it is now.

Isn’t it time for a little tact on both sides? How about a review of some swinging rules in this situation?

Swinger Lifestyle Rules

You know the basic rules in the Lifestyle:

No means no.
Treat ladies like ladies—before and after the party.
Practice safe sex

Here’s a fourth one: Never throw a swingers party in a place that either annoys the neighbors or draw attention to you from law enforcement.

Don’t Annoy The Neighbors

There are cases around the country similar to this one. Some are justified where others don’t seem to muster the fuss and attention city officials give it. Some of these cases range from couples having adult web cams in the privacy of their own home to couples who occasionally have a swing party in their homes.

I understand when you tell your neighbors you are having a few folks over for some fun and if things get loud don’t hesitate to let them know (out of courtesy). But when you hold these parties week after week with various vehicles and loud noises coming from your home Mr. Turlock and Ms. Norris shouldn’t be surprised by a visit by law enforcement. Hence the need for a tact in this situation.

On the law enforcements side it seems a bit trivial what adults do consensually with each other. No one is harmed at these parties and the way law enforcement (or the over zealous prosecutors) handle such disturbances seems to me more PR ploy than actual enforcement for a “disturbing the peace” situation.

Both sides handled this situation poorly and if nothing good comes out of this maybe it provides a warning to Lifestylers out there who want to have a good time but don’t want the hassle of law enforcement banging on the door.

If you want to throw a great sexy party do so, but be mindful of where you are at (i.e., location, location, location) and how you’d feel if such disturbances came from your fellow neighbors. Plus I know the economy is in the tank these days and we’re all trying to save and make money.

If you are trying to have a party and want to make some “bling” in the process it’s better to find a few hotel rooms or hold it at a building or residence far from the populace than to hold it in the middle of your own Cul De Sac.

If the subject is approached in a tactful way you can win your fellow lawmakers over and maybe invite some of them for some much needed relaxation. The cultural exchange could be eye opening.

For more on the case read the article from the Dallas Observer.

What do YOU think? Join the discussion on this really hot topic in the Ask Dan and Jennifer Love & Sex Forums – Dallas Observer – Swingtown Article (Duncanville Swingers Club)

MMF Threesome Dilemma… Why Can’t My Threesome Have One Woman and Two Men?

By paulcarlson

It’s widely known in society that a man enjoys watching two or more women have sex with each other. A huge fantasy among men is to have a threesome with their partner – two women with him right smack in the middle of them.

Less mentioned, however, is the threesome where there is one woman and two men. What causes a two man-one woman threesome to be much more taboo?

So what’s wrong with an MMF Threesome – one girl and two guys?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdMu0TPXGfs[/youtube]

The Human Condition

It’s natural for humans to be curious about sex in a variety of different forms. Whether it’s oral sex, anal sex or even sex with someone of the same gender, these are all things that pique the curiosity and interest of a human being.

Men, however, are socially raised to believe that it is not acceptable to be submissive in any way. They’re taught to be macho.

Also socially ingrained into men and all people actually, is that when two people come together, one must be submissive and the other dominant.

This is something that is seen with all mammals and it’s only natural for humans. Understanding why two men being together sexually is considered more taboo than two women being together sexually takes an understanding of the human condition.

If men are taught to never be submissive and when two people are together, one of them must be submissive, if two men are together one of them must become submissive.

Socially, this is unacceptable, yet this is something that is not projected on women. It seems perfectly natural and even erotic for two women to be together sexually and fuels a number of male fantasies.

Exploring Homosexuality

Every person has at least one fleeting thought about sex with someone of the same gender. It’s totally normal! However, because of the mindset that society has placed on people, men having even a fleeting homosexual thought is considered not normal.

Were a man to express this to someone, they would automatically assume that he is gay as opposed to assuming that he is human. Watching two women be together sexually allows a man to explore two people of the same gender being together sexually without being criticized in any way.

Perks of Same Sex Partners

Without having to worry about pregnancy in a sexual relationship, sex between two people of the same gender allows for more enjoyment and freedom.

Another factor that plays into the fact that men enjoy watching two women be together sexually is that women are traditionally more sensual. They tend to take sex and sexual pleasure slower, allowing a man to really watch and enjoy their pleasure.

A threesome with two men and one woman is perfectly normal and actually happens more than one would think. It’s normal and healthy for a person to want to explore all avenues and aspects of sexuality, whether that’s through masturbation, traditional heterosexual intercourse, oral sex, anal sex or sex with someone of your own gender.

It helps, however, to have an understanding of the societal pressures that make some sexual activities more or less taboo than another, so you can begin to understand that most sexual desires, thoughts and actions are normal and are simply part of the human condition.