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Should I Act On My Threesome Fantasy?

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If you’re interested in having a threesome with your friends, you might be a little intimidated about how to approach the situation. Even if you or your friends have hinted at it or joked about it before, it can seem a little awkward bringing up the topic seriously.

How can you approach that subject with your friends without risking anything?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m 34 years old and have recently won a 3 yr battle with cancer. I have a new lease on life and want to live it to the fullest. I have an absolute best guy friend, “Rick”, who is dating my best friend “Abbie”. I have been thinking a lot lately about having a threesome with “Rick” and “Abbie”. I’m just not sure how to broach the subject with either of them. “Rick” and I have joked about it a few times before but I always brushed it aside… Now, how should I go about approaching the subject for real? I love them both, and I don’t want anyone hurt at all.

–Amanda, Kentucky

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-MFRWraxBQ[/youtube]

Your Friends Are Your Friends

First off, if your friends are really your friends, especially if they’ve joked about it before, they’re not going to hang you just for suggesting a threesome for real. You’re all adults and you can talk about the topic as adults.

Simply bring it up, possibly over a glass of wine or after a nice meal, and discuss the situation. Let them know that you’ve been running the idea through your head and it might something you want to try.

Be honest with them. In turn, you’ll find they’ll be honest with you. They might say it was something they were only joking about and they’re not comfortable trying that with you at this point.

That’s okay! Then again, they might say it’s something they’re open to experiencing. You won’t know until you talk to them about it.

When The Mood Is Right

Okay, so you don’t want to approach the topic of having a threesome with your friends over a quick breakfast before work, or when the kids are acting up. If you wait until the mood is right, however, you’ll most likely get the more honest response.

For example, your friends might really be into the idea, but if they’re rushed or otherwise occupied, they’re probably going to brush the idea off.

Approach your friends alone when everyone is at ease and laughing with each other. You’ll get a much better response that way!

Talking About The Details

Some of the most important things to discuss when you approach the topic of having a threesome with your friends is the what, who, when and where. Don’t be afraid to discuss details. For example, would you like to first try a threesome without sexual penetration at all? Will there be condoms involved? How will the subjects of STD’s and possible pregnancy be handled?

What makes you uncomfortable about having a threesome? What turns you on about it? Hashing out the details of the threesome before you actually have one will leave less awkwardness to be had afterwards.

Without talking about the details beforehand, you risk things becoming weird during the threesome if someone does something someone else isn’t comfortable with, and you also run the risk of having things become weird afterwards as well.

Talk about the threesome before with your friends, but also talk to them afterwards as well. Remember that everyone is an adult and that the threesome and things within the threesome can be discussed as adults. Even if the threesome didn’t go as planned, or it really wasn’t your cup of tea, it’s nothing to be ashamed about or embarrassed about.

Just talk to your friends and be honest with them. Similarly, if you really enjoyed the threesome, be sure to be honest with them about that as well! Talk to your friends about the possibility of another threesome. You’ll never know if you don’t approach the topic though!

Swinger Disaster – He Couldn’t Get It Up! Is All Lost?

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Swinging can be a fun and enjoyable way to expand your sexual relationship with your partner and spice up things in the bedroom.

Inexperienced swingers, however, may find that the first few times are a little nerve wracking, especially if it involves a group of people.

If you find yourself being nervous during a swinging session, you might need to back up a little bit until you get more comfortable.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I just experienced our first swinger encounter, I am a very lucky man in having a wife that is so open to this. She was great – I, however, was a little nervous – so nervous that I had a difficult time getting an erection (this has never happened before!). I don’t know if it was the fact that I was being watched by 15 people or what… Do you have any tips to help me over come this problem of not being able to step up to bat?  Thank you.

–Adam, CO

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOidMP8THa4[/youtube]

Performance Anxiety

Some people get “performance anxiety.” This might happen when you’re alone with your partner, but it’s more likely to happen if you’re swinging with a couple or having a more voyeuristic adventure with more people.

You may find that you can’t get an erection or if you’re a woman, you may feel more shy and self conscious than before. It can be embarrassing, especially if you’re unable to get or maintain an erection, to have performance anxiety while swinging. What can you do?

Back Up A Little Bit

Stop and think about what might have made you uncomfortable while swinging. How did you feel? Were you nervous? Were you shy or self conscious? Were you wearing an outfit that was uncomfortable or you didn’t feel sexy in? Were there a number of people watching you swing?

Dig deep to find the culprit of your performance anxiety. There is a cause. Once you find it, you can begin to solve the problem so it doesn’t happen again. For example, if your swinging session involved more people than just the other couple you were swinging with, you can try swinging again with just one other person or perhaps just another couple.

If you were wearing an uncomfortable or unflattering outfit that made you feel self conscious or out of place, you can try swinging again while wearing something you feel really dynamite in. Don’t let one bout of performance anxiety turn you off from swinging forever.

Feeling Comfortable

For swinging to be successful, you need to feel comfortable. Knowing this beforehand allows you to ensure that you’re wearing something comfortable and you’re swinging with people you feel comfortable with, but too many couples find out too late that swinging requires a good deal of confidence and ease for it to turn out well.

If you’ve already had some performance anxiety or a bad swinging experience, take some time out to collect yourself and then try to get back in the groove. You can improve your body image by eating right and exercising if you’re feeling self conscious about yourself, or you can try to make swinger friends that you’re more comfortable with.

Talk with your partner about what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable so you can ensure your next swinging session will be more successful.

If you find that you have performance anxiety every time you swing, you might want to rethink the swinging aspect of your relationship. Swinging isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. If you find yourself uncomfortable and nervous every time, re-evaluate your need to swing and what is behind that.

You might be able to find something that enhances your relationship and your sex life that you’re a little more comfortable with than swinging.

Swinger Swap Gone Wrong! Can We Recover?

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You’ve made the jump into swinging. Congratulations! It takes a lot of courage to make the foray into swinging.

There’s a reason for that though. Swinging doesn’t always work the way we hope it to.

What do you do when swinging goes wrong? What happens if there’s a rift between you and your partner after swinging? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband got quite close to his client. They eventually became attracted to each other. All 4 of us became close socially. Eventually we began to talk about a swap. We went on a short holiday. Both of them were very close and comfy with each other. Her husband and I were not and the situation got very uncomfortable. Nothing happened between any of the couples. But our marriages have been affected. My husband is still close to her. And each day my emotions drive me crazy. We still go out as friends. But one day I’m ok with it, and another day I’m hurt that he puts her before me. I feel that her husband also goes thru what I’m going thru. It’s destroying me. What should I do?

— Samantha, Uganda

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fbl73MXEAZ0[/youtube]

Swinging Gone Wrong

Most of the time, when swinging goes wrong it’s a jealousy issue. This can happen before you actually have sex, during or after. Even if your partner is just spending time with another person while you’re spending time with someone else as well, it can lead to jealousy and hurt feelings. This can be especially difficult to deal with if your foray into swinging isn’t as successful as your partner’s. You may feel left out or forgotten about.

If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, relax. They’re all normal feelings. Swinging isn’t for everyone and it may have taken a step in that direction for you to realize that swinging isn’t for you. Don’t dismiss your feelings because you think you “shouldn’t” have them, or that you “brought them on yourself” because you agreed to the swinging in the first place.

You reserve the right to change your mind about swinging at any point in time, any place, anywhere. If swinging starts making you feel uncomfortable, even if it didn’t at first, it’s perfectly fine to change your mind and stop the swinging.

Going In Reverse

If you’ve had a not so good experience with swinging, you have every right to put a stop to it. That may prevent any hurt feelings in the future, but what about the hurt you’re harboring now? Is your relationship doomed to failure now that you’ve introduced swinging into your lives?

Not necessarily

Your relationship is only going to be doomed if you let it. If you’re feeling hurt and upset about the swinging, it’s important that you talk to your partner about it. Let them know how you’re feeling without blaming your partner and without being critical. Talk about what happened and when you’re done talking, talk some more! Be open and honest in your communication.

The number one reason that swinging ends up destroying relationships is because one or both partners don’t communicate with each other. They’re not on the same page and they stay that way, because no one speaks up. Discuss with your partner what hurt you and find out what went wrong. Is there a way that it could be prevented in the future, should you decide to swing again?

By being on the same page as your partner and talking to each other about what went wrong with the swinging, you can begin to heal those hurt feelings. You can put the feelings of jealousy aside as your partner reassures you and together you can work to put aside what happened and begin to strengthen your relationship.

With open and honest communication, you can keep a bad swinging experience from ruining your relationship with your partner. If you decide never to swing again, that’s your prerogative. It’s important to understand that swinging isn’t for everyone and as long as you and your partner are open with each other, you can both come out having learned a lot!

Do You Have What it Takes to Be Swingers?

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If you’re looking to spice up your sex life, you might be looking into swinging. Swinging with a third person or even another couple can bring a new aspect of fun and excitement into your sex life that you never thought possible.

Some couples aren’t ready for swinging. You have to be comfortable, confident and above all, open and honest with each other. Do you have what it takes to be swingers?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a huge dilemma. My wife and I are very sexual, and have discussed at length our interest in the swinging lifestyle. We are both dying to explore the beginning stages, but have a problem. Besides being totally inexperienced, we are not physically fit and although we are very fun and engaging and have a lot of social adventures, we feel too uncomfortable to approach others. We want to watch real people have sex in front of us, but not participate.

Is there an outlet for this with real people? I know it’s hypocritical, but we would like to see attractive people, and people we connect with emotionally, but we don’t feel we have what it takes to get others to want to share themselves with us. What should we do?

— Jay, NC

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cBvglPB9lE[/youtube]

Being Comfortable With Yourself

Swingers come in all shapes, sizes and colors. The swingers you see in pornography and on television shows aren’t the only swingers out there in real life. Swingers can be anyone, your frumpy next door neighbors or even your bald boss. You’re going to find a great mix of people from all walks of life when you start exploring swinging.

You may feel that you’re not attractive enough to swing, or that no other couple is going to be interested in what you have to offer. That’s not true! It takes time and effort to find another person or couple that you’re compatible with, but that doesn’t mean you never will.

The first step to swinging is getting comfortable with yourself. Now that you understand that swingers don’t all look like television actors and actresses, you can begin to become confident enough with yourself that you aren’t worried about what you look like or what other people look like.

You can always change your physical appearance. You can lose weight, tone up, even dye your hair. Why do that, though? If you’re not confident with you, the swinging life is going to fizzle fast. Learn to accept yourself for who you are and what you look like, and realize that you’re attractive to your partner and you’re going to be attractive to others as well.

Getting Your Feet Wet

You don’t have to start swinging immediately when you start working yourself into that lifestyle. If you find a couple you’re attracted to and vice versa and you want to jump in, go ahead. Many people, however, just want to get their feet wet at first. You can do this a number of ways.

Believe it or not, there are a great number of “swingers clubs” all over the country. Some are simply clubs that allow swingers to meet, while others are set up to allow for sex on the premises.

Either way, they’re a great way to get involved in swinging. Whether you’re watching someone have sex or someone’s watching you have sex, you can find out how you feel about swinging without actually going through with it! Plus, you can meet some great couples and friends.

You can also find websites that are similar to dating websites, but they’re designed for swingers. You can post a profile and photos as well as browse other profiles and photos. It’s a great way to meet swingers, get yourself introduced and get to know them.

Just don’t forget to take it offline when you’re ready. You can’t have a swinging relationship exclusively on the computer! With a great, confident attitude, an open and honest relationship with your partner, and an unbiased look on meeting swingers and getting to know them, you have exactly what it takes to be a swinger!

Threesomes As An Alternative Approach to Marriage Therapy?

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Many times, after about six or seven years of a relationship or marriage, the sex life tends to dwindle.

As time goes on, the sex life continues to dwindle and sex with your partner becomes routine.

Your interest in sex with your partner may lessen, but this doesn’t mean that you love your partner less or your relationship is doomed. It just means your relationship has progressed naturally!

Can having a threesome bring the spice back into your partnership?

You had mentioned the other day that some therapists actually recommend bringing

a third person into the bedroom to spice up your sex life. Please explain…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTCYsiVj6U0[/youtube]

Threesomes aren’t for everyone.

It’s true. Bringing another person or another couple into your sex lives can be fun and enjoyable and ramp up your sex lives. It’s also true that having a threesome or swinging isn’t for every couple. Only you and your partner can decide whether incorporating other people into your sex lives is the right choice for you. How do you know?

  • You and your partner are happy with each other in every other aspect of your relationship
  • You and your partner aren’t the jealous type
  • You are secure in your relationship with this person and have no self esteem issues
  • You and your partner have talked the situation over . . . and over, and over and over.

After talking to your partner about having a threesome or swinging, if you feel it’s the right decision, go for it! Work out who you think the third person or couple should be and talk to them. Go over what you feel is right and what you’re comfortable with and what actions are considered out of bounds.  Then have fun!

Playing it safe.

When you’re in a monogamous relationship, you generally don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases. If you’ve been in a relationship for quite awhile, it can be difficult to remember safety when making the switch to incorporating sex with another person or couple.

If you are going to have sexual relations with another person, it’s important to take safety precautions so you can keep both you and your partner free of sexually transmitted diseases. Getting tested is the only sure way to make sure neither party has any STD’s but if that’s not an option; you can use other methods as well.

Use condoms when having oral sex or intercourse and use dental dams when performing oral sex on a woman.  To be extra safe, you can even use latex gloves or finger cots if you plan to be using your hands at all.

Having a threesome or incorporating another couple into your sex life isn’t something everyone should do. It’s a decision that must be made carefully by all parties that will be involved. The most important thing you can do other than being safe is to talk to your partner and talk to everyone that is going to be involved.

Make sure everyone is comfortable with the situation and make sure the boundaries are clear and known by everyone. If you’re not comfortable having a threesome or swinging, it doesn’t mean your sex life is doomed forever. You can incorporate lots of other new things, such as sex toys or role-playing. Find out what turns you and your partner on and have at it, as long as no one is getting hurt (too much!)