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How Do I Get Past My First Time Swinger Fears?

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Many couples, especially those who have been together for a long time, are interested in swinging.  If you and your partner find yourselves interested in swinging, take heart.

It’s totally normal and healthy to want to experience your sexuality outside of your current relationship.

It’s also normal to be scared. There are a lot of ways that swinging can go wrong, especially if it’s something you’ve never done before.  How can you get over your fears?  Is swinging right for you?

Make sure swinging is right for you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband wants to start swinging, I would like too also but I was a virgin when we met at 15yrs old… and now 37yrs old to be with another man seems so weird and scary. How do I get past my nerves and fears?

– Sandy, Las Vegas

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwkYHMdQn7w[/youtube]

Making sure swinging is right for you

Swinging isn’t right for every couple. If the idea of swinging makes you and your partner feel extraordinarily uncomfortable, it’s certainly not something you have to force yourself to do.  If you and your partner are, however, interested in swinging, there are a few things you need to look at first before taking the plunge.

Are you both interested in swinging or is one partner pushing the other to do it?  If both partners aren’t equally interested in swinging, it could make for a disaster later on down the road when you’ve met up with another couple.  Talk to each other and make sure you’re both on the same page.

Is your relationship based on a solid foundation?  If it is, you have more of a chance of successfully swinging.  If your relationship has trust issues or self esteem issues embedded deep  within, you might end up making things worse for yourselves.  If you have issues, work them out before you start swinging.

Take it slowly.

If you and your partner have decided to swing, but never have before, it’s important to take things slowly — very slowly!  Jumping in to a full on swinging session when you’re not even familiar with the situation can make one or both partners feel very uncomfortable.

Start slow so you and your partner can really get a feel for what swinging is like, without having to jump in right away.  Visit swinging clubs in your area just to watch, or get on a swinging website to ask questions and get to know real couples who like to swing.

If you’re uncomfortable at all, say so!

You can use a code word with your partner or you can simply whisper in their ear, but if you’re uncomfortable it’s important that you speak up right then!  There’s no sense in letting something that makes you uncomfortable go on and on and then getting mad about it later. That will most certainly ruin swinging for both you and your partner.

If you know beforehand what types of activities will make you uncomfortable, make it known before you take the plunge into swinging. That way things that make you uncomfortable can be avoided.

All in all, swinging can be a lot of fun if it’s done with the right couple, if your relationship is strong and if you feel confident enough to voice your concerns if something doesn’t feel right to you.  You can set yourself up for swinging success and get over your fears by taking it slow and not doing anything that would put you in a compromising position.

Just relax and have fun, and you’ll be surprised where swinging with your partner can take you!

How Do We know If An Open Marriage Is Right For Us?

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBlZG4P7F24[/youtube]Open marriages – are they always a bad idea?  Are they ever a good idea?  Every individual and every couple is different.  What an open marriage means to one couple may mean something entirely different to another.

Many things come into play when you start thinking about sharing your partner with someone else – and there’s lots of room for hurt feelings, jealousy and even feelings for the outside partner.

How can you sort out whether or not having an open marriage is a good idea for you and your partner?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m married, have a child and pregnant with second. My husband introduce the idea of “Open Marriage”. I do not see signs of him cheating so this is not an excuse for him to seek affairs. I started to have straying thoughts lately, because of my unsatisfied sex life and a cute male co-worker. He is not the player type but he fell for me and he struggles like me.

If no one is happy in this situation, would the open marriage thing really be the cure? Is it worth it adjusting my personal views on open marriage? What do I do if I fall in love with the new guy but he is not as good as my husband in terms of being a dad? What do I say to my kids one day? I feel so bad, and I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

— Jane, California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBlZG4P7F24[/youtube]

How to know if an open marriage is right for you

First of all, it’s pretty much a known fact (or at least an unspoken one) that open marriages are exclusively for relationships that are strong.  Real strong.  Does that mean that people always abide by that?  Of course not!

Many people feel that an open relationship could possibly “fix” problems in a marriage or if they are bored or drifting apart that seeing other people (in addition to their relationship) is the answer.  This is far from the truth – in the majority of relationships that are on the rocks, deciding to have an open marriage ends up making things much, much worse.

You should only consider having an open marriage if you and your partner are extremely happy with each other, and your relationship is strong.  “Swinging” or an open marriage can definitely spice things up.

Part of finding out if your marriage is strong enough to handle an open relationship is asking yourself some difficult questions.  Why are you thinking about an open marriage?  Is your partner the one suggesting it?  Why do you think they are bringing it up?  If the answers to those questions are “sex” then you’re probably on the right track.

Open marriages and swinging are really all about experiencing a new level of sexual awareness that you and your partner have never had before.  It can be fun and exciting when the motives are purely sexual and there are no emotions involved.

When an open marriage is a bad idea

If your answers to those questions gravitate more towards the fact that you and your partner are looking to fill an emotional void that your current partner isn’t filling, you’re headed into dangerous waters.  That’s when you need to sit down and really think about your current relationship – are you and your partner really happy together?

If not, it’s something you need to work out before you and your partner start seeing other people in an open marriage.

Generally, if you and your partner are seeking an open relationship for healthy, sexual reasons and not because you’re unhappy with the other, you’re fine to try an open marriage.

If you find that you and your partner are unhappy with each other or unhappy with your marriage, an open relationship will really rock the boat and you’re much better off working to make your current marriage healthy or going your separate ways.

If having an open marriage is really what you and your partner want, then go for it.  Just make sure that you and your partner are completely open and honest with each other.  Talk to each other about your experiences and feelings about each other and about the situation.  Play it safe and play it smart sexually and you and your partner may end up growing closer together.

Hey, Are You Guys Swingers?

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We have heard so many stories about couples that were confronted or “outed” by friends, family or co-workers about their “lifestyle” and they simply didn’t know what to say. Caught off guard, they stumbled, mumbled and bumbled through their explanation, leaving little or no doubt that they were indeed “Swingers”.

“If my (mother, boss, kids, etc…) knew what we do… they’d disown us! It would be a disaster!”

We have heard it 1,000 times. Interestingly, in most instances the opposite is the case. A countless number of couples have told us that when their family and friends did find out, things actually got better, not worse.

Coming Clean

In our case, Tess thought her conservative family would freak out if they discovered our personal lives (and our lifestyle related business!). Then, one New Year’s Day, we awoke to a phone call from her mom. Still groggy, Tess stepped over several of our naked friends, still sleeping from the house party the night before, and answered the phone.

After a quick “Happy New Year!”, her mom got right to the point – “Do you throw sex parties?” Stunned, Tess sunk into a chair and started to explain our “lifestyle” convention business and the rest of our “lifestyle” in more depth. Her mom didn’t say much and only asked a few questions, allowing Tess to fully explain, that morning, the secret part of our lives we had been living over the past 13 years.

…her mom got right to the point –
“Do you throw sex parties?”

When she thought she was finished, she braced for the onslaught she always knew would come her way, if or when her family found out. After a brief (but excruciating) moment of silence, her mom finally said, “Now everything makes sense.”

Apparently her mom had held a grudge for years, because she’d hear we were going to Jamaica, Mexico, Las Vegas, Miami, Chicago, Toronto, etc… She couldn’t figure out why we didn’t have more time to visit her while having plenty of time to vacation all around the world. Once she found out that these trips were actually business trips, she was more understanding. As a result, Tess and her mom grew closer.

I attribute a lot of that to simple communication. Once that weight was lifted from Tess’ shoulders, she and her mom talked a lot more often, and openly. We ended up visiting her more frequently. Her mom still doesn’t really understand why we would be interested in a “lifestyle” like ours, but I can tell you that she respects us both more now than before our secret came out.

More People Should Be Open

I wish more people could be open about their lifestyle choices and be accepted for who they are. I think many people are more accepting than we give them credit for. I think that many of our friends would accept us if they knew more about our lifestyle and I think some might even join us at a party or look into it themselves.

I’m not naive enough to think that every swinger would experience the same reaction from their family, friends or co-workers. I know some couples who have had their families petition courts for child custody, who have lost their jobs or, in extreme cases, have had criminal charges filed against them. It isn’t always rosy out there in the real world.

So what do you do when you think that someone would create a problem for you if they found out? You have to be prepared with your answers before you are confronted. What if you go to a swing club one weekend with your partner and then on Monday someone asks you both, “So what did you two do this weekend?” One of you blurts our “We went skiing” while the other one simultaneously says “We stayed home all weekend”… Busted!

The Swinger’s Alibi

You have to get your stories together before getting into that compromising situation. If you spent a week at Hedonism III Resort in Jamaica, you could jump out of the bus at Breezes for a few minutes to snap some pictures that you can show to your friends and family when you get home. You could buy a couple of postcards or T-shirts in the gift shop. Make sure you get a brochure so you can at least familiarize yourself with the photos of the property.

Better yet, tell them you bought the Superclubs “Superselect” package. It allows you to book at a super low rate and then Superclubs will randomly send you to one of their resorts once you land in Jamaica. You can then explain how shocked you were when they told you you had been chosen to go to Hedonism III instead of Grand Lido or Breezes.

This is a good way to admit to being at Hedo without it being your choice. It is also a good way to explain that Hedonism really wasn’t that crazy and that you were able to enjoy yourself on the “prude” side all week. You could even say how surprised you were by how nice and normal all the other guests at Hedo were… If they only knew!!!

Keeping Your Private Life Private

The main point is to have a clear and detailed story to fall back on. You are just trying to keep your private life private. But if a friend or family member thinks you’re not telling the truth, they are going to wonder what you are hiding. A boss might put up red flags that could hurt your performance reviews or advancement opportunities. The more organized you are as a team, the less questions you’ll have to field.

The “Shaggy” Defense

What happens if you are caught red handed? Just take a lesson from Shaggy (the hip-hop artist, not Scooby-Doo’s pal).

We knew a couple that had checked in a few days early for one of our lifestyle conventions. They were eager to see New Orleans and wanted to spend a few days sightseeing before the party got started. Unfortunately for them, a co-worker saw them driving up to the hotel check in.

They ran into the co-worker the following week. Here is how the conversation went:

Co-worker: “Hey, we saw you driving up to the Holiday Inn in New Orleans last week. Did you know they were having a swingers convention there?”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

Co-worker: “Yes, I saw you guys, you were in your new white SUV.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me”

Co-worker: “But I saw your dog, Angel, sitting on your lap. It had to be you.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

You get the picture. Eventually, the co-worker actually believed he must have been seeing things. He was positive it was them, but it couldn’t have been if they were so adamant that they weren’t there. Sometimes those eyes do play tricks on us.

Those are three basic ways to handle unexpected questions. You can just admit to being a swinger and deal with the repercussions, you can come up with an alibi and keep your life private or you can simply deny, deny, deny.

Always be prepared for the unexpected moment when you have to decide on which avenue you are going to take. Stumbling, mumbling and bumbling through your answer will only make it obvious to everyone that you are indeed swingers.

Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” Strategy in Action
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g5Hz17C4is[/youtube]

Brought to you by Kasidie Swinger Lifestyle Magazine. To find swinger sex partners in your area, check out our favorite adult personals website.

Cuckold Coach: How To Get Your Woman To Willingly Cuckold You Review

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Cuckold Coach will teach you how to get your girl interested in the age old fantasy of cuckolding, without manipulating or forcing her into anything!

If you don’t already know what “cuckolding” is, you might be a bit confused by the first few chapters of Cuckold Coach, until it’s explained to you in detail. While talking about “getting a woman to cuckold a man” might sound like some freakish sexual bondage scenario, that’s not it at all (although you could certainly go there with cuckolding if you like). Cuckolding is simply where a male/female couple introduces another man into the sexual relationship. This man will have sex with the woman, while her partner (often her husband or committed partner) watches for pleasure. While this may sound simple, there’s actually a lot more to it – there are different types of cuckold relationships and plenty of history surrounding the practice. Cuckolding isn’t a new fad, it’s been around for a long time!

The Good

Even though the book is a little short, Cuckold Coach doesn’t seem to miss much. The author really gets straight to the point here. The writing is clear, concise and easy to understand. Even men who have difficulty absorbing and learning information in a book will find this easy to read. Cuckold coach covers just about everything to do with the cuckold lifestyle, including the history of cuckolding, why men and women enjoy it and how common it really is. The author shares his own story about getting his lover to cuckold him, giving the reader a sense of camaraderie and common ground.

The Bad

Cuckold Coach is somewhat short when compared to other guides of similar nature, however, the author addresses this issue up front and provides an explanation. The author desires to provide a complete, concise guide on cuckolding, without a lot of extra fluff. This is certainly achieved, but men going in expecting a large amount of material on the subject may be a little disappointed with the short length of the book. That’s not to say that there’s a lack of information here, however. The author covers everything you need to know about cuckolding here in a right-to-the-point fashion. The only thing you might be missing out on are the extra pages of fluff.

Also, if you’re looking for a guide that will teach you how to get your partner to cuckold you immediately (like tonight, for example) you’re probably not going to achieve that unless she’s very, very drunk. And that may constitute date rape, so just steer clear of that. A reasonable time frame for the Cuckold Coach techniques to begin to work on your partner is 8-12 weeks, so keep that in mind as you’re going through the guide. If you’re expecting split second results, you’re not going to be very happy. Keep in mind that things like these take time to develop, but the result is well worth the wait.

The Bottom Line

While a cuckold fantasy is common among men, there is scant literature out there for men who want to turn this fantasy into a reality but don’t know how. This is where Cuckold Coach comes in. While the guide lacks a few things and may seem to drag a little at the beginning, there is quite a bit of valuable information contained within. You’ll have to maneuver around a little to get to it, but Cuckold Coach will teach you the techniques you need to convince your partner to willingly cuckold you. If you’re looking for a simple guide that will give you the knowledge to become confident about your cuckold fantasy and the right techniques to present this lifestyle to your lover, then Cuckold Coach is an excellent choice for you.

The Full Cuckold Coach Review

In Cuckold Coach, you’ll learn lots of things you never knew, even if you think you know everything there is to know about cuckolding. In fact, the author warns against skipping the introduction sections and going straight to the techniques, because you’ll be missing a lot of important information. While some men may feel as though they are “beyond” that or don’t need to be re-introduced to the introductory material, you’re only selling yourself short if you skip through the book to the good stuff. Cuckold Coach is short for a reason – to keep it clean, concise and easy to read in its entirety.

What You’ll Learn In Cuckold Coach:

  • The history of cuckolding
  • Why both men and women enjoy cuckolding
  • Why cuckolding is actually a natural instinct (animals do it too!)
  • Different types of cuckolds
  • What modern cuckolding entails and how it is different from other types of cuckolding (most guys fall into this category)
  • Misconceptions about the lifestyle
  • Why the Cuckold Coach techniques will work (you can’t just walk up to your woman and thrust her into a cuckold situation without it backfiring on you completely and destroying your relationship)
  • Personality types of both men and women and how they relate to the lifestyle
  • What to do outside of the bedroom to make her more confident in you (this helps tremendously! You can’t skip this part!)

One of the things that seem to be underdone here is the section on safe sex. Only two short paragraphs suggest to “practice safe sex,” without really suggesting how. So much emphasis is put on educating teens on safe sex (down to the nitty gritty), but it is often glossed over for adults because it is assumed that they know how to have safe sex. This isn’t true – many older men and even women have either already discounted the need for protection because they’ve been out of the “danger zone” for so long (being monogamous with one partner and all) or because they just don’t want to admit they don’t know how. Older couples don’t like the way condoms feel since they’ve had sex for so long without them. Little do they know the options that are now available to them that weren’t available in the past.

The point is, just because the men reading Cuckold Coach are adults, doesn’t mean they don’t require just as much safe sex education as a teenager. The book could have used a longer section on how to stay safe in a cuckold relationship, and different ways to do that during sex and oral sex. Take the initiative to do your own research in the safe sex department before you decide to engage in a cuckold relationship. Educate yourself so you and your partner can have fun without worry. There are so many options available to you!

All in all, Cuckold Coach is an excellent guide for men who want to learn what to say and how to act to get their wives or girlfriends to willingly cuckold them. With the right knowledge and confidence on your part, the right techniques and the right introduction to your partner, and choosing the right “bull” to enter your relationship, you can have a lot of fun!

Virgin Male Swinger – Are My First Time Fears Normal?

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What guy hasn’t fantasized about a threesome?

Even married guys have the occasional “swinging” wet dream now and then.

However, facing the realities of actually sharing the love of your life with another man or woman for the first time gives rise to questions and insecurities that were never there before. How do you deal with them in a way that satisfies both partners?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve fallen deeply in love with the woman of my dreams who happens to be bisexual but also an experienced swinger. I myself have fantasized about such things but have little experience. I am confused by my emotions of seeing my lady with another man. Although I am not bi I’m willing to experiment with another male for her, and its a funny thing that this causes less stress then seeing her with another man. I have no fear of sharing another woman with her, so why should sharing another man with her cause such worry? But it’s in the past why should it matter now? Is this a common fear for virgin male swingers like myself?

–Ric, London

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsdjBGmkbe4[/youtube]

Common First Time Swinger Concerns

If you find yourself in this situation for the first time, take a deep breath and relax. Really examine your feelings about swinging in general as well as your feelings about swinging with your current partner. Are you experiencing feelings of jealousy or insecurity?

These feelings are extremely normal when it comes to swinging for the first time, but it’s important to carefully consider each emotion and where it is coming from. If you’re insecure about your body, what can be done to make you feel better about yourself?

Do you have deeper seated jealousy issues that reflect feelings of ownership and control over your partner? You might not like the answers to these questions, but now is the time to be brutally honest with yourself.

Talk About It With Your Partner

It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s important to chat a bit about what each of you are feeling before you take the swinging plunge. Are you concerned that your partner has done it before in the past? Are you unsure of how you’ll feel after the fact?

Take time to listen to what each of you has to say. Now is not the time to hold back feelings, emotions, ideas or opinions. If you don’t voice what you are thinking now, it most certainly will come back to haunt you after the fact. Perhaps you can come to an agreement about the how, when and where the swinging will take place – and most important of all, with whom.

Many experienced swingers caution against swinging with close friends, as feelings of jealousy, rage and insecurity can rip apart a friendship faster than a kid opening presents at Christmas.

Try It

The only way to be sure of how swinging will affect your relationship is to actually do it. That doesn’t mean you have to, but keep in mind that you will never know until you know.

After talking about the situation with your partner, you may have come to an agreement with them about swinging.If you feel that your relationship is strong enough to survive the possible outcomes of swinging, absolutely go for it. It might be more fun than you thought.

Just make sure that if you and your partner have set guidelines for each other, make sure to follow them to a T, even when you’re in the heat of the moment.

More importantly, discuss how you felt during the swinging with your partner afterwards. Were you uncomfortable? Were you unable to concentrate on pleasure because you were so overwhelmed with emotions?

If that’s the case, consider putting swinging on the shelf. If you were both comfortable with the situation and swinging was pleasurable for each partner, it may be something that you do on occasion. Just remember – what works for other couples might not work for you and vice versa. Stick with what is successful for your relationship because ultimately, it’s yours.