Imagine meeting another couple, neighbors, co-workers, other parents… You become good friends or your kids become good friends, and you find yourself spending lots of time together.
And then one evening, maybe after a few drinks by the pool, you start to notice that they’re really hot, you start feeling some sexual tension all around, and you start having these ‘thoughts’…
You might actually like to have sex with them!
Those thoughts are typically followed by thoughts like “Am I a bad person?“, “Do they feel the same way?”, “What will my partner think?”.
Soon your head is spinning… What do you do? Do you act on these feelings or just keep them as your secret fantasies?
Here’s a question from Randy who seems to have some really hot neighbors!
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
A few years ago, we had a younger couple move next door to us. The sexual tone between us and the other couple is ever increasing.
I’m interested in having sex with them but I am not sure about my wife. I haven’t shared my feelings with her yet. I’m very open regarding my sexual life. Should I be looking for clues regarding to the possibility of swinging with them?
This would be a first for us but I think it would be a lot of fun as long as guideline and rules are followed such as the one posted in your site.
— Randy, Washington
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiERpb98eK4[/youtube]
First Time Swingers
If you’re thinking about swinging with your partner for the first time, we have one rule above all others…
TALK To Your Partner. It’s not going to happen without them.
If you’re a man, there’s one more thing you need to understand. In the swinging community, the women control the show. If she’s not interested, again – it’s not going to happen.
There are a lot of different ways that you can approach her to find out if she’s at least curious about swinging. Talk to her, hint around a bit, make her feel safe talking seductively about other women and men, etc.
You’ll need to know if she’s at least curious about other women and or men. And, you’ll need to ask yourself this question – “How do you feel about her being with another man or couple?”.
All of these questions need to be addressed upfront to reduce the likelihood of hurt feelings later.
How Do We Know If They Want To Play With Us?
As to whether or not the other couple is interested, ask yourself if you’re feeling sexual tension between the four of you.
Listen to your gut, your intuition. If you do, you’ll always know when somebody is lying to you, you’ll always know when someone likes you, and you’ll always know if someone, or everyone, in the room wants to get it on or not.
If you just listen to yourself and trust your instincts – you’ll know.
If you’re feeling it, everyone else is too. There’s a big difference in you being attracted to someone and lots of mutual sexual tension in the air. That kind of energy is too hot to miss. You’ll know the difference if you just listen and pay attention.
Your First Time
If you’re going to have sex with someone other than your spouse, whether you call it swinging, wife swapping, or a threesome… Your first time should probably NOT be with your neighbors, your co-workers, or with your casual couple friends – unless you’re all very clear about it and are very comfortable about it.
If it goes weird, and the first time is much more likely to go weird, you run the risk of losing a friendship. So be very cautious about swinging with someone that you know and that your going to hang out with everyday.
Similar to an office romance… It’s not normally a good idea.
There are plenty of people who enjoy swinging on a regular basis. We recommend that your first time be with a more experienced couple that you can learn from and get an understanding of the lifestyle and how it typically works.
There are lots of great dating websites and swinger clubs where you can just go to look, flirt, and get comfortable before diving in head first.
And again… Talk to each other openly and honestly about your feelings as they come up – before, during, and after!