Erotic massage is not just a great way to transition into sexy time with your lover, because it helps to calm and relax her, to get her in the mood. Those same calming effects, applied to your body, can help you to take your time during lovemaking, and focus your intentions on pleasing your wife instead of hurrying to please yourself.
Before you dive right in to a sensual massage, take some time with your wife to decide what you want out of the experience. Do you have time for this to turn into sex? Do you want to make sure you both have a good massage before you take that next step?
Or is this just a brief interlude during a busy day, with the knowledge that you will come back together, more relaxed and in the mood, later on, when the rest of the day is complete? Perhaps this is just a chance for the two of you to connect on an intimate level when her libido is waning or you are saving your energy for a special weekend sex marathon!
The Extra Mile
No matter what the purpose, it’s nice to be clear with each other about what you expect. It will help you get a good idea of what to wear, how to set up the room, and what accessories or sex toys to bring along. Also, she is much more likely to enjoy the massage if she knows whether or not it is going to turn into steamy sex, so be sure to take the time to plan before you start working her muscles.
In Position
Start out with your wife lying face down on her stomach, with her head turned to one side. Have her lay her arms down by her side. She may want a small pillow or none at all, to be comfortable in this position, so let her find the spot that works for her. When she is ready, you have your choice of top positions.
Depending on the height and location of your bed, (or perhaps you’re very serious about massage and have acquired your own table!) you can decide what the best position is to enable you to reach the areas of her body that need the most attention. Move around a bit to be able to give her a full-body rub down.
Try kneeling and straddling her thighs, pressed up against her bum so you can reach her shoulders, back, hips and butt. You can also have her spread her legs while you kneel between them, or try kneeling at her side instead. If your bed is high enough, or she is on a table, you can stand next to her.
Just Breathe
The breath is incredibly important during this intimate experience, allowing you to connect with each other and helping you to stay focused on your partner. If you have a hard time focusing on her breath long enough to continue breathing with her the entire time that you are massaging, at least take a few moments before you begin and each time you switch positions to match her rate of respiration.
An alternate breath from Tantric methods that is supposed to aid in the exchange of energy between two partners is to breath alternately – in as she exhales, then out as she inhales. Start slow and deep, and if the rate builds to a crescendo, let it happen naturally. Bring it back down to a slow, deep, calming breath before you head back to the real world.
Rub Just Right
You’re right if you have already realized that a deep muscle massage or a stimulating surface rub are both very different from the kind of clitoris and vagina touching you’re probably used to.
If you are both naked enough to use massage oil or lube, it will help keep your hands slick and smooth for an easy glide on her skin. Be sure to use the whole palm and fingers of both hands for best results. First, put a bit of oil in your hands and rub them together to warm it. Using a flat hand spread out the oil in large, circular motions on her back, being careful not to press directly on the spine anywhere.
When she is well-covered in a natural massage oil, try locating and loosening her sore muscles with a gently squeeze. Use the heel of your thumb to gently press the muscles of her shoulders, back, butt and legs toward the cupped fingers of your hand. Again, avoid pressing directly on the spine.
Follow her lead and listen to her sounds for clues about which spots need more work.
When you have given her a thorough massage, ask her to do you too, lying face down as well. If you want to continue this massage into some sexy time, next have her lie face up, and take some time to massage and caress her face, neck and shoulders, breasts, hips, legs and feet before heading in for a vulva massage and finger play and hopefully an orgasm or two. After she has climaxed, suggest you switch again. Position yourself face up on the table, and let her decide how she wants to return the favor!