An orgasm isn’t always easy for a man to give, and he can quickly get discouraged if he can’t find a “formula” to get you over the top in what he views as a reasonable period of time. But should you just forget about ever reaching orgasm during sex at all? And is it really only up to him to learn how to give you pleasure?
A Woman’s Orgasm
It’s not easy to make a woman orgasm, and unfortunately, many guys give up before they’ve ever learned how to make their partner climax. A woman requires a clear mind, a relaxed body, emotional immersion and the right physical stimulation to get over the top. Finding the right combination of these things (which could differ on any given day depending on the woman’s mood) can be daunting at best. Don’t put all the blame on your guy though – having an orgasm starts with YOU.
How can you expect your guy to learn what pleases you if you don’t even know? How can he learn how to bring you to an orgasm if you can’t even do it yourself? You know what gets you relaxed. When you touch down there, you know immediately if it feels good or if it doesn’t. Face it – he can’t tell what you like or don’t like unless YOU show him or tell him! It’s not like as soon as he touches you or licks you he knows whether that stroke worked or not.
Don’t turn your nose up at “clicking your own mouse” – there’s nothing wrong with female masturbation and it’s one of the only paths to supreme sexual bliss for a woman (that is, unless you’re with a total Casanova but even then, all women are different and he may not know how to please YOU). After masturbating a few times, you’re going to learn that you like it this way but not that way. You’ll figure out that you can reach orgasm faster if you do it like this, not like that. You’ll come away with a better understanding of your body and your sexuality, plus lots of new ways to play.
So grab a vibrator, use your fingers or whatever else you want and indulge in a explorative solo session. Do what feels good. Remember what it is. Do it again. Repeat.
Teach Your Man
When you find out what works, let your guy know. Don’t expect him to find out all on his own, that’s just cruel. He can’t – you don’t have a magic indicator that lets him know when he’s getting warmer or if he’s doing things the right way. If you prefer circles on your clitoris as opposed to an up and down motion, by all means tell the guy! He’ll appreciate it so much more than if you let him stumble around in the dark and get upset when he doesn’t do the right thing.
A lot of girls are too quiet during sex. They fail to let their man know what feels good during sex, so he never really knows. Many girls don’t make a peep, or much noise at all whether it feels incredible or whether it hurts like hell. So a guy will try and try and try, but will soon give up because he doesn’t feel like he’s getting anywhere. If this describes you, take a long look in the mirror if you want someone to blame for not getting off during sex. You cannot expect your guy to get it right if you don’t give him any feedback. Period.
How To Let Him Know What You Like
Dirty talk is an excellent way to not only let your lover know what really gets you going, but also to spice things up and add variety to your sex life. Dirty talk in and of itself can get you more turned on and closer to orgasm than ever before, not to mention its added use for communication of likes and dislikes.
Next time he makes a move that feels better than the rest, say “Oh yeah, just like that.” If he’s in the wrong place and suddenly moves to the right one, shout “Yes! Right there!” Don’t be afraid to get into it, he’ll think it’s hot. You can even use dirty talk to get really naughty if you want to. Tell him, “I want you to ____ my ____ right now until I ____ all over you!” Ad lib as necessary. After the initial shock and disbelief that these things are coming out of your mouth, you’ll love voicing what you want until you’re coming.
If you’re too shy to tell him outright what you want either during a normal dinner conversation (yes, it’s perfectly appropriate to say “Hey honey, I’d like to try ___ tonight” over braised chicken) or during sex, then you might think you’re out of luck and will never be able to communicate your desires to your lover. Wrong! You can, without using any words at all!
Just make more noise when he does the right thing. Body language is also a big indicator that he’s on the right track too. Gasp, moan, shout his name, buck your hips – do anything to let him know that you really LOVE what he’s doing. If he never gets this feedback from you, he’ll assume that every single thing he does is wrong – and then give up.
He may change his moves around and try to do something different, but he’ll figure out what you enjoy the most pretty quickly when you stop moaning when he does the wrong thing. That’s right – if he starts getting off course, you’re not going to be as vocal. He will automatically take that as a cue that he needs to go back to what he was doing before, when you were moaning, screaming and bucking wildly.
The icing on the cake? He’ll actually do what you want – meaning, you might actually get off.