Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for anal sex

Anal Sex: Which Lubricant Is Best For Sensitive Skin?

By

There are a variety of sexual lubricants out on the market and they range from water based to silicone with many different scents, flavors and textures in between. Choosing the perfect lube for anal sex can be tough, especially if you or your partner have sensitive skin. Some lubes, especially those with spermicide, can cause itching and burning. Here’s how to select one that won’t sting – for vaginal intercourse or anal sex!

Hey Jenn and Dan! I’ve got a question concerning lubricants. My girlfriend and I of 2 years have tried using many different kinds of lubricants for anal sex such as KY Jelly and Astroglide. Every time we use these lubricants, they sting her inside the anus – but not her vagina. The only lubricant we’ve found that works is spit but I feel that it is not enough because I’m concerned it won’t be enough lube. Do you know of any lubricants that will not sting for anal sex?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC4GO2jxTp0[/youtube]

What Makes An Adequate Lube?

There are many things that can be used as lubricant for sex and anal sex, but that doesn’t mean they are all adequate for the job. Spit, for one, is definitely not a good one at all. It is acidic in nature and contains throngs of bacteria that you definitely don’t want to introduce into your genital area. Baby oil and cooking oil (as well as any oil-based lube) will break down latex and can increase the risk of transmitting and contracting STD’s or becoming pregnant if you’re using a condom during vaginal intercourse. Good sexual lubricants are generally either water based or silicone based, with the former being a little more gentle on the body but not quite as thick and long lasting. A water based lube is easier to wash off (it can simply be rinsed away with water) while one that is silicone based requires soap and perhaps a little elbow grease to get completely clean.

Searching For Allergens

If you or your partner find that using a variety of sexual lubricants still irritate, itch or burn during sex or anal sex, try doing a little investigation on the ingredients found in the lubes. For example, there may be a common ingredient in all the lubes that you’ve tried that could be causing the irritation and sensitivity. You could start by searching for one without that particular ingredient to see if the ingredient is, in fact, the allergen that is causing the problem.

When searching for the right sexual lubricants for penetration, it can be expensive if you purchase an entire bottle of each lube that you and your partner want to try. Instead, look online or in sex toy stores for a “variety pack” or “sampler pack” of lubes. Each kind will be in a small “pillow” and is usually just enough for one use – so you can decide which one works the best. Remember that the lubricant that you use for vaginal sex may not be the same one that you want to use for anal sex or even fingering – and that’s ok! Do your best to keep track of which lube worked best for what activity.

Gentle Lubes That May Work Best For Sensitive Skin

If you’re looking for specific sexual lubricants that are made just for people with sensitive skin, try very mild lubes such as Doc Johnson’s Prescription Lubricant, Pure, or Pink Hypoallergenic Lubricant For Women. Gentle ones will be paraben free, fragrance free, glycerine free, and preservative free. These types of lubes may not cause as much irritation, burning or itching of the vagina or anus during sex, but they may be thinner than traditional sexual lubricants. Simply use more of the product during sex if this is the case.

When To Visit The Doctor

If you or your partner experiences itching, burning or irritation during vaginal intercourse or anal sex regardless of what sexual lubricants you’re using, it may be time to make a visit to the doctor. Burning in the vaginal area can be a symptom of an infection (STD’s, bacterial or yeast infections) and excessive burning or pain during anal sex regardless of what lube is used can be a symptom of small tears in the anus caused by anal sex or something common like hemorrhoids. If you experience a lot of discomfort during sex and anal sex – even if you’ve switched to a more natural, water based lube – you’ll definitely want to visit your doctor to rule out anything more serious that could be going on.

8 Tips For Sinful Sex

By

Plain, vanilla sex is good. It really is. Like a bowl of warm chicken soup on a cold winter day, vanilla sex can be comforting and sometimes it’s just what you need. But sinful, decadent, sizzling sex is like the dark chocolate raspberry cheesecake you know is going to blow your diet – but you want it and you want it bad. Instead of following your same sex routine tonight, try these simple tips to turn up the heat in the bedroom and make things really naughty.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAHX8Oi9Eyo&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Wear A Garter Belt

It’s true – a garter belt is the stuff that most men’s fantasies are made of. Garter belts simply say, “I’m naughty! Let’s do naughty things together.” Slip a garter belt on under your favorite outfit when you’re going to dinner and afterwards, slip it off and let your man marvel at what’s underneath. Just make sure you don’t take it off when you do the deed – and leave your heels on too for good measure. Almost naked sex can sometimes be even better than fully naked sex if you do it right.

Have Confidence

Confidence is super sexy. No matter what you’re doing in the bedroom, whether you’re giving him a handjob, a blowjob or just having sex, act confident about what you’re doing and your skills in the bedroom. Don’t be so quick to turn out the lights or bury your face in his shoulder during your orgasm. Instead, let the confident, sexy woman in you out to play.

Look Him In The Eyes

Looking your man in the eyes is a great way to show him confidence and make him see you as a super sex vixen. Instead of closing your eyes when giving him a blowjob or having sex, look him in the eyes and let him know how much you’re enjoying it.

Lick Up And Down His Body

Instead of just keeping your tongue on his lips – or in his pants – lick up and down his body as though you just can’t get enough. Start with his toes and work your way up, going as slow or as fast as feels good. He’ll love the feel of your tongue in places he hasn’t felt before, such as on his legs and his chest.

Play Innocent

Introduce a little role play in the bedroom by suggesting to your partner that you’re “innocent” and need him to teach you how to do naughty things. Bat your eyelashes and look up at him coyly, all while doing very naugty and sexy things to him down there. He’ll really enjoy showing you all the things you’ve “never done before.”

Masturbate In Front Of Him

Most women cringe at the idea of getting caught masturbating by their guy, let alone masturbate in front of him. But guys love masturbation (heck, they do it all the time) and watching you do it is the ultimate turn on. Show him how you like to be touched by touching yourself, and don’t hold back when it comes to having an orgasm. Bonus points if you are able to ejaculate! You just might open your eyes after the big “O” and notice that he’s been touching himself too!

Try Anal Sex

If you’ve never tried anal sex before (and aren’t against it for some reason) try introducing a little anal play in the bedroom. You can start small with small anal sex toys such as tiny butt plugs or super skinny vibrators, or you can use your fingers. Just don’t forget to use a very generous amount of lube before you try anything having to do with the anus. It’s definitely not self lubricating like the vagina is. The appeal of anal sex is that it’s so “taboo” and it’s something that you’re “not supposed to be doing.”

The Reverse Cowgirl Sex Position

Men are visual creatures and having something to look at while they’re having sex can make sex absolutely explosive for him. Turning the lights on while having sex is a daring but very rewarding move, but if you really want to be sinful in the bedroom, try the reverse cowgirl sex position. This sex position involves the woman being on top, but reversing herself so that she is facing his feet. Many women are apprehensive about letting their guy see all their lady bits up close and personal, but this is where a good dose of confidence comes in. He’s going to absolutely love watching you slide up and down his penis, no matter what!

The Male G-Spot: How To Find And Stimulate The Prostate Gland

By

Believe it or not, men have a sort of “g-spot” too, and when stimulated, it can bring him explosive, amazing orgasms – we’re talking the kind he’s never had before. The male g-spot is called the prostate gland and it’s not at all difficult to find and stimulate. When you do, he’ll beg you for more! There are a few things to keep in mind before you stimulate his prostate gland and when you do, such as making sure he’s into it first (it is easiest to stimulate from inside the anal cavity) and using a good lube. Here’s how to find and stimulate your partner’s prostate gland and have him writhing in carnal pleasure!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMRl8I5_AG4[/youtube]

The Male G-Spot Is His Prostate Gland

The male g-spot is called the “prostate gland” and is located about 2 inches inside the anal cavity on the top. That means when you’re facing him, you can insert your finger, feel along the top wall of his anal cavity and you should feel a small, chestnut sized “bump” of flesh. This is the prostate gland. It is often best stimulated with a “come hither” motion if you’re using your finger, meaning that once you locate the prostate gland, move your finger in a motion as though you were telling someone to “come here.” You can also use side to side movements or simply place your finger on the prostate gland and apply firm pressure. Different guys like different things here, so make sure to experiment to find out what he likes best.

Is He Interested In Prostate Play?

Before you get super excited about giving him an amazing orgasm and slip your finger in his anus to stimulate his prostate gland, you need to make sure he’s into it first. This is not something you want to surprise him with, because a lot of guys are a little squeamish about their anuses. Some guys are a little homophobic and feel that any anal play (on him, not on you of course) is considered “gay” and if this is the case, he may want you to stay as far away from his backdoor as possible. You can also slowly introduce him to the idea of prostate stimulation without inserting anything into his anus by playing with his perineum during a blowjob. The perineum is the skin in between his testicles and his anus, and it can be stimulated with firm, kneading pressure. This indirectly massages the prostate gland and will give him an idea of how pleasurable prostate stimulation can be, but it is nothing at all like direct prostate stimulation. If he seems to like it, inch your hand closer to his anus and see what he does. If he doesn’t seem uncomfortable, play with his anus a little as you’re applying lube to the opening. If at any point he stops you, prostate stimulation may not be for him.

Stimulating The Prostate Gland With Sex Toys

Many sex toys are made specifically for prostate stimulation and can often be easier to use than your finger once you’ve located the prostate gland. Don’t try to use a sex toy the first time, because it will be more difficult to feel the prostate gland and know you’re in the right spot. Prostate massagers are often thin with a bulbous tip that is angled to properly reach the prostate gland. Other prostate sex toys include butt plugs – which range from large to very, very tiny – and glass sex toys or vibrators. Make sure that any anal sex toy you use is made with a wide base or a ring at the end that will prevent the toy from slipping inside the anus and getting lost.

Using The Right Lubricant

Anal play is not to be had without a good sexual lubricant – and a lot of it! The anal cavity does not lubricate itself and as a result, anal sex without lube can be painful and may even cause some of the delicate tissues down there to tear and bleed. Not cool! You can make anal play and prostate massage more comfortable and pleasurable by applying a very generous amount of lube to the outside of the anus, your fingers and whatever sex toy you choose to use. Feel free to apply more lube as needed. If you are using a condom or latex glove of any kind, make sure to use only water based lube, because silicone lube will break down latex and cause condoms and gloves to become ineffective.

Anal Sex Play For Beginners – Tips & Techniques

By

Anal sex is very erotic for many people, both men and women. There are many nerve endings in the rectum, particularly around the opening of the anus, that a lot of people find pleasurable when stimulated. Men often love the super tightness of a woman’s anus. Anal play – whether you’re having anal sex or using a toy or your fingers – can be intensely intimate.  The taboo of enjoying a so-called ‘prohibited’ activity with your partner can be super exciting and just what you need to turn up the heat in your sex life! There are, however, a few guidelines that should be followed for anal sex to make both you and your partner safe and comfortable!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLLVEL1Rrns[/youtube]

Don’t Skimp On The Lube

The anus does not naturally lubricate itself at all, therefore, it is an absolute must to use a good water based or silicone based lubricant during anal sex. While you don’t want to use silicone based lube in the vagina because it’s difficult to clean out, silicone lube will get flushed out with everything else when you go to the bathroom so feel free to use it for anal sex. Don’t ever attempt to have anal sex without lube, because you could easily tear something on the outside or even the inside, which would require a not so fun trip to the hospital. Also, do not use numbing or desensitizing lubricant, because if it hurts, you need to feel it and you need to stop! Just use lots and lots of regular water or silicone based lube for any kind of anal play.

Learn To Relax!

If you’re not able to relax when you have anal sex, you’re going to find it very uncomfortable or painful. Practice relaxing your anus around a small anal sex toy or a finger and work your way up to the bigger stuff. You certainly can’t expect yourself to accomodate a large sex toy or penis if you’ve never tried anal sex before, but if you learn to relax during anal play, you’ll gradually get to where you can take more and enjoy more.

Keep Things Clean

Since going through the backdoor will potentially (probably) get you at least a little dirty, it’s very important to keep things clean. Clean any and all sex toys used for anal play with hot, soapy water or special sex toy cleaner and wear a condom when inserting the penis into the anus. Wearing a condom during anal sex will allow you to slip it off and go straight to vaginal sex without worrying about bacteria spreading. If you don’t want to wear a condom during anal sex, you will need to wash your penis thoroughly with warm, soapy water. Neglecting to keep things clean during sex will increase the risk of spreading bacteria and giving your partner an infection.

Warm Up And Get Turned On First

Just like with sex, if you want to have good anal sex, it’s important to have a little foreplay first and get turned on before you start. Giving yourself a warm up period will help you relax and help get you turned on so that you’re more ready for anal play. If you’re not turned on before you receive anal sex, you’re anus is going to be clamped tight and you’ll find that anal play is going to be more uncomfortable and painful than if you allow yourself a good warm up period first. Try having your partner give you oral sex first and even a rim job if you both like it.

Go Slowly And Be Gentle

Anal sex is not the time to be rough or practice BDSM. Since the anus is basically made for things to come out of, you have to be very careful when putting things in there. Go slowly and be very careful not to be too rough, even if you’re extremely turned on by having anal sex. Communicate with your partner about whether it feels good or it hurts too much, and if it hurts make sure you stop right away. Have a safe word that your partner can use to let you know that she wants it to stop immediately, such as “banana” or another non-sex word. Remember that your first time having anal sex doesn’t have to last very long or be perfect. There’s always another time! The important thing is to make sure your partner is comfortable and having a good time too.

Safe Anal Sex Toys

If you’re going to use anal sex toys, it’s important that you purchase toys that are specifically made for anal sex. Many sex toys that are for vaginal use or even homemade sex toys can get lost in your anus because there is no “end” like with a vagina. Getting a sex toy lost in your anus is not only extremely painful and dangerous, it is also very embarassing because it will require a doctor and most likely surgery to remove it. Instead, choose anal sex toys that have a wide, flared base or ring on the bottom that keeps the toy from sliding too far into the anus.

Best Sex Positions For Anal Sex

While almost any sex position can be used for anal sex, there are some sex positions that are better for anal sex because they allow for easier access. The missionary position with the girl on bottom and her legs lifted high allows for great access to the anus, as does the doggy style position. You can also try the reverse cowgirl position where the woman is on top but facing her partner’s feet, or you can try spooning with your partner behind you. The sex postion doesn’t matter as much as long as you and your partner are both comfortable and having fun!

Why Anal Sex Can Hurt

By

Anal sex is not just about penetration of the anus. It encompasses other activities like analingus (licking of the anal region) or fingering the anal hole of your partner. But admittedly, when we say “anal sex” the first thing that comes to mind is penetration.

Do heterosexual couples engage in anal sex? Yes, absolutely. It may surprise some people but there are many straight couples that love anal sex. First of all, anal sex is a popular taboo and the thrill of doing something that’s not supposed to be done adds to the excitement of trying it out. Couples who have tried it often feel a lot closer afterwards.

Trust level is an important factor to consider if you are thinking of trying anal sex. I will not lie to you; the first time you do it, it will hurt. Even after you have been doing it for a while, there is still a certain amount of physical discomfort.

Here are some reasons why anal sex can hurt, and why you need to stock up on lube if you want to try it.

Anal Sex Can Hurt If You Aren’t Expecting It

There is such a thing as a “surprise anal” sex move, but this is so emotionally damaging that I do not recommend it. A man should always ask you nicely if he wants to put it in your ass. At the very least, he should give you the chance to prepare yourself. If a guy dares pull off this stunt, the shock combined with the sense of betrayal that you feel can contribute to the overwhelming physical pain.

Anal Sex Can Hurt If You Are Being Forced To Try It

Even if your boyfriend or husband asks for permission, if you really don’t want to try it, it will hurt. You have to be completely relaxed to enjoy anal sex. Moreover, you have to trust your partner enough to believe that he will stop when you ask him to. The muscle outside the rectum tightens when stimulated, and it will tighten even more when you’re tense or scared. Forcing entry when this muscle is too tight to allow entry can contribute to the hurt.

Anal Sex Can Hurt If You Are Not Lubricated Enough

Relaxing will help ease the initial pain of anal sex, but no amount of relaxation will ease the discomfort if the sphincter muscle isn’t lubricated enough. Spread some lube on your partner’s member or your anal sex toy and a huge dollop on your anal region to make anal sex more pleasurable.

If you’re intent on going for it, ask your partner to gradually loosen the sphincter muscle with gentle stimulation and fondling. He must never touch your sphincter without applying lubricant first. Also, remember to wash well after anal sex.

One major appeal of anal sex for me is the fact that it can be your dirty little secret. It’s extremely exciting to know that you’re both acting like a prim-and-proper, lovey-dovey couple in public, while you’re doing something “taboo” in private.