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Relationship Advice: Is It Too Soon To Move In Together?

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A relationship often progresses naturally from dating to moving in to living together and possibly eventually to marriage. When you meet someone, you start flirting and hitting it off, and then you go on a few dates together. Before long, you and the person you’re interested are in a relationship. Once you’re in the relationship, you may notice that you move from the beginning stages to sex to commitment before you really even know what is happening. It’s easy to move fast in a partnership when you’re with someone you really, really like. Countless happy couples met and fell in love quickly, but how do you know if your relationship is going too fast? How can you tell if sharing a house together is the next step, and how do you know if the timing is right?

I’m head over heels in love with my new boyfriend. We’ve only been together one month, but we both feel this is it. Is it too soon to move in together? Our sex life is amazing and we spend every night together anyway!

What She Said:

I’m going to be frank. I’d wait a bit to make sure what you’re feeling is love and not lust. I have no doubt that you’re blissfully happy with your new beau, but your experience is currently tangled with your raging hormones. If this is the real deal, what’s the harm in postponing a life-changing move?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m an optimist when it comes to love. I’ve fallen in love at first sight and it was amazing. I was with this man for over three years, so it definitely wasn’t a fluke. I knew in my heart (and a few other places) that he was the one – at least for that time.

Don’t Rush The Relationship

Of course your sex life is amazing – there’s a mutual attraction at work and things are new. Savor this time – it’s one of the best things life has to offer.

I’m sure you’ve been in relationships before, so you’re no doubt aware that this will fade a bit. And nothing makes the thrill of the new fade more quickly than getting familiar with the old. It’s exciting to strip off your clothes and tumble into bed – it’s another thing entirely to learn that your boyfriend never picks up after himself. The thing that makes the mess less annoying is a deep bond that develops over time.

If He’s The One, Take Your Time!

If this is it, why not enjoy dating to the hilt? Let your body tingle with anticipation on date night. Go a day or two without seeing each other while you still have some “single you” time. Let it build slowly with layers of shared experiences as you truly get to know each other. When moving day comes, it’ll be a confident decision and not a reaction to a situation.

What He Said:

Moving in after a month? What could possibly go wrong? Did my public education prepare me to count that high? No. Not so much.

It’s been a month. It’s been a month. Have I mentioned it’s been a month? Because it’s been a month. Is that sinking in yet? Because seriously. Seriously. It’s only been a month.

Your brain ain’t right. Because it’s been a month (sound familiar?) It’s filled with all kind of fun, narcotic like chemicals. You can’t make sense of things. You are not in a right frame of mind. You shouldn’t be allowed to drive, or operate heavy machinery, unless of course it’s a battery powered cock ring or Sybian.

Where’s The Fire?

It will take time for you to adjust to the great sex (or for it to die down, either one). If it is a great relationship and it is the one, why rush it? Where’s the fire? Are you in a race? Do you want to win a medal? Why are you trying to get so fast to some kind of imaginary destination. Slow down. You have nothing to gain by moving so fast and have everything to lose. Just enjoy the ride!

Is He Ready For A Serious Relationship?

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Dating is fun, but sometimes you want to move on to something more committed. How can you tell if your partner is ready to move past the dating phase?

I’m dating this amazing guy. But I’m the first girl he’s dated seriously since his last serious relationship ended. I want a future with him, and I’m ready to open myself up and give my heart to him, but I want to be sure. How do I know I’m not his rebound girl?

What She Said:

Beware of “Ghost Sex!” He may like you; or he could mentally be placing his ex-girlfriend’s face on your body and going to town. Sorry to sound so crass – but the old adage, “The best way to get over someone is get under someone” is often true. I’m sure he enjoys your company; but the fact is, depending on how recent the breakup, your presence might just be keeping him warm until his heart has healed.

Are You A Rebound?

How to spot a rebound? Be honest with yourself. Does he talk about her a lot? Are there still pictures everywhere? Does he seem angry or flinch if her name is brought up? If so, chances are his mind is still on the relationship and not in the present with you. If it was a long-term relationship, his penis will most likely be ready to move on before his heart. If you’re looking for sex and nothing more, this can be a fun time for both of you. If you’re hooked on this guy, stay away until he’s had time to sort things out.

Honestly, if I’m into a guy, my rule of thumb is to not be the first girl he’s with after a serious relationship. I find that you’re usually dealing with the fallout of the past and not the good stuff. Even guys need time to work through their feelings – whether they show it or not. It’d be great to move on as if nothing ever happened – but the hurt is there somewhere, and it will find a way to come out.

Getting His Mind On YOU

You’re worth 100% of his attention. Again, if you’re looking for a fling, this is a fine time to get some no strings attached lovin’. But, given that you’re bummed out, I’d cool it with this guy. Chances are if you set your boundaries and treat yourself with respect, it’ll be you and not his ex he’s thinking about in no time.

What He Said:

I feel really old, because I thought “Ghost Sex” involved Whoopi Goldberg, Demi Moore, and Patrick Swayze. Nevertheless, I am undaunted and proudly declare “Ghost Sex” to be my new favorite word and hereby dedicate the remainder of my existence to the gratuitous use of the term until it gets old for me (hint: it won’t. I’m like a five year old.)

Here’s a thought: if you haven’t met his friends, or if he doesn’t spend money on you or if you only meet in the backseat of his car, then well, you’re just for fun. You really need to figure out how long it’s been since the end of his last serious relationship and how serious was it (marriage, living together, etc) and how messy or amicable was the break up.

Trust Your Gut Feelings

Recovery time is a tricky thing. Everyone heals from injury at different speeds, so he may be ready for another relationship right away. Or maybe not. And he may not know where he’s at in that process. So go with your gut if it feels right, then it is. If it doesn’t, well…it’s time to cut the cord.

Should You Adopt A Pet With Your Partner?

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A relationship through many phases. What happens when you want to build a family with this person but aren’t ready for a kid? Should you get a pet together?

Whether you’re both experienced pet owners, or this is the first time either of you have ever had an animal, getting one together is a big decision. Co-owning an animal with your S.O. should never be treated as a whim. This is a long term commitment that will require both of you to put in time and effort every single day.

Make Sure Your Relationship Is Stable First

It will also require a monetary commitment from both of you. That’s why it’s important to be certain that you’re both in your relationship for the long run before you get an animal together. Sure a dog or a cat isn’t a baby, but it is a living creature that will be dependent upon both of you. That means you both need to be on the same page before you head off to your local animal shelter or breeder.

If you are married or have been living together for several years, you can feel more comfortable about taking this step. Not only are you in a serious relationship that will likely last for many more years to come, but you’ve also been together long enough to know whether or not your S.O. is responsible. This means you won’t have to worry about how much more difficult it will be to end your relationship with a shared animal in the mix.

It also means that you’ll know they will be more likely to hold up their end of the animal-related duties or not. If you’ve only been together for a little while and aren’t really sure if this person is the one for you, hold off on getting one together. Having to fight over who gets the animal when you’ve broken up will just make things that much worse, and shared custody will be a pain for all involved—especially for the dog or cat.

Have A Talk On What You Want

Once you’ve decided that your’re in a serious, long-term relationship, sit down and talk to your S.O. about what you’re looking for in a pet. If neither of you has ever owned an animal before, you might want to do some research online or check out books about animal ownership. This will help you get an idea of the level of commitment each kind of animal requires.

For instance, dogs require a little more work than cats do. You have to walk them regularly, and potty training a puppy is more difficult than showing a kitten where its litter box is. If you both work long hours and neither of you can get home to walk a dog at lunch time, a cat might be a better fit for you. If you work far away from your home or apartment, but your S.O. works ten minutes away and always gets a lunch break, you probably could have a dog. Just make sure that your mate is okay with always being the one who has to handle midday walks.

Divide The Responsibilities

Speaking of midday walks and other responsibilities, you and your mate need to figure out a way to divvy up the work and cost associated with having an animal. The time to do so is prior to picking up your new four-legged family member. If you can’t decide who will be responsible for feeding times, vet trips, etc. without an argument, at least one of you isn’t ready yet.
You may also find that your S.O. is trying to pawn more of the work off onto you, which could indicate that he or she doesn’t really have their heart in it. It’s also really important to discuss the costs involved.

Things To Plan

Buying from a breeder will be more expensive than adopting from a shelter, but either way there will be costs involved. Then you’ll have to pay for things like food, toys, collars and leashes, cat litter or dog baggies, and veterinarian appointments. If you don’t have a joint bank account, you need to plan in advance how you’ll divide up the payments.

The last thing you want is to take your sick dog to the vet and discover that you owe hundreds of dollars because your S.O. can’t—or won’t—pay for their half. You may want to open a joint bank account dedicated specifically to those costs, even if all of your other accounts are separate.

Once you’ve talked everything through, make sure that you go together to pick out your animal. Springing a surprise puppy or kitten on your mate might seem romantic, but it’s really not a good idea. It’s important to make sure that you both meet any possible future pets before you decide on one. You’re caring for it together, so you should make sure you both feel good about the animal you end up with.

That may also mean making compromises. You might want a big dog to go running with while your S.O. might want a small lap dog. Try to find something in between that will be athletic enough to play, but small enough to hang out in your house. Once everyone’s had their say and compromises have been reached, you’ll be much more likely to get one that you’re both absolutely wild about.

Q&A: She’s Pregnant By Another Man – But Wants To Be With Me!

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A pregnant girlfriend is one thing, but what about being with a girl who is pregnant by someone else? Are you supposed to be in a relationship with her and take care of the baby because no one else will, or can you decide that you’re not ready for this and move on? What do you do?

Question: First off, let me say I love you two! But I’m in a hard situation. A very good friend of mine is pregnant (by accident, old story of condom in the wallet) and she opened up to me and said she starting to love me and wished that the baby was mine! I’m not really sure how I feel about her. Any advice? And again I love you two, great advice!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37t8gSa_P1U[/youtube]

What Are You Okay With?

Before you think of how your friend will feel, or how the baby might feel, or how anyone else will, you need to think about how YOU feel about the situation. Take some time outside of the situation to mull it over and think about the different possibilities here and how they might affect your life or the way you live. What are you okay with? What are you willing to be okay with? Tell your friend you need some time out to think about the situation – you at least deserve that.

Do You Want To Take Care Of Her And The Baby?

When you sit down and really take stock of the situation and how you feel about it, there might be a feeling of guilt or responsibility to take care of your friend and the baby. This is going to be especially true if you have at least some romantic feelings towards her, or care about her and your friendship very deeply. Stop right there!

Remember that you didn’t get her pregnant and you’re not responsible for the situation at hand. Yes, you can decide that you want the responsibility and that’s great – but remember that you don’t have to. Don’t guilt yourself into taking care of her and the baby because you feel obligated to. That’s not going to end very well. Make sure that if you do end up getting into a relationship with your friend and being a father figure to the baby that it’s really something you want to do – not something that you feel like you have to do because no one else will.

What If You Don’t?

If you decide that you don’t want to be with a girl who is pregnant (or if you don’t want to be with her), and you don’t want to take care of a baby once it’s born, that’s completely your prerogative. Remember, you didn’t get her pregnant! Don’t let anyone pass judgement on you and certainly don’t feel like you have to pass judgement on yourself. This is totally your call, and it’s perfectly fine to decide that this isn’t where you want your life to go right now. You don’t owe her anything.

Be Honest With Her

It’s your right to decide to do whatever you want to do in this situation, but you do need to be honest with her and truthful about how you feel. Yes, you do need to be delicate here, but honesty is the most important thing. If you decide not to be with her, explain to her why you feel this way and make sure the conversation stays limited to how you feel.

If you stick to your feelings about the situation, she can’t argue with it. However, if you present an entire list of logical reasons as to why a relationship between the two of you couldn’t work, she can argue with it – and she can probably make some pretty valid points. Remember that the choice to be with her or not was based on your feelings (not logic), so your explanation should too.

Give It A Trial Run

If you’re not sure about it, why not give it a try? Try being in a relationship with this girl and seeing how it develops. Talk to her about your idea to try it out, and make sure that she knows you have the right to decide that it’s not for you at any point in time. This also gives her the opportunity to try out a relationship with you without the commitment to be with you for a certain period of time or even be with you when the baby arrives. Don’t think that if you try it now that you’re stuck forever. Let it play out and see what happens!

Relationship Advice: How To Make A Major Decision With Your Partner

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Relationship advice is something all couples need, especially when making a big decision together. Here’s how to get through it without too much fighting.

When you’re one half of a serious relationship, especially if that relationship is a marriage, you can no longer make large decisions on your own. Everything that you do affects not only you, but also your significant other. Therefore, it’s imperative that you seek out relationship advice and learn how to make major decisions as a unit.

You must become better at judging where to compromise and where to stand your ground. Furthermore, you need to be able to determine when sacrificing something you want and allowing your S.O. to get what they want will be better for your relationship as a whole. This, among other things, will require you to strengthen your communication skills together.

Take Time To Talk About It

The first step toward making a big decision together is to set aside time to discuss it. Make sure that you’re both in good moods. If you’ve just had an argument or one of you has had a particularly bad day, you’re not going to be in the proper mindset to make a large scale decision.

If you’re both feeling fairly calm and happy, ask your S.O. if you can talk about the big topic at hand. Then eliminate any possible distractions. Turn off the TV or your music, set your phones to silent and put the computer to sleep. This is a potentially life altering choice for both of you, so you want to make sure it has both you and your significant other’s fullest attention. Don’t have the talk if you’ve been drinking or while you’re drinking, either. You should both be in a very clear state of mind.

Lay Out The Facts

Once you’ve found the proper time and setting to hold your discussion, begin by establishing the facts. Let’s say that you’ve decided you’re ready to start having kids, and your S.O. isn’t quite so sure. You need to state your position and the reasons why you feel ready—you don’t want to wait until you’re too old, you feel financially settled, etc.

Then ask your S.O. to explain what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it. Maybe he or she wants kids, but feels like they need more time to establish themselves at their job first. Without getting defensive or hostile, ask how much more time they think they need. No matter what the topic is, you should do your best to get your mate to open up fully and be honest about their feelings. It’s important that you both be completely open about what you want and your related fears.

Looking For Compromise

After you’ve each fully explained your side of the story, it’s time to look for compromise . In the case of the baby issue, you may have to agree to wait a little longer than you’d like, as long as your S.O. agrees to get started a little earlier than they’d hoped. When meeting in the middle is a possibility, go for it. Of course, sometimes it isn’t.

Perhaps your issue is that your mate wants to move to a new city to take a promotion in their job, and you don’t want to move because you’ll be giving up your current job to do so. In a case like that, there’s no way to fully compromise, so you’ll ultimately have to decide what will be best for your partnership. Step back and attempt to view things more logically. Will there be other job possibilities for you in this new city? Is your S.O. the bigger bread winner in your relationship, or are you? Do the pros for one side outweigh the cons for the other?

Staying Calm, Cool And Rational

If you and your S.O. can keep the right relationship advice in mind and both keep your cool and be as rational as possible, you’ll find you’re able to reach a consensus sooner rather than later. That doesn’t mean that either of you should be a pushover, but it does mean that you can’t let emotions alone rule your choices. Most importantly, though, you have to remember that you’re no longer in it only for your own good. The health, happiness, and success of your relationship as a couple are now your priority when it comes to making big choices.