confidence – Page 25

Q&A: Why Do Jerks Get All The Girls?

Often, the dating world seems completely backwards. You see an older guy with a younger, hot woman or a cute guy with another guy. Sometimes you just can’t catch a break! You’re a nice, well brought up person with a lot to bring to the table – so why is everyone else scoring a date when you aren’t?

Question: My buddy and I were talking the other day and came up with this random subject – why is it that all the jerks get the good looking girls, and the nice guys get left out? Personally, I was raised to be nice and a gentleman. I’m only a jerk to those who act like a jerk to me. I just want to know why the hell do the jerks get all the girls and the nice guys don’t?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_WynSY4bDs[/youtube]

Women Want A Confident Guy

Confident guys – often mistaken for jerks – usually get the girl. Why? Because he asks her out and he’s comfortable being around her. He doesn’t exude a meek or timid attitude. Instead, he is comfortable in his own skin and knows who he is – and comes off that way to women. “Nice guys” sometimes are too afraid or shy to ask a girl out or even go up to a girl and talk to her. This is not the type of guy that gets a girl! A woman will look right past this type of guy and go for the confident guy instead, regardless of how polite and gentlemanly the nice guy is.

Women Want A Strong Guy

When a woman goes on a date with a man, she doesn’t want to be asked, “Where would you like to go? What would you like to do? Is this okay with you?” They want a man who will say, “We’re going to go to dinner here and then I’m taking you to go see a movie.” They want a man who can make confident decisions on his own without her input, but in a nice way. This is where being a nice guy can come in handy – she doesn’t want a rude man who is going to boss her around! She wants someone who is polite and treats her well, but is strong enough to take the reins in the relationship when needed. Women who go out with a pushover will push him over and tire of him quickly.

Jerks Don’t Keep A Girl

It may seem that jerks get all the girls and lots of them, but there’s a different story that goes on behind the scenes. While a “jerk” might get a girl to go out with him because he appears strong and confident, it is very unlikely that he is going to keep her. She will realize soon enough that she isn’t being treated well and move on to a different relationship. The way to get a girl is to be a strong, confident man that is comfortable asking a woman out and being assertive in the relationship, but the way to keep her is to be a gentleman and treat her like the lady she is.

Confidence Is Nature’s Best Aphrodisiac

By sarahelizabethmalinak

“Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.” – Aimee Mullins

I remember as a teenager, being so self-absorbed, hoping my Prince Charming would come along and rescue me from my life as I knew it! One day I read an article in a woman’s magazine about my very predicament. This article informed me that there was no way Prince Charming was going to come rescue me. He wasn’t going to do it because sad, pouting women are not appealing to any Prince Charming.

You Won’t Catch A Prince By Being A Sad, Pouting Princess

This was before the self-help field and resources burst upon the scene. Within a handful of years, the same article would have communicated that any man who did rescue a sad, pouting woman likely had issues of his own. The pair would create a dysfunctional union sure to self-destruct in time.

All I know is that article was one of the things I’ve read in my life that turned my life around. I wish I’d kept it so I could thank the author. I must have instinctively understood what she meant and got busy becoming a funny and flirtatious young woman, allowing my sense of humor and easy laughter to dominate my interactions with people. It didn’t make me any less serious. When I hurt, I allowed myself to process what hurt. When I was angry, I dealt with it. I simply quit taking myself so seriously that I was getting in my own way of having a fun and rewarding youth.

I have kept that advice close to my heart, allowing it to inform my life ever since. From having sweet boyfriends in high school and college to attracting my husband to making friends and getting along well with acquaintances and strangers, generally content and happy people attract good stuff from other people.

Confidence Can Help You Avoid Bad Relationships

In my early thirties, I did get into a rut with a destructive relationship that eventually found me in a low grade depression for a number of years. During that time, the happy version of me was more of a comfortable mask as the relationship tore at my self-esteem, wearing down my confidence.

Towards the end of that phase of my life, I realized something that turned my life around once again. Perhaps because the relationship wasn’t serving me, I found myself studying and admiring other men. With those who were in relationships, I’d study and admire their women as well. Whether it was a Hollywood couple or the couple next door, I think I was looking for answers to my problems in the success other seemed to find.

My observations taught me something precious that goes along with the “Prince Charming likes a happy, confidant woman” thing. I learned that confidence is sexy. I mean it is the sexiest attribute a person can own! Confidence can turn less than attractive looks and turn them into glorious imperfections that you can’t wait to get close to!

Confidence Is A Turn On

Think about it. Patricia Arquette has those adorable crooked teeth. When is her smile the most appealing? Whenever she radiates confidence. Consider Hollywood’s leading men. Any number of them you would not find nearly as handsome without their delicious confidence in tact. Will Smith has funny ears. Who cares? His confidence is so attractive! Christian Bale is a perfect example. He’s played roles where he was insecure, even a little psychotic as well as roles where he exuded confidence. As Batman he is drop dead sexy. It goes far beyond the body building. It’s the confidence. In the roles where he is convincingly insecure, he doesn’t look like someone you want to get close to.

Personally, the chemistry between my husband, Joseph, and me when one or both of us is feeling especially confident; even if we come off a little cocky, is palatably richer. Because the chemistry is good, period; the fact that I can tell that confidence still makes a difference is convincing enough to me that I’m on to something here.

Besides, remember I told you about that destructive relationship where I wound up in a low grade depression? When I began practicing confidence, both the depression and the relationship unraveled, freeing me to have a new life where I got to attract Joseph. I highly recommend confidence as an aphrodisiac and general life enhancer!

The Secrets Of True Sexual Confidence

By melody

Sexual confidence – or confidence at all, really – is a touchy subject. A lot of people believe they’re sexually confident, but inside they’re incredibly insecure, waiting for someone else validate their standing as a sexual human being. Most women know they’re insecure, but still try to hide it. How do we become truly sexually confident, accepting ourselves for who we are and the sexual human being we are?

Watch this video to find out what TRUE sexual confidence really is…. It’s not what you think! Visit our YouTube page and tell us what you think true sexual confidence is!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=799sC9lUvQY[/youtube]

Social Influences

Believe it or not, society dictates how we feel about ourselves. Should it be that way? No. Is it that way? Unfortunately, yes. The images in the media, in magazines and in commercials teach us what “sexy” and “beautiful” are and if we don’t look, act or talk in the way that the media depicts as “sexy” and “beautiful,” then we aren’t either. Unfortunately, society’s ideas about what sexy and beautiful are happen to be incredibly narrow. And even more unfortunately, we use this as a standard against which to judge ourselves.

Acceptance From Others

In addition to using society’s ideas of what sexy and beautiful are to measure ourselves, we also wait for someone else to accept us (usually our partners) before we accept and love ourselves. This is incredibly backwards, because often in a relationship, you must love and accept yourself before someone else can fully love and accept you and you can fully love and accept someone else. Looking at yourself through society’s eyes and through your partner’s eyes won’t get you far – instead, you need to look at yourself with your own eyes and find the love and beauty within.

Being Sexually Confident

If you’ve taken a step to love and accept yourself before expecting anyone else to love and accept you, congratulations. But it’s likely that other people in your life are still looking for your acceptance of them before they start loving and accepting themselves. Are you giving your partner the love and acceptance they want and need? If not, start! Talk to your partner about where you’re at in the relationship, and what you need to be in the relationship. Have open and honest communication with your partner of where you stand, so you can be loved and accepted for who you are.

It takes a lot to shed the human need to be validated by society, but it’s something each and every one of us must do in order to start seeing ourselves in a realistic light. Society’s ideas about what is beautiful and sexy are skewed, and we need to learn to see ourselves as sexy and beautiful for who we are – because sexy is who you are. Make that scary jump right now and decide that you’re not going to be worried about whether society says you’re too fat or too thin, not pretty enough or not sexy enough. Accept yourself for who you are and learn to be sexy in your own skin. Love and accept yourself before expecting anyone else to love and accept you, and you’ll feel, look and be sexually confident.

Think You Have to Let Him Call You First? Not Anymore!

By sarahelizabethmalinak

I saw a depiction of a young woman calling a man for a date while maintaining her sexy femininity! It was exciting to witness and I want to share it with you.

I realize that expressing my discomfort over the fact that these days both sexes expect that she will call him for that first date is a favorite drum I beat.

Time and couples have proven that when a woman allows a man to pursue her, if a relationship ensues, the relationship has a better chance of survival.

That means letting him call her first. It means letting him speak first with his voice, though she may speak first with her eyes and body language, giving him encouragement to pursue her.

Calling a Man in a Way That Allows Him to Maintain His Masculine Energy

Given that women call men for dates and that men expect them to, here’s how to do it in such a way that he gets to maintain his sexy position holding the masculine energy and she gets to maintain her sexy position holding the feminine energy!

In the movie, “Happy Go Lucky,” Poppy is a thirty-year-old single female, living in London. With her carefree attitude, it is no surprise that she is a successful grade school teacher. The fact that she is single doesn’t bother her a bit. In fact, the romantic relationship she begins doesn’t occur until the very end of the film.

She has a problem with one of her students becoming violent. A social worker named Tim gets involved. He turns out to be compassionate and effective. A handsome man, he and Poppy spark to each other instantly.

After their session with the student, Poppy walks Tim to the door where they have a flirtatious conversation and reveal their interest in each other. Tim asks Poppy if she would like to go out sometime. She giggles a flirtatious and humorous affirmation. He invites her to give him a call and gives her his phone number.

As Poppy’s life is full, she has plans for the weekend and doesn’t get around to calling him until Sunday. They flirt on the phone until she finally asks, “So, you fancy going out with me sometime?” They then arrange for the following Friday. The way the date is depicted on the screen is delightful in its charm.

Later, at his apartment, they make love. At the foot of his bed, Tim encircles Poppy’s waist with his hands and kisses her repeatedly while she stands in a pose of surrender with her arms akimbo. When she finally takes his head in her hands and caresses him, her touch is visibly warm and inviting.

The Depth of Their Intimacy

It is riveting as this carefree woman, easily taken for being silly, shows up as an excellent lover. Their intimacy the next morning as they putter around his apartment reveals the same tender depth.

He takes her home later in the morning because she has an appointment to keep. She winds up having a stressful day and doesn’t talk to him until the afternoon of the following day. Their conversation is flirtatious and fun as they revel in the possibility that they are falling in love.

How She Maintained Her Femininity While Allowing Him to Maintain His Masculinity

How did Poppy maintain her femininity, making space for Tim to maintain his masculinity; thereby, creating an energetic field where he would continue to pursue her?

First, Poppy isn’t needy, clingy, or suffocating. Her life is full. It isn’t empty because she doesn’t have a man. When this man comes along, even as she is receptive to his interest and advances, she remains independent and confident. That is such a turn on!

Confidence is Key

By waiting to call him for that first date, she further communicated her confidence. She also spoke to him in a language he understood. When a man is interested in a woman, he may take his time calling her, especially if his life is full.

When a man takes a woman out on a first date, he can take up to three weeks to call her back! It can take a man that long to realize he misses her and wants to be with her again. In the meantime, his life is full of work and other obligations. For her to take a day or two before calling him back feels natural to him.

When they scheduled the date for five days later, she communicated her confidence once again. Women who feel needful for a man in their life are quick to arrange for a date as soon as possible, preferably the very same day the call is made. Such quick scheduling communicates a woman’s neediness, serving as a yellow caution flag.

Again, after their first date, twenty-four hours transpire before she hears from Tim. She had a harrowing experience the day before, yet did not call him to share it with him. Instead, she processed the experience with her flat mate and best friend, Zoe.

This is a significant part of the recipe for a confident and sexy woman! Her life is full because not only does she have satisfying work, but also she has close women friends with whom she can talk and listen and they can process their feelings and lives together!

She doesn’t need her romantic relationship to meet all her emotional needs. If she isn’t currently in a relationship, such independence and confidence make a woman very attractive. If she is currently in a relationship, it contributes to the health of the relationship and the happiness of the individuals in it!

A man getting to be the man and a woman getting to be the woman within their romantic relationship is delicious. I am thrilled to discover that a man can give a woman his number, expecting her to call first, while they both maintain their same gender energy. It bodes well for the day they fall in love!

The Art of Seduction by Conversation: Using ‘The Add-On Principle’ to Get the Girl

By rachaeldavis

Persuasion is a universally recognizable component of our society. You see people influencing others everywhere you go: women trying to talk themselves out of speeding tickets, salesmen attempting to convince a potential buyer that a product’s for them, defense attorneys arguing that their client is innocent.

Persuasion is everywhere, used by all of us, all the time.

Somewhere it’s especially noticeable (and vital, if you want to be successful) is in the game of attraction and seduction. For a man to pick-up a girl, that is: find, approach, talk to her and arrange to take it further, he MUST understand and be able to use persuasive psychology.

And it’s that fact many men are surprised by when they hear it–that being successful with women isn’t a God given talent or a roll of the dice; it’s a skill like anything else. Today you’re going to learn a little about that skill.

We’re going to look at a special persuasive psychological technique that, when used, massively increases your chances with the ladies. It’s called ‘The Add-On Principle’.

How The Add-On Principle Works

Picture the scene: You’ve got talking to a girl and been chatting for a little while. You can tell she’s enjoying the conversation and think that she’s quite attracted to you, too. You decide you’d like to make something happen with this girl and see her again real soon but you aren’t sure of the best way to go about making that a reality.

You don’t want to ruin the positive dynamic that you’ve worked so hard to create and you definitely don’t want to scare her off or get rejected. So, what can you do? Well, first of all, what do most guys do when they’re in this situation? I’ll tell you, they take one of three routes:

Route #1: CLICHÉD NUMBER REQUEST

The first route has been taken so many millions of times in the past that it’s nowadays almost an act of parody. It’s asking the girl for her number. Taking this route is, 9 times out of 10, a Plan B at best.

When you ask a girl for her number you not only give her control of the situation (which means she can very easily say no or slip you a phoney number), you also highlight that moment of the conversation as what it really is: an attempt at picking her up. When she realizes this, she’s turned off.

No girl likes the idea of being picked-up because it seems sleazy and dangerous. For a girl to allow herself to be picked up, it must feel natural and unforced.

Route #2: GOING FOR IT

This route’s most often taken at night, in bars, clubs and parties. Namely because the availability of alcohol makes this option seem a good idea.

‘Going for it’ means a guy will try to kiss the girl or cop a feel a little while after talking to her. Perhaps he’ll do it while they dance or as the venue is closing and they’re leaving. Again, it’s a bad idea because it makes the girl feel used and not in control.

Route #3: BOTTLING IT

This option, quite simply, involves choking at the last second, being unable to go through with a ‘closer.’ The conversation’s gone great but the guy just doesn’t feel confident enough to propose meeting up again or something along those lines. As you can imagine, taking this route is a bad idea in regards to being successful with women.

So What Do You Do To Actually Get The Girl?

The three routes above are bad, so what route can you take? Well, it goes without saying that you HAVE to run the risk of using a ‘closer’ if you want to see the girl again.

Therefore, your goal is to make your offer, in whatever form it might take, seem like a natural, obvious, fun option for the girl to take. To achieve this, you should justify what you’re suggesting with a REASON you should both do it.

For example: “Let’s swap numbers so we can talk about that book we both like.” Or, “We should get a coffee or hot chocolate some time, because I know a great little place that’s just opened and think you’d really like it.”

When you follow up an offer (such as swapping numbers or going for a coffee) with a reason for doing it (to talk about something or because you know a nice little new place) you make the offer seem ATTRACTIVE and a NATURAL thing for the girl to say yes to. This is the essence of ‘The Add-On Principle’.

When you employ it, try to always use the words “So” and “Because.” Our minds, when we hear these words, associate them with good reasons, they back things up for us in our heads.

You can use this principle any time you want a suggestion you’ve made to a girl to be accepted and agreed to. For example: “Shall we go over and look at the jukebox, so we can put on some tunes we both like?”

You’re taking away any hard work the girl needs to do in deciding whether or not she wants to go ahead with what you’re suggesting, simply because you’ve already given her a valid, natural-sounding reason to say “YES!”

Try it…you’ll be amazed at the results.