dating advice – Page 25

Feeling Shy with the Hotties? Ten Can’t Miss Flirting Moves

Flirting is phenomenal! It is a playful, fun activity that helps you feel more attractive and boosts your flirtee’s self esteem. Flirting can be a complete encounter; it doesn’t mean you have to go any farther. As long as you are in a safe public place, a little flirting is a fun, uplifting activity. Within a relationship, flirting is very important: it gives your date or partner clear “go” signals that indicate you find him attractive.

Flirting Is Essential

Flirting is especially important to practice if you are shy or nervous with men or typically caught in a deadly dating pattern I call “Just Buddies.” In this all too common pattern you have guy friends at work or outside, watch sports with them, play video or other games with them, but create no romantic connections. Then you wonder why none of these men are into you.

Dylan, a brilliant, hard-working engineer, whose gorgeous bod was permanently camouflaged in pantsuits or sweats, talks about her Just Buddies pattern:
I work with a lot of guys and I love sports, so we wind up going out after work to sports bars, kicking back a few drinks and doing the guy thing together. I’m the one they tell all their girl problems to. It’s all great, except for Rob, who I think I’ve been in love with for the past year. He just got engaged! During the Love in 90 Days program, I realized that I’m afraid to be more of a woman with a guy. Truth is, I don’t really know how to flirt and have never asked anyone for help. Dylan got over her deadly dating pattern by dressing in more feminine clothes and by flirting. She is now having an incredible time dating terrific guys.

Are You Like Dylan?

Like Dylan, many of us simply feel like we don’t know how to flirt. We see our girlfriends doing it, starting spirited connections with men and leaving us in the dust. But the truth is that flirting is a skill that can be learned! If flirting doesn’t come naturally, try it first on men who are not threatening to you like Dylan did with her game night friends. But make sure you eventually build up to the hotties. If you are nervous, blushing or shy, let it be. This kind of energy is particularly endearing and attractive. And surprisingly enough, if you are very attractive, flirting is especially important! The good men are often quite intimidated by a beautiful woman, and you have to be very clear in signaling your interest.

10 Key Flirting Moves

From Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love:

1. Make eye contact and smile. If he makes lingering or repeated eye contact back, he is probably interested.
2. Ask for help as you adjust your shoe, lean on his arm and adjust it.
3. Look at him, look away, then look back.
4. While sitting, cross your legs and jiggle your foot in his direction.
5. Touch him lightly on the arm, shoulder or neck.
6. Touch your lips, neck or chest.
7. Brush your hand through your hair.
8. Play with your hair, clothing or an object.
9. Whisper in his ear.
10. Give him a mini-massage.

Pick two or three of these simple flirting acts and try them out. You will be amazed at how easy they are to do. Then try a few more. Over time you can become accomplished at flirting whenever you want to, no matter how attractive a hottie is! Learn more about busting through shyness and finding, attracting and dating terrific guys in Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

He’s Just Not That Into You

By sarahelizabethmalinak

I finally went to see the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” expecting it to be a downer. I mean, that’s a pretty negative title. It says it all, doesn’t it? It points to how single women are prone to read entirely too much into the smallest crumb of affection or attention from a man, disappointing themselves over and over again with one man after another who just isn’t that into them. I was happily surprised when the movie had a happy, feel good ending I could believe!

I also spent the whole movie talking to the screen. I said things like, “Girl…don’t do it!” “Woman, do not even think it!” “Stop!” “Don’t…don’t…don’t!” “Oy Vey!” and “Oh, sweetie, don’t go there…” Fortunately, there weren’t many people at this showing and I didn’t disturb anyone!

Your Feelings Aren’t An Indication Of His

The truth is that in spite of all my warnings to the various women on screen, I have committed every single act of desperation, hope, and longing they did in the story. We women want so deeply to be loved in a way that makes us feel seen, heard, and valued. And there is nothing wrong with that! It is a natural part of our physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual make up that helps us thrive. The trick is learning to love ourselves enough to wait for the real thing to come along!

In the meantime, here are some lessons I realized I had learned as I watched beautiful Hollywood actresses act out scenes that could have been taken from my life not so long ago.

First of all, the extent to which you have feelings for him are not an indication of how he feels about you. Whether you have a crush on him, are lusting after him, or genuinely believe you love him, your feelings are not an indication of his level of interest in you. If he is interested, he will call you. If he has a crush on you, he will not need your permission to pursue you. If he lusts after you or genuinely believes he loves you, he will do whatever it takes to seduce you! Therefore, if he takes no action to let you know he is interested in you, love yourself enough to either give him the space to just be a friend or let him go. Do not read intention into little things he says or does just because you care for him. That will not serve you.

“Wifing” Him Can Only Bring Trouble

Unless he has made a commitment to you, do not clean up after him or on his behalf! Acting like the little wife with him might make you feel all cozy and dreamy inside; but if he has neither seduced you nor made a profession of love and commitment to you, then cleaning up after him or on his behalf will humiliate you. You are better than that!

Whether or not you clean up after your man once you two are in love and committed to each other is a different article! Here, we are just addressing the inclination a woman has to play house in a way that will humiliate her if his heart isn’t in the right place.

If he is married, beware of seduction, professions of love, and commitments made to you. Unless he is already legally separated from his wife, he is not a free man. No matter what he says, if he is not at least legally separated, he is playing you as he seduces you. That man has commitment and self-esteem issues. It isn’t your job to rescue him or fix him. You owe it to yourself to love yourself enough to take a breath, give yourself some space, and figure out why you attracted him in the first place so you can move forward attracting healthier men.

Why Sex Is So Important

If you are in a committed relationship and you are not having sex, take a good, long look at why that is so. There are times when sex becomes the least important aspect of a relationship for a season. Reasons like battling a disease, dealing with depression, the birth of a baby, and having to take extended business trips come to mind. But if you are abstaining from sex without a mutually agreed upon reason, your relationship is at risk.

Sex is not the most important part of a romantic relationship. However, unless the reason makes sense and is agreed upon by the pair of you, not having sex becomes the biggest indicator that a relationship is ending (or has ended). Again, you ought to take a breath and some space to love yourself enough to figure out how you intend to deal with this. Ignoring it will not make it better.

You are worth falling in love with! And falling in love begins with you falling in love with you. Learn to practice slowing down, taking a breath, and creating space so you can get your head and your heart straight about what is best for you in romance.

When it comes to falling in love, expect more for yourself because you are worth it. And when he is just not that into you, give him a gentle smile and turn your attention elsewhere. The positive self-regard you will grow in the process will pay off when the right one does a double take as you come into view!

3 Ways To Be An Unforgettable Boyfriend And Make Her Forget About Her Ex

By leejenkins

There are women who got burned so badly by their previous relationships that they don’t want to venture out into the ‘unknown’ anymore. These women are jaded, cynical about love, and think sex is overrated. When a guy finds a hot girl, who just happened to be afflicted by the “man hate” syndrome, what does he do? A guy can either look the other way or pursue her despite the slim chance of breaking through the thick barrier of barb that she put up. Some women are really impossible to ignore, they are mesmerizing, even if they give out a haunted (and hunted) vibe, like they are always on the lookout for men who are just waiting to prey on their vulnerability and use them for selfish carnal pleasures.

What To Do When She’s Been Burned

The primary thing to consider is that no matter how badly you want to know, the story behind her heartbreak should be left alone. However, building her life back and possibly sharing a future with you are definitely things that concern you. Tread carefully. Be as unobtrusive as possible, but always be within her reach just in case she feels like talking. It is possible to keep a person company from afar, particularly if you have already told her that you’re just there if she needs you.

When you finally get her to open up, this is your chance to show her that you are way better than her ex.

Of course, you cannot promise a bed of roses, but there are certainly some things that you can do to prove to her that you, as a man, operate on a higher level than the guy who broke her heart.

1. Love Her Back

This seems like a daunting feat for those who don’t know how. Return her calls, be emotionally available, and tell her that while you may be busy most of the time, she is always in your thoughts. Basically, not taking a woman for granted is the best way to win her over. Ask her opinion about where to go and what to do during your date. Staying open and extremely considerate is very important, particularly during the time when she’s still learning to trust you.

2. Be a Gentleman

You know those simple things like opening the door for her or pulling the chair? Those gestures are not lost on her. Of course, you have to be consistent and make these gallant gestures a habit. Doing these only during your initial dates will make her think that the gestures are a put on.

3. Make Her Orgasm During Sex

No amount of gallantry, gift-giving and mushy loving could make her consider you as a constant in her life if she discovers that you are not sexually compatible. The ability to give her the time of her life in bed will catapult you from “boyfriend material” to “The One”. If she has told you that she thinks “sex is overrated” more than a couple of times, there’s a big chance that she has never experienced an orgasm in the past.

Even if she did experience sensational sex with her ex, your knowledge of how to make her orgasm will stack nicely with the fact that you are the most gallant, most considerate guy she has ever met; and this will erase all notions of her past loves.

13 Deadly Mistakes to Avoid on a Date

By alexstrandberg

Have you ever been excited about a date only to end up spending the night alone and frustrated? Staying up half the night asking yourself ‘What went wrong?’

I know I have many times. After each date ended badly I walked away feeling powerless over my dating life. It felt like there was something that I wasn’t getting that most men did.

I believe if guys avoid these 13 deadly mistakes like it was the plague, their chances of getting a second date would dramatically improve. I choose the unlucky number thirteen because when it comes to dating making these mistakes will cause you to be very unlucky.

1. Not Breathing

First dates can be nerve wrecking. The pressure can be so high that you feel like you have swallowed a whole jar of butterflies. Sweaty palms and nervous ticks can be greatly reduced by sitting back and breathing.

If you ever find anxiety building up inside of yourself focus on taking long deep breaths. This will allow you to calm yourself down and get back to enjoying the date.

2. Being Too Far Away From Your Date

How can you go in for a kiss if she is five feet away? You can’t, so get a little closer to her. Guys tend to end up in the friend zone far too often because they aren’t getting close enough to the girl. Friends keep their distance while lovers come in a little too close for comfort.

Don’t start out the night two inches away from her face because it will creep her out. Work your way from a distance and get closer and closer as the night goes on.

3. Wanting Her to Like You

Nothing spells neediness like wanting her approval. It is the number one attraction killer. If you are desperate for her to like you don’t be surprised when she gets a call from a friend telling her that a family member has been in an emergence and she needs to go to the hospital right away.

Instead of trying to get her to like you ask yourself if you like her. When you qualify a woman, your insecurities and fears are greatly reduced. You are now in a position of choice instead getting her to approve of you.

4. Saying Sorry Too Many Times

Saying sorry too often is a very unhealthy habit. You say sorry and she thinks, “Oh God not another nice guy.” Accidents happen and are automatically forgiven, that’s why they are accidents. There is no need to say sorry every time you accidentally bump into her or make a minor mistake.

If you do something horrible like telling her that her ass is fat or spilling a drink in her new purse, then it requires a sincere apology. Anything beyond psychological or physical damage doesn’t warrant an apology.

5. Taking Her Out to Dinner….

Taking her out to dinner puts her three to four feet away from you and prevents you from getting close to her. Think of a dinner table as a barrier to you having an amazing first date. It’s a wooden cock block.

On top of that it puts you into a very awkward situation. You just met this woman and barely know her but you are forced to stare at her all night long. This will add to the pressure and stress of a first date.

Instead of following the cliché of taking her to a restaurant, take her to someplace more exciting. Bowling and shooting pool are some great ideas for a fun first date.

6. Speaking Too Fast

People who talk too fast make others around them feel anxious. Your date is nervous enough as it is and doesn’t want to feel any more anxious. If you continue to talk like an auctioneer she will get too uncomfortable and call it an early night.

Slow down and take your time when you speak. Practice this in your day to day life to avoid getting the axe from your date.

7. Going For the Kiss at the End of the Night

Classic mistake that guys never seem to get is trying to kiss a girl at the end of the night. When you pull this move you will be lumped into the same category as almost every other guy she has dated. Separate yourself from the pack and kiss her early on in the night.

The biggest problem with the goodnight kiss is the anxiety that comes from it. All throughout your date you will be focusing on that monumental moment instead of enjoying yourself. Every second that ticks by you will be plotting your strategy on how you will kiss her at the end of the night. This will cause the date to not go as smoothly as you planned making the good night kiss even harder to land.

8. Telling Her That You Like Her

She knows that you like her and you are only shooting yourself in the foot by announcing it. Your interest in her is made obvious by you being out on a date together. When you tell her how you feel it reminds her of all the nice guys that she rejected who did the same exact thing. If you tell her that you like her history will repeat itself and you will sleep alone tonight.

9. Complaining Too Much

Nothing spells attraction like a guy who brings a woman down. Life is tough and going on dates are supposed to be a relief from it. If you go on and on about how you hate your job she will begin to lose interest in you. The attraction she might have felt for you will disappear in a flash. Keep her having a good time or there will be no second date.

10. Going Too Deep with the Conversation on a First Date

Dates should be fun and enjoyable, not dark and depressing. If you poke too much into her past it might open up a whole flood gate of issues. The excitement and joy she once felt will be replaced by anger and depression from her childhood or ex-boyfriend. The date will turn sour very quickly and the only time she gets wet is when she cries on your shoulder.

11. Jumping to Conclusions

Most guys get so excited about actually going on a date with a real girl that they let their imaginations run wild. They start to imagine a house, a dog and a white picket fence even before securing a second date. Get a hold of your imagination and take it one date at a time. Nothing will make a girl run faster than a needy guy planning their honeymoon during the appetizers.

12. Getting Stuck in Your Head

Believe it or not your mind isn’t very useful in getting and keeping women attracted to you. Throughout the date it will fill you with anxiety and insecure thoughts regardless of how things are actually going. She might be into you but your mind will tell you otherwise.

Do yourself a favor and get out of your head and go with the flow of the date. The best way to do this is to ignore your thoughts and take a nice deep breath.

13. Asking Instead of Leading

Ask women what the most annoying thing a man could say to her and nine times out of ten it will be “Well, what do you want to do?” When a woman hears those magical seven words her first thought is, “I want to give you a fake number with seven digits and go home.”

Don’t ask or make a suggestion for what you want to do, just do it. Don’t check in with her to see if it is ok or not. If she has a problem with the direction you are taking the date, she will let you know.

You Said What?! Seven Things You Should Never Say To A Woman

By sarahelizabethmalinak

When people teach the Law of Attraction, they explain that what you put your attention on increases. In an effort to explore why bad things happen, they teach that worrying about negative things can actually attract them to you.

Worry Is Natural

Because worry is a natural response to living, compulsive personality types can find this concept quite challenging. Suddenly one is worrying about worrying for fear of attracting something bad.

One day I heard my favorite Law of Attraction teacher explain something that completely calmed me on this issue. If someone hands you a tall glass of cold milk and you think to yourself, “Don’t spill the milk,” you will not spill the milk. When you want to avoid something, as long as you are thoughtful and do not zone out, you can accomplish avoiding it rather than attracting it.

So following is a list of things you should never say to a woman. I trust that our looking at what not to say will not result in the very thing we are trying to avoid!

These statements to avoid saying can feel perfectly innocent, even complimentary in the moment. However, uttering them can create a cold chill in the room that may take lots of work to heat back up.

“Golly! You’ve got quite the appetite!” Among men, a healthy appetite is evidence of health, well being, and enjoying each other’s company. Verbalizing the observation of a woman’s healthy appetite can make her feel like a glutton.

“You’re looking really good for your age!” Whereas one woman could make this observation to another (maybe, under ideal circumstances between the best of friends), a man making it is like pouring cold water on the person he wants to impress the most.

“My mom did it this way.” Whether you compare her to your mother favorably or unfavorably, your woman doesn’t want to remind you of your mother! Even when she sometimes mothers you, she doesn’t want to remind you of HER!

“That was delicious – just like my ex used to make.” Letting her know she really satisfied your appetite should end at she satisfied your appetite! No comparisons to the ex, ever!

“Your mom is sexy!” Now, a woman might appreciate admiring her own mother, realizing that her mom really does look great for her age and so she too stands a good chance of still being sexy herself twenty-five years from now. But hearing you admire her mom this way will just make her feel “icky” and diminished in comparison!

You Said What?!

“Can we keep the lights off?” She will instantly interpret this one to mean you do not find her attractive and would rather fantasize about someone else while you are with her. If that is true, it would be best to end the relationship and free you both to find better love elsewhere. If it is a result of your own self-consciousness then request low lighting. She will interpret that as romantic and you will be her hero!
“No, Sandy, that’s not what I meant,” when Sandy is your ex’s name! No one does this consciously! When it happens, it is an accident. Your best bet is to apologize immediately and ask her how you can make up for it. Lavishing her with reassurance ought to disarm her. Especially if it never happens again!

Natural Differences Between the Sexes

When men and women say things to each other they ought never to say, it’s rarely intentional. Usually, it is a result of the natural differences between the sexes. It often occurs because a woman is talking to her man like he’s her girlfriend or because a man is talking to his woman like she’s one of the guys.

A really awesome, cool, magnificent way to insure peace, harmony, and hotness between a man and a woman is if each can put him or herself in the other’s shoes without feeling a loss of self.

To consider the other’s viewpoint from within the other’s male or female chemistry, physiology, and mentality without judgment can open the imagination to numerous ways of communicating, “I love you,” or, “I’m interested in you,” or, “I think you hung the moon,” or, “I honor and respect you,” etc. with or without words!

You do not have to get lost in the other’s shoes. Wear them for a short time, even for just a moment, for a shift in perspective that can make you number one on his or her list of favorite people of all time!