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Do Women Expect Too Much From Men?

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A relationship is about give and take, but many men think that in a relationship with a woman, they’re doing nothing but giving. Is that true?

What She Said

Umm, no. Granted, I am a woman and you haven’t given us much to go on with this question. In general, society still plays a large part in defining roles of gender and, thusly, behavior. It’s up to us as individuals to unravel what that means in our lives.

What IS Expected Of Men?

I assume you’re speaking from the vantage point of what’s wanted from men and dating, given the nature of our column. I acknowledge that men have certain pressures when it comes to relationships – the biggest sticking point with many guys being the assumption of who pays on dates. We’ve covered that several times here, but I’ll say it again – it’s not how much you spend, it’s the thought that counts. Being honest while living within your means will make for a happier relationship.

Every Woman Wants Different Things From A Man

Since I don’t have much to go on, I’ll tell you what I want from a guy – the same thing I expect from myself. Honesty, respect, communication, love and companionship all rate high on my list. Money, childcare, romance, how much time spent with the in-laws and who cleans the house are common issues. Every couple has different answers as far as these expectations go, but I’d assume the happiest relationships are where the balance of the responsibilities is relatively equal.

If He Feels Overwhelmed

If a man feels that too much is expected of him, he might want to take a look at two things – himself and the relationship he’s in. Expectations are just that – it’s up to you how (or if) you decide to fulfill them. It’s your life and resentment is a terrible waste. Don’t be a victim and assume you have to live up to someone else’s vision. Make your own rules and find a partner who believes in a similar way of life. You can’t control what others want from you (much less an entire gender), but you can control how you react.

What He Said

Do girls want too much from men? Hell yes! You want us to pay, you want us to be nice, but not too nice, you want us to love you for your mind as well as your body, you want us to put the seat down, you want us to want to do the dishes. You want a bad boy, but you want him to be monogamous, you want passion, you want consistency, you want him to have six pack abs, you want him to eat healthy, but not eat like a girl, you want him to last all night and fuck like a porn star, blah, blah, blah.

Is It Too Much?

That’s a lot to live up to. It used to be that girls were the ones burdened with all the unrealistic expectations that society heaped upon them in droves. Now men are getting our fair share. When did that happen? Where’s gender inequality when you need it? Men are starting to be as insecure as the ladies, if not more so, about sex and their bodies. That’s not right! That’s your problem. Not ours! Damn feminism. Damn you Gloria Stenheim!

Wait…what was I talking about?

How To Reinvent Yourself After A Breakup – And Get Her Back

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Breakup schmakeup – you’re over it! Or are you? Here’s how to create a new you after a nasty breakup – and get your girlfriend back!

You’ve broken up with your ex and are either single or with someone new, but you know you jumped back into the dating pool too soon. You realize this was a rebound knee-jerk reaction and what’s worse, you can’t get your ex out of your mind. You want her back and you want her back for good! Stick around because not only will I tell you how you can get her back, but how you can improve on your own life and self-image at the same time.

Learn To Live Your Life

We all know men and women are wired differently – “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus right?” But what if you could rewire the inner you, both physically as well as emotionally! You can and whilst you may not wake up tomorrow a totally new person both physically and emotionally (believe me it doesn’t even happen overnight on those reality television shows), the first step in creating a new you to win her back is to START living the life you want to live and being the person you and SHE wants you to be.

It can’t be that difficult or too far a reach or disconnect or else she wouldn’t have dated you in the first place right? We are all primed from early childhood, allocated labels, “athletic,” “academic,” “artistic” etc., but often these labels are self-fulfilling prophecies that create our identity as opposed to shaping our own identity.

Explore A New You

Despite the fact that your breakup with your ex might have been the catalyst for your desire to change, self-actualization, or becoming more confident is part of life’s evolution. With evolution, your needs change, you acquire wisdom and experience and now you have reached a stage where you need to try something different.

You may want to explore a new career, move to a different location, explore other activities and behaviors. In fact, this could also be the reason your relationship with your ex back-fired. Neither of you were getting what you needed. Perhaps she felt unappreciated or bored, and perhaps you found excuses to be away from home. However, the breakup between the two of you is treating the symptom, not the cause.

Take Care Of Yourself

Take the next couple of days to make a list of all the positive and negative factors in your relationship but at the same time, look after your health by eating healthy, exercising and getting enough sleep. This time apart allows you to reassess your life, and your possible life together with your ex, objectively.

By the time you meet up with your ex she will already begin to see the ‘new emerging you’; and might possibly be inspired to join you. Whatever the situation, it is important to remember that you’re not stuck with who you were in the past. We often feel like who or what we aspire to be has to “make sense.” But we’re always growing, and taking a leap into a new life is exciting and even better with your ex by your side.

It starts off as small steps and it was Confucius who said: “A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step,” and so to create a new you and a new relationship, it’s often the little things that are the first step.

Do Opposites Really Attract?

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A relationship is based on many things, including having things in common. However, can people who don’t have things in common be attracted to each other?

It’s hard to think that “opposites attract” would have become such a common saying if there weren’t some truth in it. What does it really mean, though? Can you be total opposites in every way and still make for a perfect love match? Or do some opposites work together better than others? If you find yourself attracted to someone who seems really different from you, how can you tell if it will be more than a passing fling?

What Is So Different?

The first thing to address is exactly what’s so different about you and your new love interest. Maybe you like different types of music or different movies and TV shows. Perhaps you love to read fictional novels and your new partner only reads nonfiction. Maybe he or she doesn’t enjoy reading at all. Some people would worry that, without common hobbies or interests, you will run out of things to talk about early on in your relationship.

That’s not necessarily true, however. Perhaps you’re both open-minded types who are generally curious. In that case, you might end up learning about a lot of new things through your partner, and vice versa. Your differences may end up being the very things that keep you the most interested in each other.

How Far Do Your Opposite Qualities Go?

What if your opposite qualities go beyond things like hobbies, though? What if your very personalities are what make you opposites? Sometimes that can be a good thing. If you’re a big talker and your partner is more of an observer and listener, you may find that you’re extremely well matched. If one of you is more of a control freak and the other likes to go with the flow, the Type B person may be perfectly fine with letting the Type A one make all the decisions.

In fact, that pairing would probably be far less disastrous than getting two bossy Type A folks together. Other opposite pairings probably wouldn’t fair as well. If you’re a neat freak and your new boyfriend or girlfriend is a slob, it’s highly likely you’ll be experiencing problems the minute you start living together. If you’re a goody two shoes dating a bad boy or girl, it may seem fun for now. As things get more serious further down the line, however, you may find that his or her unwillingness to shape up is incredibly unattractive.

Breaking It Down Logically

The best way to figure out if your opposite qualities can meld to form a happy relationship is to think about them logically. Try to imagine your new significant other’s traits in someone who you don’t find sexually attractive. Would you want to be that person’s friend, or would you dislike spending time with them? If the latter is true, then the only reason you’re really into Mister or Miss Opposite is that you find them physically attractive.

Aging happens, and they might not be so hot several years from now. You don’t want to stick with someone who you won’t enjoy talking to once their looks fade. If you do think that you’d still want to hang out with them, then your opposite traits and interests are working in your favor. People often wonder how a staunch Republican and a lifelong Democrat can fall in love, but it happens.

Whether they’re both impressed by their mutual passion for politics, or they both get a kick out of debating each other, there are certain kinds of people who can make their differences work for them. If you’re one of those people, you just might find that your perfect love match is your polar opposite.

How To Talk To Women Without Freezing Up

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Dating can be intimidating if you don’t know how to talk to women. Many guys get nervous or frustrated when they try to talk to women, because they’re just not sure what to say, how to act or what to do. Here’s what you can to do make sure you don’t clam up and make a fool out of yourself!

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Relax!

The most important thing you can do when dating and talking to women is to relax and take everything in stride. When you start getting stressed out and worried about doing well or what she’ll think of you, everything will go downhill quickly. Give off an energy of being quiet, calm and confident. Relax and be fun to be around. Laugh at things around you that are funny and stay calm. Don’t allow yourself to get too nervous or worked up over dating, because if you do, you’ve already sealed your fate and you won’t do well at all.

Avoid Trying Too Hard

A lot of guys end up trying to hard when dating. They try too hard to be funny, but end up telling really lame or offensive jokes. Or, they may try too hard to be sexy or to turn a woman on, but they end up coming across as really overbearing, sexual or creepy. The best thing you can do is to avoid trying TOO hard. You definitely want to put your best foot forward, but this is where relaxing comes into play. You want to keep from trying to hard, because you’ll probably end up turning her off, big time.

Be Yourself

A girl is going to find out who you really are anyway once you start dating her, so why not just be yourself from the very get go? Along with trying too hard, a lot of men try to be the kind of guy they think a woman wants, but it usually ends up backfiring. While you definitely want to be the best you that there is, don’t pretend to like things you don’t like, do things you don’t do or dislike things you actually really enjoy. Be confident in who you are and put yourself out there. There are definitely going to be women who will appreciate that you took the risk to be honest and true to yourself.

Things To Talk About

Most guys worry about what to say when it comes to dating. They want specific things that they can discuss during a date so they never have a lull in the conversation or those awkward silences. While following where the conversation naturally leads is the best thing you can do, here are some things you can say (and things you need to avoid) to be successful.

  • Do you have anything in common? This can be movies, music, hobbies or whatever. Think about the things you like and ask her if she likes any of the same things.
  • Don’t talk too much about yourself. This can make you seem egotistical and self absorbed – which every woman hates. Make sure you ask her questions about herself too and genuinely listen to her answers.
  • Don’t complain about things. While you might be getting really crappy service at the restaurant you’re at, or you spilled on yourself and your car won’t start, it’s important that you laugh things off – especially on the first date. Don’t come off too pessimistic.

Focus On Her

Do you know how many times a girl has been on a date with a guy that won’t shut up about himself? Tons. So don’t be that guy. Instead, put the focus on her. Ask her questions (that aren’t too creepy) and be interested in the answers. What does she like to do for fun? What kind of music does she like or what kind of movies does she like to watch? What is she passionate about? What drives her? What is she proud of in her life? If you ask a woman about herself and are actually interested in what she has to say (and she will sense if you’re faking it) she’ll be smitten with you from the get go.

Don’t Be Afraid To Flirt

Girls love flirting – that’s all there is too it. Flirting can be so much fun for both the guy and the girl. Tease her, compliment her, touch her lightly on the arm or leg and get close to her. Laugh at things that are funny and give her a genuine smile with some smoldering eye contact. Witty banter is priceless when it comes to talking to women, but make sure you’re not teasing her too hard. Mixing up a little teasing with genuine compliments and good, engaging conversation is an excellent formula for flirting success.

Things To Remember

While you definitely want everything to develop on its own naturally, there are some things you want to keep in mind when you’re out dating and making friends with women:

  • You’re not “performing.” Relax and have fun!
  • Avoid pick up lines. Pick up lines almost never work.
  • Women are attracted to men that give off a fun, confident energy. Be that guy! People will start to flock to you (girls included) if you are fun to hang out with.
  • Don’t be afraid of pauses in the conversation. All conversations have natural pauses, especially if you’re having dinner – you definitely need to take a few minutes here and there to eat! Let the conversation develop naturally, without worrying about awkward silences. Pauses in the conversation actually create sexual tension – which is a very good thing!

Practice Makes Perfect

Like with anything, practice makes perfect when it comes to dating and having a conversation with a woman. If you struggle with being comfortable talking to women, practice doing it even with girls you’re not interested in dating. Go up to women on a daily basis and make an effort to strike up conversations with them. It may be difficult for you to do at first, but as you continue doing it, you’re going to become more and more comfortable with the concept of just approaching women and making conversation with them. This means that when the right girl finally does come along, you’re going to be well prepared for having a fun, successful conversation with her.

Dating Advice: Who Should Make the First Move?

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In today’s dating world, long gone are the days of Sadie Hawkins dances. Now it’s as common for girls to ask out guys as it is the other way around. Yet some women still prefer to be pursued, and some men still prefer to be the pursuer. When you’ve met someone new and are interested in dating them, how can you tell which of you should make the first move? Observing their general behavior during your initial encounter can be very helpful, along with assessing just how comfortable you are being the asker.

Should She Ask Him Out?

If you’re the lady in the equation, it’s important to figure out what kind of guy you’re dealing with. If he’s a confident guy and is showing obvious interest in you, there’s a good chance he’ll do the asking. Of course, his big personality may attract lots of women, so he may be used to being hotly pursued.

If he seems like the life of the party, you can actually go either way. You can rest assured that he’s accustomed to women asking him out, so he won’t be bothered by you making the move. On the other hand, playing hard to get and making him do some of the work might actually pay off more for you. Men who are used to being chased after are often more intrigued by the women that make them do the chasing.

How To Do It

If you follow the latter option, make sure to flirt it up and make your affection for him just obvious enough that he knows you’re interested.Then sit back and wait for him to come to you. If you find yourself interested in a shy type, you’re most likely going to have to ask him out. This is especially true if you’re not shy yourself, as your overt confidence may be slightly intimidating to a shy guy. If you yourself are also shy or simply don’t believe in making the first move, take heart.

The best way to ask him out without really doing so is getting a friend to intervene. Have a mutual friend let him know that you’re interested in a seemingly uncontrived way. That should be all the confidence boosting he’ll need to make a move on you.

Should He Ask Her Out?

What if you’re the guy in the scenario? Guys can always feel comfortable with making the first move. Even if the woman you ask is used to asking guys out first, she won’t be put off by you beating her to the punch. Luckily for them, men have never had to worry about the unfortunate stigma of seeming desperate if they pursue someone.

Some women still fear that stigma though, so you can make it easier on her and ask a girl out. The modern man does need to worry about becoming too complacent, though. If you’re the type of guy that gets asked out all the time, be careful not to get too comfortable with it.

If you assume that you should let the ladies do all the work, you may miss out on some great catches. There are plenty of wonderful women out there who might be a little shy, a tad old fashioned, or just prefer to feel sought after. Even if you’re a lady magnet, you should take a chance now and again and ask out a girl you’re into.

On the flip side, even if you’re an old fashioned guy and prefer to do the asking, don’t shy away from a woman who’s bold enough to ask you out. In the current dating scene, a woman can make the first move without being a generally pushy person.

Be True To Yourself

Finally, whether you’re a boy or a girl, remain true to your own style. If you really don’t feel comfortable asking someone out, then don’t. That just means that you need to be pursued by someone to be happy, so you probably won’t enjoy dating a person whom you had to make the first move with anyway. Odds are good they’ll keep expecting you to take the lead throughout the relationship, which is probably not your thing.

More importantly, so much of the early dating process is about being in the moment. Trust your gut! If you feel like doing the asking, go for it. The worst thing that can happen is that the guy or gal you ask will say no. That just means it probably wasn’t meant to be to begin with. The truth is that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to approaching a potential date.

If you can get a feel for the person you’re interested in and go with what’s comfortable for you, you’ll make the right decision every time.