divorce

The Secret to Lasting Love – Better Than Flowers And Chocolate

After you’ve been together for a while and the initial euphoria wears off, it’s easy to keep finding faults and to focus on the problems and bumps and forget the wonderful things that made you fall in love in the first place. Here’s the best way to keep the love and romance alive in your relationship, no flowers or chocolate required!

Gratitude Journal

When things get rough in your relationship, it’s important to remember what made you first fall in love with your partner. Chances are, the reasons you love your partner are still the reasons you love your partner but day to day stresses have just gotten in the way. It’s easy to focus on little annoyances when things aren’t going your way and this can often put a lot of strain on the relationship. Instead of going over and over why you’re mad at your partner or what they’re doing that really irks you, try focusing on what you love about your partner. Start a gratitude journal. Every day, write down five things that you love about your partner, or that made you fall in love with them in the beginning. Do this for thirty days and you’ll find that all those little annoyances aren’t such a big deal anymore and its easier to remember why your partner is important to you.

Create A LoveBook

A LoveBook is a great option for putting your gratitude journal into something you can give as a great gift and keep for years to come. Sign up for a free account online and start making your LoveBook right away. Pick between a hard or soft cover and choose your cover art. Then, pick from pre-made pages of things you love about your partner or create your very own page. Each page has an illustration on it to help bring the book to life. Once you’re finished putting it all together, order your LoveBook and have it sent to your home. Now you have something to look back on when you’re feeling frustrated in your relationship or give as a perfect romantic gift for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day or just because.

LoveBook Gift Ideas

A LoveBook is a great gift for your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or partner. This is originally what the LoveBook was designed for, and you simply can’t get any more personal or original with your gift. Forget the bland “flowers-and-chocolate-or-dinner-reservations” gifts and get your partner something really special instead. LoveBooks also make great gifts for parents and grandparents to let them know how thankful you are and how much you appreciate them in your life. Make a LoveBook for your child on their birthday or on any day to let them know all the reasons you think they’re a stellar kid and why you’re proud of them. If you use your imagination, you can give a LoveBook to just about anyone and let them know why they’re important to you and why they’re a big part of your life! Of course, giving a LoveBook to your partner is super special, and it’s so easy you can make one every year to let them know how your love for them continues to grow and grow.

Save Your Marriage – Revive Romance and Passion with this Simple Trick

By melody

For the past 25 years I’ve had married couples come in to see me who have lost connection with each other and are contemplating divorce. Some are very committed to the idea of marriage and are traumatized by the idea, but they feel so unhappy they don’t have a clue how to revitalize what was once a passionate connection.

Sometimes these couples haven’t had sex in years, perhaps decades. But they stay together “for the kids” or because they “love” each other but they have no passion for each other any more. They also don’t feel emotionally connected and often feel lonely and sad.

Here’s what happened: they quit treating each other as friends. They stopped talking about important things because they were afraid of each other’s reactions. Most of the time, they blame their partner for the lack of connection and don’t recognize how their own choices led to a distant, passionless marriage.

Now, understand, I’m not saying you are “to blame”. What I am saying is that you have a choice about how to move forward, whether you are newly in a relationship or your marriage has gone south for years. And, you can’t “blame” your partner; this was a mutually acquired distance that took both of you to create. The good news is that only one of you has to begin to change gears for things to move out of neutral.

Why Does This Happen To A Marriage?

When we first get married or commit to someone, we see this person as our savior. We see them as the person who will rescue us from loneliness, sexlessness, and emotional isolation. Maybe we even see them as the person who will rescue us from our financial burdens. Our ideas of romance are like those of Edward and Bella in the Twilight series. We think that Edward will sweep us off our feet and make us feel like a princess, or Bella will love us no matter how many horrible things we have done. We will never fight, or have disagreements, we will always support each other and clean up after each other without having to discuss anything or challenge each other.

Now I know, your logically thinking “No, I didn’t expect that, I know people have conflict”. Yes, I know you “know” that to be true but the little kid inside each of us secretly longs for someone to be like our mother (or the mother we should have had) who was unconditionally loving and expected nothing from us. I am of course, talking about our unconscious desire for regression into infancy. We all have that pull, and it is what we emotionally crave from our spouse.

And anything that indicates we will not get what the little kid in us wants feels like a violation of our contract with our partner. We pout, we stomp our feet, or we dance around and try to please or we hold our tongue so as to not threaten loss of what we hoped we could have.

The bottom line is that we stop seeing the other person as our friend, and we see them as the person who is denying us the one thing that we most need. Because of this, we go into a self protective mode and stop treating each other with the kindness and respect that we treat our friends.

Take the Risk

Step back from your self, from your marriage, and take a really hard look at the way YOU act toward your partner. Start talking to them like someone you respect and want to get to know better. Trust me, there is more to your partner than you know.

So what if it upsets your spouse for you to discuss money, sex, housework (or whoever the topic)? In order to develop intimacy we have to be willing to let the other person have whatever feelings they have, even if they cry, storm around, or yell. Short of physical or verbal abuse, expression of emotion is needed between spouses. Learning to express your needs requires that you learn to deal with your partners unhappy feelings. No matter who you are, you are going to have thoughts, feelings and desires different from those of your spouse, and sometimes, they will cause conflict.

Chose to Be Emotionally Available

Being emotionally available means being able to tolerate you own feelings, as well as those of your partner. Being a full partner in a marriage means being willing to listen empathetically to your partners feelings without judging them or attempting to curtail them. That said, I know it’s not an easy thing to do. Our survival brain yells at us that we are risking being abandoned, divorced, or maybe even hurt and the truth is; we are, it is risky. But in reality it is no riskier than pretending those feelings aren’t there. When we ignore the real feelings that exist in our self or in our partner, we risk distance, emotional divorce, infidelity, and long-suffering loneliness.

So take the risk, feel the fear, and do it anyway. In the long run, you, and your spouse will fare better. Marriage or no marriage, you will have more honestly, intimacy, and understanding between you.

Should You Engage In After Breakup Sex?

By david

Sex tips are essential when you are breaking up or going through a divorce. Getting back into the groove can be problematic for everybody.

Divorce is trying on emotions and the sex life. But there’s nothing better than that first orgasm you have after a breakup. And we’re not talking about the orgasm you initiate yourself.

For most people, during the course of a divorce or during a marriage that’s not functional, their hand (or vibrator) becomes their best friend. Where do you think the acronym B.O.B. came from?

You know: battery operated boyfriend. It came from women that were frustrated during the process of being separated and getting divorced or breaking up.

Get Over The Frustration

I understand the frustration that occurs—sexually and otherwise—during a breakup. And it’s too bad really. But there’s nothing better than after breakup sex.

It’s almost like going to a car dealer for the very, very first time and smelling that new car smell. There’s nothing better than the new-person smell, especially after the last one was so stinky and old and had too many miles on it. I’ve been there.

I’ve been married 2.5 times, so I know all about after-divorce sex. The anticipation, the build up—oh my god, it’s so good! I’ve got to tell you, the first time you look at another person’s eyes, you look deep into them and you think to yourself “all I want is sex.”

All I Want Is Sex

“I don’t want to talk about the kids. I don’t want to talk about money. I don’t’ want to talk about anything. I just want you to do me, all night long.”

It’s the best foreplay you will ever have.

The first time you sleep with a new person after ending a relationship—whether it’s divorce or just breaking-up a relationship—consider that the person is literally re-taking your virginity all over again.

Some of you have cobwebs down there; it’s been so long. Some of you are really, really rusty. But here’s the deal—and remember this because it’s really important: the first person you sleep with after you separate is the last person you want to have a relationship with.

Don’t Make This BIG Mistake

Think about it. You are full of emotion, full of desire and infatuation. It’s lust.

And a lot of people go into the mistake of getting involved in relationships with somebody right away, because the sex is so good, because that’s what was probably is lacking in your relationship. Usually when people are going through relationship issues, the sex stops.

So, of course, it’s the first thing you want to replace, because you’ve been deprived for so long. But, it’s also the biggest trap. That trap is hot sex. The first person you sleep with after a relationship ends is the last person you want to have a relationship with.

Remember that the next time you have that lust. You need to spend time alone after a relationship ends. You need to go back and get some good sex, have some fun, figure out what life is all about.

Don’t Fall Into This Trap!

Don’t fall into the trap of getting with that person that wants to do you in any way, shape or form—they’re really just feeding off of your sexually energy. Because when we get out of a marriage or relationship, we’ve got incredible sexual energy.

It’s almost like a little kid being let loose on the playground. It’s almost like the first day of school. It’s almost like going to the best buffet in Vegas, all you can eat.

But the problem is, you don’t want to hit a buffet every single night. You certainly don’t want to be in school forever, and you certainly can’t be in Vegas for longer than 48 hours.

So, think about that the next time you’ve got some good after-breakup sex. Or if you are going through a break-up right now, don’t get trapped by that great buffet.

How To Break Up Without Hurting Him

By romymorgan

A break up is tough, but sometimes it’s inevitable. Here’s how to break up with your man as nicely as possible – and avoid doing major damage.

We have all been there. You go out with a guy a couple of times and things are great for the first two dates. After the third date things are kind of bland and by the fourth date you know that this is not somebody that you want to be with. One of the most heartbreaking aspects of this scenario is the fact that he’s still into you. Knowing how to break up with him without hurting his feelings can be a weight off of your shoulders. When done properly, you might even still be able to maintain a friendship. Here are a few ways that you break up with him without hurting his feelings.

Nip It In The Bud

A lot of women feel like the man that they’re dating could come around so they try to stick it out. This is not something that should be recommended. Even if he is really nice, you need to break up as soon as you know that he’s not right for you. Doing it in the beginning will save him a lot of heartache in the end. Dragging the relationship out because you feel like you might grow to love him is selfish. Not breaking up with him is selfish also. By breaking up with you are doing him a favor.

Avoid Clichés

“It’s not you…it’s me” and “You’ll find somebody” are patronizing and he could get very offended. When a guy gets offended he get defensive. The last thing that you want is a defensive man that starts verbally attacking everything about you. Just explain to him that you think he’s a great man, but that he’s not right for you. This is an easy way to say that you’re not interested and there’s not much he can do about it. Since you haven’t been seeing him for very long, he shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

Be Specific

Using vague statements like “I’m looking for something different” is not enough. When you tell him that he’s not right for you, explain why. Whether it be that you want a partner that wants kids and marriage or that you need someone that is a little more romantic, specifics are best for a break up. This gives him a clear reason of why you don’t want to continue the relationship. You don’t have to attack him or his personality, but make sure that he understands why you are breaking up.

Don’t Be Overly Apologetic

Only say “I’m sorry” once. You’re not taking his house away from him; you’re breaking up with him. Since you’ve only been out with the fella a few times his world isn’t going to pieces. Don’t act like you are the end all and that he’s never going to find another person. Just say, “I’m sorry that we didn’t work out” and leave it at that. When you start apologizing profusely he’s going to think that you’re obsessed with yourself. Statements like “It’s not like you’re Heidi Klum” might come up if you show an inflated ego.

Don’t Stick Around

One of the worst things that you can do is ask him out to dinner when you’re breaking up with him. Don’t put yourself into the situation of having an obligation after you deliver the news. Ask him out for a drink or go over to his house. If you ask him over to your home, you might have to ask him to leave. Always have an escape route. If you stick around he might just try to change your mind. Make it clear that you have no interest in seeing him again and then leave the situation.

Trying To Be Friends

If you have left the situation amicably then you’re in the minority. Most men do not want to be friends with girls they have dated in the past. However, if he wants to still be friends with you, give it a little distance. Remaining friends with a man after you have dated is an honorable thing to do, but if you agree to this you should definitely keep out of touch for a little while. When you break up with a guy, the game begins. A girl that breaks up with a guy is a challenge and men love challenges. Keep the phone calls, text messages and emails to a minimum. Checking up on him can make you seem like his mother and that’s not needed either. Let him live his life after the break up. Don’t let guilt get the best of you. Furthermore, you should be out living your own life instead of worrying about how he’s doing.

Breakup Advice: 9 Ways To Get Over Your Ex

By dicksinthecity

Breakup advice is in order if your heart has just been broken. Take a step towards a new future with these nine ways to put the past behind you.

What She Said:

Getting over an ex is never fun – but with the right breakup advice, it doesn’t have to be complete torture. Be gentle with yourself while you process what you just went through; but don’t wallow. There’s someone great waiting out there for you. Dry your eyes and follow these tips. You’ll be tripping through the daisies with someone new in no time!

Embrace The Old Adage

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It’s tried and true. Be sure you’re emotionally ready to share your body with someone and practice safe sex. If you’re ready, you’ll find having a fun fling will help you begin to release the memory of your previous lover.

Lean On Your Friends

This is what friends are for! Call, email, text and lament. You need to vent. You need to process. Just be sure to keep your boundaries. Leaning on pals during tough times is good. Making their ears bleed six months down the line because you can’t shake your feelings is bad.

Wine & Time

There’s no better breakup advice than curling up with a delicious glass of Pinot Noir and contemplating life. Think about what went wrong in your last relationship. Learn from past mistakes so you don’t have to go through those particular lessons again. Don’t drink your face off – but do unwind for a moment. Time heals all wounds. It will pass. And the passage of time will be eased with some relaxation.

Exercise

Don’t overdo it on hitting the bottle. You don’t want “wine waist” – or the depression that comes with drinking too much alcohol. It’s all about moderation. Balance that moderation with plenty of exercise. It’ll help keep your mood elevated – and you’ll be fit for the next time you’re ready to search for love.

Get Back Out There!

You’ve had a fling. You’ve gabbed to your friends. You’ve gotten familiar with your favorite wineries. And you’ve clocked in the miles on the treadmill. Now the best breakup advice is to dust yourself off and enjoy your hard-earned fresh start. Embrace it today!

What He Said:

Burn It

Get rid of all the shit they gave you. Gifts, pictures, clothes, everything. Get rid of all the reminders of that person. Don’t hold on to anything of the past. You’re moving forward not looking back.

Routine Is Your Friend

Ground yourself in your daily routines. Focus more on those things on your to do list. Add a bunch of things to it too. The busier you are the better. It will help you engross yourself in the present and that is a big key to moving on.

Add Some Hobbies

If you’re not really into anything, get into it. If you’ve got a hobby already, throw yourself into it.

One Night Stands Are Your Friend

Supposedly the best breakup advice and the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Sex like that just works. Not really sure why? Because it lets your mind and body know there are other people out there and other fish in the sea and the sooner you catch one the better you’ll feel.