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Why You Need To Care About Her Orgasm

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A woman’s orgasm isn’t often of much importance to some guys. But should it be? Definitely! Here’s why you should put her orgasm at the top of your list.

What Is Her Orgasm Like?

If you talk to 5 different ladies, you’d get 5 varied orgasmic descriptions. Although the same nerve pathways are activated, the big “O” is a highly personal cosmic experience and one woman’s encounter will be different from the next.

But if you’d talk to 500 women, you will see the bigger picture, identify common themes and see similarities with how women experience a climax. They’d tell you how contractions begin from their vaginal & uterine walls, spread through their bodies and make it quake. Words like: waves, fire, bright, burning & electrifying, will continually resurface.

You’ll also notice how emotional women can be about their orgasms. An orgasm isn’t just a release of physical tension, but of emotions as well. Women use words such as: beautiful, affection, admiration, wonderful & love, to describe it.

For guys, it’s whack to describe orgasms this way and many will bristle with amused puzzlement as to why women can be sentimental about it. Ask chaps about their climaxes, they’d probably give you something like: It was awesome man, I sprayed it all over her chest!

Dude, Where’s My Orgasm?

When a woman regularly fails to climax with a partner, she begins to tell herself that orgasms aren’t really important – that they’re really not that big of a deal, and that she can conveniently do without it.

Let me tell you here, that no matter what women tell themselves, ORGASM MATTERS. After a certain point of arousal, orgasm becomes necessary. But when they like the guy, women have that tendency to rationalize and excuse the man. (And women have doctorate degrees for that.) They can invent any reason under the sun:

  • “Maybe he was just not in his element tonight…and the 15 other freakin’ nights.”
  • “He kisses really good! Love it!”
  • “I can do without the orgasms. What’s important for me is the closeness.”
  • “He pays the bills.”
  • “It’s the alcohol… I think”
  • “What’s an orgasm?”

Climaxes do matter for sanity’s sake. But, do you know how a woman gets through an orgasm-less affair?

It’s the hope of masturbation. “I can touch myself later, anyway,” she would say. Since she knows her body best, she can easily give herself the most powerful and sensational climaxes.

But She Likes It Better With You

But here’s the thing. Even if that’s the case, even if women can help themselves whenever they want, they also know that climaxes feel better when experienced with you. Orgasms are just different when you’re there. They become more meaningful, more intimate. Having a warm body near, as her own convulses with pleasure, makes the experience more striking and memorable.

Easy orgasms, in the comforts of her cold and lonely apartment, even though intensely satisfying, won’t compare to those she shares with the guy she’s really into. The climaxes she shares with you are at a premium.

But how can she orgasm when the so-called “man of her dreams” doesn’t know squat about her plumbing? How can she peak when he’s too busy putting the wrong moves on her, thinking those will get her off? And how would she feel when she’s left hanging, not just once, but OVER & OVER?

What Happens When You Don’t Give It To Her

Miss it once or twice, she’ll forgive you. She’ll excuse you and rationalize the absence of orgasms. Miss it all the time, and she’s on your case. Over time, she’ll feel cheated, robbed or short-changed – especially when she sees her man ejaculate big time.

It gets very unnerving when the pattern becomes: He gets off, she doesn’t. It’s like a sexual rip-off and a big let down. No wonder many become cold, closed and lose interest over time. How would you feel if you engage in intercourse, all the while knowing you’re going to get worked up but are not going to orgasm anyway? Doesn’t that make it more of a job?

You might have noticed how after a disappointing round, women become really irritable, mean, sad or resentful. And boy, do they have ways of getting even. They could take it out on your unsuspecting credit card or your newly polished car. Or they can simply be bitchy at the most ill of times. The saying, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” comes to mind.

Because as you already know, a woman doesn’t draw a clear distinction between what happens inside the bedroom and outside. Men easily dissociate the two, she sees them closely related.

So, why should you care if she has an orgasm or not?

Simply because it affects how easily you can score next time… or if at all!

8 Basic Strokes For Erotic Massage Down South

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Erotic massage doesn’t have to be limited to her back. Instead, make your way to her vulva and massage her down there to get her totally aroused!

Here, you assume the role of a giver. For best results, place a pillow or two under her buttocks. Position yourself beside her or between her legs, in such a way that you have maximum access to her vulva.

These strokes deal largely with the Labia majora, and to the giver, it may seem there’s not much difference among strokes – but to your lady, whose eyes are closed, fully intent on savoring every minute, the trivial variations become different adventures. You’ll be amazed at how simple modifications alter her experience significantly.

You will also notice that none of the strokes intend to penetrate the vagina.

1. “Hello” Technique

Always start with this one. It’s not really a stroke as it is a way to get things rolling. Position your hand like a panty covering her vulva and cup your palm to her shape. Do not move your hand. Not yet. Feel the heat emanating from her. Add eye contact for better results.

“Hello” has a two-fold purpose. One, it’s a getting-to-know-you time. You gain familiarity of her curves & musculature, her soft and fat parts. Molding your palm on her equipment affords you prudence later in the erotic massage. Two, it’s a comfort building technique in that it introduces your hand to her thing. Remember that you’re about to man-handle what women consider as their core, the innermost sanctum of their being.

2. Palm Circulars

Maintaining the “HELLO” position, move your palm in circular motions. Think: Karate Kid “Wax On, Wax Off” motions. Easy, isn’t it?

Here are a few things to consider:

  • You may go Clockwise or Counterclockwise. (She may prefer one over the other)
  • Palm circulars go at different intensities. The soft variety is when your palm merely hovers around her vulva, the hard version is when you grab the fleshy parts and move it in circles.
  • Regarding speed, start the erotic massage slow. Most women prefer RHYTHM over jerky movements, so let your circles flow.

3. Palm or Thumb Glide

Spread your lady’s legs and see how the slit divides her vulva into a left and a right side. Place your palms on her labia majora. If they’re too big, use your thumb or any of the fingers instead. They have the advantage of inducing more focused strokes.

If in the previous technique you were concerned with circular movements, the Palm Glide is all about UP and DOWN movements. (Glide UP even as high as her belly area, and DOWN, near the anus.)

4. Spread & Squeeze

This time, it’s TO THE SIDES.

The Spread & Squeeze part of the erotic massage teases the vulva to open up. You may use your palm, thumb, or any of the fingers for this. Slowly spread the vulva by stroking to the sides, away from the central slit. Stroke to the sides, (not too far or she’ll feel vulnerable and self-conscious.)

For the Squeeze, go the opposite direction by slowly gliding towards the central slit. Let the two inward strokes meet at the center as if mending a torn dress. Join the two sides of her majora.

Now, with your thumb and forefinger, pinch and hold,  then release. The ladies would appreciate a gentle pulling or tugging at this point.

5. Thumb Circulars

This is one of those erotic massage strokes that really get women going. Using the flat of your thumb, employ circular strokes while gliding UP & DOWN her Labia majora. The combination of 2 movements results into spiral strokes on her vulva. Nice!

Vary the size and direction of the circles you make.

6. Finger Walk

Use the flat of your fingers to walk around the vulval zone. Point to an area and then PRESS… and RELEASE. Then repeat. You’re not just brushing or tapping but generating pressure. Imagine you’re playing the piano and you’re masterfully pressing her keys.

A variation is the Finger Moonwalk. Do the press, but before releasing, add a slide element to it. Slide your fingers back towards the wrist, continuing the pressure as you do. Your fingers make possible different variations, experiment and do random press and slides. The multipoint stimulation would make her purr like a cat.

7. Pinch & Slide

This one’s not recommended for sensitive vulvas.

The fleshy areas or those skin folds are homes to the Pinch & Slide. Assuming you’ve employed ample lubrication, pinch an area using your thumb and pointer finger. Hold for a second. That’s the ‘pinch’ part. The ‘slide’ happens when you do a little bit of pulling. As you pull, let the patch of skin or flesh slowly slip from your grasp and pop to freedom.

After releasing, target another area and repeat.

8. The Labial Tug

Her Labia minoras will always be screaming for action during an erotic massage like this.

Using your thumb and pointer finger, tug on her minoras. Not too much but with enough force so she can feel the pull on her clitoris. Tug at different directions and find out what angles work for her. Release by letting it snap off your grasp.

TUG, then RELEASE. Repeat as desired.

After acing the massage, look at your woman and notice how horny she already is. Give yourself a mental pat on the back and proceed to Phase 3 – stimulating the clit itself.

How To Talk To Her About Masturbation

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Masturbation can greatly improve your sex life, especially if she masturbates. It will be much easier for her to orgasm and the overall quality of sex for both you and your partner will increase dramatically. However, not all women masturbate. This can be due to a number of reasons, but if you want to broach this subject with your girl, you’re going to have to talk about it. Here’s how to talk to her about it comfortably, without letting things get weird.

Why You Want Her To Masturbate

Female masturbation is so important is because it helps women learn what feels good to their bodies. When women can experiment in privacy and can learn their bodies better, they become more responsive lovers who can guide you in your quest to bringing them greater sexual satisfaction.

The problem is that a large percentage of women who have masturbated are ashamed or embarrassed to admit they do it. While society pretty much accepts male masturbation, it still views female masturbation as somewhat taboo. Plus, women today were probably raised in households where such things were simply not discussed. Many adult women are shocked when they finally discover that their mothers were also masturbating all that time.

Knowing this is important because you may face difficulty when it comes to talking about masturbating with your partner. Now, of course, some women have no problems broaching the subject. Others, however, are more timid. To be successful, you’ll have to feel your way through the conversation.

Sample Conversation About Masturbation

This sample conversation should give you some idea of how to begin the discussion and how to steer it in the right direction. Of course, the conversation might not go exactly like this and your lover may have different responses than the one here. However, this sample can at least give you the gist of where to take the conversation.

Also, keep in mind that while not all sex conversations should take place in the bedroom, this one may be a good one to have on the bed while both of you are feeling a little amorous. That way it will make what comes next a little easier.

You: “Can I ask you something, baby?”

Her: “What?”

You: “Do you ever get yourself off?”

Her: “What do you mean?”

You: “You know, do you ever masturbate?”

Her: “I’m not going to tell you that.”

You: (keeping the conversation light and playful): “Come on, why not?”

Her: “It’s private.”

You: “I masturbate. Sometimes when I see how hot you look I, get so turned on that I can’t help myself. Don’t you ever feel that way?”

Her: “I’m not going to tell you.”

You: “I think it would be really hot to watch you get yourself off.”

Her: “Really?”

You: “Absolutely! But since you don’t do that . . . “

Her: “Maybe I’ve done it a couple of times.”

You: “Does it feel good?”

Her: “Not as good as being with you.”

You: “Maybe you could show me how good it feels.”

Her: “You want me to masturbate in front of you?”

You: “I think it would be really sexy.”

At this point, your partner may or may not agree. If she does agree, sit back and watch quietly. Don’t try to get involved or to offer words of encouragement. Pay attention to how she pleases herself. For example, does she use a toy or her hand? This can be very useful information for you because if you want to provide added stimulation during intercourse then you can use whichever method she normally prefers.

What If She Doesn’t Want To?

Of course, there’s a good chance that your partner may not be eager to pleasure herself in front of you. If that’s the case, you can always offer a compromise. Instead of you watching from inside the bedroom, ask her if you can tape her masturbating. You’d be somewhere else in the house or gone completely, but the videotape or DVD would record her masturbating in private. You’d be able to see her in action without her feeling as if she’s invading your privacy.

If she doesn’t go along with that idea, then you may need to drop the subject for a little while. That doesn’t mean you can’t go ahead and start experimenting with methods of clitoral stimulation. You may also have a partner who has honestly never masturbated. In that case, she may not be able to give you much feedback about what feels good to her because she probably won’t know. That’s not a bad thing; it just means you’ll be doing a lot of trial and error.

It also means that you’re going to need good communication so when you do hit upon something that sends pleasure racing through her body she lets you know.

How To Make A Woman Orgasm Fast

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An orgasm is sometimes hard to come by for a woman. But if you know what you’re doing, you can make her orgasm incredibly FAST! Here’s how!

Most guys are clueless when it comes to making sure their women are actually having orgasms during sex. Not only is the female anatomy a mystery to most men, but to compound the problem, many women actually fake orgasms in front of their male partners.

That is enough to drive most men into embarrassment. But you can ease your worries and make sure that she is having REAL orgasms every time you have sex and make them happen in a hurry too.

Nipple Adoration

Women love stimulation to their nipples – one of the most erogenous zones on their bodies. It can make a woman quiver in anticipation for more, especially when skilled stimulation can cause incredible sensations to shoot from her nipples right down to her clitoris. You’ve probably heard about women who have breast orgasms simply through intense arousal brought on by this type of stimulation.

So pay close attention to this part of her body. Pinch her nipples lightly. You can also use your teeth (very lightly of course!) when you take each bud into your mouth to send her temperatures soaring very quickly.

Clitoral Delight

The penis has two primary functions – for sex and urination. The clitoris has only ONE purpose – to give a woman an orgasm. So make sure you give her clitoris your attention during sex – but only after you have gotten her highly aroused with adequate foreplay (the above nipple stimulation move will help you greatly too!).

Start stimulating her two clitoral hoods at the sides with your thumb and index finger, before slowly moving in towards her clitoris and stimulating it with your finger or tongue in a circular motion. But don’t just stop there, though (the next tip will blow her into orgasmic heavens).

G-Spot Orgasm Bliss

Most men are unaware of this, but a woman’s G-spot is actually located very close to her vaginal opening. A well-stimulated G-spot can give a woman a vaginal orgasm that is infinitely more satisfying than a clitoral climax.

You should lubricate your fingers before locating this tender flesh that is about two inches into her vagina (near her pelvis) and making a “come here” motion using your index or middle finger. This will make her G-spot swell much bigger – a sign that she is extremely aroused and ready for the big “O”. Keep the stimulation constant until she grips the sheets in utter delight.

These 3 tantalizing moves pack a wallop when used together. Learn and practice them well until you have her reaching for the stars during sex!

5 Stages Of Female Orgasm

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The female orgasm is quite different from the male’s. Here’s the female orgasm broken down stage by stage.

The famous sex researchers, William Masters and Virginia Johnson, were the first to outline the four stages of sexual response in human beings. These stages apply to both men and women, but each gender experiences the stages differently. Men typically race through the stages faster than women do. But in some situations, women may be ready for orgasm much faster than a man.

Let’s take a look at each of the stages as they occur in women and how to know when your partner is ready for the next stage.

Female Orgasm Stage 1 – Excitement

This is one of the easiest stages to reach for both men and women. Just smelling your cologne or having your hand brush against her breasts can excite a woman. She can become excited by fantasizing about sexual encounters or by flirting with you during dinner. In fact, during the average date, women may become excited ten to fifteen times. Most of those times do not lead to the next level, however. The female body responds to this stage in very specific ways.

Let’s go through some of those physical signs of excitement:

  • Her nipples become erect.
  • Her vagina starts becoming lubricated.
  • Her clitoris begins to swell and grow larger.
  • The inner parts of her vagina begin to expand.
  • Her breasts may even increase in size if she becomes highly aroused.

These are not the only physical signs, but these are probably the ones you or her may notice. Notice that during this early stage, her vagina is already becoming lubricated. Many men have the mistaken notion that this is a sign that a woman is ready to engage in intercourse. That is not the case. A lubricated vagina only means a woman is aroused. All of these signs do suggest, however, that her body is preparing for the possibility of sex.

Female Orgasm Stage 2 – Plateau

This second stage does not occur as frequently as the arousal or excitement stage. In fact, most incidents of arousal never reach this level. So when does a woman reach this level? Well, she will require more physical stimulation. Foreplay, for example, will help her move to this stage, so does increased fantasizing. During this stage, sexual tension inside her body is growing. More physical signs also accompany this stage.

A few of those signs are listed below:

  • Breasts may increase noticeably in size.
  • The vagina swells and the vaginal opening begins to narrow.
  • The clitoris becomes more erect.
  • Her heartbeat may increase noticeably.
  • The color of the labia minora will change from pink to either red or wine in color.

This final physical sign is very important. Researchers have found that if the color change does not occur, then women rarely have a female orgasm. About one-half to three-fourths of women also experience what is termed a “sex flush” on parts of their body. The increased blood flow to the skin sometimes gives the appearance of a flush over the chest or other parts of the body.

During the plateau stage, the woman’s body is becoming ready for intercourse. Only near the end of this stage is she physically ready for vaginal intercourse.

Female Orgasm Stage 3 – Climax

All of those women who fake female orgasm end up continually jumping from the second to the fourth stage of sexual response. After her body is truly ready for intercourse and if she is receiving the proper stimulation – usually clitoral – then it does not take long for her to reach the third stage.

Below are some of the physical effects your partner will experience during this stage. Some of these should be noticeable by you and a couple are impossible for her to fake, so if you really want to know whether you are making her climax or not, pay attention to the physical signs.

  • Muscle contractions: Intense muscle contractions through the pelvic area will occur during the orgasm. A woman can have three to fifteen of these contractions depending on the strength of her orgasm. She may also experience muscle contractions in other parts of the body as well.
  • Most women’s bodies become temporarily rigid at the highest point of their orgasm. This lasts for only a moment, but its something you may notice.
  • The “sex flush” is another indicator of female orgasm. At this stage, it becomes brighter and more noticeable. It may also have spread to other areas of her body.
  • Another telltale sign of orgasm in some women is ejaculation. Some women do ejaculate after a female orgasm.

Female Orgasm Stage 4 – Resolution

This is an interesting stage because what happens during it depends on what did not happen before or what is continuing to happen. For example, if a woman successfully completes stage 3, then she may be able to have multiple orgasms. However, if she fails to have an orgasm, then her body will begin to return to normal, but at a slower rate than if she had climaxed first. Many women actually report physical discomfort in the pelvic area during this process—similar to the discomfort men experience when they come close to climaxing but then fail to do so.

During the resolution stage, a woman’s breasts and nipples can be incredibly sensitive. In fact, they can be so sensitive that touching them is uncomfortable for her. This is important to remember, because if you have not climaxed yet, you will want to refrain from any aggressive fondling of her breasts to reach your own orgasm.

After the last orgasm, the “sex flush” will disappear. Also, your partner may experience heavy sweating, rapid heart beating, and/or heavy breathing. The resolution stage marks the end of the cycle of sexual desire and arousal for women.

Female Orgasm Stage 5 – Multiple Orgasms & Sexual Response Cycle

Many women are capable of having multiple orgasms. In fact, they are more common than researchers initially believed. Any time a woman has an orgasm she is capable of having another one if proper stimulation is continued. What’s interesting about multiple orgasms in women is that they don’t have to repeat the entire cycle to achieve another orgasm. Once they are in the area between the third and fourth stages, their bodies are highly receptive to orgasm.