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You are here: Home / Archives for female orgasm

How to Get a Woman to Masturbate on the Phone With You – Phone Sex for HER Pleasure

By david

Khiem and I are walking right now with Yakub, and we’re hanging out and doing what we call a “brainstorm day.”

Well, actually they both goofed off on some weird internet sites for a little while which they didn’t share with me and they downloaded things to my Mac which sort of scares me a little bit, but at least I’ll have some fun entertainment when I get home.

But we were all hiking and talking, and they were asking me, “What are the secrets of how to get her to masturbate for you on the telephone?”

Now, I’ve been somebody who has absolutely enjoyed the benefits of phone sex even before women got to enjoy the benefits of the Blackberry-vibrating phone sex! How to get a woman to masturbate for you on the phone is really very simple.

Use what you know

First, you have to call them late at night. Let’s say you’ve been emailing this woman back and forth. You’ve been flirting in emails back and forth, and maybe you’ve had a couple of phone conversations, and she tells you she’ll be around that night for you two to talk.

What you need to do in that email or text message is ask, “How late can I call you? I want you to be really cozy and comfortable when I call, so you’re not thinking anything about the day.” Then she’ll tell you how late you can call.

So then you call her that late – 11 o’clock at night. She’s in bed, she’s wearing her little jammies, and you start conversing with her. You talk to her about emotions, about anything that has to do with a deep topic. Because remember sex for a woman starts in her mind. You need to connect with her.

You can’t get on the phone with her and say, “So what are you wearing right now? Do you want to masturbate with me on the phone?” No! It’s about connecting.

Phone sex foreplay

Picture it as foreplay – or phoneplay! What you need to do is just talk to her a little bit, get to know her a little bit, make a comment on something you guys have shared together – maybe this is like the first or second phone call, and you’ve learned things about her.

Maybe she’s told you that she really loves deep conversations. You can say to her, “Man, I really love deep conversations with you. I love to get to know you better.  It’s so much fun. I’m enjoying exploring you. I’m enjoying penetrating your mind.” When you talk in very subliminal sexual ways, it will make her very sexually turned on.

Most guys make the biggest mistake: a woman is talking to you late at night, you’re having an emotional conversation and you’re connecting, and the guy will immediately ruin it by saying, “Are you wet right now?” Or “You know, my cock’s hard.  You want to feel it?”

You don’t want to say that! What you have to assume is that she’s already turned on. What I like to do is use very subliminal language. “I’m having so much fun connecting with you now.”  That’s foreplay in her mind. “I’m having a great time learning about you.” “Wow, I wish I was sitting right there with you right now, seeing your eyes during this conversation” That’s another thing to say to her…

Or say, “Oh my God, did we just have like a kiss moment?” when you are talking about something. There’s a pause, and you both feel it. Then you need to get a bit more daring. Say, “Did we just have a kiss moment?” and she’ll say, “Well, yeah, I think so!” Then you can say, “Alright, let’s play true confession. If I was there right now, what would you want to do?”

And then she’ll tell you. If she feels comfortable, she’ll say, “Oh, I really want to kiss you and touch you right now.” You can say, “Touch me? I barely even know you! How do you know I’ll even let you?” You want to be a little bit playful.

Then she’ll say, “Oh come on. What do you want to do?” And then you tell her.

What I always say over and over again is, “If I was there right now, I would look deep inside your eyes. I would kiss you. I would look at you, and I want to feel your energy. I want to look and see what I stir up inside you after I kiss you.”

How to know when she’s getting into it

All of a sudden, she’ll take a deep breath, and say, “Really? Tell me more.” So then you tell her more! “I’m a very passionate person, and I love to explore a woman’s body, but only after I connect with her mind and her soul,” and then describe what you’d love to do to her.

What I do is do it very subliminally: “Right now, if you were standing in front of me, I would LOVE to look at you after I kissed you and see how hungry your eyes are. I’ll know just by the look in your eyes how I want to proceed with your body. I’ll know what I want to do next.”

You’re taking control at this point. You’re painting a picture. Most men don’t paint that picture – they paint a picture of weakness. You are basically telling her, “If I was there right now,  this is what I would do to you.”

Then, at that point, you have to judge her temperature. You can ask, “Well, do you want to hear more?” 99.9% of the time, she’s going to say of course! At this point, you want to be very subliminal in what you say to her. You want to say things like, “After I’m done kissing you, I would take a look and I know your body would be talking to me, and I know exactly what I would do. I would start at your neck…” and describe it.

“I would start at your neck, because I want to taste your skin in my mouth.” Use very explicit terminology: “I would then take my mouth and kiss every inch of your body, tasting every bit of you, and feeling your energy and the way you react” Use those terms. Not once do you ever say, “I want to spread your legs and lick you like an ice cream cone!” It’s all very subliminal.

At this point, you tell a story.  It’s all about how you tell that story . “Man I would just take you, flip you over, and kiss your back from head to toe,” and listen to the way that she is breathing. If she starts breathing a little bit heavier, or sighing a little bit or if she says, “Tell me more” and her voice is getting very breathy, it might even seem like she’s out of breath at this point. She might having short little bursts of breath, and saying, “more, more more…”

More, more, more

Then you can say to her, “Alright, if I was standing there, what would you do to me?” and allow her to describe it now. The thing about sex, and what a lot of men don’t do because they don’t understand how sexual women really are, is give women a chance to express their sexuality. Women are very sexual creatures.

You want to give women a chance to express their sexuality by saying, “Tell me what you would do for me.” Let them tell you and react to it! React positively. When she tells you the things she wants to do, say, “God I love that.” Encourage her a little bit more. A lot of times, her ex-boyfriend or ex-lover didn’t allow her to do those things – she didn’t feel that sexy around him.

The reason why she is exploring this with you over the safety of the phone is that she is trying to figure out who you are. She already has a fantasy about you in her head, so allow her to talk about that fantasy. And every time she says something great, say, “Oh man, that is so hot,” or, “Wow! That would feel so good,” or “I’m yours. You can do that!” And then just add some stuff to it so it becomes this conversation.

Then, at that point, when she is describing things, not only have you turned her on, but she’s turning herself on. You are allowing her to talk about her inner fantasies. At that point, you can say to her, “Let me ask you now, how wet are you?” She will say, “Very.” You then say, “I want you to feel yourself right now, and then describe to me how wet you are. Describe what it feels like in your fingers.”

Her reaction?

Many times she will say, “Oh I’ve been touching myself the whole time!” You ask, “You’ve been touching yourself?” And then you take total control. “Really. I want you to touch yourself some more, and I want to hear you. I want to hear what you’re fantasizing about right now. I want to hear your passion for me. I want to listen. I’m going to talk you through this. I want to listen to what you are burning for right now…” and allow her to talk.

Keep asking her, “What are you doing?” and she’ll tell you what she is doing! Encourage her. “Oh, keep doing that, I want to hear you cum. Cum for me baby, come on.” And then she’ll ask you if you’re touching yourself.

Whether or not you are watching ESPN or touching yourself is your own prerogative, but you say that you are touching yourself. Hopefully you are enjoying the phone sex, and actually having phone sex with her.

This is the way that you get a woman to have phone sex.

Not only that, but once you have phone sex with her, real sex is right around the corner. There is no waiting, no games, no playing, NOTHING. Once they’ve played with you on the phone, they want to play with you in person. You have something to go on.

The next day you text her and say, “Oh man, I’m going to make you beg tonight again. I’m going to make you beg!” and she’ll say, “Oh please don’t make me beg! When are we going to see each other?” And she’s going to beg, because you’ve gotten inside her head.

You have gotten inside her mind, and you’ve gotten inside her soul, like most guys haven’t done.

And that’s how you have great phone sex!

Filed Under: Sexting & Phone Sex Tagged With: female orgasm, foreplay, how to masturbate, masturbation, orgasm, phone sex

Frustrated Girl: It Takes 45 Minutes to Orgasm with Oral Sex!

By loveandsex

If you’re a female frustrated by not being able to orgasm through oral sex – especially if you used to be able to – you’re not alone.

That probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but take heart in the fact that there are some things you can do to help solve the problem and once again climax through oral sex.

Here’s a question from a girl who is feeling incredibly frustrated by her inability to have an orgasm, even if her boyfriend tries for 45 minutes!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Any advise for WOMEN on receiving oral sex?  It seems to take longer and longer to reach an orgasm lately and quite often I get so frustrated that I lose the mood. I feel tense during oral sex and I’m sure that has something to do with it but I just don’t know how to make myself relax.

It used to be wonderful, but now I feel like it’s a waste of time. I feel bad for my fiancé who spent as much as 45 minutes there only for me to give up from frustration.

PLEASE…. I need help here!  I WANT THAT FEELING BACK! Any advice?

— Amber,   North Carolina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ihQi16hc8[/youtube]

Ask yourself – can you still climax well by yourself?

If you notice that you’ve been frustrated while masturbating as well, you might want to mention the fact to an OBGYN or sex therapist.  If you’re still able to orgasm well while you’re masturbating, everything is probably fine with the mechanics.

Are you focusing too much on orgasm?

Many women who are unable to climax through oral sex (or who are no longer able to after having been able to for awhile) are often too focused on the end result and they’re just not enjoying the ride.  Relax and let the feeling of oral sex take you over.

Don’t think in your head, “Am I close yet?” If you do, you’ll never get close – it’s a lot like watching a pot that never boils.  Try simultaneous oral sex with your partner. You’ll be both giving and receiving pleasure and it might take your mind off of the end result long enough for you to actually have an orgasm.

Give your partner direction.

Don’t be negative. Telling your partner how you don’t like what he’s doing will only serve to hurt his fragile ego. Be positive and tell him what you do like.  Don’t be afraid to speak up. Guys love that.  They also love that they’re not shooting in the dark trying to pleasure you.  They enjoy having feedback so they know what to continue doing.

Let your partner know that you like it a certain way, or if he’s in a good spot.  If he’s not in a good spot, try telling him to move a little one way or the other way. Give it time to get synced together when it comes to giving directions – it may not happen right away for you. Before long, however, your partner will learn what feels good to you and repeat only those maneuvers – sending you into climax heaven.

If it’s still not working, you should take a break from trying for a little while.  You know how you look for something you’ve lost, and you look and look but once you give up, you usually find it within a few minutes?  This might fall along those same lines.  Relax and try something new for awhile, such as experimenting with sex toys or new intercourse positions.

After awhile, when you and your partner both feel like you’re ready to try oral sex again, give it a shot!  You might just find out that a solid break is exactly what you needed to revive yourself and get back into the oral sex groove!  Often times, repeating oral very often will lead to less sensitivity, so taking a break might be the ticket out of the funk you’re in.

Above all, don’t put too much stock in one single act of sex.  There are plenty more things to do with your partner where you can experience both intimacy and orgasm!

Filed Under: Orgasm Tagged With: female orgasm, oral sex, orgasm, sex tips, Sex Toys

Why Can’t I Let Go and Have An Orgasm With My Partner?

By loveandsex

Having an orgasm doesn’t mean losing all control – it just means letting go.

Still, some women find themselves incapable of having an orgasm or stopping one that is on the way – often because of emotional baggage that keeps them from releasing their inhibitions.

Therapy can help women work through their issues and build enough self confidence to start enjoying themselves sexually with a partner they trust.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hey there, I have a question that I’m embarrassed asking. I have had a series of bad boyfriends, hurtful, hateful relationships. The times I had sex with them I never got any pleasure and I have never had an orgasm. I have read that you lost control during orgasm. I do not wish to.

I have a new boyfriend 🙂 He is so sweet and caring, and he cares about making me happy and giving me pleasure. But I cannot bring myself to let him make me cum. I always stop him the minute it starts to feel good. I know he is hurt. What can I do to make myself orgasm? How do I stop myself from stopping? What does it feel like? I’m a little confused.

-Sarah, Canterbury, New Zealand

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-sSpT4lsTk[/youtube]

Why Can’t I Let Go and Have An Orgasm With My Partner?

Some women find themselves unable to orgasm – while this can unfortunately be common, less common are the women who actually stop an orgasm from happening.  Their fears of losing control overwhelm them and they are unable to have an orgasm, even if they’re already on the path to one.

Let’s examine why having an orgasm is not “losing control” but actually just “letting go.”

It’s not unreasonable to think that having an orgasm means you have to lose control – losing control and letting go are actually very similar.  What you should understand, however, is that even though you are letting go of your inhibitions to have an orgasm, you are still in control.  You are in control as long as you are a consenting adult who is having sex with a partner with whom you desire to have sex with.

With that said, inhibitions are often what stop many women from having an orgasm.  A woman who is self conscious or is overwhelmed with emotional issues will have more trouble letting go than a woman who is self confident and emotionally secure.

What if you can’t orgasm?

If you find that you are unable to have an orgasm or find yourself stopping an orgasm, you really need to sit down and think about why.  If you’re with a partner who wants to please you and you feel comfortable with them, chances are it has nothing to do with your partner.

Are you able to orgasm during masturbation?  If so, what makes you feel like you can’t orgasm with a partner?  For some women, strings of bad or abusive relationships can take their toll on the emotions and keep them from being able to let go and have an orgasm.

Can emotional issues be solely to blame for a women not being able to have an orgasm?

You bet – but you can talk to your doctor just to be on the safe side.  This isn’t necessary if you find yourself actually stopping an orgasm from happening because that’s not physiological – that’s just you.

Confront the issue

A good way to overcome this issue is to confront it.  Don’t be embarrassed about it and don’t run away from it.  It will only get worse as time goes on and may cost you relationships.  What can you do?

See a therapist.  See someone who can talk you through your emotional issues and help you confront them.  A good therapist can help you sort things out and give you the tools and resources you need – not to mention support – to overcome the inability to let yourself have an orgasm.

Above all, don’t get angry with yourself or punish yourself because you are in this sort of situation.  It’s nothing to be embarrassed about and it’s nothing to be afraid of or angry about.  Working with a therapist can help you build enough self confidence so you can truly let go of your inhibitions without losing control and be able to experience a wonderful orgasm with a partner you truly love and care about.

Filed Under: Orgasm Tagged With: female orgasm, orgasm, sex tips

3 Mistakes Men Make That Causes Women To NOT Have Sex With Them Ever Again!

By leejenkins

So you thought it went really well. You lavished her attention and ensured she reached her climax first before you did. So why doesn’t she want to ‘hook up’ with you again? Chances are, you committed one of the three mistakes that most men do after having sex.

While men are often only concerned about what occurs DURING sex, women are bit more complicated; they also put attention (A LOT of attention) on what occurs after sex.

If you’ve never really picked up on this before, then chances are you’ve committed one of the following mistakes.

After-Sex Mistake #1: Rolling over after reaching an orgasm and going to sleep.

You may think that this is ‘natural.’ After all, didn’t you just have a long day at work and didn’t you just cater to fulfilling her sexual needs first before yours? But to your partner, dozing off right away means only one thing: insensitivity.

In fact, most women will think this way, “now that he’s had his way with me, he’s done and just wants to sleep!”.

So how do you handle this situation especially when you are really sleepy after sex? Simply snuggle up to her and cuddle up a bit. You can stroke her hair too. (Better actually, as this may make HER sleepy!).

After-Sex Mistake #2: Jumping out of bed and doing something else.

If sleeping immediately after sex shows you’re insensitive, jumping out of bed and putting all your attention into doing something else (e.g., work!) means you’re a real jerk to her.

For yourself, you may just feel so energized after cumming that you want to do other things, but to her jumping out of bed right after sex indicates that the time you two had was irrelevant. It wasn’t lovemaking; it was just sex.

So how do you handle this situation especially when you are really NEED to do something? Just stay a bit longer in bed. A couple more minutes surely won’t kill you! You can simply embrace her and be quiet, or cuddle and (for me the better option) start to slowly mention that darn! you forgot to do something and now you have to get up now and do it. Do this grudgingly!

After-Sex Mistake #3: Reaching for the remote, turning on the TV, and forgetting she’s beside you.

You can’t fake intimacy. Does this mean you can’t ever turn on the TV after having sex? Of course not! In fact, SHE may even want to catch something on TV herself.

But the thing is, don’t break contact. You can just as easily reach for the remote while ensuring that you’re still embracing her, right? Further, a simple question of “do you mind?” can go a long way than simply ignoring her and watching TV!

Just don’t forget to include her. Ask her if she wants to see something too or ask for her comment on what you’re watching. Anything that signifies you haven’t forgotten that she’s beside you is good.

Filed Under: Seduction Tips Tagged With: female orgasm, have better sex, how to have sex, making love, sex tips

Frustrated Girl – Why Can’t I Have An Orgasm With My Partner?

By loveandsex

So you’re not able to orgasm with your partner – you’re not alone.  That said, it can be more than frustrating and enough to make you swear off sexual activity all together.

Some women are unable to have an orgasm at all, but the vast majority are women that can have an orgasm – by themselves.  What can you do if you’re only able to reach the big “O” when you’re flying solo?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve only been  able to orgasm through masturbation while I visualize my private fantasies and feel comfortably alone. My boyfriend and I have been trying to get me to orgasm with oral sex or anything without sex.

Do you have any advice on how to relax and orgasm in the presence of my boyfriend?  Or with my boyfriend doing it to me without having sex?

–Carmen,Arizona

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKOIHfhLODg[/youtube]

Realize there’s an emotional factor

For women, sexual activity – of any kind – is an extremely emotional and private matter.  For you to be able to share your orgasm with your partner, you need to trust your partner and feel completely comfortable in their presence.

Sure, you may feel comfortable naked in their presence, but what about being emotionally naked?  If you trust your partner, you’ll be able to lay out your deepest fantasies and desires without the fear of rejection or shame.  If your foundation of trust isn’t at its strongest, work on that before you worry about having an orgasm with your partner.

Go slow.

You’ve established a trusting, emotional connection with your partner and now you’re ready for more.  It’s time to lay it all out there – what turns you on?  How do you like to be touched?  What feels good to you?  Sharing these things with your partner can help them know what will bring you to orgasm.

Don’t be afraid to guide your partner in the right direction – you know what you want but it’s not going to do anyone any good if you keep it all to yourself.  If you feel ready to take the next step, start slow.  You don’t have to take the plunge all at once.  Go step by step until you’re comfortable with a little more and a little more.

Try mutual masturbation.

Sure, it sounds embarrassing.  Really embarrassing.  It doesn’t have to be, especially if you and your partner are completely comfortable around each other.  Mutual masturbation can help “break the ice” before experiencing an orgasm with your partner.  You’re not on completely foreign territory here – you’re pleasuring yourself with tried and true methods but you can experience an orgasm in the presence of your partner.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out that it’s not as bad as it sounds!  If you’re still a little nervous about masturbating with your partner, try it with the lights completely out.  It may make you feel more comfortable releasing your inhibitions.

Above all, sharing an orgasm with your partner is all about trust.  If you find that you simply cannot experience an orgasm with your partner – even during mutual masturbation – but reaching orgasm by masturbation alone is not a problem, you may have deeper seated trust issues with your partner that you need to work through.

More often than not, however, you’ll find that letting go of your fears and letting your partner in is more emotionally rewarding than frightening.  You and your partner will have a level of intimacy that you never thought possible when you begin experiencing orgasms together.

Filed Under: Orgasm Tagged With: faking orgasm, female orgasm, orgasm, sex tips

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