first date – Page 4

How To Recover After Having Sex On The First Date

Having sex on the first meeting can really screw things up for you. But is it possible to put having sex behind you and start over?

You messed up. You had too much wine, the lighting was just right or you gave into primal urges that you know you shouldn’t have. Now you’re looking for you panties as he’s making coffee in the other room. You really like this guy, but having sex with him on the first meeting was never supposed to be in the cards. The worst part is that you think you might have a future with him and you don’t want him to think that you’re the kind of girl that gives it up willy-nilly. Even though the relationship has gotten off to a sexualized start, you can recover. Here is a guide on how to recover after having sex with him on the first date.

Understand The Situation

You slept with him but that doesn’t mean that he’s your boyfriend. This also doesn’t mean that you’re his girlfriend. Understanding the relationship took a turn gives you perspective. Yes, most of the mystery was lost when you slept with him, but this doesn’t mean that you can’t have a meaningful relationship. Knowing that having sex with him on the first date doesn’t define the relationship is the first step in recovering from this misstep.

Don’t Return Texts

More than likely, the guy is going to feel guilty about having sex with you on first date. If the guy is truly interested in pursuing a relationship, wait for him to call. If he sends a text, shoot him one back that says “Give me a call when you get a second. Thanks!” or something similar. Guys that were only interested in having sex will text you with expectations. Guys that want to move past the mistake of getting physical too early will want to take you out on a proper date. Proper dates require real communication. Phone calls are real communication. The only exception is if he is truly busy and he sends you a text from work asking you to have dinner with him.

Second Time Around

So, you went on the first date and we know how that turned out. What about the second date? The second date is going to be the real date. This is a test of how you can handle the fact that you have already been together but don’t really know each other. One of the best things to do is talk about the fact that you did sleep together. Don’t make excuses or you could make him feel inadequate or unworthy. For instance, if you say “ Listen, I had a lot to drink the other night” or something similar, he might think that you used him for sex. You might even get him thinking that you think he used you for sex. Just say, “I don’t want what happened the other night to ruin what we might have.” This tells him that you are open to the idea of a relationship, but it’s business as usual from here on out.

Make Him Wait

You had sex on the first date, but that doesn’t mean that you’re going to give it up again. Make him wait and earn sex again. Having sex with him again on the second date could lead to expectation. If he asks you to come over to his house after the date, politely tell him that you don’t think that’s a good idea. He should agree. If he presses the issue, he might only be in it for the sex and you should tread lightly. Once a guy has had sex with you, he might lose interest. This is common, which is the reason that you should never have sex on the first date. If the guy does press the issue, he sees you as a way to get laid and his interest in a serious relationship has faded. Move on. Once a guy sees you in this light it’s going to be very difficult to bring him back. Decline the request and make him wait for at least 2 more dates before you sleep with him again.

Having sex with a guy on the first date is a horrible idea that usually ends badly. If you do slip up and give into the temptations of the flesh, there are a few ways that you can steer the relationship back to where it needs to be. By knowing how to handle the situation, you might be able to understand the situation and get your guy to accept the fact that you both faltered. Always remember that you are in control of the situation and if the guy isn’t up for a real relationship, you will move on.

5 Signs He Only Wants A One Night Stand

By serenapaige

A one night stand can be fun, but only if you’re in on it and okay with it. Here are 5 indicators he might only want a one night stand, so you can steer clear.

A one-night stand can be one of the biggest mistakes for a woman’s life. Let’s face it. Some men will do anything to get into a girl’s pants. If a fella has ever played you, you know how stupid you can feel afterward. Being able to tell if a guy is looking for a one-night stand or a real relationship is a huge asset for the nightlife scene in your area. There are several indicators that you can take into account when determining whether or he wants a one-night stand. Here is a guide to keep the creeps away.

1. He Buys You Drinks…A Lot Of Drinks

A date that is only looking for a one stand is going to buy you a lot of drinks. He will probably be drinking a lot also so this is something that you will need to look out for. Men that buy a lot of drinks for women are trying to get them loose and ready for whatever. The release of inhibitions associated with alcohol is a staple among one night stands. Refuse the drinks that he is offering your and see what he says. If he starts teasing you about being a lightweight, he probably just wants a one night stand. If he lets up and doesn’t push the drinks on you, he might be looking for a more serious relationship.

2. The Conversation Always Comes Back To The Same Thing

When you’re talking to a guy he should be telling you about himself. This could include what he does, what he likes, if he’s there with friends or where he went to school. Men that want one night stands typically sexualize the situation right off the bat. If you are talking and he keeps coming back to his car, his condo, his job title or any other phallic metaphor it’s probably best to leave the situation as is. Any fella that mentions sex within the first 20 minutes of meeting him is not looking for a serious relationship.

3. He’s Trying To “Bounce” You

Women tend to stay in packs. If you are out with a bunch of girlfriends and a potential date tries to get you away from them, he’s looking for a one-night stand. Here’s the reasoning. Women don’t want to be judged by their friends. A girl that goes to another club or a different bar with a guy they just met is less of an offense than a girl that goes home with a guy right in front of their friends. Men know this so they try to separate the girl from her friends.

When the two of you walk into a new bar or club together everybody will think that you’re a couple. This eliminates the chances of another guy hitting on you, leaving you as a victim to his routine. If he says something like “Hey, it’s kind of loud in here. Can we go outside and talk for a bit?” He’s probably not looking for a one-night stand. Bouncing is a very common practice in the “Pick-Up Artist” world.

4. He Doesn’t Want To Meet Your Friends

A huge tell for a guy that only wants a one-night stand is when they don’t want to meet your friends. When you’re in a bar or a club with friends, the guy should want their approval. A potential date that is interested in you and your life will want to meet your friends so they can put in a good word for him. For a guy wanting a one night stand, your friends are obstacles that could get in his way. They will try to keep you away from your friends for as long as possible and then make an excuse of why they don’t want to meet them. They might say something like “I need another drink” or “Let me run to bathroom real quick.”

5. He Doesn’t Ask For Your Number

If you really want to know whether the guy is looking for a one night stand, the best way to do it is to play the game yourself. Pretend that you and your friends are leaving the bar. Even if you’re not leaving the bar you can say “we changed our mind.” If the guy does not ask for your number before you leave, he’s only looking for a one-night stand. Men don’t want to be perceived as players by the rest of the girls in the bar. When he takes your number, other girls are going to be uninterested. This messes up his persona and he won’t risk it on a girl that is leaving.

Why He Didn’t Call You Back

By loveandsex

Dating tips can help the first date go without a hitch, but what do you do if the guy you like doesn’t phone back? What’s the deal?

It’s never easy when you meet a guy that you like and he doesn’t call you back. If you’ve gone out a few times and you haven’t heard from him a couple of days, it’s especially infuriating. This is an enigma that many women find themselves in. You were laughing, there weren’t any gaps in the conversation; you even left with a kiss. So what’s his problem? Many women make the mistake of actually calling the guy. Traditionally, men are the ones that should be vying for the woman’s attention. In this modern age, many women are taking the reins and trying to at least give it a mild effort to get together. But not all of the blame can be put on him. Sometimes you have to take a look inward. Here are the most common reasons that he didn’t call you back and why you shouldn’t call him.

Control

Control is a characteristic that not all men can handle. At even the slightest hint of a control issue, most men will walk away. If you insist on a restaurant or he sees you as anything other than warm and easygoing, he probably deleted your number right after the date. Being confident in yourself and knowing what you want is great quality to have, but some men are not turned on by it. In this specific case, it’s probably best to move onto the next one. If he wants to get in touch, he’ll call you.

Being Too Nice

Did you send him a thank you text after the date? While a lot of guys would appreciate this, some guys actually don’t like it. When some men are pursuing women, they like to be the chaser. When a girl concedes to liking him, he might lose interest. This is especially true with men that are in business or make a lot of money. They love the thrill of the chase and when that is gone, they are left with nothing –so to speak. There is a difference between being grateful and them perceiving you as desperate. Keep the thank you texts to a minimum. Words work a lot better than texts anyway. Say thank you right after the meal and then once again before you leave for the night. This will stick with them without coming off as desperation.

Blowing Up The Spot

How many texts or calls have you made in the last couple of days? How many of those were reciprocated? When you send a text and he takes a couple of hours to respond, he’s most likely busy or not interested. We live in a world where our phones have the ability to get online, purchase items and make the traditional call. For most of us, our phones are our lifelines. If you send him a text and he takes more than 6 hours to respond, you might not want to call him again. Wait for him to call or text you. Alternatively, responding to a text instantly can come off as desperation. If you haven’t heard from him a couple of days, give him a call to see how he’s doing. If he doesn’t call you back or responds to a call with a text, rest assured that he’s not putting you at the top of his priorities.

The Prima Donna

Were you rude to the waitress? Did you get hammered? Nice guys are not going to call you out on your actions if they don’t know you. They will just sit there and take it until the meal is over. They will say things like “I’ll call you” or “We should do this again,” but they have no intention of calling you ever again. Think about whether there was anything that you did on the date that would have turned him off. If you were the epitome of perfection, he might just be giving you a little distance to show that he’s not completely desperate. If you were a complete terror, learn from the experience and do it differently next time.

Exceptions

There are exceptions that must be considered. A death in the family, emergency at work or a busted pipe in his home are obviously appropriate reasons that he hasn’t called you back. But one thing that you must take into account is how many times these “emergencies” are occurring. If it’s truly a one-time thing, he probably feels bad and would like to make it up to you. If it’s happening frequently, he might be seeing a couple of girls at the same time. Gauge his excuses and make your own mind up of whether or not to give him a second chance.

Online Dating: How & When To Make The First Contact

By michellehemingway

Online dating should always be premeditated – that’s the beauty of online dating! You can have the communication well thought out in advance. Here’s how.

In online dating, the first move is unlike any “in real life” first meeting you’ve ever had.

The Hunt

The first move in online dating is entirely premeditated. There’s no striking up a natural conversation at the water cooler, or meeting at a bar. You came to the site looking for a date, and anyone that responds to your messages or profile is looking for the same thing. Sure, you may both be looking for different types of romance, but at least the core is the same.

This can make online dating feel like a bit of a hunt. Both parties are looking for certain traits that they will use to filter out potential candidates. These might be age, looks or location. Some people focus on the “attitude” or “tone” of the profile, or the level of commitment they think the profile conveys. Because of these filters, when the first move is made, it carries a certain feeling of excitement, especially for the person being contacted. Out of all these choices, you chose them. You looked at tons of profile pictures and while you could have gone with the flirty girl or the shirtless guy, you chose them, despite being unable to crop out that random guy’s arm from their profile picture.

When you finally do find someone you’d like to “meet”, you can make the process seem like less of a hunt by actually tailoring your message to him or her. Your first message should say more than “I saw your profile and you look interesting. We should talk.” They’ve received spam emails with more personality than that. Try to refer to at least one unique thing in their profile or picture. Try something like “That’s an awesome view in your profile picture. Where was it taken?” or “I had a friend who went to that college! They raved about this restaurant downtown.”

The Catch

Striking a conversation with someone online can be scary. When the Internet was in its infancy, many people held misinformed ideas of what it was. The cliche was finding that perfect profile of a 6 foot 4 inch tall, blond, muscular, polo-playing firefighter who happens to be the heir to an empire but risks his life because he’s so courageous, only to learn that he’s a 5 foot 2 inch tall unemployed couch surfer who took 30 seconds to find a good profile picture. Or falling in love with emails from a leggy super-model who shared your passion for old movies and football, only to learn that she’s also that same 5 foot 2 inch couch surfer.

Now, the risks remain, but there’s a certain level of honesty expected from all involved. Make sure that your first move is a genuine one, even if it’s not necessarily full disclosure. They don’t need to know about your unpaid parking tickets yet. Or that you love trash TV late at night. But you should still be honest. When you make the first move, avoid the temptation to send an inaccurate photo or to fake a passion for college lacrosse. As soon as you meet, they’ll know how accurate the photo was, and if the relationship becomes serious, you don’t want to risk old “fibs” coming back to bite you.

The Bait

Every online dating site or social networking site has their own twist on the non-verbal, and non-committal, first move. Depending on what site you are on, you can poke, wink, cruise, smile, nod, give a flower or do any number of other ice-breaking actions.

Before you click that button, ask yourself if this is really the way you want your initial meeting to happen. It’s literally the modern day equivalent of walking into a bar, winking at someone and walking away.

To some people, it’s off-putting. They think you only like them enough to click a button, but not enough to say “hello, I saw your profile and noticed that we both like traveling.” They can’t tell whether you’re actually interested, or just quickly hitting as many people as you can.

Consider making your first move a little more meaningful by actually sending a message, particularly one that includes a reference to something in the person’s profile. If you share a common interest, use that as an icebreaker, not a “wink.”

The Release

The initial contact can be the end of the road for many online relationships. Accept it. There’s no obligation that either party has to go on at least one date with every person that talks to them online, or even that they have to respond to your first message. Or your second, third or fourth. It’s possible that you’ve contacted an inactive profile, or your target just found the love of his or her life minutes before you sent your message.

If you’re absolutely convinced that the person was a match, then a follow-up message may be appropriate. They may legitimately have forgotten to respond to you, or unable to get to a computer. Be ready to call a time of death on this potential relationship if you still don’t receive a response though.

Making the first move in online dating can be nerve-wracking and unusual, but every relationship has to begin somewhere. If you can avoid certain behaviors and you are willing to start a conversation, you can find easily handle the world of online dating.

Flirting Tips: How To Do It Online

By michellehemingway

Flirting online should be an enjoyable experience. You should take your time while you are doing it. Getting to know a person, especially online, is almost like having your first date. You are finding out about each other and trying to attract and sustain mutual interest.

Make sure you have “scooped” the person, that you have carefully checked out his or her profile. If the “other” has been good in putting it together, there would have been just enough information offered to reveal an interesting, even captivating personality, leaving just enough to hope that the “scooper” would want to look for more.

Flirting is a sport, like fishing. The woman attracts the man with some nice-looking bait or the man attracts the woman with bait that is just as well nice-looking and uniquely attractive.

Be Lighthearted

Go light and establish an edge. Use light email conversation, but angle on something real that was seen in the profile, something that gave a small flash of the person as special. That special something is what could feature the person for you. It would be entertaining and, hopefully, eventually fulfilling. There’s a lot of advice on online dating that’s pegged on being funny and humorous. Surely, being light, easy-going and humorous could move the fish closer to your net. Your net, itself, must be inviting and charming.

Write Short Emails

Some of the online dating sites have shaped the initial response/reply vehicles to be short comments signifying mere interest. If you are a woman, take your time in responding to the initial inquiries. If you are a man, respond to them easily and effectively. Both of you are lighting a campfire. You want to get the coals burning to an enticing, inviting warmth.

Ask her something about her location. Find out if she wants to talk about her job, don’t assume she does, even though it may be revealed on the profile. Look for things that are uniquely interesting on his profile. Either of you can take your time in getting personal, looking for signs that show the individual revealing more of her or himself.

Take Your Time In The Initial Phases

Both of you may have several people you are responding to, initiating conversation. Again, you want to enjoy these first few moments. You want to create light laughter as people are usually obliged to do at parties, at first meetings. As the emails get longer, you decide to narrow your choices and get into chat sessions with this certain individual. You like the interests and responses each of you have shared and want to expand on them.

If she mentioned children and you have children yourself, slowly reveal your kids to each other. This would most likely be on the profile.

Continue to show and build support and consideration. This is the time where you can grow in honesty, revealing more. You are looking for a good relationship, one that can be sustained, one where it feels “just right” to be open to. It’s like you are building comfortable structures for each other. Chatting, you both will serve up what the person inquires about, keeping it light and not going too far.

All the time, keep asking yourself is this the person you would like to be with, is this an individual you can be comfortable with.

Stick To Your Profile

Profiles show movies, books, activities that people like and pursue. You believe in some ways these activities complement yours. Ask questions concerning it in relation to your own interests. Then inquire about interests and things the other has done that you would like to know more about. Compliment her on her experience. If he expresses a liking for his job, ask him about his interesting experiences with it.

You have so far:

Taken your time, shown comfort with the person’s profile.
Have not been too flashy, but have created smiles and laughter.
Enjoyed and appreciated the first few moments.

Good things don’t happen inordinately fast or quick. You are enjoying subtleties that build refreshing communication.

Don’t Dive To Deep In The Beginning

If the chatting proves okay, and there has been good humor, relaxation, it means you both have accepted and acknowledged a pace, a certain rhythm.

Sitting around the chatting campfire, some of the unusual stuff will come out. Check out some of this, but not all. Wait for the actual dates. Depending on age, experiences, there are several hills and valleys in people’s lives. Maturity shows that people can appreciate that others have had hard or difficult times. If the relationship engenders anything, it will present future soft places for these things to come out.

The initial aim is to see if both of you want to make a move for that first date, where it becomes a pleasure to move from the campfire into the dawn of a new friendship.