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Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date

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So guys, you got her number, you set it up, and here you both are. On the first date. Congratulations! Not! Any idiot can get a date with a woman, but what if you want to be dating her? How do you get from the first date to the second? Well, let’s start with what NOT to do. One step at a time, grasshopper.

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date – What She Said

How could a man screw up a first date? Oh, let me count the ways! John’s going to hate this, but I’m gonna say it – if a man asks a woman out on a first date and doesn’t pay, it’s a huge turnoff. Show me some effort, show me respect – and don’t show up late. Once again, I’m not saying it comes down to how much you spend – in this case it’s truly the thought that counts. That said, let me countdown the proverbial “Top Ten:”

1. See above. Have plan and have your wallet on hand. You don’t want to pay? There probably won’t be a second date. The last thing I want to hear the first time out is, “How ya doin’ for cash?” How am I doing? Fine, thanks to the $20 I have in my purse that I’m using to take a cab home.

2. Ogling other women. You want to eye that waitress’s ass? Do it on your own time. I’m not crazy enough to think you’re never going to look at another woman, but the first date isn’t the time or place.

3. Pressing for sex. If there’s a mutual attraction, it’ll happen in its own sweet time. A first date is different from a one-night stand. Know the difference.

4. Expecting your mind to be read. Did you have a great time? Call and say so! Guesswork isn’t sexy.

5. Talking about the ex. This is our time to get to know each other. Chatting about another woman isn’t high on my list. Keep the ex-girlfriend information to yourself until the relationship deepens.

6. Cell phone. Keep the cell phone in your pocket. Stopping to take a call, text or check your email? Not cool. Eyes and ears akimbo. If you’ve got a busy phone, enjoy the buzzing in your pocket and check your messages later.

7. Getting drunk – like really, really drunk. Do a few beers make you a little chatty? Great. Nothing wrong with a warm glow, as long as safe transportation is arranged. Irish Car Bombs and a Taco Bell run? No excuse for this behavior, unless your next stop is AA.

8. Referring to yourself in the third person. It’s not wrong – but it creeps me out. It makes me wonder what other personality tics you have tucked away.

9. Showing up with another person. It’s a date, not a party. Save the chaperone for the 8th grade dance.

10. Talking too much. Do you loooove the sound of your own voice above all others? Then you might as well skip the date and stay home with your mirror. Talking incessantly due to nerves is one thing. Extolling your virtues via a monologue is another.

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date – What He Said

It’s funny that Jenna said guys need to show up on time. I love showing up late for dates. I do it purposefully, because most women are always late, and I figure, I’ve got extra time, and why not make HER wait for ME? Anyhoo, here’s the list:

As a guy, you have to realize the cold hard facts. A man doesn’t choose a woman. A woman chooses a man. If you want a girl that’s a “10,” that’s fine, but why should she choose you? You have to provide her with something that no one else does. That starts with being interesting. Have opinions. Voice them, without being overbearing or close minded. Be someone she can’t figure out. Be mysterious, yet open. Chicks love that stuff.

1. Not taking the lead. It’s a man’s job to lead. Period. Most women (assuming they are feminine and not masculine in nature) want to be led. That doesn’t mean be a dick, but it does mean you are the director of the experience. As Chris Rock once said, “anything you mutter ain’t getting done.” Saying “Where do you want to go?” won’t get you anywhere. Saying “Oh my god. You totally need to try the Margaritas at [X], meet me there Sunday at 7:30” will work. If she can’t make it, she’ll let you know, but she wants a man, damn it. Be the man.

2. Being predictable. Ever wonder why women love those bad boys? It’s because they don’t know what’s coming next. They have absolutely no idea what to expect, and they love that. They need that. They crave it. It’s something primal for them, almost. Now I’m not advocating treating women like crap, but if you can offer them the best of both worlds, she’ll eat that up. Be mysterious. Tell her to pack a bag for the weekend, and refuse to tell her where she’s going. Always keep her guessing. She should never know everything about you. Always keep a little bit hidden.

3. Treating it like a job interview. I’m not saying don’t get to know her. I’m just saying I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people out on dates, and they have all the sexual chemistry of a job interview. In Utah. I’m not saying you have to take her in the bathroom and do her, but you have to let her know you have sexual desire for her, and not be too shy about it, but not be too forceful either.

If I’m on a date with a woman and I don’t generate some sexual electricity, I will wind up in the friend zone (that is, if I am ‘lucky’).

4. Listening to her words, and not her body. Before you cut my head off, let me explain. Listen to her words yes, but pay extra attention to what she’s saying WITHOUT words. Often times her mouth will say one thing, but her body will say another. I remember going out with a woman on a first date and I thought it was going horrible. Why? Because she kept telling me how full of shit I was. Kept telling no, but her body was SCREAMING yes. Her eyes were super dilated, as if she was forcing them open to take all of me in, kept “accidentally” bumping into me, playing with her hair etc. I was shocked when I got a second date, because I was so clueless on the first.

5. Going too sexual too fast. Jenna said don’t force sex on the first date. I agree, but I don’t think there’s a set time frame for when sex is appropriate. The right time is when it feels right for her. That can be ten dates from the first time you meet, or ten minutes from the time you meet. It all boils down to how you do it, no pun intended. A one night stand is different that relationship sex. The difference can be summed up in one word: comfort. She needs a different comfort level for relationship sex. She wants you to want to want her, but for more than just booty. She needs to know that

6. Not setting up the second date. If you want a second date with this person, it should be set up long before you ask for it, midway through the first date ideally. Make plans for the second one, subtly. Start by dropping hints about amazing places to take her, restaurants that you know of (one’s that she’s never tried, of course), things like that. Relationships are all about planting seeds (not like that, you pervert). So sew them well.

Q&A: Blind Date Tips

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Blind dates can be nerve wracking from the get go. You know your blind date will be scrutinizing everything about you from what you’re wearing to what you look like. Beauty, of course, is only skin deep. How can you get your partner to open up and get to know you instead of just paying attention to what is on the outside?

Question: I am going on a blind date and from what I know she is incredibly beautiful. I am not the best looking guy around, but I know she is almost a perfect match for me interest wise. But girls are shallow now-a-days and never look past the skin. I think if all goes right, it could be great. What do I do to get her to want to get to know me?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlG8O0NqeFg[/youtube]

Not All People Are Shallow

While a lot of people may appear shallow at first glance, or even may seem shallow when you first start getting to know them, they might not be shallow at all. Not everyone is shallow and while feeling attracted to someone is important on a first date, many people do look past the surface and try to get to know someone for who they are on the inside. Some people really are shallow though, and it wil be impossible to know whether your date is judging you based on what you look like or if she’s actually paying attention to you. As important as it is for two people not to judge each other on looks alone, it’s just as important not to assume your date is shallow from the get go. Give her the benefit of a doubt.

Be Yourself

The best way to show your blind date who you really are inside is to be yourself. Making a good first impression is important, but don’t do it in a way that goes against who you really are. Keep an open mind and stay relaxed, remembering to just let her get to know you without having to pretend to be someone or something you’re not. If you end up going on more than one date with this person or develop a relationship with them, eventually the truth will come out. It makes no sense to try to fake it, because when she does get to know the real you, she will be upset for you having pretended from the get go.

Don’t Force It

While you may feel like you and your date have everything in common and more and will hit it off really great, sometimes that just doesn’t happen and there’s nothing you can do about it. Go with the flow and let whatever happens happen. Just focus on having a good time and being yourself, without trying to force the date to become something. If you and your blind date don’t hit it off, don’t stress and don’t automatically attribute it to your looks. Some people click and some people don’t. There are plenty of people out there that you will click with, so it’s important to keep a good attitude about it and keep dating!

Q&A: When She Says You Deserve Someone Better

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Asking a girl out, or telling a girl that you have romantic feelings for her, can be intimidating. If she returns your feelings, great. If she doesn’t, that’s ok too. But what if she tells you that you deserve someone better? What does it mean? Does she like you but have poor self esteem, or is she just trying to let you down easy? Here’s how you can figure out this difficult situation.

Question: What do you do when you tell her how you feel about her but she says you deserve someone better?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KEj81BkQEM[/youtube]

She’s Letting You Down Easy

Sometimes women find it difficult to let a guy down if she doesn’t return his feelings. She doesn’t want to hurt him, so she finds a way to blame herself instead of just saying that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. This may be the case if you’ve revealed your romantic feelings for her and she’s told you that you “deserve someone better.” She may be too afraid to tell you the truth.

She Has Poor Self Esteem

Many women have poor self esteem and if she’s told you that you deserve someone better than her, she may really believe it. She may feel like she’s worthless, or that she doesn’t deserve a healthy, happy relationship. There are many reasons that a woman may feel this way and it has nothing to do with you. She may have had self esteem issues for years, stemming from childhood. It may have to do with her parents or an old, abusive boyfriend. It may even be more than one issue that contributes to her self esteem issues. Regardless of where her poor self esteem stems from, the end result is the same – she can’t commit to a relationship or even begin dating someone because she doesn’t feel like she deserves it. It can be difficult though, to figure out whether she’s telling you that you deserve someone better because she has low self esteem or because she’s trying to let you down easy.

Ask Her To Be Honest With You

The only way to find out what her true motivations are in this situation is to ask her to be truthful with you. Don’t be angry or critical – just be open with her and encourage her to be open and honest with you as well. Tell her that no matter what, you won’t judge her for whatever is going on in her life. Let her know that even if she doesn’t return your romantic feelings and that’s why she told you that you deserve someone better, you’ll understand and that you can be friends if she wants or nothing at all. If she truly has poor self esteem, it’s important to let her know that you want to be there for her and that she’s worth a good relationship. She may not respond right away, but showing that you care for her may lead to a friendship which may turn into a romantic relationship at some point when she feels ready.

Q&A: What Went Wrong On The First Date

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So many things can go wrong on a first date – but sometimes it seems as nothing went wrong and it still ends up getting weird for seemingly no reason! This can be incredibly frustrating, especially if you feel as though the date actually went well. What do you do if it seems like all of a sudden they’re just not that into you? How can you find out why?

Question: I went on a date this guy who has been flirting with me for about a month and a half. He put his arm around me, we held hands, and we were cheek to cheek. I really like him, and I thought the date went well. But I guess he didn’t because he’s only talked to me a couple times since then, but not like he used to. Why is he doing this? What do I do?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KW2_er1NCk[/youtube]

Was There Chemistry On His Part?

Sometimes during a first date, one person feels lots of chemistry but the other may not. Even if you and your date end up holding hands, hugging or even kissing good night, this doesn’t mean that the chemistry is there for him. Often, physical things such as hand holding happen on a date just because it seems natural to do – it’s not a good indicator of whether both parties are really into each other or not. If your date isn’t calling you back or avoiding you all together, he may not just have had that chemistry with you and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s just not there.

He Wants To Avoid The Situation

It may be hard for a guy or girl to admit that although the first date seemed to go really well, that they just didn’t click with you. Often, they’ll just try to avoid the situation all together such as avoiding calling or talking to you. This can be incredibly frustrating though, and leave you wondering just what exactly you did wrong to deserve being given the cold shoulder. Don’t take it personally! It’s unlikely that you actually did something wrong during the date or upset them in some way – it’s more probable that your date is avoiding you because they’re afraid to tell you that the chemistry just wasn’t there.

If You Want To Know, Ask

If you want to know if you really did do something during the first date that pushed them away, or if you want to know if it just didn’t click for them, just ask! It may seem intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. There’s nothing wrong with casually asking what happened. Tell your date that you just don’t want it to be weird and it would be better if it were out in the open. If they didn’t have that chemistry with you, that’s fine. You can be friends if they want, or nothing at all. But there is nothing wrong with simply asking them what is going on because you deserve to know! It doesn’t have to be complicated if you don’t make it complicated.

How Can I Tell If My Date Really Likes Me?

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Navigating the dating world can be difficult for both men and women. It’s hard to tell what your date’s motivations are and if they really like you or not.

Both men and women can also send mixed messages too, making it even harder for you to figure out what is going on. How can you tell if your date really likes you?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How can I tell if she’s really into me?

–Jeff, North Carolina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToRffXGLx7c[/youtube]

Dating vs. Friends

The first way to tell if your date really likes you is to look at the dating pattern. Are you going on dates with this person alone or are you going on dates with other friends as friends? If you’re going on dates with them alone, do you continue to go out on dates or call each other?

If the answer is that you are dating this person, as in going on dates alone with them and spending time with them, chances are they really do like you. Neither men nor women will continue to date someone and continue to spend time with someone if they’re not at least a little interested.

If you’re dating someone, you can assume they like you enough to give you more chances, and they probably like you a lot!

If you and your date are going out with other people, such as your friends, it can be a little more difficult to figure out if they like you or not.

Body Language

Another way to tell if your date really likes you is to pay attention to their body language. Do they move close to you when they talk to you? Do they touch your arm or your leg as they’re having a discussion with you? If your date seems really interested in you and really does like you, you’ll be able to tell by watching their body language.

Talk To Them

The surest way to find out if your date is really into you is to simply talk to them! You can have a conversation with them that doesn’t put pressure on them or makes them feel awkward. Just be honest.

Talk to them like you would and old friend and ask in a casual way if they’re interested in you and would like to continue dating. Be careful not to ask questions like, “Where do you see this going?” or open ended questions like, “How do you feel about me?”

Make it as easy as possible for them to answer you truthfully. Your best option is a question where they can give you a simple yes or no answer.

If your date does express interest in you, take it at face value! Don’t try to read too much into it. In the beginning of the dating process, your primary goal is to simply spend time with your date, getting to know them and letting them get to know you.

You have a right to enjoy yourself and have fun, and your date does too! Try to keep “relationship” questions out of the picture as much as possible when you’re first dating someone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t casually ask if they’re interested in you! Just make it brief and uninvolved.