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5 Ways to Turn Your Bedroom Into a Sex Magnet

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Normally when people decorate their bedroom, they focus on making it a good place to sleep. After all, that’s what it’s for.

But as you probably know, the bedroom is also the number one place couples head to when they want to have sex.

Regardless of whether it’s the first time or the thousandth you’ve seen it, the atmosphere of your bedroom will either add to or detract from your sexual experience.

So making your bedroom into a space that is comfortable, unique, and inviting is one of the easiest and best things you could possibly do for your sex life. This is true for both men and women (though in general women tend to pay more attention to their surroundings during sex than men).

5 Ways to Make Your Bedroom a Sex Magnet

1) You’re a Grown Up – Decorate Like One

You’re not in college, and your bedroom is not in a dormitory! Movie posters plastered to your walls with tape will not impress anyone anymore.

It’s time to decorate like a grown up, and that means getting real furniture (not necessarily expensive furniture, but no blow up chairs either!).

Choose things that reflect your personal style and actually go well together. Coordinate. Pick out colors that make you feel relaxed and sexy.

For some people, bold colors like reds and oranges wake up their senses, as well as their libidos. For others dark, rich colors like chocolate brown and burgundy do the trick.

If you share your bedroom with your lover, be sure to do this part together. You want your bedroom to feel like a little sanctuary away from the rest of the world, away from everything that causes stress in your lives.

It should make you want to open up and connect to each other, especially during difficult times when sex lives become notorious for their vanishing acts!

2) Make Your Bed as Inviting as Possible

Plush comforters, soft pillows, and high-quality sheets will go a long way toward getting you both in bed. Haven’t you ever seen a bed (maybe on display in a store or in a picture) that looked so warm and delicious you just wanted to sink into it and never come out?

That’s how you should feel every time you see your own bed.

It may seem silly at first to splurge on something like Egyptian cotton sheets, but trust me, once your naked self feels how glorious is it to be sandwiched between your warm lover and those silky sheets, you won’t think twice about getting another set or two.

3) Keep it Clean

Even if the rest of your house is a mess and weekly cleanings are a laughable part of your schedule, keep your bedroom tidy for the sake of your sex life.

No one wants to sleep with someone whose room is a disaster – including your own husband or wife.

Not that your bed has to always be wrinkle-free, but there shouldn’t be dirty snack crumbs everywhere and yesterday’s socks on your pillow!

For special occasions, think about how your room smells.

Tuck an oil diffuser into a far corner (not directly beside the bed because the scent will be too strong!) and remember to use it when you’re preparing the room for your lover. Scent can be a huge turn on, and will help give your bedroom that “something extra”.

4) Add a Little Audio-Visual Stimulation

Although most sex advice books claim that putting a television in your bedroom automatically spells “doom and gloom” for your sex life – I disagree.

It all depends on what you decide to watch, and whether or not you watch it together.

Many of these advice books assume that couples watch TV as a way to avoid any real interaction with each other, so putting a television in the bedroom would certainly be the end of what ever sex life they might have otherwise had.

But if couples are actually using TV in this way, then they probably have bigger issues to deal with than whether or not a TV is in their bedroom.

For most couples, however, adding a television and DVD/CD player to their bedroom makes a very nice addition in terms of sex appeal. And if general TV watching is a problem, don’t get that particular TV hooked up to cable!

Instead, save the bedroom TV for watching “special” DVDs. Yes, this could be porn, but it could also be romantic or scary movies too. There are tons of movies that are perfect for getting you both in the mood. Don’t limit yourselves to the obvious ones.

Watch them cuddled up on the bed together, and just let things flow…

5) Make it Sexually Functional

The phrase “Hold on Honey, I have to go find the condoms” should never come out of your mouth – Never.

Everything that you could possibly want for your sexual adventures should be within easy reach of your bed. For this reason, a nightstand with storage space is a must.

Some sexual necessities that should be neatly stashed in one of your bed-side drawers are: condoms (if you use them), lubricant, breath mints, small sex toys (vibes, restraints, etc.), and a roll of toilet paper or tissues for easy clean up.

If you want to go the extra mile, keep a bottle of water in there as well.

Most people are thirsty after a good romp between the sheets, and having water available that doesn’t require a trip to the kitchen is always a welcomed luxury.

Also, the next time you’re in the market for a new bed, consider getting one with built-in drawers underneath. These drawers can be especially useful if you have larger sex toys, such as whips or floggers, that wouldn’t fit in a typical nightstand.

How ever you do it, the point is to make your bedroom a place of comfort and love. Having the “right” decorations and the “right” sheets won’t guarantee a great sex life, but if the potential for sex is already there, a well thought out room might just be the thing that seals the deal.

How Long Can You Go Without Sex?

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Although you’re probably familiar with the terms “sex drive” and “libido,” how much about your own sexual clock do you understand?

For example, can you list your sexual “need” signs?

How long can you go without sex before it starts to negatively affect you?

Are your needs generally assuaged by “affection” or does it take full intercourse to make you feel satisfied?

Because most people never ask themselves these questions, relationship problems often occur due to misunderstandings regarding the differing sexual needs of the partners. One of the best ways to preempt these common predicaments is to know the sexual needs of your own body and to be able to communicate those needs to your partner in a non-threatening manner.

Why is Sex a “Need”?

The same way your body sends out signals to let you know when you’re hungry or thirsty, it also sends out signals to notify you when it’s time to have sex – or to engage in some kind of physically intimate contact with another human being. These needs have two biologically-based reasons to exist, though both reasons are heavily debated within the scientific community.

The first reason is, of course, reproduction. We have a sex drive so that “mating” happens relatively frequently and we can continue the species.

The second reason is a little more complex and has to do with our survival-of-the-fittest need to live in social groups and act cooperatively.

As the theory goes, we are too physically weak as individuals to protect ourselves from the dangers of our environment, and have survived mainly because we stick together. It’s the “united we stand, divided we fall” philosophy of biological survival. One of the ways to promote this kind of banding together is by making the act of socializing with other members of our species an enjoyable and rewarding experience. In monkeys this is reflected in the importance of social grooming, and in the case of bonobo monkeys, sex.

Now I’m not saying you’re a monkey, but I am saying that like monkeys, humans have an innate desire to physically connect with others of our kind because it has helped us to survive as a species. That’s one of the main reasons we long to be with others – to hold and to be held, to kiss and to be kissed. Rather than just superfluous “wants” these are, in fact, “needs” and should be given the attention they deserve. After all, you eat when you’re really really hungry don’t you?

What are Your Sexual “Need” Signs?

It’s very easy to overlook your body’s sexual needs signs since they are often signs of other problems too. The best way to pinpoint which symptoms are yours is to see which ones seem to go away for a while after you’ve had a satisfying sexual experience – and remember, this kind of experience does not always have to include someone else. (Yes,we can fool our biological needs to a certain extent)!

Some of the Most Common Signs of Sexual Need are:

  • General and Mounting Irritability
  • Overall Feeling of Frustration without Knowing the Cause
  • Feeling Stressed for “no reason”
  • Excessive/Lack of Hunger or Sleep
  • Anger and/or Other Unexplainable Negative Emotions Toward Your Partner
  • Vivid Sexual Dreams that May Lead to Nocturnal Orgasms (Wet Dreams) for both Men AND Women

Basically lack of sex makes people feel disgruntled, to sum it up. Some people even claim that their skin itches, or their everyday thoughts are unusually pervaded by sexual fantasies. What ever your particular signs are, knowing them and recognizing them when they are occurring can be very relieving in and of itself. At least now you’ll be able to know why your body feels so tense!

How Long Can You Go Without Sex Before it Starts to Negatively Affect You?

Once you understand your body’s “I need sex!” signs, the next thing to make a note of is how long between sexual encounters it takes for you to start feeling icky again. For some people, it’s a day. For others, it’s every two months.The amount of time varies greatly from one person to the next, and changes frequently depending upon lifestyle factors (pregnancy,menopause, etc.), relationship status (new relationships tend to increase libidos), and health status.

It’s this internal sex timer that tends to cause the most problems for couples in long term relationships because one person “needs” sex much more frequently than the other. Often the partner with the shorter sex timer gets rejected again and again which leads to feelings of being unloved, unwanted, and eventually resentment toward their partner. Such issues can be avoided and successfully compromised upon when both partners understand the differences in their underlying sex drives. But in order for this to happen, each partner has to first understand his/her own sexual signs and needs.

What Does it Take to Satisfy Your Needs?

The last thing you must consider is what kinds of sexual contacts satisfy your needs. Again, this tends to differ greatly between partners, and especially between men and women. For a lot of women affectionate touches are enough to assuage their sexual desires. Kissing, petting, and manual stimulation are all that may be necessary to make her feel happy again. However, some women don’t feel truly satisfied until they’ve experienced multiple “O”s, so it really depends on the individual.

Men, on the other hand, are usually more “straight forward” in their needs – an orgasm will typically do the trick regardless of how it happens. This is, of course, a huge generalization and some men do feel satisfied with less-than-orgasmic sexual experiences.

Know Your Own Needs First

Once you’ve figured out what your sexual need signs are, how frequently your body requests sexual contact, and what it takes to satisfy those needs, you are well on your way to being able to talk honestly with your partner about what you expect from your sexual relationship. If you’re lucky enough to be with someone who also knows what their particular needs are, then the possibility of you enjoying a sexually fulfilling, long-term relationship increases dramatically!

Danger! Is Too Much Sex With Your Wife Bad for Your Health?

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Having hot, passionate sex with someone you love is a wonderful experience, certainly more fulfilling than sex with someone you barely know.

And having lots of sex and erotic adventures with your partner is usually a really good thing. But how much is too much?

Here’s a question from a man in India, who’s happy to be having a lot of sex with his own wife. But he’s worried what might happen if they have TOO MUCH sex!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How much sex can I have in a month with my wife? If I have more, will it be bad for my health?

— Sorri, India

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szBKMTkr1x4[/youtube]

Is Too Much Sex Bad for Your Health?

The biggest question is – what do YOU consider to be “too much” sex? Some people can’t conceive of having too much sex, and many people (men especially) tend to always be looking for ways to have more of it.

Aside from sheer exhaustion and maybe the occasional soreness, we’ve never heard of any real problems resulting from too much sex.

Sexual Health Warning!

Just like starting any other vigorous exercise program, you should always consult your physician first. And if you feel any pain or discomfort, stop all “exercise” immediately and consult your physician!

Wait. Can More Sex Actually Be GOOD for You?

A great article from Forbes points out some amazing benefits of actually having frequent sex, and enjoying it!

  • Improved sense of smell: After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges. This in turn causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s olfactory bulb, its smell center.
  • Reduced risk of heart disease: In a 2001 study, researchers found that by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half.
  • Weight loss, overall fitness: Sex, if nothing else, is exercise. A vigorous bout burns some 200 calories–about the same as running 15 minutes on a treadmill or playing a spirited game of squash. The pulse rate, in a person aroused, rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same as that of an athlete putting forth maximum effort. British researchers have determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times a week for a year. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles. Men’s Health magazine has gone so far as to call the bed the single greatest piece of exercise equipment ever invented.
  • Reduced depression: Such was the implication of a 2002 study of 293 women. American psychologist Gordon Gallup reported that sexually active participants whose male partners did not use condoms were less subject to depression than those whose partners did. One theory of causality: Prostoglandin, a hormone found only in semen, may be absorbed in the female genital tract, thus modulating female hormones.
  • Pain-relief: Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge to five times their normal level. This in turn releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headache to arthritis to even migraine. In women, sex also prompts production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS.
  • Less-frequent colds and flu: Wilkes University in Pennsylvania says individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30% higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, which is known to boost the immune system.
  • Better bladder control: Heard of Kegel exercises? You do them, whether you know it or not, every time you stem your flow of urine. The same set of muscles is worked during sex.
  • Better teeth: Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay. Since this is a family Web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system. Suffice it to say that it could be a far richer, more complex and more satisfying experience than squeezing a tube of Crest–even Tartar Control Crest.
  • A happier prostate? Some urologists believe they see a relationship between infrequency of ejaculation and cancer of the prostate. The causal argument goes like this: To produce seminal fluid, the prostate and the seminal vesicles take such substances from the blood as zinc, citric acid and potassium, then concentrate them up to 600 times. Any carcinogens present in the blood likewise would be concentrated. Rather than have concentrated carcinogens hanging around causing trouble, it’s better to evict them. Regular old sex could do the job. But if the flushing of the prostate were your only objective, masturbation might be a better way to go, especially for the non-monogamous male. Having sex with multiple partners can, all by itself, raise a man’s risk of cancer by up to 40%. That’s because he runs an increased risk of contracting sexual infections. So, if you want the all the purported benefits of flushing with none of the attendant risk, go digital. A study recently published by the British Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week.

OK, so how about getting a firm grip on your health? Find someone who likes to play the way you do and have fun – lots of it!

Want More Sex? Here’s how…

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Regardless of what you may think. Sex happens in the brain.  Our ability to feel desire, the things that turn us on, the things that make us reach climax all happen in the brain. So, if you want more sex, it’s reasonable to assume you should know more about the brain. I’ll give you the primer version.

Our brains are hard wired to respond to perceived threat in ways that will preserve our ability to survive.  These automatic reactions are called “Survival mechanisms”.  Our brain fires off chemicals that provoke us into feelings of fear for our survival.  Then we have biologically programmed ways to react to fear that aid us in surviving whatever it is that is threatening our survival.  You don’t really have a choice about what you are feeling when you perceive yourself to be in a threatening situation.  Your brain takes over.  Our brains are very powerful in affecting how we feel and how we respond.

You see our brains have been programmed through biology and culture to respond in ways that will insure our survival in primitive situations. Your brain doesn’t really get it that if you perceive your job is being threatened you will not die.  It really feels like you will.  Your brain doesn’t know that if your husband/wife/partner is angry with you and you think they might leave you that you won’t die.  Your brain doesn’t know that when a friend calls your character into question, that you won’t die.  Your brain doesn’t discriminate between actual threat for your survival and emotional threat.

Our brains are divided into sections.  As we evolved as a species we went from depending on simple functions to the very complex brain that we now have as human beings. Our reptilian ancestors brains comprised of three cleanly defined sections: the front part allows for smell, the middle for vision, and the rear allows us balance and coordination. And those basic survival instincts were cordoned off in a space between the smell and vision sections, a kind of command post with the scientific name of “diencephalon”.  This part of the brain holds our drives for food, our  “fight-or-flight” aggression reactions, and of course, sex.

Our brains further evolved into what is known as the “mammalian” brain when our left and right cerebral hemispheres developed.  More and more circuits had to be added to process the more complex functions of the life and culture of our mammalian ancestors and our brains grew in size.  But we still rely on that command post to assist us in our primary need: survival. This relic of the past fights our evolved brains more flexible reactions and tends to take over when we perceive that we need them.

This very powerful tiny walnut sized part of our brain, set inside our brain stem, is called our “hypothalamus”. It injects our system with electrical stimulus evoking anger, anxiety and acute fear.  Most of the time, we are able to maintain mastery over this part of our brain. But now and again our animal senses tell us that our survival or our well-being is being challenged and that package of survival programs, called “emotions” erupt.

It’s like you have two brains in one body. Your emotional states that evolved to help you survive; and the other which is ruled by reason.  The old brain; and the new brain in one package: your skull.

Okay, now, back to sex…

When we feel emotional threat, we respond with this primitive part of our brain.  We feel scared, and our defenses go on autopilot.  We feel angry and protective and either withdraw or go into attack mode to regain a sense of control.  While it is possible to feel a need to have sex from this place, it’s more of a desire for dominance than it is the kind of intimacy that we most need and want.

Women tend to be turned off by men who display the need for this type of sexual encounter, if they aren’t it’s because they have never experienced the other kind.   And even if they will put up with it for a while, eventually they will stop wanting to participate because it just doesn’t feel good.  It feels scary and unsafe.

Safety is what leads to continued, warm intimate and frequent sex. When we feel safe with our partner our brains kick into a mode that allows us to drop our boundaries and allow ourselves to feel the vulnerability we need to feel in order to experience deep sexual intimacy.  Being afraid triggers the old brain into survival mode and sets up firm boundaries that keep distance between us. ant More Sex

So, if you want more sex, work toward more emotional safety in your relationship.  Emotional safety is accomplished by awareness of and sensitivity to what our partner is feeling.  It means being aware that when our partner feels threatened and is yelling or acting angry toward us, we listen to what is underneath their angry behavior. We ask them for more information about what may have hurt them and own up to our part in whatever occurred.  This doesn’t mean passively letting them have their way, it means sharing about what we honestly feel and negotiating a result that works for both of you.

Our old brain is tricky.  It can make us think that something is threatening when it’s not. It can make us think we are being attacked when we are not.  Being sensitive to what may trigger our partner into feeling they are being attacked helps us be more aware of what might be standing in the way of more intimacy (i.e. more sex).

Touch – It’s More Than Sex

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Every wonder why a man gets instantly excited by the slightest little touch?

The reasons behind his reaction may not be as simple as assuming that he’s just over-sexed. It may go much, much deeper…

We all associate different emotions (good and bad) with different types of touching such as holding hands, hugging, getting a massage, and kissing. Some of these emotions can be very powerful and have a significant impact on how we relate to others.

Read this great article from featured author Melody Brooke to find out why the way we touch one another is extremely important to a happy and secure relationship.

Touch – It’s More Than Sex

by Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT

For many men, the opportunity to be touched, even casually by a woman is arousing.  And, no, it’s not because men are different than women innately.  This is because boys are often raised with little physical nurturance.  Some men are so touch deprived that they shut off the awareness of the need for it entirely.  As a result they appear cold, distant and emotionally unavailable.  They have little understanding of why a woman wants to be touched or cuddled.  It completely baffles them.

Many cultures within the larger American culture work to toughen up boys and assume that cuddling, hugging and kissing boys makes “Mama’s boys” or “Sissies” out of them.  This creates an environment in which our male children are raised without physical touch.  Yet we know, from years of research that touch is a basic need.  Babies deprived of touch do not survive; they will quit eating and die.  While men, even 5 or 6 year old boys are not infants, they, like all of us have a basic need to be held, to be touched, and otherwise physically nurtured.   This need for touch can be hidden away for years, until perhaps in their early teens, a girl steals a kiss or holds his hands.  Suddenly he finds himself aroused and from that moment on, associates touch with sex.

Then these poor guys get accused of being hyper sexual because the need for touch, which has been repressed for years, suddenly emerges as sexual desire.  The hormone oxytocin carries messages of bonding, safety, overall well being and of love to our brains and to our bodies.  It also increases sexual arousal. This hormone is released when there is any type of skin-to-skin contact. This generally happens at the same time as the developmental hormonal changes of adolescence, further complicating matters.  From the male perspective then, touch=sex.

Every touch experienced carries a different electrochemical message to the brain. Even small, very light touches can create tremendous brain activity. When you expanded to hugging, the response is magnified many times because it brings with it memories of previous experiences (or lack thereof) and the attached emotional meaning. (Welch, 1988) When a person is upset or stressed, taking their hand usually produces a soothing effect, reducing anxiety, and generating a feeling of greater security as the oxytocin is released.

Couples observed touching affectionately test as being more securely attached and having a more satisfying sex life.  If you are unhappy with the amount of sexual activity with your partner, notice what happens when you become more affectionate in general with each other.  Increasing overall affectionate behaviors can have a positive effect on each of you individually, as well as increasing the amount of sexual activity between you…

Touch alone can transform the quality of your relationship.

If you are not feeling safe enough with your partner to enjoy copious amounts of affection, you might want to ask yourself why not.  Is this because of your own discomfort with touch?  Or is it because you fear that touch will initiate sex when that is always what you want? Is your partner uncomfortable with touch and therefore reluctant to express their affection physically? These are all questions that you and your partner should discuss, certainly before committing to a long-term relationship.

While some couples settle into a kind of comfortable physical distance, their emotional connection is often just as distant.  If you are not comfortable with idea of an emotionally distant relationship, then you should be aware of the impact of physical distance on the quality of your relationship.

Try livening up your relationship by making it a point to hug and kiss your partner when you come home, or being sure that you cuddle up close before drifting off to sleep.

Hold hands while you walk together. Women, spend time giving your partner a massage. Non-sexual touch can evoke strong feelings in a touch-deprived male.  If your partner has an intensely emotional response, be open to allowing him to have those feelings in the safety of your presence. It can be deeply bonding.  Men, touch your partners’ arms while she is talking to you, touch her face as you tell her about your day, it will make her feel cherished and valued.

Increasing the amount of touch you give will improve more than your relationship in the process.  Infusing your body with Oxytocin, through touch, will provide you with reduced stress and boost your sense of well being.