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Being A Supportive Partner When Times Get Rough

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A relationship go through many ups and downs. Here’s how to be a great spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend in your relationshipp when things are difficult.

For Better Or For Worse

Everyone who’s ever been to a wedding or seen one on TV or in a movie knows the gist of typical wedding vows. There’s a line in there about sticking it out whether you’re healthy or sick, rich or poor. This shouldn’t just apply to married couples, of course. If you’re in a relationship with someone and they fall ill or lose their job, you should be there for them. You would want them to help you through your rough time, so you should treat them in the same manner.

How To Show Love When Things Get Hard

There are so many different ways that you can show your love during tough times. Whether your S.O. has lost their job or a loved one, just being there to listen to them will get you off to a good start. Offer to help where you can, but never be forceful about it. Say your boyfriend just got laid off from his job. Give him a few days to be upset, and then ask if there’s anything you can do to help. If he says he doesn’t need help, keep in mind that his ego is suffering.

Forcing your help on him right now might just make him feel worse and in even less control of his life. So give him space where he needs it. When someone is upset and hurting, it’s important to be observant. Follow their cues and you’ll help them in the best way possible.

Empathy Isn’t Everything

While empathy is incredibly important, don’t ever pretend to understand what your mate is going through if you haven’t been there yourself. If your girlfriend’s parent just passed away, and both of yours are still alive and healthy, you can’t tell her that you get what she’s experiencing. If you do, that could start an argument.

When a person is grieving, they feel like no one can really understand their pain. Your job is to make sure that your mate doesn’t feel alone. Tell her that, even if you can’t truly understand her particular sorrow, you want her to know that you’re here for her. If she needs to cry, yell, or just be held, you’ll be with her for all of it.

Be Throughful

Perform thoughtful acts without being asked to do so. If your S.O. typically does the cooking or the cleaning, take on some of that work so he or she can have extra time to do whatever helps them mellow out. Encourage them to get some form of exercise, which will help them feel better. Gently nudge them out into the outside world so they can’t just sit around all day focusing on their unhappiness. Of course, if they resist, never push them.

Perhaps if they’re not up for going out, you can coax them into watching their favorite funny movie or playing a game they like. Just try to get them smiling again. Sex can also be very healing, though you should try to be understanding if your significant other needs a break. When you’re stressed or depressed, your sex drive can take a real dive, so don’t take it personally if they’re not really in the mood.

Be Kind

Ultimately, the key to being a really supportive S.O. is to make sure that you are there when you’re needed. Be respectful of your mate’s need for alone time as well as together time, and never force things on someone who’s upset. Treat you S.O. kindly during a difficult time, and they will appreciate it on many levels, for many years to come.

What To Do When Your Parents Hate Your Partner

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Here’s a seemingly simple scenario. You love your parents and you love your significant other. It’s finally time for your mate and your family to meet. They get together and they absolutely love each other. Why shouldn’t they? You’re their common bond, and if you love all of them, why wouldn’t they love each other? Unfortunately, life isn’t always so simple.

Oftentimes the people that we love don’t get along together. If you’ve recently learned that your parents are incredibly displeased with your choice of a partner, you may very well be reeling. Do they see some horrible quality in your S.O. that you’ve been blind to? Or are they just being ridiculous in their own expectations for you?

Consider Major Negative Feedback

If they give you majorly negative feedback on your S.O., it’s worth considering it. They may have a really good reason for not liking your boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe they know that he or she has cheated on you. You might be okay with that, but they aren’t. Maybe he/she was really rude to them and openly disrespectful of you in front of them. If these are the sort of complaints they’ve made to you, you should think really hard about why you’re with your mate.

They know you pretty well, and they may be right in thinking your S.O. is wrong for you. If their reasons for disliking your partner are miniscule or unfounded, however, don’t even bother considering a breakup. Instead, start thinking about how you’ll smooth things over between your parents and mate.

How To Get Them To Reconsider

The first step in getting them to reconsider their stance is to give them a great sales pitch on your S.O. Give them evidence to negate their fears, however irrational. Talk about all of the wonderful things that your partner does for you. Show your parents just how truly in love you are with this person. Prove to them that your significant other is a great source of happiness for you. It can even help to point out all the ways that they’re different from and better than past boyfriends or girlfriends that also met with your parent’s disapproval.

Once you’ve convinced them to give your partner a second chance, come up with a good way to get them together again. Make sure it’s in a setting that they will likely feel comfortable and happy in. Better still, work in a way for your S.O. to show off some of their better qualities. If they’re a great cook, the two of you can make dinner for your parents. If they are baseball nuts and so is your mate, go to a game together so they can talk shop and bond over a mutual interest. They may see your partner in a new, brighter light.

When The Issue Is More Serious

What if the problem is more irreparable, though? What if your parents are showing an ugly side to their personalities? Perhaps they’ve decided that they don’t like your partner because he or she is of a different race or religion from you. Maybe they think he or she is too poor or from the wrong class standing. You’re going to have to fight an uphill battle here, and you may not be able to win.

This is when you might have to make the hard choice to cut your parents out of your life, at least until they can be more accepting. It could be really difficult to do, but if you’re deeply in love with your S.O.—if they’re someone you may very well marry and/or have children with—you can’t give them up because they are being ridiculous. It’s a hard but important decision that you must make.

Hopefully, it won’t come to that. Remind them that if they love you and want you to be happy, they’ll respect your choice in a partner. Be patient and help them learn to accept your S.O. Sometimes time is the best bandage for a situation such as this.

Low Sex Drive – How Can A Woman Get Her Libido Back?

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The libido changes in lots of ways throughout life, for both men and women. A low sex drive can mean a lot of things for a woman, especially after giving birth. Here’s how to figure out why she has a low libido and how to revv up your partner’s libido again after the baby is born.

Question: My question is, since my wife gave birth 18 months ago she is never in the mood, EVER. Now I work midnights and take care of the baby during the day to save on daycare costs. During that time at home, I cook, I clean, I do laundry and of course take care of the baby. I do this because I know her job is stressful and she works hard and the last thing she wants to do when she comes home is cook and clean. I thought all of that might help, but it didn’t. How can I help her get her get her libido back??? Thanks for the help!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05kCQ4BqVkY&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Why A Woman’s Libido Might Change

There are a million different reasons a girl might experience a change in your lover’s libido, whether it’s a decrease or an increase. Usually it boils down to hormones. Throughout a female’s life, the levels of hormones in the body, such as estrogen, differs greatly. She may have a rampant sex drive at a younger age, only to experience a drastic decrease in libido during the aging process and the levels of hormones in the body begin to change. This is especially true right after giving birth. The good majority of the time a female experiences a change in libido, a change in hormones is what is responsible.

Communication Is Key

Make sure that you actually have an open line of communication with your partner about what is going on in your relationship, especially when it comes to sex – or the lack of it. Your partner may have no clue how you feel about the situation if you’re not talking to her – so make sure you’re actually communicating about what is happening.

Physical Reasons A Female’s Sex Drive Can Decrease

If your partner just isn’t feeling good and isn’t feeling like having sex, it may be time to make an appointment with her doctor. There are several purely physical reasons that a girl might experience a decrease in libido, such as:

  • Changes in hormones
  • Having a baby, especially if it was a difficult birth
  • Significant weight gain
  • Taking certain medications, especially anti-depressants and anti-psychotics

Emotional Causes For A Reduced Libido

Aside from physical factors, there are also lots of emotional factors that you need to consider when trying to find the root of a female’s lack of libido.

  • Being tired or exhausted from work or taking care of kids
  • Lack of time together as a couple
  • Lack of emotional connection
  • Lack of confidence and feeling unattractive, especially after having a baby or gaining weight
  • Depression or anxiety

A Word On Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is a serious issue that can happen after a girl has a baby, but it can be difficult to spot, since it’s normal for women to feel a little down after giving birth – this is most commonly referred to as the “baby blues.” However, when it becomes serious, it can be dangerous to leave it untreated. If you suspect that your partner may have postpartum depression, don’t judge or criticize. Show your partner love and support, but make sure to see a doctor immediately. Serious postpartum depression can cause a woman to harm herself or the baby, which never ends well. Symptoms of postpartum depression can include:

  • Lower libido than before the baby
  • Loss of appetite
  • Insomnia
  • Intense irritability and anger
  • Overwhelming fatigue
  • Lack of joy in life
  • Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
  • Severe mood swings
  • Difficulty bonding with the baby
  • Withdrawal from family and friends
  • Thoughts of harming herself or the baby

What You Can Do To Fire Up The Libido

If you’ve ruled out some of the more serious reasons that your partner might be experiencing a decrease in libido there are a few things you can do to try to get that spark back into your sex life.

Plan A Date Night

Often, after having a baby, everything becomes all about taking care of the baby. There’s very little time left for you and your partner to actually spend time together away from the baby and reconnect. You need to remember why you’re a couple in the first place! The baby will be just fine with a babysitter or grandma and grandpa while you and your partner go on a date. Stay in touch, but remember that you need to take some time for the two of you.

One of the most important aspects of planning a date night is that a girl doesn’t usually have the opportunity to dress up, do her hair, put on makeup and go somewhere when she’s a full time mother – especially if there’s a full time job involved. Giving your partner the opportunity to feel like a woman again can work wonders!

Romance Your Partner

You may just be missing that element of romance that used to exist in your relationship but doesn’t anymore. Most of a female’s arousal is actually mental, and for a girl to feel sexual, she must be completely relaxed. Draw a nice bubble bath and pour your partner a glass of wine (if the baby isn’t nursing). Give your partner a massage, or buy a gift certificate so she can go get one.

Focus Your Attention On Your Partner

Remember that for a woman to feel important to you and valued by you (which is necessary for a lady to want to be come sexual with you), she has to feel like you’re paying attention to her and value what she has to say. Talk to your partner one on one, with the television off. Ask questions about how she feels and what she thinks, and then actually listen to the answers!

When You Do Have Sex

When you and your partner actually do have sex, it’s very important that you focus on her pleasure – and make sure your lover has an orgasm too! Worship your lover’s body and make her feel sexy in the way you touch and look at her. Give your partner oral sex and let her have an orgasm first, and even more than once if you can!

If She’s Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm

Many women have trouble reaching orgasm, especially after having a baby. After giving birth, things may be a little sore, or may just feel a little different down there. Don’t be afraid to bring in some props like arousal gel or warming lube. Of course, lube is especially crucial for sex after having a baby, because you can really hurt the sensitive tissues down there if the vagina is dry – which is more likely after giving birth.

How To Cook For A Woman And Win Her Heart

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Girls love coming home from work and not having to fix a meal – so surprise her with your skills as a chef – and follow it up with an evening full of romance. If you play your cards right, you could definitely make your girl swoon, and you might just get a little nookie out of the deal too! Here’s how to plan a super special evening where you’re in control and all she has to do is sit back and relax!

Preparation Is Important

Preparation is important here! Make sure your home is neat, tidy and most of all, comfortable. If you have kids, make sure you have organized a babysitter who can watch the children in their home. If this isn’t feasible, arrange to have a babysitter on standby at your home. Make sure that whoever is watching your kids is prepared for “overtime” if you and your lover end up getting a little frisky after dinner.

Set a flirty mood by sending the invitation to dinner to her office, leave it on her bed, in her briefcase or even send a romantic electronic invite. The fact that you actually took the time to “formally” invite her to dinner at your home will intrigue her enough that you’re almost guaranteed a “yes!”

Planning The Menu

Make sure you plan the menu well ahead of time and shop for the ingredients that you need a few days before your date. This way, if there’s anything that you’ve missed or that you run out of, you still have plenty of time to run to the store without things turning into a giant mess.

Figuring out what to make can be difficult, because you want something that is quick enough that it leaves you time for seduction at the end of the meal but you also want something nice enough that it will impress your gal. Furthermore, you don’t want something so complicated that you’re bound to screw it up and you also want to make sure it’s something she’ll actually like too! What a list! Make sure you know about any food allergies your partner may or may not have before you go shopping.

Time For Fun!

Now’s the time for “dress up” or should we call it “dress down.” Choose a masculine apron and strip naked, leaving your front covered with just your butt cheeks showing. Obviously, you would have ensured that you are freshly showered, wearing your best aftershave and have removed any unwanted hair she might have an aversion to (be it back or butt hair for that matter!).

Make a slightly exaggerated but “cheeky” effort in transforming your lounge/dining room into a sensual, romantic setting. Bend over catching her eye as you lay out the scented candles; carefully chosen mood music and table settings. Adjust the suitable temperature heating (comfortable enough to disrobe in) and check the working CD/IPOD.

Getting Down To Business

Now it’s time for the “main course.” Act the part of the gentleman and tell her you are going to “dress for dinner,” and come out in your TUX (or as fancy as you have). If she objects, saying that she would rather you stay as you are – then obey the lady, after all, the intention is to get naked anyway.

Surprise her by playing a little scene out of the movie (9½ weeks) by blindfolding her; feeding her little portions from the plate and making her guess what food it is. If she gets it wrong, she has to pay a forfeit and what forfeit is entirely up to you – use your imagination and choose one that she would feel comfortable with. Reverse the roles and allow her to do the same to you. Feeding one another is a highly erotic aspect of foreplay that bodes extremely well in building up anticipation.

Following Up With Romance

Last but not least, make sure you have scattered red rose petals all over the area you plan to use to make love, whether it is the bedroom, fireplace or next to the hot tub! You will have planned this before you started cooking, so that you and your lover have a romantic, sensual place to go when things get too hot in the kitchen!

Conflict Resolution: How To Apologize Gracefully

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No matter how fantastic your relationship is, there are going to be times when you screw up. We’re only human and we all make mistakes. Whether you say something particularly mean in the heat of an argument, or do something far more serious, you’re going to have to apologize every now and again. As such, it’s pretty important to know how to apologize the right way.

Sometimes a simple “sorry” just doesn’t cut it. In fact, if you do a poor job of apologizing, you may find yourself getting into a whole new argument with your S.O. and you’ll never reach a conflict resolution. A truly good, genuine apology, however, can be like a well-executed set of stitches. Not only does it close the wound you’ve opened up, but it can minimize the chance of future emotional scarring.

Mean What You Say

Though it may seem obvious, one of the most important ways to apologize properly is to really mean it. If your apology is cast off carelessly just to end the fight at hand, it won’t be believable. An insincere apology will only rile your mate up, not satisfy their need for appeasement. Instead of hastily saying you’re sorry, hear your partner’s argument all the way through.

Then pause to consider what you’ve done wrong, and genuinely apologize for it. It can be hard to acknowledge your own wrong-doing, but if you really love your partner, you need to admit that you did something wrong and are really sorry about it. If you’re not really sorry, then you need to call a time out on the argument so you can think more by yourself.

Choose Your Words Carefully

When you actually go about apologizing, you really need to be careful with your word choice. Saying things like “I’m sorry you’re so angry” or “I’m sorry that you don’t approve of what I did” isn’t really apologizing and won’t do anything for actual conflict resolution. That’s just turning things around on your partner under the guise that you’re sorry. You need to actually take responsibility for your actions when you apologize (i.e. “I’m sorry that I forgot to mail our rent check this month”.)

You also need to be careful with your tone. Don’t yell your apology angrily, and don’t let sarcasm creep into your voice. Take a good, deep breath to calm yourself down before you start speaking. If your S.O. starts to interrupt you as you’re talking, just let them. After they’ve said their piece, start your apology again. If you keep your cool, even if your partner can’t, your apology will feel more genuine.

See Your Partner’s Point Of View

To further improve upon your apology, make sure to acknowledge that you understand where your partner is coming from. Simply stating that you get why they’re mad shows a level of empathy and regret that they’ll appreciate. If you really want to win them over, say that you want to discuss how to prevent a situation like this from happening again.

Ask for their advice and input. Inviting them to help figure out the best conflict resolution reminds them that you really do value their opinion and their role in your life. Part of apologizing is not only showing that you are truly sorry for what you’ve done, but also showing that you want to keep from repeating your mistakes in the future. A hug and a kiss once you’ve both calmed down never hurts, either!