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How Soon is Too Soon to Start a New Relationship After a Divorce?

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While there’s no real answer to this question, there are some important things to keep in mind.

Many people worry that it’s too soon to have feelings for another person and worry about what their family and friends will say. In reality, you feel what you feel when you feel it, and you’ll know when the time is right. Don’t second guess yourself and don’t let others tell you what you need to be happy.

When you get a divorce, it’s very common to miss the companionship and closeness that you once had. So what can you do?

Most importantly, don’t try to fill that void with the first person that comes along.

And when you do meet someone, take it slow, worry a little less about the future and just go with your feelings today. Don’t focus so much about the end result. Many people agonize about "where the relationship will go", etc. Stop it!

Enjoy your time on the phone. Enjoy going on dates. Just take it day by day. Don’t worry about rushing into another long term relationship, especially since you just came out of a marriage.

I’m sure you’ve heard this: "Give yourself time to heal and get over the divorce." And that is quite true. Otherwise what you may end up doing is going into what everybody calls a rebound relationship, where you end up dating someone who is the complete opposite of your ex-spouse. In time, you’ll find out that just because he or she is the opposite of your ex, they’re not perfect either.

Recognize this type of relationship for what it is and you’ll be fine. It’s OK to spend some time with someone who is the opposite of your ex. It’s like a breath of fresh air. Just don’t get too excited, because rebound relationships normally don’t last. The right person for you is probably somewhere in the middle of what you left and what you’ve just found.

In summary, just take it slow and enjoy it day by. There’s absolutely no need to rush into a serious relationship. You’ve finally got your freedom, so why not take some time to enjoy it?

High School Sweethearts – Can It REALLY Last?

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You’ve seen time and time again… young couples together since high school, making plans to be together forever.

Ah, young love… It’s beautiful and romantic, but forever is a pretty big word. Being so young, high school sweethearts are much more likely to grow apart than older couples.

They go to college, make new friends, find new interests and passions. And before you know it, they find they’ve grown apart.

So here’s the question: Can it REALLY last? And if it starts falling apart, what can you do to keep from losing your best friend?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irx9hYd1_Kw[/youtube]

Swinging vs Polyamory – Can You REALLY Have One Without the Other?

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So you’ve been enjoying the swinging lifestyle for a few years, and are having a blast.

But what if it starts growing into more than just sex with friends – or friends with benefits? What if your husband or wife starts developing romantic (a.k.a. love) feelings for your playmates? Dare we call it polyamory?

And what happens when the jealousy beast rears it’s ugly head. Admittedly swingers (and certainly those into polyamory) are not nearly as apt to fits of jealousy as some monogamous couples, but it’s been known to happen. As with the couple asking the question for today’s video below.

Oh, and if you think swinging or polyamory are a rare occurrence in our society, think again! Check out this survey that over 4,000 of our readers took – Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory? The results will certainly surprise you.

So is it REALLY possible to have swinging without polyamory, and vice versa? Is it REALLY?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPWa1qbLCKM[/youtube]

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How to Approach Relationships After Break Up or Divorce

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How soon is TOO soon to approach a new relationship after break up or divorce?

Nobody likes being alone, especially after being in a close intimate relationship, which is why most people start dating again soon after ending their old relationship.

Dating someone new is fine, but be aware of WHY you’re dating this new person. While there’s really nothing wrong with it and there’s no mandatory “you must be alone and miserable” period, it’s crucial to avoid getting into a rebound relationship for the wrong reasons.

Just because they are the exact opposite of your old partner doesn’t necessarily make them RIGHT for you. It just eases your short term frustrations with your previous partner, the frustrations that caused you to separate.

Watch this short video to find out more on how to approach relationships after break up or divorce…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lD1Rreqf08[/youtube]

How to Resolve Relationship Difficulties Without Making Your Partner Wrong

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When you’re in a relationship with another person and you spend all, or most, of your time with that person, there are going to be things about them that you don’t like. In fact, they may even have some quirks that drive you absolutely insane!

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could bring up those concerns without it sounding like you’re nagging and without it turning into a full blown argument?

Here are some really great tips and suggestions that will help you talk about the things that drive you crazy without offending your partner and ruining a perfectly good day.

How to Resolve Difficulties Without Making Your Partner Wrong

by Marianne Torrence, Trainer and Facilitator

You’ve read all about the #1 relationship mistake – putdowns or making your partner feel wrong or belittled.

It’s pretty obvious that is not going to help a relationship, but what happens if your partner is doing something that really upsets you and they have no idea that it’s happening? Do you have to just put up with it and keep quiet?

After all, if you mention it it’s going to seem like a putdown, right?

Well, actually, not necessarily. This is where you have to learn some skills, how to introduce the subject, warn your partner that there’s something that’s on your mind, and ask for them to be able to hear you out, if possible without reacting.

Sound like a tall order, right? Maybe. A lot of this depends on your partner’s self-esteem and ability to understand that YOU having a problem with something they are doing doesn’t mean they are wrong for doing it. It simply means that YOU have a problem with it. Period.

So another point – if you have managed to bring up this undisclosed issue and get it off your chest without causing an upset, it’s wise to not then get into trying to get them to change it. Because often just the fact of communicating it and getting it heard, understood and acknowledged can not only make it less of an upset or concern for you, but may bring about in your partner a willingness to change whatever it is or at least consider it. Especially if they don’t feel put down by the way you brought it up.

Obviously a lot depends on the magnitude of what your partner was doing that was getting you upset. There’s a fairly substantial difference between leaving the cap off the toothpaste and spending every night at the pub with the boys.

There is also a major distinction between complaining about something constantly – a.k.a. nagging – and bringing it up once as an issue to be communicated and looked at.

The fundamental of being able to deal with these issues is to establish some procedures and agreements for communicating about potentially disturbing or “hot” topics. One of the best ways to do this is to create a “frame” or “introduction” to be used to signal you have an issue to discuss that may be challenging or difficult to face.

Phrases that can work can go something like this…

“Have you got some time to talk about something that’s been on my mind?”

“I have something that’s been bothering me and I would like to be able to talk about it to you without making you feel wrong. Do you feel up to listening right now?”

When you communicate the upset, take responsibility for it by phrasing it from your own perspective, not directed at your partner.  E.g. “I find that I feel upset when I see you _________”, “My feelings get hurt when I notice ________ .”  “It’s been seeming to me like you tend to ignore our daughter when she tries to tell you something, and I’d like to know if you feel that is happening, maybe you can help me understand what you feel is going on.”

Now, a lot of this depends on what sort of person your partner is. If you are with someone who under no circumstances can entertain the slightest hint that anything they do could possibly be improved, or is anything less than perfect, well, you’ve got troubles. (It is always EXTREMELY smart to make sure before you get into a relationship that the someone you have got your eye on is actually someone who is willing to correct mistakes and learn from them, and understands that no one does anything perfectly the first time.)

But if you have a reasonably confident well-balanced partner you should find no difficulty in establishing some ground rules as above to allow you to communicate about differences in viewpoint without starting a war. Just make sure it starts with an agreed on frame of reference so your partner is aware it’s “sort-out time” coming up.

And as much as possible make sure they are in a position to give you their undivided attention, with sufficient time to complete the discussion, before you launch into it. Five minutes before you leave to go to a party is probably not a good time!

Remember one of the vital points on this, when discussing your issue, leave out the word “you” as much as possible. Keep it to how YOU feel about whatever it is. Not what they did or said but the reaction of feeling you had about it. The word “you” can very easily sound accusative and become accusative.

And be as specific as possible about what is upsetting you. “I feel upset because you always burn the dinner” is not workable if it’s an exaggeration and therefore untrue! “I got upset when you burned the dinner twice last week and I wondered if there’s some way I can help you so that doesn’t happen” would provoke less reaction than the first statement.

Practice this if you need to. Even in front of the mirror. If you have old habits maybe ingrained from copying parents or from earlier relationships it may take some work – but it’s worth it –much less stressful!

There’s another much deeper secret about all this but it will have to wait for another article, this is enough for now.

Marianne Torrence is a clearing facilitator, personal development specialist and SuperTeaching trainer, providing in-depth and highly effective techniques and systems to “clear out your mental closets”; involving procedures which substantially reduce stress.

With 35 years of experience, Marianne delivers over 40 different programs covering a wide variety of issues people have such as unwanted limiting beliefs, removal of negative energy from traumatic incidents, relationship difficulties, communication ability enhancement, personal integrity makeover, attitude transformation, and bettering communication with their bodies.