monogamy – Page 2

Swinging: Pros & Cons Of An Open Marriage

More and more people are “opening up” their marriages to other partners. Some people call themselves polyamorists, swingers, or just simply members of the Kennedy family. But is that right for you? What are the upsides and downsides to this arrangement? We’ll answer all your romantic queries in just a few short minutes.

What She Said:

Pros: lots of sex! Cons: lots of sex – with possible consequences. That’s the short story. To really pull this off, we’ll have to dig a little deeper.

Marriage is based on mutual respect and trust – how you want those to play out is strictly between you and your partner. Some couples can easily swim through the (sometimes murky) waters of an open marriage – others fair better agreeing on monogamy. To negotiate an open arrangement takes a lot of trust, communication, agreement and common ground. The plus side to an open marriage is that fact that there’s technically no infidelity. The minus is the possible jealousy and what that could do to your relationship long-term.

Frankly I’ve seen this attempted (though I haven’t tried it myself, so I have no firsthand knowledge), but I have yet to see it succeed. Though the open marriage story I’m familiar with started off successfully, it eventually dissolved into mistrust and ultimately divorce. Of course, that’s a cautionary tale and I’m sure there are people who can make it work.

I personally chose to get married because I want to grow with my husband. I’m excited about the path to intimacy and an ever-deepening commitment. We’re only human and, in an ideal world, it would surely be a blast to sleep with anyone and everyone who caught our fancy. However, in our situation, having sex outside our marriage would damage what we value most – the trust, safety and intimacy of our sexual and emotional bond. For couples that have been married longer, it might be feasible to sleep around and still maintain a commitment. Some find that keeping the sexual tension high is the key to keeping things interesting at home.

Ultimately it must be a mutual decision between the two of you as to whether you are going to remain monogamous or agree to “branch out.” Seriously mull over the consequences if you’re considering opening your marriage – and, if you reach a consensus, be safe and have fun!

What He Said:

Pros: Honesty. You’ll never have to worry about lying about your desires to be with other people or the fact that you have. You’ll never have to worry about infidelity, because you’ve already agreed to bang other people. As one wife I know says “It’s not cheating if we’re both doing her.” That’s a good woman, people.

Cons: Higher risk of STD’s, and the chance that a condom may break and you could unknowingly wind up carrying someone else’s baby instead of your man’s. I know many couples that have tried open relationships. And it’s always the man that brings it up. And always the woman who’s militantly opposed to it. As most women would be, until you discover that open relationships tend to favor women more than men. For example, it’s way easier for a married woman to walk into a bar, wearing her wedding ring and say “hey, I’m married. Let’s go screw.” Hell, she could probably walk into Starbucks at 8 AM on a Tuesday and find someone to bang.

For men, it’s more work. I know plenty of men who thought this open relationship was a great idea until he found his woman getting more ass than he was, and when he got pissed she threw the “this was your idea” line back in his face. Men are territorial and competitive and this may come into play.

Can swinging or having an open relationship strengthen your relationship? Yes, but most relationship aren’t strong enough to handle adding this dimension to them, and you won’t know if yours is strong enough until after you’ve tried it, and then it might be too late. So I don’t know if I would recommend allowing your partner to go off and do other people, now if you want to bring someone home for the two of you to share, that’s totally different. Sharing is caring, after all.

Are You Ready To Be Monogamous?

By loveandsex

You have met the kind of girl with whom you could settle…but does that mean you are actually ready to settle down? We all assume that when the perfect person comes along, you will know it, you will feel it, and you will be ready to commit. However, sometimes it is not that simple. Sometimes, being single is just way too much fun to quit. So how do you know if you are ready to be part of a pair?

You Want To Be Around Her All The Time

This is quickest, easiest way to tell you want to commit to someone. You have been dating for a couple weeks (or months), yet you cannot get enough of this person. You miss her as soon as she walks inside her house. You wish you could wake up beside her every morning. However, remember that the initial rush of a very fresh relationship produces this same craving, so take heed.

You Are Okay Not Canoodling With Strangers Anymore

Your friend keeps trying to get you to go to the bar with him, like usual. But you’re just not feeling it. You don’t want to spend your energy picking up random chicks, when you know of an amazing one already. You don’t even want to fool around with anyone else, lest it upsets her or makes her think you are less than serious.

You Want To Introduce Her To Your Family

While friends are treated as gatekeepers, your family is more like the guarded treasure. You may decide not to introduce them to any casual flings as a way to protect them (or to protect her from them!). Maybe you don’t want them to get attached to someone you have no future with, or maybe you just don’t want to merge those two areas of your life. However, once you begin feeling like that wouldn’t be such a bad idea, you are getting closer to the idea of being monogamous.

You Want To Tell Her All About Your Life

There are few things in this world that are better than those early moments of a relationship when you stay up all night, telling tales to each other. You tell her embarrassing stories of your youth, endearing stories of your teenage years, and horror stories of, well, last year. You begin to open up and talk about your hopes and fears and goals. You don’t do this with every girl that comes along. You save it for someone you know will support you and will not laugh (well, except when appropriate).

And for the most important sign…

You know a good thing when you see it and you don’t want anyone to steal her from you.

No, that’s not it, although a healthy sense of appreciation to keep you on your toes is always good.

You can see a future with her.

It doesn’t have to be marriage on your mind. But if there is something there, something to make you think you two will be happy together for a long time…that is the only sign you really need.

The Swinger Lifestyle and Open Relationships – Is it Really CHEATING?

By loveandsex

Some couples have a truly amazing, exotic sex life that’s enough to make most anyone jealous.

But there’s more to a great sex life than endless sexual adventures and erotic games.

It’s not even about those amazing mind-shattering orgasms that many have heard about, but few have ever experienced.

The real secret lies in really playing together and being completely open with your lover, your playmate, your partner in crime. Open up and share your fantasies, and indulge your partner in theirs. That’s the well kept secret of those with the truly incredible sex lives.

So… How About a Threesome? Or Maybe Even Swinging?

In expanding their sex lives, many couples come across that point where they consider a threesome – or even consider inviting another couple into their bedroom. Gasp!

Sure, bringing another woman into their bed is possibly the most popular male fantasy of all time. But finding that ever elusive single girl that likes to play with couples in her spare time is more challenging than some might thing. Fact is, most single girls like to go out and have sex with single men – not with couples.

Of course there’s a lot of social stigma around “swingers” which generally comes to mind, but the reality today is very different. Rather than the old “wife swapping” lifestyle of decades past, some couples today choose to try new things to spice up their sex life, and this new thing may or may not include playing with other singles or couples.

This is not about “swinger groupies” – people who don’t care about much other than having sex with others in large orgies, and hanging out at swinger lifestyle conventions. It’s about a couple experimenting and trying a new thing or another to add more spice to their sex life. THAT’S IT!

What’s truly amazing is that for something with such stigma, over 20 million Americans engage in sex multiple partners, together with their spouses. And the most popular adult personals site shows a consistent number in each state, regardless of religious or political stereotypes.

Are you a bad person if you WANT to have sex with your friends?

Think back… maybe back to your college days. Have you ever had one of those late nights hanging out with some friends, another couple? You know the feeling… you’ve all had a little too much to drink, and card games are starting to become a contact sport. You look around the room and everyone’s feeling the excitement, the sexual tension.

And while you’re pretty excited to cross a boundary here, you’re terrified. Are you suddenly a bad person? Are you taking advantage of your friends? Are they taking advantage of you? Is it cheating to be even having those thoughts? Are you asking way too many questions for the amount of alcohol you’ve consumed?

Is It CHEATING to Have Sex with Someone Other Than Your Spouse, Partner, Lover?

That certainly depends on how you define cheating. It’s kind of hard for you two to be cheating on each other while you’re BOTH enjoying something together, isn’t it?

Cheating is a breaking of the sacred trust in your relationship. When you’re both enjoying a fun, new adventure, it’s not possible to “cheat” on each other.

But BEWARE. While it’s not technically cheating, there are a few things that could go very wrong if you’re not careful.

You MUST have excellent and very open communication, and a great, solid relationship, or this will tear your relationship apart. Swinging, or the broader concept of an “open relationship” is definitely not a crutch to drag out a failing relationship. It can only work for a couple whose relationship is steady and strong, and can withstand the emotional torrent that can be unleashed when you bring new people into your intimate relationship.

4 Tips To Keep His Eyes From Wandering

By cynthiaperkins

Although most men enjoy looking at other women, assuming we’re dealing with at least a semi-emotionally healthy man, who doesn’t have ego, sex addiction or Don Juan issues, most men are not going to act on their biological urges as long as certain needs are met for them in their primary relationship.

The most empowering step a woman can take to preserve her relationship and reduce the risk he will wander is to be aware of these needs and provide them for her partner to the best of her ability.

Yes, it is a two way street and her needs are just as important as his and he too should make the same effort to provide for her, however at this time we’re focusing on the needs of the man.

1. Make Him Feel Appreciated, Wanted, Desired and Important

We all want to feel appreciated and desired, but research tells us that one of the main reasons a man strays is because of the way the other woman makes him feel. She makes him feel special, important, desired and appreciated. If he gets this at home, there will be no need for him to look for it elsewhere.

After a couple has been in a relationship for a while, the novelty wears off and both partners begin to take each other for granted. We forget about simple things like showing appreciation and expressing desire.

Again, men are just as guilty as women at falling into this rut, but for now we’re talking about helping the woman understand her man.

We’re not just talking about sex here. Just like women, the man wants to feel appreciated outside the bedroom as well. Acknowledge to him that you appreciate how he provides for your family, or how much you enjoyed the family vacation or outing you went on last week.

When he does a great job in the yard, fixes the window that’s been falling down for a year or stops the faucet from dripping let him know you appreciate it by saying thank you.

He wants to feel important in the household. Thank him for being a great father and let him know how lucky you are to have him as a husband. If he does something special for you, acknowledge it and express gratitude. Make a big deal out of the little things. Compliment him on his skills and knowledge.

2. Use Words and Actions to Show Your Love

Give him verbal appreciation, but also express it with your actions. Be thoughtful and caring by making him his favorite desert, buying him a small gift, giving him a massage or surprising him with some unexpected afternoon delights.

On the sex side of things, he wants to be appreciated and desired here too. Make him feel like he’s irresistible and you can’t keep your hands off him. Tell him how attractive he is to you, how much you desire him and what a great lover he is.

Take pleasure in giving him pleasure. Tell him how much you love his penis and how much you enjoy how it feels and tastes. Compliment his physique, his skill and his equipment. Shower him and his equipment with affection and adoration.

Now, I’m not saying you go overboard here or ignore problems that exist in the relationship, but there should be balance. If a couple only focuses on what’s wrong with the relationship and not on what’s good, then the good often gets lost in the shuffle.

Additionally, I’m not suggesting you lie or exaggerate. If you do that, he’ll feel patronized and you’ll grow resentful. Be honest and sincere.

3. Have Sex Frequently

Another one of the most common reasons for wandering eyes is that he’s not getting sex at home. It’s as simple as that. Many women are never even aware that he strays, because he’s very good at keeping it a secret. Yes, some men will feel ashamed for this behavior, but they also feel justified. They believe they have a need that is not being fulfilled and they must do something about it.

When a woman repeatedly rejects the sexual advances of her man, he feels rejected, neglected, undesirable and unimportant, which leaves a very big void in his life. Men need to have sex to feel close emotionally to their partner. It doesn’t even have to be great, mind blowing or earth shattering sex; it’s more about the frequency. As long as you’re making an attempt to have sex and not continuously turning him down, he’ll feel satisfied.

The other side of this coin is that he also has a great need for oral sex. Many men go outside the primary relationship for oral sex. A man’s identity is intimately connected to his penis and when his woman refuses him in this way, he feels rejected and devalued as a person.

4. Give Him Variety and Sexual Adventure at Home

Sexual boredom is another leading culprit for wandering eyes. Remain open to exploring new territory and unafraid to fly outside your comfort zone. Present your lover with novel sexual activities that are bold, daring and adventurous.

Keep a sense of mystery and surprise in your sexual relationship and your lover will be continuously intrigued with you.

Create an ever-changing menu of sexcapades that are unpredictable and keeps your partner guessing.

Discouraging wandering eyes is the responsibility of both partners. It is the quality of the relationship that will safeguard it from outside forces.

Building a relationship that makes both partners feel appreciated, desired, and valued is the foundation for a strong, long lasting bond that keeps all eyes where they belong.

Are You Dating Mr. Or Mrs. Maybe? Stop It Already!

By scotemilymckay

I’m not sure where exactly it happened.

But somewhere along the way our culture decided that “dating” was synonymous with “having sex”. At the very least it’s viewed as such in the narrow minds of enough of the general population to keep tons of self-conscious people all over the fruited plain from dating more than one person at a time.

Why we’re dating one person at a time

And if that’s the prevailing mindset, the way most of us operate is understandable.

After all, most women are more than just a little protective of their reputations.

Meanwhile, on the guys’ side, there’s a deep-seated fear of being branded a “player”…often easily rooted out by a few well-placed questions from a woman on a first date.

What does all this fear lead to? You guessed it. People tend to date one person at a time—sometimes for months or even years—only to ultimately decide that the person they’re with isn’t The One.

Why it doesn’t work

So my question is a simple one.

How in the world is someone—man or woman—supposed to effectively figure out what he or she even really wants from “Mr. or Mrs. Right” when he or she is burning so many cycles hanging out with “Mr. or Mrs. Maybe”?

And can we change our collective mindset to one where “dating” several people at once isn’t only acceptable, but preferable?

For starters, I think it’s time to broaden our perspective. I think it’s time for a real, live re-evaluation of exactly what “dating” should be for.

What dating shouldn’t be

First of all, let’s clarify what dating shouldn’t be.

For starters, it shouldn’t necessarily be “practice marriage”, especially not on the first date (!) or shortly thereafter. If you are still looking at every date as a “marriage interview”, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ran into beaucoup frustrating, if not flat-out awkward moments out there.

Second of all, dating doesn’t have to be placed in a box with a particular label on it. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Dating in the 21st century

If you’re into high-pressure, formal mood-killers like Ye Olde Dinner And A Movie, welcome to the 21^st century. First dates should be more interactive and fun…with plenty of opportunity to actually get to know each other.

After all, let’s face it. Unless you’re trying to intentionally limit your dating pool to people you work with and/or those whom your mother sets you up with, the “get to know you” part is going to be paramount.

And with literally everyone jumping on the online dating bandwagon these days, who in their right mind is still hell-bent on “dipping their pen in the company ink”? There are 3 billion MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) out there…most of them single!

How to date online

So what about online dating? When you meet someone you’ve been talking to online, that first meeting can’t even really be considered a “date” if you think about it.

After all, you should only be meeting casually at that stage to figure out if there’s any basic chemistry going on there at all.

That’s it. No stress, no strain. And certainly such meetings are without the necessity that any sex is going to be taking place…right there in Starbucks.

Now if the sparks fly, so be it. But my point is that this isn’t even really “dating”.

So what if there ARE sparks? Should there be wedding plans after the first date?

It sounds silly to even contemplate, doesn’t it?

Why you should date more than one person

Ultimately, I’d recommend LOTS of dates with lots of people before entering into an exclusive relationship with someone.

There are two great reasons for this.

First, life is too short to evaluate potential partners one at a time. Meeting and interacting with numerous people gives you a chance to find out what your real preferences are when it comes to MOTOs, as opposed to your pre-conceived ones.

And amazingly, it’s uncanny how having several options when it comes to your mixed-company social life begets amazing confidence. You don’t cling so desperately to each individual “opportunity”, and therefore you magically become more attractive to MOTOS in general.

Nothing succeeds like success, right?

Second, exclusive relationships should be meaningful. Why cheapen the experience by giving it away so quickly? Take time to get to know someone fully before selecting that person to the exclusion of all others.

Make it count

Make exclusivity count. If you fall in love, be sure about it and LOVE BIG.

Explain your philosophy to anyone you are “dating” who appears to be pressuring you into exclusivity too quickly. Be honest with MOTOS, and rest assured that it will typically result in real respect and even heightened attraction.

Now that sounds to me like the path of someone with real depth. And I don’t see any downside to that.