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Why A Woman Can Have More Difficulty Reaching Orgasm Than A Man

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Female orgasm isn’t always easy to achieve. There are many things that can stand in a girl’s way! Here’s why the female orgasm is more elusive than the man’s.

The truth is, it can be more difficult for a woman to reach orgasm than a man because of the way her body and brain work. Her body is wired differently from his and goes through the stages of sexual pleasure, orgasm and release in a different way. Her brain is also wired differently – sexual pleasure doesn’t just automatically shut off all thinking like it does for a guy. In fact, if she’s thinking too much, she won’t be able to climax. Here are some reasons she might have difficulty reaching orgasm.

She’s Stressed & Tense

A woman’s brain going 10,000 miles an hour will completely and utterly make it impossible for her to reach climax, while she’s having sex or masturbating. Doesn’t matter whether she’s using sex toys, you’re going down on her like it’s your last meal, whatever. It just won’t happen if she can’t get her brain to shut up. This is partly why women require so much warm up time before sex. She’s got to be able to stop thinking about everything that happened today, everything that could have happened, everything that will happen tomorrow as well as everything she should have done, could have done and didn’t do before she can start thinking about sex. This is a process.

The to-do list begins to fade as the sexual thoughts start to creep in, but at any time, the to-do list can rear its ugly head and make a reappearance. She’s got to be in full throttle sex mode to quash the stressful thoughts completely, and this takes some time and lots and lots of warm up. If she can’t banish these thoughts, she’s not going to orgasm.

You can try all you like, but she’ll be thinking about what she’s going to tell her boss tomorrow about the report that was due that isn’t finished while you’re thinking about how hot her breasts look naked and wondering why the hell you’ve been going down on her for twenty minutes and still, nothing. Fortunately, with time, patience, foreplay and some romance, you can slay the to-do list dragon and get her thinking about how good everything you’re doing feels until she’s coming like there’s no report due tomorrow and there is no tomorrow.

She’s Too Focused On Having An Orgasm

Another thing that will keep her from having an orgasm is being too focused on it. Yeah, it seems kind of backwards from a man’s standpoint, but it’s true for the gals. She’s worried about taking too long to come, what will happen if she doesn’t come, wondering if she’ll ever come, what she or you must be doing wrong to make her unable to come – oh hell, there’s those stressful thoughts again and she can forget about coming completely.

For a woman to reach orgasm, she’s got to be relaxed and she’s got to be able to go with the flow. Sadly, this is not something you can make her do or tell her to do – it’s something she’s got to learn how to do on her own. It’s kind of like finding your car keys – as soon as you stop looking, there they will be. As soon as she stops being so focused on having an orgasm and gives up the notion that she has to climax, the orgasm will find her. Until then, she can count on ending every sex session frustrated and this time, it’s not your fault.

She Feels Pressured To Have An Orgasm

This one may be your fault. She could be pressuring herself to have an orgasm (see above), but men often unknowingly pressure their partners  without realizing that doing so will make it impossible for her to have one. How many times has this sentence killed your orgasm? “Are you close yet?” Yeah, that one. The sentence that pretty much says, “I’m tired of doing this, you’re taking too long, is this almost over?”

Unfortunately for women, that attitude can be conveyed fairly easily without her partner every having to say anything. (The same can happen for men, but men see things at face value so much that a woman pretty much has to say it for him to understand that’s what she’s getting at). A sigh here, complete silence there – there are a great deal of body language signs that you can give without thinking about it that will make her feel like you want her to hurry up or that you think she’s taking too long. Which will make her take longer or not climax at all.

If you want her to orgasm easily, be wary of conveying that you’re pressuring her to reach the finish line. Act like there’s no where else you’d rather be and that she can take as long as she needs or wants. “Wow, honey, I didn’t even realize I was giving you oral sex for forty minutes – it tasted so good and I love giving you pleasure so much that it felt like five!”

She Can’t Let Go

Many women have problems letting go right before orgasm, which can be very frustrating for her. Her brain is usually the culprit here, but there are likely some deeper psychological issues at play that you really can’t do anything about. She’s unknowingly and unconsciously preventing herself from crossing the finish line – even if she’s only a few steps away from it. To her, this feels like every time she has sex she’s “almost there” and right before orgasm, her body stops the action and goes back to square one. If this is the case for your girl, she may have trouble allowing herself to let go.

She may be afraid of silly things like losing control and passing gas (who cares, right?) or even squirting – like you wouldn’t think that was incredibly hot or something. Or, the issue may go deeper than that – a history of sexual abuse might be at play, or she may have had past lovers that didn’t care to give her an orgasm or thought she shouldn’t have one. She may have been raised to believe that women aren’t supposed to get sexual pleasure, or that if a girl orgasms, she’s “dirty” or doing something “wrong.”

Any of these things could be causing her to be unable to let go when she’s on the brink of climax, or it could be something else. This is where being sensitive to her feelings and being able to communicate with your lover about what she is thinking and feeling will come in handy.

She Doesn’t Know How

Even though during sex you are primarily responsible for doing the physical work to get her to reach orgasm, there’s a lot that she’s still got to do as well. If she’s never had an orgasm before or hasn’t had them very often, she may not know how to get up and over the orgasm hump. While orgasms can just happen, more often than not, it takes a certain degree of recognition and body response for her to go along with it and propel herself over the edge.

Women who rely solely on a man to make them come are usually disappointed. Women learn this skill during masturbation – which is why female masturbation is so gosh darn important if a girl ever wants to climax, either by herself or with her lover. If she refuses to masturbate or thinks is dirty or wrong, well, she can kiss her orgasm goodbye forever and that’s not your fault – not even a little bit.

She’s got to learn what an orgasm feels like and how to move her body and what to do to be able to orgasm consistently during different types of stimulation. If your girl has trouble reaching orgasm no matter what you do for her, she may very well not know how.

You Didn’t Spend Enough Time Warming Her Up

This is another one that unfortunately, is usually a man’s fault. You already know that women require a great deal of foreplay if they’re actually going to get into it, and many men fail at giving their partners as much foreplay as they need. Unfortunately, many women expect their lovers to automatically know what to do and how long to spend doing it without communicating what they want and need, but this is a different problem entirely.

Men and women are wired differently – men are like a blowtorch while women are like ovens. Men heat up fast and hard, and when they’re done, they’re off. No more fire. Women, however, take a while to preheat and they stay warm longer. It also takes them time to cool off and while the oven is hot, she can bake 10 batches of cookies without breaking a sweat. Allow your partner plenty of time to “preheat.” She’s doing lots of things during this time – allowing her body to relax, as well as killing those nasty stressful thoughts that take so much effort to get rid of.

Don’t put a time limit on her and make sure to pay attention to her body language. If you pay close attention to her, she’ll let you know when she’s ready to move on. If she seems disinterested in sex after foreplay, seems like she’s been let down or stops caring as soon as you switch to intercourse, it’s likely you didn’t spend enough time getting her warmed up. This, of course, makes it very difficult for her to have an orgasm.

Sex Toys To Increase Your Orgasmic Power

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Sex toys can be a lot of fun to play with and can help you have an even better orgasm. Here are the sex toys you need to try!

What She Said:

I know what people say about diamonds, but when it comes down to it, sex toys really are a girls best friend. A good sex toy, is always there for you, always available, never tires and most importantly never asks you if “it was good for you?” You can also find sex toys pretty much everywhere, and in every size. They are easy to buy, easy to store and a hell of fun to use! Finding the right one takes a little bit of research and some trial and error, but when you find the right one, or even the not so right one, its still pretty damn fun. I think a basic vibrator is the perfect sex toy for most women.

They are relatively cheap to buy and depending on the size, can be used for clitoris and vaginal orgasms. If you want to get high tech, and want something more than just a basic vibrating love rod, then the rabbit vibrator is a good choice. If you are embarrassed about purchasing a sex toy (although it is super hot and all women should have at least one) then you can find many vibrating options that are labeled “personal massagers.” One of those most praised is called the Hitachi personal massage wand. This guy is fantastic!

Not only will a simple vibrator send you through the roof, it can also be used with your partner and not come across as intimidating. You could use the vibrator to show him how and where you like to be touched, or he can explore your body with it. While having sex you can place the vibrator on your clit while he enters you, that way you both can feel the vibrations. A good vibrator can help a women reach a stronger orgasm, with her man or alone. Just don’t forget to get batteries!

What He Said:

As far as sex toys go, you really can’t go wrong with a liberator wedge or the tantric sex chair. Both are simple “marital aids” that allow you to position both you and your partner in new and exciting sex positions which make the intercourse better, and allow the man (or woman with a strap on) to get access to the vagina that they wouldn’t normally be able to hit from that specific angle, which allows for deeper penetration and better sex which of course results in the desired orgasm, but a way more powerful and intense orgasm than you are used to.

There are tons of different liberator models in every size, shape and price range. The number of options can be a little overwhelming, but there are a great number of videos on the site as well which can help you decide between the different models and, more importantly, show you the many exiciting applications of the liberator models.

The tantric sex chair is a bit more pricy. It’s a tantric sex chair which is really more like a tantric couch or love sex. It’s desired for amazing oral sex positions, anal sex positions and for intercourse that is anything but plain jane or average. It’s very expensive, but it’s custom made and shipped straight to you. It’s a wild ride, literally and figuratively. It’s a great sex toy that is worth it’s weight in gold, and the tantric sex chair website is chock full of naughty videos featuring beautiful naked people using the sex chair which can give you amazing ideas on how to use it.

You can’t go wrong with handcuffs and blindfolds. There’s something amazing that happens when a person is restrained and cut off from their sense of vision. It forces their other senses to be heightened and that increased sense of touch is what can lead to increadibly stronger and intense orgasms.

Hypnosis is another good tool as well. Sex and orgasms happen in the mind and if you’re a girl who things she cant have an orgasm, you’re right. Hypnosis can unlock the mind which will allow you to experience the intense mind blowing orgasms you’ve always dreamed of.

And yes, a girl needs her vibrator, but ease your man into sex toy play. Maybe give him the remote control to the vibrator and wear it out to dinner. Let him control the remote control and watch him enjoy things. Then move forward from there.

Your Blowjob Questions – Answered (Part II)

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Oral sex isn’t always easy to figure out. Here are the answers to your most common oral sex questions!

What Can I Practice Giving Head With?

Learning how to give great head takes lots of practice, but you’re probably wondering just what you can practice on to get really good at it. The best way to practice is to practice on your partner – he can give you feedback about what feels good and what doesn’t, and let’s face it – a banana isn’t going to give you any responses about what it likes and what it doesn’t. Experimenting with new oral sex techniques and positions with your lover is part of the fun of discovering fellatio!

If you want to get really good at giving head before you go down on your man and surprise him with excellent blowjob skills, you can use other items to practice with, but you still won’t know if you’re any good or not because again, these items just can’t give you any feedback.

Food items like peeled bananas and cucumbers are popular for practicing giving head, but these can often pose a choking hazard – for example, if part of the banana breaks off into your throat and you’re not prepared for it. If you’re practicing a blowjob on an unpeeled banana – or any other food item, you can also risk scratching and scraping the inside of your mouth, your tongue or the back of your throat. To put it simply, food items were created for eating, not sucking off.

The best item to practice giving head with is an actual dildo. Choose one that is as lifelike as possible – complete with vein, head and scrotum details. This will allow you to practice many different oral sex techniques, such as swirling your tongue around the head or gently sucking the scrotum in and out of your mouth.

While a dildo can’t give you any more feedback than a banana can, if it’s realistic enough, it will train you how a certain technique feels. You’ll feel the coronal ridge of the head of the penis beneath your tongue and be able to find that same spot on your man when you go to perform oral sex on him later. You’ll know exactly what that spot feels like and what to do with it if you’ve practiced on a lifelike dildo first. If you get one with a suction cup on the back of it, you can stick it to the wall or a chair to practice oral sex positions as well!

Just lock your door first and make sure you have complete and utter privacy – this is something you really don’t want to get caught doing!

 How Can I Get Over The Fear Of Giving Head For The First Time?

First time blowjob jitters can really put a damper on whatever sexy mood you’ve got going. However, there’s less reason to be afraid than you think. Remember how much guys love getting a blowjob? Pretty much any blowjob is a good one, even if all the girl knows how to do is suck up and down. As long as you’re not using your teeth, you’re good to go. Relax and enjoy the process!

Pay attention to his body language and the noise he is making, and do whatever causes him to make the most noise, buck his hips or breathe the heaviest. Know that you’re not going to be an oral sex master the second you put a penis in your mouth, and just enjoy the ride! You’ll get better as you continue going down on your man!

Is It Normal For Some Guys Not To Be Able To Orgasm From A Blowjob?

Sometimes you can give a guy head before and no matter what you did or how long you did it for, he still won’t get to the point of no return. Does this mean you’re bad at oral sex or don’t know how to get him off? Probably not. Some men just can’t let go when it comes to oral sex.

He may be afraid of ejaculating in your mouth or on your face, or he may be afraid he’ll break wind or so some other equally embarrassing thing if he “lets go” while your face is down there. So they hold back mentally and physically and just can’t reach the finish line, no matter how good the blowjob is. This is actually often subconscious – your man is likely not even realizing he’s holding back on his orgasm.

If this is the case, have fun with the blowjob and move on to sexual intercourse when you’re ready. There’s no hard and fast rule that says you have to give a man an orgasm from a blowjob for it to be any good. If you really want to get him to the point of no return, make sure you’ve set the mood well.

Allow him to shower first, go to the bathroom if he needs to and make sure he’s in a comfortable position with the lights down low. Give him every opportunity to relax and get into it. Don’t ask him if he’s there yet, or if he’s close. This will take him back to square one almost as fast as taking your mouth off of him all together. Talk with him about what turns him on the most and what might help him cross the border into Orgasm-land. If you can’t get him there, don’t sweat it too much. He still enjoys getting great head from you.

How Can I Tell If He Really Liked It?

Many guys aren’t going to tell you that a blowjob was really good or really bad – you’re going to have to make a lot of these inferences yourself. You can judge how good oral sex for him is by gauging his body language. If he’s breathing heavy, bucking his hips or grinding them in conjunction with your movements, moaning or talking dirty, he’s most likely enjoying himself. If he’s laying there like a cadaver or his penis starts going limp, he’s most likely not enjoying himself.

You don’t need a fancy litmus test to tell you whether you suck at sucking him off or not. However, keep in mind that if your man loses his erection often, no matter what you do, it may not have anything to do with you at all. That’s an excellent question for his doctor.

Will He Urinate In My Mouth?

Chances are, he’s not going to pee in your mouth when you’re going down on him, unless he’s got a fetish and forgot to tell you – but that’s not likely. When a man is turned on, it’s very difficult for him to urinate because his body just won’t let him do it. The valves from the bladder to the urethra shut and the valves from the vas deferens open. If your partner ever tries to urinate when he’s erect, notice that it takes him longer.

He has to mentally concentrate on relaxing the muscles needed for him to release the flow of urine while his penis is hard. If your lover has to urinate, he likely won’t be able to achieve a full erection or he won’t be able to reach orgasm and may have to stop the action to go take a bathroom break. If you feel a warm gush of thick liquid, he’s probably ejaculated in your mouth. However, it’s not impossible for him to urinate while you’re giving him head – it has happened to women before.

If the liquid is thinner and saltier, it’s likely urine. Go spit it out and brush your teeth. Relax, it won’t kill you. It will probably embarrass him more, so give him a break and don’t make a big deal about it.

How To Make Your Lover Orgasm Faster During Oral Sex

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Oral sex is fun, but when you’re going down on someone for what seems like hours, it can get boring!. Here’s how to make your lover orgasm fast during oral sex!

Why You Want To Get Down To Business!

When it comes down to oral sex, some people just dilly-dally. They do one thing or the other. This and that. No rhythm. No awareness. That’s wrong.

Oral sex for a woman isn’t just about a man going down on a woman’s vagina, licking her clitoris, and bringing her to orgasm. That’s just basic stuff that we learn right from the get go.

When a woman goes down on a man, she shouldn’t just suck and lick and that’s it. She should involve her hands!

The hands are the key to making anybody come faster.

Oral Sex For Her

Whenever you go down on a woman, you want to kiss her vagina all around and do it really slow. Kiss all around her lips. Take your tongue and flick it in very slowly. Don’t go for her clitoris right away.

When you finally do kiss it, it’s like almost like the flower opening. Every time you kiss her vagina, it just opens up just a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more.

You will be able to feel the moisture on your lips. Take your lips and just move them all around so she can feel and anticipate the gliding. Of course going by her clitoris several times so she starts building up pressure inside her body. When you finally do go for her clitoris, slip one finger deep inside her and go right to her G spot, because if you spend enough time getting her prepped, her G spot at this time will be swollen and spongy.

It will feel great to touch.

Then start licking her slowly, changing your techniques up, figuring out what type of rhythm she likes. At the same time, start taking your finger and moving it back and forth on her G spot, adding pressure and building that pressure up ever so slowly. Now she has two sensations going, she’s got her G spot going and she’s got her clitoris going. She’s going to come really fast. She might come from both spots at the same time and explode all over you!

That’s hot!

That will get her wanting more, desiring more, thinking about more. That will distinguish you as a good lover.

Oral Sex For Him

If you’re a woman, don’t immediately go suck a man’s penis.

Kiss his body, tease him, kiss his inner thigh, lick his balls, get involved in the whole area before you go right for his penis and just start sucking. When a woman just goes and sucks on her partner’s penis instantly, it almost feels like he needs to start masturbating. It won’t work for him at all!

He will love when you start altering between his penis and his balls. It will feel great when you start sucking both of them. A favorite move men love when a woman is sucking his penis and tickling his balls at the same time, or playing with his balls or tickling the perineum.

Get your hands more involved because then you’re going to give him the best blowjob of his entire life.

This is how you master oral sex!

You don’t just go for it, you tease, touch and use your hands. Use everything that’s available to you. You’re going to give your partner and lover one of the best experiences they can ever have.

4 Exotic Sex Positions That Will Blow Her Mind

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Sex positions can’t always be the same during lovemaking or your partner will easily get bored. Here are four new and adventurous sex positions she will love!

1. Rocker Over

A rocking chair makes this position so much easier for you, but it can work just as well with any other sturdy surface. Your partner sits, slouching somewhat, with her head back against the back brace (or a wall) and her buttocks at the edge of the seat. Straddle her legs with your back to her torso. Lean forward until your arms are on the ground, using your forearms to hold yourself up in a semi-push up position.

Your legs should automatically lift in turn, so that they bend at the knee. Your feet should either rest on the top of the chair, or on your partner’s shoulders. To enter her, both of you will need to move your hips somewhat and use your hands to put your penis inside of her. It might be easier if she lifts her hips to straighten out her back before trying. Settle into each other once you’re connected, and start moving by using your forearms and legs to push and her hips to thrust.

CLIMAX CUE

You offer a lot of pressure to her mons pubis and clitoris network with this position, as well as some unique G-Spot stimulation because of the angle of entry. Capitulate on these positive aspects by getting her to lift her genitals to meet yours, asking her to play around a bit until she finds the perfect spot. Grind against her by pressing down into her body, and make sure to use your whole body instead of just your penis. Because your head is below your heart, the blood will pool somewhat in your genitals, allowing you to last longer than you normally would.

If it isn’t too hard on your arms and doesn’t get you light-headed, this is an excellent position for longer-term pleasure, especially since the rocking movement helps reduce pressure on any one body part. Stay in motion constantly, and you’ll rock her world.

2. Dippity Do

If you missed this week’s upper body workout at the gym, these tricep dip positions will more than make up for it. Grab a sturdy low chair, stool, or ottoman and place it near the couch to get started, then sit on the middle of the couch like you would any normal day of the week.

Scoot your bum forward so that your arms are the only thing holding you up from the couch – as if you were doing a triceps dip – and place your feet together with knees slightly bent on the low stool in front of you. Your partner stands over you with her legs around yours and squats down for you to enter her. If there are height issues, she can squat further down until you meet. Movement occurs when either you perform a triceps dip or she raises and squats down on your member – or both.

CLIMAX CUE

Because your hips are angled in this position and she’s able to squat down and move as quickly or as slowly as she needs to, there’s a lot of orgasmic possibility wrapped up in this little number. G-Spot stimulation comes naturally and she can grind her clitoris up against you too. The only thing stopping either of you from enjoying this position full tilt is the difficulty for those without the upper body strength.

Perhaps then use the position to get the feel and angle right, then move the ottoman underneath your hips so that you’re still angled properly, but you’ve got some support so your arms don’t give out from a lengthy go-around. Put some pillows under your feet to ensure they are still raised, and you’ll offer a pretty close position substitute.

3. Dippity Do Two

Similar to the previous position, a variant really, this move offers a tremendous amount of control to the ‘dipper’, but requires extensive arm, shoulder and back strength to execute.

Lie down perpendicular to two sturdy objects, such as an ottoman and a couch. Put a pillow under your hips if you want extra leverage and support. Your partner can then lie across your body with your genitals touching, feet on the ottoman and arms on the couch as if she were doing a triceps dip. Help her to get her body into the right position to put your penis inside of her vagina, since she’ll need both her arms to move about and keep sturdy.

Take some of the work off your partner by thrusting upwards, or lie back and let her exhaust herself on top of you. If her arms get tired too quickly, lie down on the ottoman and use the pillows for her feet to simulate a similar, but much easier position.

CLIMAX CUE

Even the strongest of women will have a hard time getting to orgasm in this position. Still, it’s a novel angle that few will experience otherwise, and there’s something uber-sexy about lowering oneself down onto an unseen phallus. Try it when she’s already highly aroused, or when she missed a workout and wants to make it up via double duty. With her legs held tightly together, she’ll feel every inch of your member, and she can alter the angle of penetration easily with just a flick of her hips.

Add a cock ring vibrator for extra thrills, or reach over and play with her clitoral head to see if the movement helps get her closer to peaking.

4. The Head Rush

While standing, have your partner straddle your hips and wrap her legs around you. Look at each other eye-to-eye, and hold her hips firmly while you penetrate her. Then slowly get her to arch her back and lean away from you. Your hands should provide the pivot point for her hips, giving her all the support she needs to slowly lean backward until her hands reach the floor. Don’t let go!

CLIMAX CUE

This isn’t a position for the faint of heart, but it offers some amazing perks for both of you. You’ve got an incredible view of the length of her body and your united genitals, and she’s got all the blood rushing to her head with G-Spot stimulation like no other. Depending on her flexibility, you may be able to thrust a fair amount in this position, but don’t expect her to hold it for any length of time.

Try moving into this position when she’s just about to climax, and slowly push and pull her off your penis to watch the fireworks start. If you have a hard time getting into position from standing, try lifting her up from a kneeling position with her hands supporting both her head and shoulders, so they don’t get banged around when you make the transition to standing.