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Oral Sex: Common Objections And How To Conquer Them

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Oral sex is an incredible gift to give to a woman, but if she has some reservations about it, it’s not going to be enjoyable. Here’s how to get over those obstacles.

Sixty-Nine Is Uncomfortable And Awkward

You aren’t alone. Depending on the angle that you two choose to 69 in, it can be pleasurable or a pain. The easiest way to get around this dilemma is to lie down next to each other on your sides, which will help to minimize any issues with height differences or who holds the other person’s weight. But sixty-nine really isn’t the optimal position for oral sex for either partner. Use it as an introduction or during foreplay, but not the main event. It’s just too hard for most women to focus on giving you pleasure and having enough in-their-head time to get to orgasm themselves.

She Says She’s Not in the Mood

It’s pretty common for a woman to feel like she’s being held back from really enjoying herself, especially if she’s being given oral sex by a guy for the first time. To reduce some of the pressure, try turning off the lights or using really low lights (such as candles) to help her feel more sexy and able to let go.

It Takes Her a Long Time To Orgasm So She Chafes

If you know that you’re going to be down there for a long while, avoid the chafing issues (both of her bits and yours) by using some lube. Make it even more pleasurable by trying out different kinds of flavored lubes, but make sure to ask her a few days after if she liked it, because some flavored lubes use so much sugar in them for flavoring that it can affect the delicate balance of her nether regions negatively (meaning: they can give her a yeast infection).

She Won’t Let Me Make Her Orgasm and I’m Getting Frustrated

You want to see this as your partner’s problem, but really, it’s not. This is a communication issue, not one of her not wanting to orgasm under your tender loving care. Think back to what she’s said regarding her orgasms in the past. Does she prefer a certain position, or does she have problems getting to climax with just your tongue? Does she use a vibrator while masturbating on her own? Has anyone ever made her orgasm?

Think about the answers to those questions. If you don’t know, it’s time to ask. Then, it’s time to invest some serious energy into figuring out what the issue is, without pressuring her so much that she’s not interested in being with you anymore.

She Says She’s Never Had an Orgasm With Oral Sex

This is entirely possible. Either she hasn’t been comfortable enough with her other partner(s) to really let go and feel the pleasure they’ve given her, or maybe they just didn’t have the necessary skills to make her climax. Either way, there’s nothing wrong with her. If anything, you want to take her admission as a challenge! Plus, after reading through this entire series and working through all of the steps one by one with your partner, if you really listen to her and her body language, it’s unlikely she’ll ever be able to say again that oral sex doesn’t make her orgasm.

She Doesn’t Want To Wake the Neighbors

There are some women who definitely get loud when they have an orgasm, especially one with g-spot stimulation. If she’s louder than your average gal, or if the walls are especially thin, you have a couple of options:

  • Put some music on. Not only will it create a bit of ambiance, but it’ll mask some of the louder sounds your gal might make
  • If your bed is the culprit (i.e. squeaky bedsprings) try another position or location to see if it helps with the sound issue;
  • Soundproof your room a bit, by either covering the walls with heavy blankets (think of them as mood enhancers), or using old egg cartons covered up by fabric. Both will trap another layer of air and thus, sound leaving you to be louder than normal without too many worries.
  • Give your partner something to put her in mouth to muffle her screaming, although make sure that you do this when her arms are free so she can remove it if it happens to cover her nose or mouth in the throes of passion.
  • Change locations. Sometimes, there’s no other way than to find somewhere secluded and out of the way to avoid any issues with noise. Just make sure that you won’t be interrupted, and won’t be upsetting anyone nearby before going for it.

She’s Worried She Doesn’t Taste or Smell Right

There are women who normally have a unique smell or taste to them perhaps because of their diet or medications and then there are women who smell, er, not quite right because they have some sort of infection. If your partner is worried that something’s off about her nether regions, take note. She’s aware of her sexual health more than anyone, so she may be telling you that there’s something wrong without actually coming out and saying it.

Then again, many women are worried about how they smell or taste because someone has put it into their head that there’s something wrong with their body, when really they were merely seeing the normal fluctuations in their body chemistry throughout the month. Or, the person giving them oral sex wasn’t familiar with their natural aroma, and made a not-so-positive comment that stuck with her. As an aside, if you remember from earlier in today’s reading, I fell into the latter category because of my first sexual experience, and it took me many years to get over it. Eventually, I learned that how I smelled was normal great even! – but I was self-conscious about oral sex because of that comment for way too long.

So your first task is to find out, gently, which category your gal falls into. Is she worried about infection, had a bad experience, or is merely cautious? The easiest way to find out is to ask, but if that’s too difficult, then try starting your oral sex escapades with a bath or shower. If she’s still smelling or tasting ‘off’, it may be that her cycle is near, or she may have an infection. If you suspect an infection, suggest the two of you go in, together, to get tested for STD’s. That way, if the doctor finds out it’s just a yeast infection, you can both get treated so that you don’t pass it back and forth without killing it altogether.

If she smells amazing to you however, then you can safely assume she’s being self-conscious. So what can you do in this situation?

Tell your partner how much you love the way they smell, taste, feel even when you aren’t in the bedroom. If it makes her feel better, start oral sex off with a bath or shower, or use a flavored or scented dental dam to alleviate her fears. Slowly, she’ll learn that her body is amazing, self-cleaning, and will regulate itself on its own. And hopefully, she’ll learn to love her taste and smell as much as you do so much so that she doesn’t mind kissing you after you’ve gone down on her. If however after a few months of regular input, and trying out some of the suggestions made in the next section, if she’s still worried about her freshness and you aren’t noticing any issues, there may be deeper seated issues that might be better served by the help of a therapist or doctor to work through.

She’s Lonely When I’m Going Down On Her

There’s an inherent disconnect when giving someone oral sex; it’s challenging to make eye contact while buried deep between her legs, and you really need to concentrate on what you’re doing and how she’s reacting to make it all come together. So although it’s intense by definition, some women find that cunnilingus creates an emotional wedge.

When this is a concern, the easiest way to rectify it is to touch her more. Instead of placing yourself right in between her legs, straddle one instead and use it to rub your penis on she’ll quickly feel just how aroused you going down on her makes you. Touch her with your free hand whenever you can. Make eye contact every few licks to see how she’s doing, or take a tiny breather to tell her how amazing she looks.

What Exactly Is The “Vulva?”

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Sex tips are all about what to do, right? Wrong! You’d be surprised at how many sex tips guys have read and still don’t know what a “vulva” is – do you?

Most Guys Don’t Know What It Is  – And Why It’s Different From The Vagina

An unfortunate amount of men are grossly uninformed about the vulva. Everyone knows about the vagina – that’s where the penis goes. When I say the word “clitoris,” there are some of you high five-ing each other going, “Hell, yeah, I know about the clit!” However, upon hearing “vulva,” most are either scratching their heads or answering something like, “It’s, you know, down there.” Well, it’s your lucky day. I’m going to explain what it is, and what exactly is “down there.”

The first thing that may surprise you is that the vulva is not a thing. It’s all the things. Contained in the vulva are the mons veneris, labia majora, the urethra, the clitoris, the vaginal opening, and the perineum. There are some other things in there, but for our purposes we’ll focus on just these.

Mons Veneris

The Mons Veneris is more commonly referred to as the Mound of Venus – the fatty tissue over the pubic bone. It is most easily distinguished by the fact that it is where the bush is. Or, if she is waxed, where the bush would be.

Labia Majora

Labia majora literally means “big lips.” I hope you are able to imagine where I’m going with this. They are the two folds that protect all the good stuff underneath. There is usually hair growing on them. However, again, in this day and age do not be shocked if that area is bare. Plus, it’s easier to see if labia majora are turning red. If they are, it means she’s turned on.

The Urethra

The little hole where the pee comes out. Don’t put your penis in there.

The Clitoris

If you do not know about the clitoris, you are in trouble, pal. This is the one and only place you can stimulate that will virtually guarantee an orgasm. It is covered with a thing called the “clitoral hood,” because it’s a hood – over the clitoris. Right up under there is the epicenter of nerve endings. If you can get your tongue, finger, or head of your penis on that spot, you have struck gold. Your woman will thank you dearly.

Vaginal Opening

Otherwise known to you as “Jackpot!” It is located below the urethra, and this is the place you can put your penis.

Perinium

The Perinium is a little known area of nerve endings. It is located between the vagina and the anus. You call yours a chode. If you lick that spot lightly, she’ll get a pleasant shock.

So, unless you’re referring to her actual vagina (you know, the Jackpot), then when you say “vagina,” you’re really talking about the vulva.

The TRUTH About The Clitoris (What You Never Dared To Ask!)

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The female orgasm doesn’t have to be elusive – just focus your attention on her clitoris and you’ll have her screaming your name over and over again!

Giving a woman the infamous clitoral orgasm has always been a mystery for many men. The breathtaking sexual release that accompanies each orgasm is something that most men never quite fathom. But inducing a clitoral orgasm is something that you should try to achieve in any lovemaking session.

Is It A Woman’s Thing?

Well, some men consider clitoral stimulation to be a woman’s personal task, and should be done by the woman during self-stimulation or masturbation. Personally, this is an unjust observation, because when it comes to a man’s sexual satisfaction, women are always willing to pleasure their partners. So why not fulfill her sexual cravings too? It takes two to make love, and when one partner is not sexually fulfilled, the relationship can easily get stagnated.

Multi-Tasking For Clitoral Ecstasy

When you are having intercourse, you should also explore different ways to give your female partner greater pleasure in bed. For example, when you are penetrating her, you should find ways to arouse her clitoris – that mound of flesh found anterior to the labia minora. This will greatly increase the odds of both of you achieving a simultaneous climax – something that many couples covet, but few actually achieve it.

Why Are Clitoral Orgasms Highly Favored?

Clitoral orgasm is very much favored because of one unique reason: it can be induced in many ways that most men can never imagine. You see, the clitoris is known to have many nerve endings, and thus is highly sensitive to stimulation. The plain, cold, and rusty sexual encounters can be livened up into hot and steamy sessions once the couple becomes inventive in bed.

Many women fancy thrilling sexual explorations through various ways of arousing the clitoris. Some women prefer direct stimulation while others find the ‘direct approach’ a little too sensitive to their liking. If you have the good fortune to observe how your partner stimulates herself, you will be able to tell exactly how she likes to be pleasured. You can then give her that pleasure exactly the way she wants it.

If there is only one thing you learn today, always remember that you should accept the fact that your woman needs stimulation to her clitoris during penetration in order to achieve an orgasm. Give her the clitoral orgasm that she wants (and certainly deserves), and the both of you will surely enjoy a more satisfying sex life to boot!

Sex Tips: How To REALLY Please A Woman

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Sex tips will really help you up your game and learn how to bring a woman maximum pleasure – don’t think that you’re too advanced for THESE suggestions!

Men seem have a rather difficult time pleasing a woman. This is not because she lacks the right equipment to achieve orgasm. Men lack a real understanding of how female pleasure works. Most seem to have it in their heads that poking a woman in the vagina will give her screaming orgasms. However, this is way off base.

The walls of the vagina have very little in the way of pleasure building nerve endings. This is the reason that about 75% of women have never had an orgasm during intercourse. However, it’s not as difficult to make her cum as you, and often times she, has made it out to be.

Masturbation Is A Large Part Of A Woman’s Satisfaction

Most women masturbate. In fact, they masturbate much more than you think. In some cases it is the only way a woman gets off. When you’ve been ineptly prodding her nether regions to no avail, she usually thinks, “I’ll just finish this job myself later on.” She knows exactly where her glorious bundle of orgasm-inducing nerves is concentrated.

She can hit that spot and stay until climax, instead of getting bored, losing concentration, and wandering off the hot spot. Also, a woman feels fewer inhibitions on her own.

Her State Of Mind Plays A Role Also

A large part of a woman’s sexual satisfaction has to do with her state of mind. Women have not been socialized to like sex in the same way men have. They are taught to associate a certain amount of shame in conjunction with their sexuality. Even as they mature and discover themselves, it is still a very large barrier to break through. Related to this is the fact that sexual portrayals in media both disregard and objectify the female.

Women are the mechanisms of the male fantasy, and there is immense pressure to live up to that fantastical standard, which has little to do with her pleasure. Knowing how much you love to see Briana Banks screaming in ecstasy mere seconds into penetration could lead her to feeling sexually inadequate when a glance from your member doesn’t send her over the top. Pressure to orgasm practically guarantees its impossibility.

You Can’t Just Turn Her On Like A Switch

Finally, a man should know that sexual stimulation for a woman is not an on/off switch. Just because you touch her in a certain spot, does not necessarily mean you are going to make her orgasm. Before you even think about making contact with her clitoris, you need to prepare her in other ways.

Otherwise you’ll be fumbling around down there while she’s watching Everyone Loves Raymond on TNT. Kiss her, stroke her, caress her, and really value the woman in your bed. When she feels relaxed, comforted, and valued by the man in her bed, then she can achieve real sexual satisfaction.

First Time Oral Sex: What You Need To Know

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Oral sex can be nerve wracking, especially if you haven’t tried it before. Here’s how to get started if you’ve never gone “down there” before.

Question: I’ve yet to go down on my girlfriend, and I’m really not sure where to start. I’m a bit nervous, but not scared just eager to get started. What do you suggest for a first-timer like me?

His First Time

  • Check to make sure that she’s really excited before oral sex starts.
  • If you think you’re going too fast, you probably are. Remind yourself often to slow things down a bit, and take your time. There’s no rush.
  • Focus on being gentle and creating rhythmic pressure. Ignore whatever your friends have told you, or anything pornography-related that you’ve watched or read. Having said that, being gentle doesn’t mean not engaged or floppy; you still want to be firm and focused, just not so aggressive and eager that you hurt your partner.
  • Ignore her clitoris for the first little bit. There will be lots of time to get there, but for now explore the rest of her while she’s getting excited.
  • Follow a set series of licks to see what she likes and what she responds too. Feel free to ask her what feels good, but don’t ask her so many questions that she can’t get lost in the moment either.
  • Share with her how much you’re enjoying going down on her!
  • Don’t worry about the g-spot or any fancy handwork in the beginning.
  • Feel what works and what doesn’t for both of you. Let yourself find a rhythm and get lost in it. Let your body do what feels right, and don’t over think it.
  • Make her pleasure your first priority, not her orgasm. Focus on the fun, not just the end result. If you’re enjoying yourself, she will too.

The first few times she may not have an orgasm when you go down on her and that’s okay. Just enjoy the process, learn more about each other sexually, and as time progresses it’ll happen eventually.

Her First Time

Question: My guy wants to go down on me, and I don’t really know what to think. No one has ever given me an orgasm before, although I have faked it a few times. I am able to orgasm during masturbation, just not with a partner. He says that he’ll make me orgasm when he goes down on me, and I like the idea of that. Still, I’m nervous and scared that he might not like how I taste or smell, and that I won’t be able to orgasm with him either no matter how hard he tries. What should I do?

Your boyfriend sounds like he’s got the right mindset, and he’s already figured out that he’s more likely to give you an orgasm using his tongue than with sexual intercourse. Your clitoris is where the action is at, and why you’re able to consistently give yourself an orgasm via masturbation too. Sex in and of itself rarely gives a woman an orgasm, unless she’s found a great angle that stimulates her clitoris from the outside and/or inside. Obviously you already know what rhythm and pressure works for you to reach climax, so it’s just a matter of time before your boyfriend finds the same thing.

As well, you’re eager and interested, even if you have some residual trepidations and that’s okay. You can orgasm with masturbation, so that means there’s a good chance you can with oral sex too. Here’s what I recommend for your first few forays with your boyfriend:

  • Try and make your focus about having fun and the pleasure your boyfriend wants to give you. Ignore whether or not you orgasm; it’s not the end result you’re looking for the first few times out.
  • Let your boyfriend get excited about giving you oral sex, and share with him about your focus too that you want it to be fun and pleasurable, and that you want to just learn how to enjoy the experience rather than try to climax right away. You both need to be on the same page for this to work.
  • Take lots of time for foreplay before you start receiving oral sex. Spend more time than normal getting prepped, excited and in the mood. What gets you aroused when you masturbate? Feel free to use those things too.
  • If when you masturbate a dildo or other toy is used, ask your boyfriend if he’d be willing to use it on you too.
  • Show your boyfriend what feels good and what doesn’t. Let him see how you masturbate, what rhythm you enjoy, what types of pressure work for you, and when. Now isn’t the time to be shy, but rather, share what works.
  • If your boyfriend does something you like tell him! Give him lots of positive reinforcement, and give him ideas when something doesn’t feel quite right. It might be that you aren’t quite excited enough for whatever it was he tried, so he can try it again later. Whatever you do, be sure to tell him he’s doing great and appreciate him for his efforts.
  • Baths, candles, sensual massages, lubrication and creating a romantic atmosphere will all help you relax and feel clean, sexy and ready for action.
  • Do whatever you need to get in the same head space as when you masturbate. How do you relax then and let go? What distracts you? Keep an eye on it all the next time you play with yourself, and then use those same techniques when your boyfriend is around too.