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You are here: Home / Archives for personal lubricants

The Lube Review – What Everyone Ought to Know About Sexual Lubricants

By loveandsex

There are hundreds of  different types of lubricants out there – some made for sexual use and others that just happen to work well for sex but might also be good on a slice of bread. Here’s the down and dirty on what you need to know about lube – what is not lube, what kind of real lube you should get, what you should use it for and why!

Dear Dan And Jennifer,

I’ve heard a lot about lubes and I’m wondering about them – I wonder what is the best kind of lube to use and which lubes I should stay away from? Do I really need lube? What’s the real story about lube?

–Jessica, Rhode Island

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6C6MRDCTNk&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

Water Based Lubricant

Water based lubricant is by far the most popular lube on the market. It’s sold almost everywhere – even your local grocery store sells water based lube! Why is water based lubricant so popular? First of all, this type of lube doesn’t break down condoms. That’s the most important factor – oil based lubricants can weaken latex condoms and make them less effective and nearly useless. Unless you want babies or sexually transmitted diseases, you’re better off using a good, water based lubricant. The other bonuses that come with water based lube is that it washes off easily and it doesn’t stain sheets or clothing!

What Is Not Lube?

Lotion isn’t lube, unless you’re giving a genital massage, and neither is saliva or even just plain water. While you might be tempted to just use something you have around the house in the heat of the moment, but you’re much better off if you plan ahead of time and get yourself a good lubricant that will work well for what you need. Oil based lubricants can work well for men during masturbation or massage, but oil based lubricants are bad news for women during sex and even masturbation with a toy. Oil breeds bacteria very easily and keeps it there, and is difficult to wash off. If you’re choosing a lubricant to use for sex, use the ones made specifically for sex! You’ll find that almost all of them are water based lubricants.

Silicone Based Lubricants

Silicone based lubricants are great for those who have glycerin allergies, or for those who want to use lubrication under water such as in the shower or hot tub. Silicone based lube won’t break down a condom, but won’t wash away in the same way that a water based lubricant will. If you’re planning some sexy fun in the water, think about trying a silicone based lube. The only downside? Like oil based lubricants, it’s difficult to get off afterwards.

Do I Need Lube?

In short – yes! While your partner might be incredibly “wet,” even so, a little lubricant goes a long way. It can help reduce friction, help keep a condom on and safe, and help heighten you and your partner’s pleasure. Have a good bottle of your favorite lubricant ready and you’re bound to have a more enjoyable experience.

Have Fun With Your Lube!

Don’t be afraid to experiment with different types of lube, including different consistencies, different textures, different flavors and different additives. There are numbing lubricants – which should never be used for anal sex – and even lubricants that can increase sensitivity and heighten pleasure. There are many different types of lubricants available online, including lubes in convenient pump dispensers for mess-free fun.

Filed Under: Sex Toys Tagged With: personal lubricants

Is It Okay to Have Anal Sex Without Lube?

By loveandsex

Anal sex, when done correctly, can be a source of pleasure for both men and women. It can break the sense of what is “taboo” and help spice up your sex life as well as giving both you and your partner new and exciting sensations.

However, if done incorrectly, anal sex can cause damage and infection. Without proper lubrication, you and your partner can get into some serious trouble with anal sex!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a sadist, and my girlfriend is a masochist. We both agreed that we wanted to have anal sex without lube.

My fear is that I could cause serious damage that way, because as you stated in a previous segment about anal sex, it’s not meant to be an in-hole and it doesn’t lubricate itself. So, is it possible to have anal sex without lube and not cause serious damage? Or is that just an impossible fantasy?

–Anonymous, California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G80U_9ZCOGg[/youtube]

Tearing The Membranes

Anal sex is somewhat difficult to begin with, especially for the inexperienced. When having anal sex, it is extremely important to use lots of lubrication to make sure there is no friction. Keep in mind that the anal cavity is quite unlike the vagina. It doesn’t self lubricate like the vagina does.

Without external lubrication, the friction between the penis and the anal cavity can cause tearing. The rectum itself could easily tear, as well as the inner membranes of the lower intestine.

Remember, the anal cavity wasn’t built for sex! It was made for the expulsion of waste. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it though, if you take the proper precautions.

For example, the mouth was designed for eating but that generally doesn’t stop people from having oral sex. With oral sex though, people take the proper precautions and make sure they don’t choke their partner with their penis.

Anal sex is similar, but there are a few more precautions to take. Using lots of lube helps keep the penis and anal cavity moist so there is little to no tearing. Remember to go slow when having anal sex and if it hurts too much, stop!

Infection

Tearing the anal membranes is of special concern because the anal cavity is filled with lots of unfriendly bacteria. In the event of an injury, the bacteria will go straight to the wound and severely impede healing.

Just imagine rubbing feces into a cut on your arm. You wouldn’t want to do that, would you? It’s the same concept with anal injuries. You don’t want them if you can help it.

The bacteria from feces can keep the wound from healing properly and it can also cause infection. If the tear is in the right place and big enough, it can cause fecal matter to leak into your abdominal cavity, causing serious health issues and possibly requiring surgery. Anal sex isn’t something you take lightly!

Take Proper Precautions

If you plan on having anal sex, use every precaution you can. Always use plenty of lubrication and you can protect yourself even further by having your partner wear a condom.

Never insert a penis or other object into a vagina after it has been inserted into the anal cavity without washing it thoroughly. Wash your hands and all toys or other body parts involved in hot, soapy water after you’re finished.

Be careful, and go slow at first, especially if you’re inexperienced. It might be a good idea to come up with a “code word” that means stop, in the event that you’re experiencing too much pain. Never force anal sex! If you are safe and smart, anal sex can become a pleasurable addition to your sex repertoire. If done incorrectly, anal sex can cause you a lot of damage, money and health problems.

It’s always better to be safe and smart!

Filed Under: Anal Sex Tagged With: anal sex, foreplay, personal lubricants, safe sex, sex tips

Getting Anal Sex Right – The First Time

By loveandsex

There are a lot of myths and a lot of mis information going around about the very taboo topic of anal sex.

Often times men want it and women SOMETIMES indulge them. But there’s so much more to that.

Our friend Rose from Speak Sexy just posted a great article entitled Getting Anal Sex Right – The First Time. This is a great instructional piece on anal sex, going into all the how-to details.

But be warned… And I’ll quote Rose when she says “This article contains things that may make you feel uncomfortable. It is intended for mature, open-minded adults only.” So only click if you actually want the vivid details. In addition Speak Sexy features various erotic and sometimes nude photos. 🙂

Take a moment to enjoy our recent videos on this beautifully sinful and taboo sexual fantasy…

Do You Know The Hidden Dangers of Anal Sex?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMDDOXDn_8E[/youtube]

Anal Sex – How to Make Her REALLY Want It

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMJjXReFZUo[/youtube]

Help! My Boyfriend Wants Me To Have Anal Sex!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEnHTxyDQQ[/youtube]

Filed Under: Anal Sex Tagged With: anal sex, analingus, foreplay, personal lubricants, sex tips

Help! My Boyfriend Wants Me To Have Anal Sex!

By loveandsex

Men and women tend to approach sex differently. This isn’t to say that women don’t enjoy or want sex just as much as men, but they don’t tend to go about it the same way. Women tend to prefer more foreplay and seduction.

Couples that are completely open and honest with each other can experience an amazing sex life playing together. This is because they listen to each other, and they discover each other’s fantasies and desires.

They also know that having a great sex life is about more than experiencing amazing orgasms in various positions. It’s about trying and experiencing new things together – truly playing together.

The problem comes in when one partner ups the ante and wants to try something more exotic than their lover is comfortable with.

This can be the woman maybe wanting to tie her lover up, the man wanting to try anal sex with his girlfriend, or hundreds of other exotic sexual permutations.

And since anal sex is such a popular fantasy for so many men, let’s talk about how this desire impacts all the women who are dealing with those men.

Of course, pushing boundaries is often just half the fun for sexual play, so it’s important to peel back those fears and figure out where they started.

So what’s a girl to do when her boyfriend REALLY wants to try anal sex, especially when he tries SO hard to please her?

Here’s a question from a lady in Florida facing this sexual dilemma with her boyfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have recently started dating this very great guy. I introduced him to the family, and he got their approval. Usually this does not happen, so I got the green light from my family, and friends, and even random neighbors! Everyone says “you look great together!” Plus I feel very happy around him. He calls me all the time, pays me respect and attention and even has declared that he wants to marry me if I permit it.

Okay, so the problem is this. When we have sex, he is very focused and he puts all of his energy and stamina into it… which lasts a little too long for my taste! Also he is very experimental and wants to satisfy my every request! This is great right?

Well, now he pushed up the stakes and wants to try Anal sex! I don’t want to try it because I read that it is dangerous or bad, and I don’t want to break this taboo. However I have been extremely experimental in the past, but I never tried this. Am I being too prudish or what? How should I maintain a great sex life and relationship with him, but not make him feel rejected or limited in the bedroom?

— Cynthia, Florida

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEnHTxyDQQ[/youtube]

Why Your Friends and Family Have No Business In Your Sex Life

In addition to taboos in our society, fear of what your friends and family might say is a big deterrent keeping some people from truly broadening out and enjoying a more varied and exotic sex life.

But really, this shouldn’t be an issue. Sex is something private between the two of you – you’re not going to be discussing your latest sexual adventures at you next family dinner – at least if you’re smart. Actually, be sure you don’t. Some people actually talk to their families about their sex lives, and this often results in arguments and fighting. Yes, we’ve very big on open and honest communication, but truly your family has no business knowing or discussing what specifically you do to each other in the bedroom. Nor does anyone else…

Even if at first you’re not comfortable talking openly with your partner about sex (and you’d rather talk with your buddies), this communication is crucial to a happy and fulfilling sex life. So figure out a way to actually talk to each other!

Why Our Culture Has So Many Sexual Taboos…

At the core of it, most of the sexual taboos in our culture originate from hundreds (thousands) of years where one church or another was the law of the land.

Even today there are plenty of people who’ll try to convince you that you can’t do this, shouldn’t do that, and should never do the other since it’s downright evil and immoral. But at the end of the day, what grown adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is nobody else’s business.

Unless you happen to subscribe to whatever particular religious belief doesn’t tolerate your sexual practices, what they think isn’t really your concern.

Unfortunately, growing up in this environment of taboos, where people are afraid to even talk about the more involved areas of sexuality, results in mass ignorance. People grow up knowing little about sex, and less about safe sex, and even less about the right way to talk about sex.

As popular a fantasy as anal sex is in today’s society, it’s still hard to find someone that will talk about it. People tend to be shocked that you even brought it up. So we definitely have a way to go and evolve as a society, until we can speak openly to one another about topics that today tend to stay behind closed doors.

Should You Try Anal Sex Just to Keep Him From Feeling Rejected?

Well, that’s a tough question. If your man pays you amazing attention and bends over backwards to make sure you’re always “satisfied”, then it certainly wouldn’t hurt to try and reciprocate by at least trying to fulfill his fantasy.

Maybe more importantly though, consider if down deep you may actually want to try it, but haven’t because you were afraid of social stigmas or what others would say.

So, if you want to keep him from feeling rejected, maybe consider trying it.

As an alternative, you could maybe try a limited approach to this, like maybe just a finger, and see how that goes. Having said that, everyone has their limits. If it’s terrible, stop and don’t do it again. It’s that simple.

The only reason to do anything in life is because you want to – not out of obligation to anyone.

Safety and Anal Sex – Why Taking It Slow Is SO Important

If done right and taken slowly, anal sex can be safe, and many women actually like it – once they get over the taboo anyway…

But it’s important to realize that mother nature didn’t intend this to be an ‘in’ hole, so the body does not self lubricate this area. Which means you need to bring your own lubricant, and plenty of it. If you’re not careful, someone could really get hurt.

That area of the body is very sensitive, and it’s very easy to cause injury if you’re not really careful. Aside from not wanting to hurt your partner, do you really want to explain to your family why you guys were at the hospital the other day? So play it safe, and use lots of lubricant.

And most importantly, take it very slow!

Filed Under: Anal Sex Tagged With: anal sex, analingus, foreplay, personal lubricants, sex tips

Anal Sex – How to Make Her REALLY Want It

By loveandsex

Contrary to popular belief, a happy and fulfilling sex life is about more than just exotic sex games and incredible, earth shattering orgasms.

It’s about truly understanding the sexual as well as the emotional desires of your partner, and fulfilling those needs. This means paying attention to what they want, and doing your best to satisfy their needs.

The topic of anal sex is a real sore point for so many couples (truly, no pun intended)

Yet few are willing to talk about this issue, and fewer still are willing to answer their questions.

With all the bizarre taboos and social stigmas in our culture today, it’s no wonder that so many people have utterly dysfunctional and empty sex lives. In the true spirit of this advice column, we’ll cover this topic in an open and honest manner.

So at the end of the day, can you really entice your wife or girlfriend into trying anal sex, and what’s the best way to go about it?

Here’s a question from a man in New Mexico wondering how to conquer this sexual challenge with his girlfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How do I talk my girlfriend into having anal sex?

— Jay, New Mexico

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMJjXReFZUo[/youtube]

Why is it that so many men want their wife or girlfriend to have anal sex at some time or another?

Some guys can’t stand the idea, but for many it’s a serious turn-on. Maybe it’s just the forbidden aspect that draws them, the thought of doing something they’re not supposed to be doing, and getting away with it in secret. Or maybe not.

Regardless, for women, this is a whole different story. While some have tried it and actually even like it, most are unwilling to even talk about it… and they certainly don’t generally want to try it. Well, therein lies the problem.

So why don’t most women want to have anal sex?

1. Anal sex definitely falls into the hot list of choice sexual practices that’s viewed by many as taboo in our culture.

Basically there’s a lot of social stigma around most anything other than missionary position. So you just have to decide if you’re going to live your life and enjoy your sex life in a way that’s dictated by other people’s phobias and preconceived judgments – or are you going to follow your own path? What you and your partner share and experience in the bedroom is nobody’s business but your own, and nobody other than the two of you has a right to influence what you do and do not choose to do.

2. Many women are afraid it’ll hurt, and have heard it could even be dangerous.

Worse yet, they may have tried it before, and they KNOW it’ll hurt. Not exactly a good start to a sexually charged evening.

How do you approach the topic with your wife or girlfriend?

The first step is to actually TALK to her about it, openly and honestly. For some reason most men have great difficulty actually talking about sex with their partner. They’ll talk with their friends, but not with their lover. This goes back to completely open and honest communication – a MUST for a happy relationship and a fulfilling sex life.

Guess what – it doesn’t matter what your friends think about it, and what they would do in your place. Unless she’s up for it, you’re out of luck. Your best bet is to talk with HER.

But be ready to hear that she may not want ANYTHING to do with it. Period.

Can you seduce her into trying it?

Once you’ve talked with her, you should have a feeling for how receptive she is. If she’s apprehensive (or dead set against it), then your chances of success can be pretty slim.

Although trying to get someone to do something against their will is most always a bad idea, that doesn’t mean you have to give up on all your fantasies just because you didn’t initially get a yes.

Here are some ideas…

  • Bring it up when she’s already aroused. The more aroused the better.
  • Keep trying now and then, but without being too insistent or making her feel guilty. And whatever you do, don’t get into an argument about it. That’s a quick way to guarantee it won’t happen.
  • Put her fears at ease… let her know that you’ll be very gentle, and you’ll take good care of her. If she’s afraid it’ll hurt, then being reassured that you will take it easy should be a big help. Major tip here – be sure to stick to your promise and actually be nurturing, or your first time will be your last. Also, use lots of lubricant – that area of your body is not self lubricating, so this is a must.
  • A little “slippage” while in the heat of passion (read: while a certain lady is climaxing) may just do the trick. Again, this is delicate territory, so tread lightly. But sexual playfulness is tends to be a great stimulant in most situations.
  • Encourage her to be adventurous and experimental in your love making, so that your sex life is always getting more fun and exciting. But be prepared for what SHE may want YOU to try too. 🙂

Filed Under: Anal Sex Tagged With: anal sex, analingus, foreplay, personal lubricants, sex tips

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