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My Husband Gave Me Permission to Have an Affair – Now What?

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Having an open marriage is interesting enough…

But when your husband encourages you to have an affair, as long as you don’t tell him about it… between the stigma around cheating and affairs, and your own fear that you’re breaking the sacred trust in your relationship, things can get a little more complicated.

The stigma of infidelity… MUST we call it an affair?

Cheating is not the cause of relationship problems, but rather a symptom of significant relationship issues. People who are happy and content in a relationship – emotionally, spiritually AND sexually, do not go outside the relationship to “cheat”. It just doesn’t usually work that way.

There are situations however in which one person can’t meet all of their partner’s needs… leaving that person longing for more, whether it’s emotionally OR sexually.

But if another person is brought into the relationship to meet those needs, is it truly cheating or breaking the trust, or merely breaking some more commonly accepted societal norms around what a marriage or relationship “should be”?

What if your partner CAN’T have sex with you?

For whatever reason, often health related issues, some people feel they can no longer have sex. Or maybe they just no longer WANT to have sex.

But in reality, they realize even though they no longer have sexual needs, their partner still does. At this point, the relationship will begin to suffer, since there are unmet needs, and those needs intensify as time goes on. Something eventually has to give, and if you’re not careful, it’s going to be the relationship that collapses under the strain.

Do you really want or need to divorce? Is there maybe another way?

So do you really need to divorce or separate, or is there maybe another way?

What if you were to consider an open marriage, or an arrangement by which another person could meet your partner’s sexual needs, while still keeping your marriage, or your relationship, intact?

Certainly this would require even much more trust and communication than a relationship normally does, but it COULD work. At the very least, wouldn’t it be worth trying as a last ditch effort before letting the relationship crumble and deteriorate?

If both partners are willing to approach this situation from a place of true love and acceptance – as opposed to ownership and jealousy – then the relationship may have a chance to survive this challenge.

Love, honesty, and devotion are very different from sex

Many people confuse love, honesty, and devotion to a partner with sexual contact. Those are very different things.

Millions of couples worldwide enjoy the swinging lifestyle (formerly known as wife swapping in previous generations), and they are often brought closer together for sharing such an experience. Rarely does swinging break a couple apart – unless they’re doing it just as an excuse to have sex with other people, and to mask deeper relationship problems.

While swinging only involves sharing your partner with others for sex, many couples engage in polyamory, where there is an actual love relationship between multiple partners and couples. It’s easy to forget sometimes that not all cultures today or throughout history have practiced monogamy…

Isn’t that heresy? Is it even legal?

Our society is a blend of many different religious and spiritual influences. One man’s sin is another man’s redemption.

Fact is, you decide how you wish to live your own life, and as long as nobody gets hurt, it’s not anyone’s business but your own. This can only work of as long as you are completely open and honest with your partner about the situation and any feelings that arise from it.

And set the ground rules ahead of time to avoid problems later on… from safe sex to whether or not you want to meet this new person and know in depth what your partner is doing with them.

Although sharing your partner sexually with another person may sounds like a very bad idea to some, and it may go against what you were taught growing up, isn’t it at least worth considering if it could save your relationship?

This is the very issue one lady in Scotland is facing.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have looked at a number of your letters but have found it quite difficult to find a corresponding answer to my question:

What if your husband finds it emotionally impossible ( because of work stress and being very overweight )(and physically impossible for a number of medical reasons such as sleep apnea ) to have sex but I so desperately want sex?

And now when he says I should find someone else for a sexual relationship ( just as long as I don’t tell him! )? We have been married for thirty years and have three children ( now grown-up).

I am now very attracted to a colleague at my work and he is to me but feel torn yet desperately need a physical connection….I have not had sex with my husband for approx 12 years and it is driving me crazy, crazy enough to consider an affair but my religion and upbringing are such deterrents. I feel I cannot leave my husband yet I also feel he has given me “permission” to have an affair, oh dear I don’t know what the right way forward is I do hope you can help. I am very confused.

— A. (Argyll, Scotland, UK)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCIZ32I7yE0[/youtube]

If you want to find out for certain, right now, if your partner is cheating on you, download How To Catch a Cheating Spouse today.

Swinging vs. Polyamory – Am I Wrong to Want One Without the Other?

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So you’ve been enjoying the swinging lifestyle for a few years, and are having a blast.

But what if it starts growing into more than just sex with friends – or friends with benefits?

What if your husband or wife starts developing romantic (a.k.a. love) feelings for your playmates?

Dare we call it polyamory?
 

 

"Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The relationships are long-term, intimate, and usually (but not necessarily) sexual. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly."
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

"Swinging, sometimes referred to in North America as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.  Swinging has been called wife swapping in the past, but this term is archaic and does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging

And what happens when the jealousy beast rears it’s ugly head. Admittedly swingers (and certainly those into polyamory) are not nearly as apt to fits of jealousy as some monogamous couples, but it’s been known to happen…

What happens when one partner wants a polyamorous relationship and the other one doesn’t? Is it wrong to want one without the other?

No, it’s absolutely not wrong. What you want is what you want. What you feel and what you want is what’s right for you and for your life. Period.

The swinging lifestyle is typically about sex!

You get together, you play, and then you go home. That’s kind of what it’s about. But Polyamory takes it to a new level and, what I would consider, a much more enlightened level where you are actually in love relationships with multiple partners. It’s a true and total sharing of one another and not many couples (or individuals) are able to do that.

It all comes down to communication.

It’s critical to ask your partner how they feel and to share your feelings. The absolute worst thing that you can do is to hold your feelings inside – what you really want – because you’re afraid your partner may not understand. You have to talk about what you both want from the relationship and what boundaries you’re comfortable with. And in some circumstances, you may find out that you want different things. If this is the case, you’ll have to decide if you are willing to compromise or go your separate ways. 

Jealousy

The biggest reason why many people feel uncomfortable in a Swinging or Polyamorous relationship is "jealousy". It’s one of the biggest emotional issues that all couples face. And when you start bringing other people into your bedroom, you simply cannot let jealousy sneak into the picture because it will tear your relationship apart.

So you have to find ways to make each other feel really special and absolutely certain about where you stand in your own relationship before sharing intimate fun with others.

That’s the biggest thing in the end. Talk! Share your feelings!

Oh, and if you think swinging or polyamory are a rare occurrence in our society, think again!

Check out this survey that over 4,000 of our readers took – Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory? The results will certainly surprise you. 

Swinging vs Polyamory – Can You REALLY Have One Without the Other?

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So you’ve been enjoying the swinging lifestyle for a few years, and are having a blast.

But what if it starts growing into more than just sex with friends – or friends with benefits? What if your husband or wife starts developing romantic (a.k.a. love) feelings for your playmates? Dare we call it polyamory?

And what happens when the jealousy beast rears it’s ugly head. Admittedly swingers (and certainly those into polyamory) are not nearly as apt to fits of jealousy as some monogamous couples, but it’s been known to happen. As with the couple asking the question for today’s video below.

Oh, and if you think swinging or polyamory are a rare occurrence in our society, think again! Check out this survey that over 4,000 of our readers took – Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory? The results will certainly surprise you.

So is it REALLY possible to have swinging without polyamory, and vice versa? Is it REALLY?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPWa1qbLCKM[/youtube]

Check out this resource we recommend to help you find the right swinger and threesome partners fast:

  1. Check out the largest swinger and sex personals dating site and find sex partners in your area today. They have millions of active members online, and 30,000 new photos uploaded daily.

Help – My Overactive Sex Drive is Killing My Marriage!

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Are you a man with an overactive sex drive?

With all of the Viagra and Cialis commmercials, you might think that men just can’t get it up any more, but that’s not always the case.

There are many married men, and men in relationships, who just can’t get enough. This can be a real issue if your partner is not sexually matched with you.

So what do you do if you find yourself in this situation? Here are some great ideas to help you, and your partner, enjoy sex fully.

The Question

I know there are a lot of people who wish they had this problem… I wonder if there is any way my body is over producing sex hormones. I am 52 years old, not 19, and my sex drive is beyond explaining.

I am very healthy and work out 4 to 5 times a week at the gym, and want sex ALL the time. You guys crossed anything like this before?

And yes, I am married and way over sexed for my wife.

The Answer

Wow! I bet there are a lot of guys who WISH they had your sex drive – at least if all the male sexual enhancement drug commercials are any indication. While I can’t speak to what is a normal sex drive and what is not, here are some ideas to help you find a workable solution for you and your wife.

Find a solution together with your wife, not alone

Regardless of which way you go with this, the most important thing is to be vary open and honest with your wife about how you feel, what you’re experiencing, what your needs are, and your feelings toward her.

Don’t be judgmental or make her feel inadequate in any way. That can only go bad.

She has to know that you still love her just as much, but you have some very strong sexual needs that aren’t being met.

Explaining to her how you truly feel and what your situation is should hopefully gain some understanding and empathy from her. This of course depends on how open and up-front your relationship is. We share everything, and discuss all of our issues and concerns together. Most couples don’t, and that’s reflected in the 50%+ divorce rate. Open and honest communication is crucial to a happy relationship.

There are several ways that you can go with this…

Your options for great sex AND a happy relationship

Here are the options I see. Each has advantages and disadvantages, but one will hopefully resonate with you.

  • Ignore the problem until it eats away more and more at your relationship with your wife and you end up cheating on her. (not the recommended approach)
  • Try alternative remedies to harness and better control your sexual energy
  • Try supplements or other alternative remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wife’s sex drive
  • Bring someone else into the picture to satisfy your sexual needs. Yes, with your wife’s consent – that’s the only way that can work.

Ignore the problem and go on the way you are today

This is the option most people choose, at least at first. The problem is that when you ignore an important issue, it just festers and boils up until it explodes. Not a good thing. You’re better off resolving or coming to terms with the issue up front, rather than than letting it get worse by ignoring it.

Remedies to harness and control your sexual energy

This is my first choice for a solution to your problem. There are many books out there on ways to better understand your sexual energy and that teach you how to harness and even redirect this energy in positive and productive ways. Our sexual energy is the core of our being and taking medications or supplements to reduce this energy just can’t be a good thing in my opinion.

Many people hesitate to read books about sex because they feel like they should know all by now… “What will my friends say?”, “How will my partner react?” These are just some of the questions that keep people from learning about sex.

We read as many books as we can get our hands on about all kinds of topics – especially sex. So, check out our Amazon store for some of our favorite books and start reading – when you stop learning, your brain dies – literally. Don’t let that happen to you.

Sex can be such a wonderful and joyous experience, and so many people worldwide wish they could experience it more fully. Here are some great books to help you both start enjoying sex to the fullest extent possible.

Remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wife’s sex drive

If you’re not open to the option above, then you can talk to your doctor about medications or natural supplements that can help reduce your sex drive or increase your wife’s sex drive. I recommend the natural approach whenever possible.

Tread lightly when talking to your wife about taking actions to increase her sex drive – she may not want to. But if she is open to the idea, then that’s wonderful. Just remember to stay clear of the idea that she’s not pleasing you, because that is guaranteed to get emotional.

Regardless, be sure to see your doctor before starting any medical or herbal treatment.

Bring someone else into your bedroom to satisfy your sexual needs

There is always the option of inviting another person in to your life just for the purpose of fulfilling your sexual desires. This of course, will depend of your relationship with your wife and you personal belief system.

This is an interesting option that may or may not be acceptable to your wife…

Strict monogamy is the popular norm in our culture, but not so in many other cultures around the world, today and throughout history. In fact, many will argue it goes against our very nature and instincts as human beings to be completely monogamous to a single partner. But all that aside, your wife has to feel the same way, or it’s game over. 🙂

Swinging, Polyamory, and Open Relationships are actually much more common than you might think. We recently ran a poll to see exactly how our readers feel about Swinging and Polyamory.

We asked: “Would you ever consider swinging or polyamory?” More than 3500 of our readers spoke out and the answers will surprise you…

Check out the results here: Sex Poll Results – The Surprising Verdict on Swinging and Polyamory!

There are many options today for finding a woman to have sex with you, or with both you and your wife.

Aside from swinger clubs (which can be very hit or miss), your best bet is probably with an adult dating site like  Adult Friend Finder which has tens of millions of members looking for sexual relationships. We often recommend this site because it’s one of the biggest and most popluar on the internet.

While the focus is on having a threesome, there is some very good advice on how to make your partner feel comfortable in this type of situation.

When you’re talking about bringing another person into your relationship it’s very important to prevent the jealousy monster from rearing its ugly head by making sure that your wife knows how much you love and desire her first and foremost and that no one can ever come between the two of you.

In Summary

Ignoring the issue is not a possible solution! Address the issue now by talking openly and honestly with your wife about the possible options.

  • Try alternative remedies to harness and better control your sexual energy
  • Try supplements or other alternative remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wifes sex drive
  • Bring someone else into the picture to satisfy your sexual needs

Shocking Sex Poll Results – The Surprising Verdict on Swinging and Polyamory!

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Wow, what a ride…

Last week we took a poll to see exactly how our readers feel about Swinging and Polyamory.

We asked: "Would you ever consider swinging or polyamory?"

The conversation was heated and down right amazing. Readers left hundreds of comments all over Netscape.com and on the posts themselves.

So just what were the results of this controversial sex poll?

More than 3000 of our readers spoke out and the answers will surprise you…  

Here’s the breakdown as of 3/1/2007

(we’ll update this periodically as the number change)

  • 35% of our readers (1060 votes) said that they would be willing to try swinging with the right group of people
  • 20% of our readers (599 votes) said that monogamy is the only way to go
  • 16% of our readers (492 votes) were strongly against it
  • 16% of our readers (497 votes) are active in the swinger lifestyle and lovin’ it
  • 13% of our readers (392 votes) said it’s not for them , but they don’t have a problem if someone else does it

What was really interesting is that 51% of the people polled were either active in the swinging lifestyle or willing to try it while only 36% were stongly against it or said that monogamy is the only way to go. The other 13% of our readers said that it’s not for them, but they don’t have a problem if someone else does it..

Wow – don’t know about you, but we expected the numbers to be a little different ;-). 

It’s a close call but it looks like Swinging and Polyamory are in!

Take the poll

  1. If you’re one of the few who missed it, here’s the post that sparked so much conversation and controversy: My Best Friend’s a Swinger – Will She Burn in Hell?
  2. If you haven’t taken the poll yet, Take the Swinger / Polyamory Sex Poll to make your vote count on this incredibly controversial topic.
  3. And be sure you make yourself heard in the other hot poll of the week: Sex Poll – Is It OK to Have Sex During That Time of the Month?

Don’t forget to leave a comment below to let us know where you stand.