Relationship Advice

How To Love A Powerful Woman: Mo’Nique, Sandra And Victoria Reveal Secrets To Success

You may think this article was written just for men. It wasn’t! Powerful women pay attention because being loved well is your responsibility too! There is useful advice for both of you here.

This year’s Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress winners at the 82nd Academy Awards, Sandra Bullock and Mo’Nique, are powerful women happily married to powerful men – men who are not intimidated by their women’s successes.

Fortunately for us, Sandra and Mo’Nique were interviewed repeatedly prior to and following the Oscars where they unsuspectingly shared relationship advice. When you listen to someone who has created a successful love partnership, the way they talk about their beloved reveals secrets the rest of us can use to improve our own love stories.

In addition, this winter saw the movie “The Young Victoria” making its way around the country. Within that little gem is a world of advice for how to love a powerful woman. Based on the early years of Queen Victoria’s reign (the Victoria for whom “Victoria’s Secret” is named), we watch the young beauty fall in love with her handsome Prince Albert – a man who would never be called king – and watch them navigate how to love and be loved in these roles that demand she be his superior in every way.

Prince Albert was no puppet. He masterfully and with great masculine expression, made a place for himself in the palace and in his wife’s heart. “The Young Victoria,” like interviews with Sandra and Mo’Nique, accomplishes what it did not set out to do; it gives us advice for how to love a powerful woman.

Relationship Advice From Some Of The Most Powerful Women

Women, respect your men. In this 21st Century, it’s easy to not appreciate what it costs a man to be in a relationship with a powerful, successful woman. Regardless of how the world measures your and his accomplishments, he is worthy of your respect because he loves you – even adores you. Respect him.

Have a sincere interest in his work and interests. Nothing says, “I love and respect you” quite like having a genuine curiosity in the interests of another. It makes him feel seen and heard.

Mo’Nique makes this provocative statement,” “I don’t think that anyone should be in control of a relationship. I think that if you have a woman that controls her man, he is a puppet and he is weak.” But ladies, the attempt to control him begins with you. If you don’t want to be a tyrant in your relationship, if you want it to feed and nurture you, then respect him.

Advice For Men

Men, have your own work and interests. There are hundreds of ways to love and support her. While you may be content to be the moon that orbits around her as sun, most of you will thrive best if you have your own work and interests.

Know your place in her life. Depending on just how successful she is she may have a posse or entourage of folks who take care of her. Those kinds of relationships can get sticky – a little dysfunctional with various people longing to have a place in her heart that usurps all others. Don’t allow it. You don’t have to go to war with anyone who would like to position themselves between the pair of you. You simply have to know that you are her husband (or lover) and that no one can take your place. Taking that stand, you simply won’t engage with those who would like to be superior to you in her heart.

Protect her and provide a safe space from the slings and arrows of life. Because of a woman’s natural ability to multi-task and see a big picture, she can take on entirely too much, attempting to make too many people happy, feeling like the Great Mother to people who both have their own mothers and are perfectly capable adults themselves! Your ability to focus can help her make time for herself and for the both of you to have time to rest and relax and to feel safe and secure.

In her Golden Globe acceptance speech, Sandra had this to say to her husband, Jesse James, “There’s no surprise that my work got better when I met you because I never knew what it felt like for someone to have my back, so thank you.”

For Both Of You

Finally, work together for both of you to accomplish your goals. Rather than treat the stuff of her life as more important than yours, view your separate and mutual interests as equally valid and do whatever it takes for both of you to win in your careers.

At one point in the movie, Victoria and Albert are drenched from running in the rain, undressing each other back in their private quarters. She clings to him, looks him in the eyes and says, “We will take care of each other, won’t we.” More of a statement than a question, it’s a delicious moment between lovers who are equals in their hearts and souls, unencumbered by the demands of the gifts of their lives that put them in the roles of Queen and Prince.

If you love a powerful woman or if you are a powerful woman in love with a man who loves you, the two of you been gifted with a rare opportunity to contribute to this world and to love each other in a unique and abiding way. Know that you are not alone on this journey; other couples have and do traverse it well. And remember to have fun!

Seize The Day

By maryannecomaroto

All my senses come to attention as I hear the sound of fire trucks passing through. I feel a slight increase in my breathing and send out my silent hope that whomever the fire trucks are for will be okay. As I pause to consider the situation, I’m curious to know why it often requires calamity in order for us to really start appreciating things and seizing the day.

My desk is a great example of how things become so easily ignored – all around me are photos of the people who are important to me, trinkets that have some sentimental value, cards given to me by loved ones, a medallion that Mother Theresa blessed, a small statue of the Buddha, and so forth. And yet even right now, my focus will wander onto other things, and I’ll completely fail to see what’s right in front of me. However, it has to be said that I’ve come a long way – these days I don’t need the wake-up call as frequently as I used to, simply because I have stayed committed to being present and staying awake, and I’m thankful that I’ve been able to make progress on that front.

Awake!

But of course the reason I react so strongly to the familiar sirens now is because it’s personal for me – I used to be that person who stayed in the comfort zone until something came and forcibly shook me out of it from time to time. I was spiritually asleep, and these interruptions would suddenly show me the temporary and fragile nature of life. I would get a fleeting glimpse of what it was like to be awake, only to slip back into slumber again.

In the end, however, it’s these wake-up calls that have transformed me over time, and now that I know what to look for and how to respond, this has helped me stay awake for more of the time. If I have a day where I wake up feeling sore, it’s just my body telling me to take it easy for a day or so – it’s not a reason to complain or make excuses for my age. If I don’t always get what I want, rather than looking for someone to blame or playing the victim or doubting my competence, instead I just keep on living, knowing that good things are on their way, perhaps even better than what I originally asked for. When I lost my father to a heart attack, it became clear to me that I should never deny myself the opportunity to love, even when I have not been loved in the way I wanted. Unfortunately, that was a lesson learned the hard way.

I do sometimes think that I’d like staying awake to be easier, that it can be a hassle sometimes to have to constantly be vigilant and try to stay present for the important things. It’s like the old Zen tale of all the masters gathering to discuss where to hide the Key of Life. One suggests that they could hide it at the bottom of the ocean, but the others say it would be too easy to find there. Another suggests the top of a mountain, but again the others dismiss this option. Finally, after much discussion, they finally realize where the best place to hide the key is, the place where humans would never think to look – inside themselves.

The Marriage Ref Almost Nails It

By drbonnieeakerweil

I recently watched The Marriage Ref which premiered earlier this month. According to Wikipedia.com, the premise of the show involves real life couples who have been having an on-going fight for a long time. A video clip is shown to the three-member celebrity panel, showing both sides of the argument. The panel then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right.

While this show is one of the funniest I’ve seen in a long time and aims to do the right thing – give both sides a voice and listen to each argument – it doesn’t necessarily translate into creating change or fostering the proper habits for the couple. It starts to play off of what I call “Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue,” but they were not able to define and enact these skills. The Smart Heart Skills were validated but undone by the actors doing cheerleading into each other being right and wrong. Smart heart skills are not about being right and wrong as opposed to “walking in the others shoes” and making the person feel safe.

How To Use Smart Heart Diologue

When I instruct couples to use Smart Heart Dialogue, it’s as a way to move beyond the anger and blame that typically is placed when an argument or disagreement comes to a stalemate. It can be used for smaller, more inconsequential arguments as well as larger conflicts, even when faced with infidelity.

Utilizing this type of dialogue is important in learning to fight fair as a couple. Fighting and disagreeing are not bad things, in themselves. Learn how to fight fair. It’s a misperception that fighting is bad; a relationship without passion enough to launch arguments likely won’t last for the long haul. However, arguing in the wrong way can also drive a relationship into the ground. I encourage having a weekly ten minute “Smart heart”-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as you listen and echo back what you heard.

How Smart Heart Diologue Will Help Your Relationship

This type of discussion can open up the doors to putting the emotionality of a certain topic aside – whether it be finances, life decisions, career changes, fidelity, or a host of other things – and allow the couple to be honest with each other in a safe, loving space. Of course, this doesn’t mean that each person has a right to be angry and hurtful – quite the opposite. This exercise is designed to take the heated emotion out of a discussion so that the couple can share their feelings without a threat of emotion or anger getting thrown in the mix.

These types of habits can be the glue that helps to create passion in a relationship, even during and spite of disagreements and conflict. This may start out as basically as telling your partner you HAVEN’T been communicating these feelings and asking them to be patient with you while you learn how to go through this process. It may involve treating eachother with more respect, and being more mindful of the problems at hand during heated arguments.

Q&A: I’m Still Friends With My Ex But It’s Awkward

By loveandsex

Breaking up is hard – but dealing with your ex afterwards can be even more difficult. During the awkward time after a breakup, it’s hard to tell if you should try to stay friends with your ex or cut off all communication completely. Here’s how to handle the situation if you want to try to stay friends with your ex.

Question: I have been out of a relationship now for 3-4 months and am over my ex – but I somehow I feel I owe something to her and should build a friendship again. I still feel awkward talking to her even though it’s small talk – any tips?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coL7aFoDoMk[/youtube]

It’s Always Awkward

If you’ve just broken up with someone or have just been broken up with, the period directly following the breakup is always awkward. If you’re feeling as though things are strained between you and your ex and it just doesn’t feel right, join the club! Most people feel strange after a breakup, especially if they’re often around their ex. For example, if you and your ex work together or share many of the same friends, coming into constant contact with each other after the breakup can be just plain weird. It’s totally normal to feel awkward after a breakup and it can take some time for you and your partner to reach a totally platonic state.

You Don’t Owe Your Ex Anything

Many people leave a relationship feeling like they owe their ex something, especially if they’re the ones that did the breaking up. Even people who leave a relationship in the best possible way can feel bad about hurting the other person. Here’s the thing – you don’t owe your ex anything. Each person reserves the right to end a relationship if they feel it’s not working out in their best interests. It’s kind of like at will employment. Either party can terminate the relationship at any time for any reason of their choosing. Your ex may be hurt after the breakup, and things may be awkward, but don’t hold it against yourself. Staying with a person that you’re not happy with just because you don’t want to hurt them never works out. You deserve to be happy, so learn to let it go.

Time Heals Most Wounds

Even though the relationship with your ex is awkward now, time heals just about anything. You may feel pressured to have small talk with your ex now, or to try to force a friendship but it may be that you and your ex just aren’t ready for that yet. After a break up, most people need some time to think and process what happened in the relationship. If a friendship just isn’t there for you and your ex yet, time may be what you need to get there. Give yourself – and your ex – some time and space to sort out what happened. If you or your ex are very emotional after the break up – for example, if you two were in a long term relationship – you will each need some time to sort through how you feel about the break up. Just relax and let time do its thing.

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