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I Like Watching Porn… What’s The Big Deal?

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Pornography has been around for hundreds and possibly even thousands of years.

There are different levels of pornography, from the mild romance novel to the hardcore BDSM movie.

Pornography also spans across different cultures, and some cultures are more accepting than others.

Many people may ask whether watching porn is wrong or if it shouldn’t be done, but the answer isn’t a clean cut “yes” or “no.”

Is it wrong to watch pornography?

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What’s Wrong To You Isn’t Wrong To Me

Every culture, every country and every person has different views and beliefs about what is wrong and what isn’t. Therefore, when trying to determine whether watching pornography is “wrong” or not, you can’t simply abide by one set of beliefs because there is likely ten thousand other sets of beliefs who believe differently.

For example, there are some sects of strict Baptists and other religions who believe that dancing is downright wrong, while many other religions and cultures feel that dancing is just fine and still others that embrace it. Some people consider pornography to be “dirty” and therefore they feel that watching it is “wrong” but others find it completely acceptable.

How does watching pornography make you feel? How does that coincide with your religious and moral beliefs? Are you comfortable with mild, soft core pornography but not the more hardcore style films?

Really analyze and think about how you yourself feel about pornography, and decide what is right for you. Then, try your best not to impose your beliefs on someone else because realistically, they probably have an altogether different set of morals and beliefs.

My Partner Is Addicted To Porn

Perhaps you don’t approve of pornography, or it just doesn’t do anything for you. Your partner, however, might really like watching pornography and does so regularly. You might feel your partner is addicted to porn, when in reality they’re probably not.

How can you tell if it goes too far? If your sex life is becoming dull or non-existent in favor of pornography, you might have a problem on your hands. Does your partner miss work to watch porn, or skip family meals to do so?

If your partner seems to be watching pornography more than he or she is doing anything else, you might want to seek counseling. If they’re just watching it say on a Saturday night when you’ve gone up to bed early, there’s really nothing wrong with it.

If it truly bothers you, try being open and honest with your partner about how it affects you. Together you and your partner can find a compromise. If you or your partner refuses to budge about the situation, think long and hard about what steps you want to take next. You can’t change someone, you can only change how you react to what they do.

That said, if you find watching pornography uncomfortable or it just doesn’t do anything for you, join the thousands of other people who feel the same way you do. Just remember, not everyone feels the way you do, even if you feel that watching pornography is perfectly normal.

Don’t force your beliefs on anyone else and if you’re with someone who feels a different way about pornography than you do, take time to talk it out with them and reach a middle ground. Relax a little and go with the flow – everybody’s different!

Can Swinger Relationships REALLY Work?

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Nowadays, you hear so much about open relationships and swinging, where partners will team up with other couples (or even go their separate ways) to have new and fun sexual experiences with other people.

You also sometimes hear how this is essentially a recipe for disaster, but you’ve thought about it and it sounds like something you might want to try. Can an open relationship or swinging relationship ever actually work?

Can swinger and open relationships really work or are they just a recipe for disaster?

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Yes, for strong couples.

Open relationships and swinging can be a recipe for disaster, if you’re not a strong couple. If you haven’t been with your partner for very long or you or your partner have self esteem issues or tend to be the jealous type, open relationships and swinging is nothing but bad news.

If you and your partner have been together for a few years and are completely comfortable with each other, swinging together or fostering an open relationship might not be a bad idea – if it’s truly what you and your partner both want.

Good communication is key.

You definitely need to have a good, strong relationship to start swinging or having an open relationship but this isn’t all you need. You need to continue having a strong relationship and communicate with each other often during the swinging and after. Good communication is key to keeping any problems or issues that may arise at bay, or solving problems that come up.

It’s important that you can talk to your partner about what makes you comfortable and what makes you uncomfortable, and vice versa. Talk about what is okay for both you and the other partners who are coming into your relationship sexually, and talk about what is not okay and how to handle it.

The single most thing you can do to ensure that an open relationship or swinging doesn’t ruin your relationship with your partner is to talk to each other and then talk some more. In fact, don’t ever stop talking to each other! Keep the lines of communication open at all times.

When it starts to get rough . . .

If you notice that your open relationship is starting to take a toll on either you or your partner, it’s important that you speak up! It may be something you want to try but not continue to do, and that’s okay too. Make your thoughts and feelings about the situation known at all times so no one is left in the dark.

You have the right to decide that you no longer want an open relationship and your partner does too. If one or both of you decide to end the swinging, respect each other and end it appropriately. That doesn’t mean that you put it to bed. Talk about what you feel went “wrong” or what made you uncomfortable. Don’t let harsh feelings sit on the back burner just because your open relationship isn’t open anymore. You may end up harboring guilt or anger that will hurt your relationship in the long run.

Together, you and your partner can work out whether or not an open relationship or swinging is something that will work for you. Talk to each other about it and decide if it’s something you really want to do and if so, feel free to try it! Just remember, it’s all for fun and your actual relationship is with your partner.

Relationship Suck? Need Counseling? Read this first!

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Sometimes, we have problems that we just can’t fix on our own.

Whether they’re relationship problems, sex problems or even behavioral problems and problems from our pasts, we don’t have the resources or the knowledge we need to right ourselves, no matter how hard we try!

Therapy can work wonders, but where do you start? There are hundreds and hundreds of different types of therapy available to you. How do you know which one is right for you?

What is the difference between the various types of couples counseling that’s available? (traditional counselor, hypnotherapy, alternative treatments, etc)

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Treating the problem chemically.

Psychiatrists are under the study that all mental illnesses and behavioral problems are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Psychiatrists often treat these illnesses with an array of medications that are intended to replace the lost chemicals or reduce the amount of abundant chemicals, therefore stabilizing the patient’s mood and behavior and quieting any mental illness.

Psychiatry is not a type of therapy that is for everyone, but it is certainly beneficial in some situations. Talk to your doctor to find out if a visiting a psychiatrist is something you should consider based on your current situation.

Talking it out.

A popular type of therapy nowadays is psychotherapy, or talk therapy. What happens in this type of therapy is that you and your therapist sit together for a determined period of time and together, you are able to talk through your issues.

Your therapist can give you the tools you need to make the changes in your own life that you need to make, and they can definitely be there to help you through difficult decisions and unpleasant situations such as divorce, a job loss or even relationship troubles.

Religious based therapy.

Everyone has a belief system and some people prefer to counsel with therapists that incorporate their chosen set of beliefs into the therapy. Catholics will often visit a priest to confess, and Christians and other religious people will visit a therapist of this same religion.

If your faith is an integral part of your life and is often what you base your life decisions on, it makes sense that you would seek out a therapist of your same beliefs.

Hypnotherapy and alternative therapy.

There are many different types of alternative therapies, including acupuncture, hypnotherapy, past life regression, reiki, and more. These types of therapy can work well on their own or even alongside a more traditional type of therapy. These therapies are designed to help bring you peace and an understanding of yourself. They too can help you work through life issues and help you learn what you need to solve your current problems and deal with new ones as they present themselves.

Only you can decide what type of therapy is right for you! Take your motivation into consideration, as well as your beliefs and whether or not you’d like your insurance to pay for the therapy sessions. The most important thing in therapy is to never have a closed mind, and to stick with your therapy long enough for it to work! Just a few weeks in therapy aren’t likely to do you any good, so talk with your therapist to find out where you see things going.

You and your therapist can work together to find a path through this life that is fulfilling and satisfactory. Seeking a therapist does not indicate weakness. It only indicates that you care enough about yourself and those around you to make some much needed changes in your life, and you have the power to do that!

Help! My Husband Is Forcing Me To Make A Porn Video!

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You’re with someone you love, but your relationship seems to be going in a downward spiral.

You’re not alone! There’s fighting, arguing and even ultimatums involved.

How do you know if you’re being manipulated? Abuse isn’t limited to just physical abuse. Both men and women are verbally and even sexually abused and manipulated often in relationships.

How do you know when to draw the line?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Your article on Husbands addicted to porn, my husband falls in that slot, but he wants me to sleep with other men while he video tapes it. We’ve been married for 11 yrs. I did it three times for him, and now I told him I can’t, its wrong, and told him he needs help, he says he doesn’t. If he doesn’t get his way he tells me he will leave me, and makes my life a living hell, with the fighting.

He says if I love him I will do this one more time. He also wants me to do a website, and he wants to sell these videos.

My friend thinks I should leave. I have three kids, and I don’t want to fail them. Any ideas on how I should deal with this?

– Gloria, Illinois

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Verbal Manipulation

One of the telltale signs of manipulation is when the manipulator uses words, phrases or ultimatums to get his or her way. Threats, even if they’re empty, are also a sign that someone is manipulating you. How can you tell if you’re being manipulated?

  • Your partner starts a huge fight if he or she doesn’t get his way
  • Your partner threatens you if you don’t do what they want
  • Your partner tries to persuade you to do something they want – this type of persuasion often starts out nice but ends with belittlement and anger when the persuasion doesn’t work right away
  • Your partner is overall controlling

Verbal manipulation is sometimes the hardest to distinguish because the manipulator is often so good at talking their way into getting what they want that you barely recognize it.

Sometimes, however, it’s painfully obvious that your partner is often controlling and starts fights and arguments when they don’t get their way. They may even belittle you or give you ultimatums to get what they want.

Drawing The Line

Being in a manipulative relationship is classified as abuse, regardless of whether you come out bruised and beaten or not. Often, coming out of a manipulative relationship leaves your psyche pretty banged up, so it’s all the same. Many people stay in these types of relationships because they’re afraid they might not be able to care for their children alone, or because they think it might get better.

Even worse is when the manipulator promises they’ll change and does a very good job making you believe that’s true. Staying in a relationship like that is not healthy, but it’s ultimately up to you whether you decide to stay or leave. Where do you draw the line though?

Anything that your partner forces you to do or manipulates you into doing that makes you uncomfortable is definite grounds for terminating the relationship. You should never, ever have to do anything that you feel is wrong or makes you uncomfortable in any way, shape or form. First, let your partner know they’re making you uncomfortable or that you feel what they’re asking you to do is wrong. Judge their response.

If they’re a manipulator, they’re likely not going to respect what you have to say. They’ll instead use any means they can to get you to do what they want. You deserve to be respected! You should never have to do anything that you don’t want to do, or that makes you feel uneasy. If your partner doesn’t respect this, it’s probably time to move on.

Moving on from abusive or manipulating relationships can be difficult and sometimes it can seem downright impossible. You’re not stuck in an unhappy relationship though, as long as you don’t want to be! See a counselor or therapist to talk about your relationship. They can help bring light to your situation and can give you resources that will help you to move on from an abusive, manipulating relationship.

Is My Girlfriend Using Me Or Is Her Love Real?

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Usually it’s the other way around, but sometimes a man will be ready for a steady relationship and his girlfriend begins pulling away.

It can be confusing if you’ve started staying the night with your girlfriend or even taken the relationship to another level

when your girlfriend starts to pull away and act as though you and she are still in the beginning phase of the relationship.

What does it mean when a woman starts to pull away? What should you do if you’re ready for commitment and she’s not?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I started talking to this girl and we hooked up. Things escalated rather quickly and ended up with me staying with her. She dropped hints that she wasn’t actually ready for a relationship and while I was away on vacation, she told me to go back to my own place. We started hanging out again and then one day she asked me to stay the night. After that I have been staying there on and off. She is also dealing with a deep seated depression. She just started taking meds for it. The other day I noticed the change in her and now she is back to pushing me away. She is confusing me and I don’t know if I am wasting my time and she is just using me so she doesn’t have to feel alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

-DW, Tennessee

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She Wants To Remain Casual. . .

So you and your girlfriend have gotten quite cozy recently. Perhaps you’ve been dating a few months or more and have started staying the night at each other’s apartments or houses. Maybe you even have your own toothbrush there.

Suddenly, your girlfriend begins to pull away. She stops asking you to come over as much and perhaps she finds excuses why she can’t come over to your house. She still seems interested in the relationship, but not at the level you were once at. She seems more interested in going back to the “dating” phase. Perhaps this has happened more than once. What does it mean?

Well, it might not mean anything other than your girlfriend isn’t ready for a steady relationship – and that’s okay! Try to talk to her openly and honestly without criticism. She may very well open up to you about why she has been shying away. Often, if she doesn’t cut things off completely, she’s still interested in you but may want to take things slow.

You really won’t know the absolute truth of what’s behind her shy behavior, however, until you talk to her. Just make sure that when you do, you’re respectful of her and her right to pull away if she wants. Don’t be judgmental or critical, or she might just shut down on you and you won’t get an answer either way.

What Do You Do?

Well, sometimes there’s nothing you can do. What your girlfriend wants is up to her, and truthfully, if you want to be with her you have to respect that. If you think your relationship has the potential to go somewhere in the future and you’d like it to, go ahead and take it slow and be casual for as long as she wants to. Take the time to get to know yourself and what you want in a relationship too.

If you’re ready for commitment and she isn’t, you need to make a decision if this is the person you really want to be with. You can’t make her commit to you and you can’t make her be more than casual.

You can, however, change what you do. Tell her honestly and without criticism that you want more than just a casual relationship. If she doesn’t want to take it to the next level, or has and keeps backing away, then move on to someone who will give you what you need.

Casual relationships aren’t necessarily bad and if your girlfriend suddenly decides she wants to back down and cool off from the relationship for awhile, it doesn’t always mean the relationship is doomed.

The best thing you can do is talk with her openly and share your feelings about the situation with each other. Neither of you are mind readers, so talk to each other about what’s going on if you want to get some answers.