Relationship Advice

Is He Really in Love or Are you Just a Fling?

All too often women think they’re dating, yet sadly in their man’s mind they’re just a fling. Ouch!

So how do you know for sure if you’re on the way to a relationship rather than just hooking up? You face what you are actually getting from your man.

So how do you take steps to make sure you are actually on the way to a relationship and not just his latest fling?

Here are 5 ways to know for sure!

5 Signs that you are just his fling!

Your man excludes your name when he talks about future events. Or he regularly talks about his future plans as “I will be doing this,” rather than “we will be doing this.”
You haven’t met any of your man’s close friends or family members. If he’s not showing you off, he’s hiding you.
You only see each other late at night or in private. If you mostly see your man at his place or late at night, then you are a secret affair and most likely there is another woman in the picture.
Your man rarely calls you in advance. And when he does call it’s to get together immediately or the same day. If he’s calling you at the last minute you are far from his first choice!
You man is only interested in sex. If your time together is nothing but rolling between the sheets and he rarely asks you questions about your life and ambitions, then you are just a fling.

5 Signs he thinks of you as his girlfriend!

Your man regularly includes you in talk of future plans—be it a concert, vacation, company party or family event. If he discusses upcoming events in his life and talks as though you will be there, he considers you someone he is dating.
Your man has introduced you to close friends and family members. He is proud of you and enjoys involving you the lives of people important to him.
Your man takes you out on real dates where he is actually spending money on you and being seen with you in pubic.
Your man calls you often and asks you out at least two days in advance.
Your man actually asks about your life, goals and dreams then listens to your answers. If he is investing time in getting to know you more than trying to jump in your pants, then he is pursuing a relationship with you.

Victorya Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date. To learn more about Victorya Rogers, visit ManToKeep.com.

Women: 5 Ways To Save Your Marriage

By loveandsex

Is your marriage in trouble? No matter how bad, there’s always hope and ways to turn your situation around.

Here are five common ways to help create a better, more loving and harmonious relationship with your husband.

1. Handle arguments differently

Every marriage and relationship has arguments, but it’s how you handle them that’s most important.

At Junior High School, I said ‘no’ to drugs. At my wedding altar, I said ‘no’ to fighting. Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” anti-drug campaign was a huge success.

Kids made a verbal commitment and a mental stance to avoid drugs before they were even of the age to be tempted. When they were introduced to drugs, they knew they could “just say no” and not feel alone.

Fighting is NOT harmless. It’s addictive and, if continued, is likely to cause irreparable damage. Certainly there are times when emotions get wrinkled, and the natural inclination is to blow your top.

I sometimes have to bite my tongue so I don’t say something I would regret later (since when is self-control a bad thing?) Having a naturally calm personality has admittedly made it easier for me to think before I speak than it is for some people. But that shouldn’t stop anyone from trying.

2. How to make him listen

In most relationships, a polite and sincere request gets much greater results than if you yell, nag or complain.

For example, the other day Athena saw my bath towel on the middle of our bedroom floor. She said “you might want to hang up your towel or it won’t dry out in time for your shower tomorrow.” When my clothes pile up outside of the hamper, she sweetly says, “it would really help me out a lot if you put your dirty clothes in the hamper.”

She was exhausted one morning and when Ashton (then five months old) began to stir, she turned over to me and asked if I wanted to “get up and have a little morning playtime with Ashton.”

That was a much nicer way of asking me to help her out than saying, “Why am I the one who always gets up early to take care of YOUR son? I think it is YOUR turn for a change.” Athena always thinks of nice ways to ask me to help out or to stop doing something irritating.

3. Turn gossip and bashing into praise

No one’s perfect. When wives get together and the conversation turns to complaining about “what their husbands do,” or male bashing in general, refuse to participate.

It shows that you respect and value your husband. For a man, few things are more devastating than to have his wife criticize him in front of friends. Instead, when a “gripe session” gets going, make it a point to start sharing some of his good qualities.

Usually, this alone will steer the conversation into a positive direction and help your friends to also praise their husbands — which in turn helps them to respect and appreciate them more too. Knowing that my wife refuses to belittle me in front of friends makes me love and respect her even more.

4. Change your routine of life

After a few months or years, most couples get into a comfortable pattern where they always do the same things. Same dinner / movie dates, same sexual routine and same behaviors. You can rekindle some of that magic and keep your marriage magical by simply paying attention to these three important areas:

1. Go on creative dates – agree to go out and do something you’ve never done before once every week, fortnight or month. It doesn’t really matter what you do, but it’s important to commit and do this constantly. Want some ideas? Go to a winery, museum, art gallery, carnival, the beach, or have a picnic in a park.

2. Spice things up under the sheets – try a new position, technique or location. Wear some nice lingerie or introduce some new toys into the bedroom.

3. Change the norm – buy him a gift just to say “I love you,” give him a surprise quickie before work, a nice massage, set up a scavenger hunt that shows how much you care about him with a gift at the end.

5. Face your money issues and debts

One of the biggest problems facing couples today is the huge amount of debt they bring into their marriage. Not only are there more divorces, couples are calling it quits much earlier in their marriage than ever before. Here are some ideas to get your debt and money issues under control.

1. Sit down and prioritize all aspects of your family budget together. Only when you analyze your spending habits will you fully realize where you are wasting money. It’s a great opportunity to talk about your goals and dreams.

2. Realize that frivolously spending money can be a sign of disrespect for your marriage and mate.

3. If you would like a bigger diamond ring or a fancier car, ask yourself why.

4. Take a quick inventory of all the items you own but could really live without. Consider how much you paid for them. What if you didn’t buy those items and had all that money in savings instead? Would it make a difference in how you view your job, your family and your future?

Is There A Place For Pornography In ANY Relationship?

By christproerotic

It is one of the most thankless jobs in the world. Men and women sprawling on makeshift movie sets–indoors or outdoors, rain or shine–to bring the public what they want to see: Sex and nakedness on their local tube or computer screen.

Porn is a booming business

From posing naked bodies to oral sex to intercourse to orgasm the adult movie business, and industry is available to people around the world 24/7.

Be it in the privacy of a motel room, bedroom of a family, on a computer laptop, bought at an adult bookstore or shop, etc. the billion dollar business is enjoying its best business ever.

Do you admit to your partner that you watch porn?

Take the controversial poll at the end of this article to see where you fit in!

Objections to porn

Whatever you do, though, do not tell the feminists, government, or the church set. In a rare show of agreement, these three groups find many things offensive because of one reason or another.

Feminists feel women are objects and are devalued in power and purpose; in the past few years, the U.S. government is ever trying to make more regulation on the books making it harder for consenting adults; the church and moralist find tons wrong over issues ranging from the glorification of premarital sex to the promotion of gay / lesbian / bisexual / transgender “lifestyles”.

Each group has validated their points regarding the ills of pornography (according to their belief systems). I believe instead of taking the battle against the things most consenting adults enjoys we can focus the battle against issues 90% of adults can agree on (i.e. child pornography, child abuse, etc). Plus, I wish these groups would press the issue regarding the performers and their health (i.e. mandatory testing by studios of all performers).

Is porn getting a bad rap?

Now the first question we need to ask is if pornography is getting a bad rap or not? My answer for this one is yes! Many definitions can be made for pornography, but one I would like to use and stick with is this one:

Pornography: The art that captures the fantasies, desires, and dreams of the populace’s sexual lives. Its function is to stimulate, educate, and entice the viewer to visual ideas towards sexuality.

Can it be improved?

Instead of bashing the genre I think the genre needs improvement in how it presents the canvas. But how can this be done?

I will not lie to you that, trying to get a grasp this subject or a substantial majority of people saying they agree porn is not a problem is a stretch especially in religious circles. Even the members of Christ Pro Erotic are not totally sold on porn and if believers in Jesus can even view it. But a few things I’ve found regarding adult material and how we view it can be helpful and beneficial on both sides.

If viewing or purchasing pornography takes more of a priority than your family, finances, spouse/partner then you need to seek help or talk it over with you’re your mate. This kind of indulgence is harmful to a relationship and to a life when you are more preoccupied with it and replace a good live relationship with porn.
You will not find any “thou shalt not watch porn” in the Bible. Like all freedoms know what the pros and cons about viewing porn. Pray about it! Discuss with your partner what is acceptable with enjoyment of pornography. Respect their views and boundaries and do not veer off regardless of their final decision. (See Romans 14: 13,14 for guidance).
Don’t expect to be Ron Jeremy or Jenna Jameson (the number one and two performers of all time according to Adult Video News Magazine) in the bedroom. Look, no one person can sustain as long as one scene in a movie. It’s a movie-remember one scene is shot in several takes. If you can please contact this website to tell us how it is done. Fantasy is one thing; reality is not as bad if you try to make each moment in the bedroom pleasurable and purposeful for both partners.
Those who object strongly to porn need to bring a better alternative to the table. If feminist feel strongly about women being treated as objects or then help find ways to turn the table. Write to the production studios, talk to directors, state your case with friends who enjoy porn, and even consider making porn with a respect towards women. Candida Royalle was in the business during the golden age of porn and decided to make erotic films from a female perspective. She has a great line of movies and other products empowering women in the bedroom and beyond.
This may be a hard one with the men, but if your mate is not into porn then respect her wishes. Value your relationship more than a your porn collection good man. She may have a good reason why she is not into porn as you are (self image, performance, looks, etc.) but value her input.
And please, PLEASE stop making your enjoyment of porn a “male only” issue. Involve your wife/spouse/partner into your enjoyment. You may be surprised what she enjoys and what turns her on.

Above all it is you, the consumer, who can send the message to the adult industry you want a more realistic vision of sexuality. It is also important to realize you do not have to be performing CirqueDuSolei in the bedroom, but just enjoy being intimate with your partner in the bedroom. All the images in the world (and the world wide web) could never bring to life that kind of enjoyment.

Other alternatives

There are other alternatives to bringing in hard core pornography into the relationship including soft core erotica, sexually instructive videos (check out Nina Hartley’s “How To” series), or written erotica can stimulate sexual images and fantasies without the silicone and moving body parts.

Take the Poll

Watching Porn – How Do I Make My Lying Husband Come Clean?

By loveandsex

Your husband watches porn.

He lies about it.

You get angry.

You fight.

Welcome to the club. We don’t know a single woman that hasn’t at least gotten miffed about her man’s porn watching. Is it the man’s fault? Should he stop watching it? Well, we’re going to be honest here and you may not like what we have to say.

It’s not the man’s fault and no, he shouldn’t have to stop watching porn.

We’re also going to share a little secret with you that may make your life easier.

It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I have been together for eight years. We have a pretty good sex life, but for the past year we have been fighting about porn. He sneaks off and watches it. I have tried to get him to watch it with me, hoping he will stop sneaking and lying about it.

I have low self esteem and it hurts. I wish he would share it with me, it is starting to cause a problem with our marriage.

— Stephanie, PA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMAw3iBxZr4[/youtube]

So he watches porn…

Let’s break it down. He watches porn – why? Well, because he likes it. Women may not understand that but there are many things that women do that men don’t “get.” For example, women have their nails done. They do it because they like it and it feels good. Do women get their nails done because there’s something about their husbands that they don’t like? Absolutely not! For men, watching porn is pleasurable, plain and simple.

Of course he lies about it

You ask him about his habits and he lies about it. Of course you know better, but why is he lying? The answer to that question is a tough one – he is lying about it because he doesn’t feel safe being honest with you. Why would he feel that way? He is afraid of you getting angry at him for doing something as natural to him as washing your hair. How would you like it if you got interrogated and yelled at every time you washed your hair?

Why you have a problem with it

Now that you understand more about where your man is coming from on this issue, you can delve a little deeper into how you feel about the situation. When he watches porn, it hurts you. Sure it does, but it shouldn’t and the reason it hurts you has nothing to do with him.

Many women are in this same position because they have low self-esteem and jealousy or control issues. These are coming from you – not him. Take some time to really think about why you feel the way you do about porn and do what you can to change those things. This is the time to really focus on yourself– trust us, when you take care of the inner issues, the outer ones don’t seem like such a big deal.

Take action

With that said, we know you’re not going to sit back and let him watch porn all day while you take a hot bath and work on self-acceptance. Here’s what you can do to take action:

Get your own porn, your own toys and get on with it! Too shy? Don’t worry – after you’ve taken care of those inner issues, confidence will begin to take their place. Let your husband watch how you do it and chances are he’ll really get into it.

Don’t make rules about when he can or can’t watch porn – he’s free to do it by himself or with you. If you leave the issue alone and let him be himself, he’ll probably take a little from column A and a little from column B – and that’s okay.

6 Tips For Handling Rejection

By lavalife6

If You’ve Ever Been Rejected, This is the Article for You!

You’ve had a date or two with someone you thought was interested in you, then they drop the bombshell that they don’t feel a connection. Ouch!

You wish you could control the overwhelming feelings of anger, embarrassment, anxiety and/or hopelessness but you can’t.

Rejection is a fact of life. It’s how you handle it that makes all the difference.

Here are some strategies that may help you cope with life’s — and love’s — inevitable knock-backs.

Don’t Take it Personally

In many cases, the so-called rejection may have nothing to do with you at all.

For instance, someone may reject your advances because you remind them of someone from their past (not your fault), they are having a career crisis (not your fault) or are dealing with some other pressing personal issue that they elect not to explain (again, not your fault).

"I really liked this guy and we dated a couple of times before he told me he didn’t have time for me. I felt awful," says Jess. "I ran into him a year later and he told me that his father had been sick with cancer — he later died — and all this was happening when we had first met," she says. "I had thought he just wasn’t interested in me but the truth was that it had nothing to do with me."

Silence your Inner Child

The Inner Child often overreacts and feels the whole world has turned thumbs down and that true love will never come (insert high-pitched wail here). Our adult selves know this is simply not true yet the words of our Inner Child ring in our ears.

Recover from rejection by silencing your Inner Child and reminding yourself that ‘never’ is not a realistic concept. To get yourself back on track, try making a list of all the people in your life who do love you and let the sting of rejection melt away.

Don’t Let it Rattle You

Don’t let a negative response shake your confidence. "If I didn’t get a second date with a guy, I’d spend literally days running through out first meeting wondering what I did to put him off," says Sue.

"One day I had a revelation: You can’t be everyone’s idea of a perfect match, so it’s only natural that you will have first dates that don’t eventuate into second ones. And that’s fine. If we all met the man of our dreams the first time, there would be no single people and there are lots of single people out there…"

Think of It as a Favor

If your first or second date didn’t turn into something more, in some ways you should be thankful. It may be uncomfortable to hear, but getting a firm, clear-eyed grasp on incompatibility early rather than later is a huge time-saving plus. The early brush-off allows you to chalk it up to experience and move on.

Turn It into a Positive

Sounds cheesy but you can make rejection work as a motivator for self-improvement. "Knock-backs aren’t fun, that’s for sure," says Phil, "But if I get a ‘no’ from someone I was interested in,

I always use the opportunity to work on myself — do a course, work out more at the gym, go on a health kick, that sort of thing. I figure if I am the best I can be that I will find the best person for me. And if it takes a few ‘nos’ to get there, so be it."

Don’t Dwell on It

Sometimes the fact that we have been rejected is so painful and all-consuming that it becomes the only thing we talk about. Friends hear how badly we’ve been treated or listen patiently to our complaints that we will never find true love.

Other singles rally around us offering rejection anecdotes, all of which seem to confirm our worst fears — that there are no decent men/women left and we will never find Mr/Ms Right.

Get a grip. Turn this apparent catastrophe into a chance to make a change. Get back online, update that profile and optimistically look toward the future.

Brought to you by Click By Lavalife.

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