romance – Page 16

Romance For Men: Following The Platinum Rule For A Better Relationship

The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is often promoted as the most important standard to maintain a rewarding relationship with the rest of the world. When it comes to romance, though, the Golden Rule has probably hurt more relationships than it has helped, since there’s often a distinct difference between what a man wants and what a woman wants.

Keeping Romance Alive With The Platinum Rule

Fewer people have heard of the Platinum Rule, which says “Do unto others as they want you to do unto them.” Following the Platinum Rule is a much better way to keep romance alive in your relationship, but for most men, simply following the rule is the easy part. Finding out exactly what a woman wants can be a difficult thing for men to do, especially since every person’s desires evolve over the course of a relationship. Applying the Platinum Rule to your relationship can dramatically improve your satisfaction, but it also requires consistent attention to identify her desires.

The most obvious way to find out how she wants to be treated romantically is by asking her. While we promote good old-fashioned romance on our website, and we will always believe that it will lead to more happiness in most relationships, we also realize that there are some women who might not like the type of gallant attention that it calls for. Some women simply don’t like classically romantic overtures, and measuring her reaction when you bring up topics of amour can give you a clue to what kind of a partner she really wants.

Being Empathetic To Satisfy Your Partner

In some cases, the best way to find out how she wants to be treated is through good old empathy. Your wife or girlfriend might not be able to really tell you what she thinks about romance, but you should know her well enough to put yourself in her shoes for a while. Does romantic behavior embarrass or intimidate her, or does she light up at small loving gestures and actions? Will it take some consistent effort to get her used to being romantic, or is she more comfortable with you treating each other as peers and friends? Old-fashioned romance can seem outdated and schmaltzy to some women nowadays, and there’s nothing wrong with that opinion.

Using the Platinum Rule and treating her as she wants to be treated will inevitably lead to more romance and satisfaction in your relationship, even if you discover she isn’t as interested in overt physical affection on a regular basis.

View Obstacles As Positive Challenges

There’s no single formula for successful couples, and what works for you will have a lot to do with your partner’s unique personality and the dynamics of your relationship. Just remember one important rule of thumb: if her romantic desires don’t mesh perfectly with yours, look at it as a challenge, not a hindrance.

Perhaps most importantly, using the Platinum Rule in your relationship will likely lead to a great return on your investment. Once she sees how dedicated you are to treating her as she wants to be treated, she will be much more likely to take the time to do the same for you, as well.

What Women Want

By chickinheels

I recently read an article about what women want, and your average woman commented on what ‘touched’ her most when it came to men. Some women wanted help around the house, some women wanted sex in a certain manner, some women wanted appreciation. It got me to thinking about what women REALLY want in a relationship. It will be interesting to see if the women out there agree with me, I tend to think more like a guy (or so I’m told lol!!).

Playful Passion

Number one for me is that I want to feel passionate with my man. I want to feel like there is always a fire burnin’ for one another. I want to keep the spice alive!! I love it when my guy and I are flirty together and keep that ‘secret connection’ in the forefront, like stealing those mini make out sessions whenever the opportunity presents itself. It’s vital to a relationship to take advantage of those times – those moments when you can still be playful together. The key however, is having the desire and mindset to be actively flirty and fun with your partner. It’s easy to let life distract you. Bills, chores, work, kids – the lazy route is to have these things interfere. The participative route (which is a whole lot more fun and rewarding) is to WANT to keep the special moments going. Women crave this kind of connection from their men. The guy who will slide up behind her while she’s working in the kitchen – even a passing ‘goose’ to say “how YOU doin??”

Foreplay First

For the women out there who want sex (and who doesn’t!?!) the consensus seems to be that they want some good quality foreplay. Guys who show they CARE about how you respond to their actions. Guys who take their time and WANT to turn their woman on (on a side note, guys should expect the same in return – a girl who merely ‘gives it up’ doesn’t cut it for a guy’s excitement level either). Some guys can get lost in the ultimate goal of ‘getting her off’ and lose sight of the passion in attaining that outcome. Sex shouldn’t be a chore between a couple in any way, both people should equally enjoy the physical involvement. Sex is the one thing that bonds you above and beyond all other relationships – make it feel that way – make it a priority. Women want to feel sexy, loved and that you care about what excites them in the bedroom.

Cunning Compliments

Along with that point is that women want to feel like their man is attracted to them. They want to feel beautiful. Most women have an inner conversation that pin points their flaws and physical insecurities. I’d be hard pressed to find a woman who doesn’t mentally criticize her cellulite or weight or breast size…you name it, we self scrutinize it! Men are not always aware of the internal self doubt that a lot of women have. We count on our men to remind us of how beautiful we are. Every woman desires to hear that. A woman wants to feel like no matter where she is, the man she is with looks at her as the most beautiful woman in the room. Men may be surprised at the realization that the odd compliment can boost us so high. I’m guilty for looking to my man for approval, always wanting to look my best for him – I’m not one to take his attraction for granted. A woman who feels good, also feels good to be around fellas!

Love and Loyalty

An important factor to a lot of women (and men) is commitment and loyalty. Anyone in a good relationship values the commitment of their partner. Feeling safe and secure in their bond and not having to question their partner’s actions. Knowing that their partner chooses to be with them and is devoted to the relationship. I believe that the commitment level that you are willing to give should be equal to that of what your partner is willing to give as well. Feeling like your man would do anything for you and has completely given of himself to you, and vice versa. A woman desires for her man to show he is proud to be with her and has no problem indicating his belief in the commitment he has to her. A woman longs to be her man’s one and only.

Ultimately both sexes want to be with a partner who ‘betters’ their life. Who is supportive through the rough times and helps to create the good times. Someone you can laugh with, someone you enjoy spending time with. The one person above all others you would choose to be around no matter what it is that you are doing. The person in your life who you want by your side. If you really think about what you want – I am certain the qualities I have mentioned here will be the ones that count the most, even above any physical or social attributes. Passion, supportiveness, devotion and commitment, the person you’d be missing if they weren’t in your life. Someone who puts your feelings above all else. Someone who makes you happy.

A Man’s Love Is Expressed Differently From A Woman’s Love

By sarahelizabethmalinak

I realize I am drawing your attention to someone else’s book, rather than my own; but I cannot help myself. Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is genius! I want to share with you the most profound information I got from reading it.

Men show their love for their women differently than women show their love for men. If we women could really grasp this fact, relationships all over the world would improve.

How Women Love

Women show men they love them in warm, mushy ways. We talk to our men, we share everything, and we provide nurture and support. We want to be romanced because romantic touches are how we say, “I love you.” Men are very different and we know this already. The problem is we have spent centuries judging them for it instead of receiving it as the display of love it is. So when our new man gets past the courting phase, becomes solidly committed to us, and the romance begins to fade, we join the legion of sisters who complain about how he just doesn’t measure up to our ideal of what a real man is and how a real man loves.

Let me tell you, at this point the relationship is doomed and it ain’t his fault! Complements of Steve Harvey, let me share how a real man loves and see if you can’t begin to look at your fellow through a kinder lens and a heart warmed by just how very much he actually does let you know he loves you.

How A Man’s Love Is Different

There are three ways a man clearly and definitively shows his love and affection for his lady. The first thing a real man does when he knows he loves you and is ready to commit to the relationship is he professes who you are in his life. He calls you “his lady,” “girlfriend,” or “romantic partner.” He calls you by a special name with his words and with his body language. You can see it in the eyes of the folks in his world you are introduced to. You see that spark of recognition that this one (you) is different from the other women he has introduced to them. His claim on you is obvious.

Once he is ready to take the relationship to the next level, he may no longer be interested in midnight conversations that go on for hours. He doesn’t want to be treated like your best girlfriend. The profession he makes about you is significant for him and, if you are aware of its meaning, it can be significant for you too. In fact, it can be a big turn on.

The second thing a real man does when he knows he loves you and is ready to commit to the relationship is he provides for you. Now, not every man has the means to buy you expensive things, but to the degree he is able, he will provide for you. One of the examples Steve uses is if you have car trouble and ask him for help, he will do everything within his power to assist you in getting it fixed. One man might be able to afford to replace the car while another gets his cousin who is a car mechanic to fix it. Either way, the man is in love and providing. Every single weekend might not produce a romantic outing, but in any way he sees he can physically provide for you and is able, he will.

So, for instance, one year my husband provided me with a big, fancy digital camera and a printer to print the photographs I would take. He knew I was wary of making the switch from film to digital. He knew I needed to be provided with a really good camera and what is essentially a dark room to make the switch as convenient and delightful as possible. With these gifts he provided for me the means to enlarge my life and my creative expression. It was a deeply romantic gesture.

Accepting His Own Displays Of Love And Affection

The third thing a real man does when he is head over heals in love is he protects his woman. No one is allowed to hurt, insult, or disrespect her. He will not be able to tolerate her life or her spirit being in danger.

In my own experience, I have observed two important things about a man’s desire to protect his woman. The first is he will attempt to protect her from herself. This is why a man can become infuriated with some of the choices his woman makes because, as a man with his logical thinking, he could have told her this or that choice would be a mistake. How could she have put the woman he loves most in the whole world (herself) in harm’s way?

The other thing I have observed is that a real man in love will sacrifice himself to protect you from himself, if you require it. If you cannot abide him being who he is, expressing himself as a man, he will shrink inside, becoming less effective as a lover and as a partner as he attempts to protect you from him. This will not last indefinitely. Finally, the pressure to express himself as a man will rupture and you will lose him. If you find you are no longer invested in exploring the marvelous mystery he is, you might take a look at whether or not you really love him. Because asking him to stifle his masculinity is the beginning of the end.

Whether you are looking for Mr. Right, have found him, or are afraid you are losing him, knowing how a man shows his love to his woman gives you valuable information for figuring out where he is coming from and where he is going. It can also open the floodgates of gratitude and passionate love making as you learn to quit castigating him and instead appreciate his unique expressions of love!

3 Ways To Be An Unforgettable Boyfriend And Make Her Forget About Her Ex

By leejenkins

There are women who got burned so badly by their previous relationships that they don’t want to venture out into the ‘unknown’ anymore. These women are jaded, cynical about love, and think sex is overrated. When a guy finds a hot girl, who just happened to be afflicted by the “man hate” syndrome, what does he do? A guy can either look the other way or pursue her despite the slim chance of breaking through the thick barrier of barb that she put up. Some women are really impossible to ignore, they are mesmerizing, even if they give out a haunted (and hunted) vibe, like they are always on the lookout for men who are just waiting to prey on their vulnerability and use them for selfish carnal pleasures.

What To Do When She’s Been Burned

The primary thing to consider is that no matter how badly you want to know, the story behind her heartbreak should be left alone. However, building her life back and possibly sharing a future with you are definitely things that concern you. Tread carefully. Be as unobtrusive as possible, but always be within her reach just in case she feels like talking. It is possible to keep a person company from afar, particularly if you have already told her that you’re just there if she needs you.

When you finally get her to open up, this is your chance to show her that you are way better than her ex.

Of course, you cannot promise a bed of roses, but there are certainly some things that you can do to prove to her that you, as a man, operate on a higher level than the guy who broke her heart.

1. Love Her Back

This seems like a daunting feat for those who don’t know how. Return her calls, be emotionally available, and tell her that while you may be busy most of the time, she is always in your thoughts. Basically, not taking a woman for granted is the best way to win her over. Ask her opinion about where to go and what to do during your date. Staying open and extremely considerate is very important, particularly during the time when she’s still learning to trust you.

2. Be a Gentleman

You know those simple things like opening the door for her or pulling the chair? Those gestures are not lost on her. Of course, you have to be consistent and make these gallant gestures a habit. Doing these only during your initial dates will make her think that the gestures are a put on.

3. Make Her Orgasm During Sex

No amount of gallantry, gift-giving and mushy loving could make her consider you as a constant in her life if she discovers that you are not sexually compatible. The ability to give her the time of her life in bed will catapult you from “boyfriend material” to “The One”. If she has told you that she thinks “sex is overrated” more than a couple of times, there’s a big chance that she has never experienced an orgasm in the past.

Even if she did experience sensational sex with her ex, your knowledge of how to make her orgasm will stack nicely with the fact that you are the most gallant, most considerate guy she has ever met; and this will erase all notions of her past loves.

Why We Don’t Surrender To Pain In Romantic Relationships

By sarahelizabethmalinak

In many ways, pain teaches us to surrender. If you sprain your ankle, you have to slow down, attend to it, and adapt to it. It will not allow you to continue walking or running as you were! Until it heals, you must surrender to the healing process.

The people who talk about cancer being a gift are those who surrendered to the reality of the disease and met it on its terms. Even the common cold allows a person to practice the art of surrender!

When it comes to romantic relationships, one type in particular sets a couple up to learn surrender from pain. That would be the sadomasochistic relationship. Humiliation and pain leading to surrender is the basis of that kind of relationship.

The Difference in Romantic Relationships

However, in most romantic relationships, pain doesn’t necessarily teach us to surrender. For many people, pain in their relationships causes them to go to war, to dominate, or to conquer their partner or the situation.

Why is that? When your partner dismisses you, why do you want to take her head off? When he looks at another woman, why do you want to clobber them both? When he or she treats you like a child, why do you want to rebel?

The answer may be found in that last question. Surely, the reason the pain of our relationships leads to war instead of surrender is that our romantic relationships are the number one place we work out our issues with our parents.

The Family Connection

When we are born, our parents (or primary caretakers) are everything to us. Truly, we love them passionately, jealously. They are extensions of us. They answer all our needs, sometimes without our even asking.

They are also the first to put boundaries on us. The first ones with whom we experience power struggles, with us usually on the losing end of those power struggles! Furthermore, parents are not perfect.

Knowing which buttons to push in order to control us with the least amount of effort expended, they will use rudeness, put-downs, dismissals, and disappointment to keep us under their control.

There is the rub. In whatever way your romantic partner, husband or wife, treats you rudely, puts you down, dismisses you, and shows disappointment in you, whether purposefully or by accident, mom and dad did it first.

They did it first and you could not fight back. Now you can. Not only can you dish it out as good as you get it, the impulse to stop the pain by any means necessary rises involuntarily, making dominating and conquering your partner seem absolutely necessary for survival.

What Would Surrender Look Like?

What would surrender in the face of the pain found in romantic relationships look like, anyway? Becoming a doormat? Turning into a masochist? No.

Surrender would look like taking stock and taking responsibility. That is what happens when a person surrenders to the process of the pain of suffering, from the common cold to cancer. He or she takes stock of reality and takes responsibility for what lies ahead. How do we do that in a relationship?

Take Responsibility

The first thing to do, if you haven’t already, it to take 100% responsibility for everything that shows up in your relationship. Your relationship, your partner, is a mirror of you. Wherever there is pain, your mirror is showing you something in yourself that wants to heal.

Let us use dismissal as an example. Being dismissed hurts. Those who practice it seem to be oblivious to its effects. Those who suffer from it are painfully aware when they themselves happen to inflict it on someone else. Being dismissed by someone you love makes you feel small and worthless.

How Dismissal Plays Out

Debra found her feelings hurt too many times by David’s dismissals. The way she would shrink inside when he would cut her off mid-sentence, tell her how to fix whatever she was talking about, then turn his attention elsewhere made her shrink inside.

She was beginning to be nasty in return, which really surprised him and even hurt his feelings. He thought his advice was helpful!

If David and Debra decided to take 100% responsibility for this tension showing up in their relationship, each of them would look deeply inside to see what motivated their behavior. Debra would realize that most of the people nearest to her throughout her life had been dismissive, beginning with her mother.

Chances are, she attracted others like her mother because it was familiar, even comforting in a strange way. In addition, her self-esteem may not have been strong enough for her to believe she deserved better.

David would realize that by dismissing Debra, he was mimicking his father, who had been dismissive of David’s mother. In fact, his father’s father had been the same way! All of the men in his family had married women who talked a lot about what worried them.

The women could talk for hours to each other about their worries but the men just could not handle it. As David would get in touch with the deep sense of inadequacy he felt handling his wife’s worries and concerns, he would realize his paternal ancestors had faced the same hurdles in their marriages.

David and Debra live far from their relatives and that kind of support. Oftentimes, Debra only has David to lean on. That terrifies him.

Take Stock Through Self-Examination

Taking 100% responsibility for the relationship requires this depth of taking stock through self-examination.

The resulting surrender means Debra and David can talk about this particular painful aspect of their relationship in ways that cause neither of them to have to defend themselves, in ways that allow them to grow as individuals and as a couple, and in ways that take the “If only he or she would change” stuff out of the equation!

It is surrender to what each of them created in the relationship, allowing space for deeper love and connection.