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The Truth About Giving Oral Sex

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Oral sex can be tough work! Trying to please your partner orally requires lots of stamina and skill.

It can also be very pleasurable to give your partner oral sex.  There’s nothing quite like giving your partner oral sex, but is it harder to give oral sex to one gender than another?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I can’t come to an agreement – who works harder in bed? Is it easier for a woman to give oral sex to a man or for a man to give oral sex to a woman?

–Jeff, North Carolina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJn2DTMY-Q4[/youtube]

If You Like It . . .

While it would be easier to say that it’s harder going down on one gender over another, the true answer to that question is a little more complicated than that and it has nothing to do with sex or gender.

If you really enjoy giving your partner oral sex, and a lot of people do, it’s actually going to be easier for you to give oral sex than it would be for someone who doesn’t enjoy it.

Whether you’re going down on a guy or a gal, if you really enjoy doing it, it doesn’t seem like work, does it?

To some people who don’t enjoy giving their partner oral sex, pleasing them orally might seem like a chore. For this type of person, giving their partner oral sex is actually more difficult than it is for someone who really likes to do it.

Warming Up The Oven

There is, however, a bit of truth to the argument that giving oral sex to a woman is harder than it is to give oral sex to a man. The theory is that many women require a great deal of foreplay and need to be “warmed up” before they become sexually aroused.

As a result, going down on a woman simply takes longer to bring her to climax than a man would need to reach climax through oral sex. This isn’t something that is set in stone though.

It truly varies from individual to individual. You might find that it doesn’t take long at all for some women to reach climax through oral sex, while it takes some men a reasonably long time to do the same.

Gender Doesn’t Matter

Whether you’re a girl going down on a guy, a guy going down on a girl or any combination of the above, it can be easy or difficult to perform oral sex on your partner depending on your personality and your own sexual preferences.

You might really like to perform oral sex on your partner or you may hate it.  How hard it is for you to do depends on your enthusiasm.

If you don’t like to give oral sex, you might find your preferences change after awhile, making it easier for you to pleasure your partner orally. Leave yourself open to the prospect of really growing to enjoy pleasing your partner through oral sex, even if it seems more like a chore now.

Then again, you may never learn to like it. Either way, talk to your partner about how you feel about oral sex. If you are really having a hard time finding it enjoyable to give your partner oral sex, talk to them and find out if there is another way you can give them pleasure that is more arousing for you.

The Single BIGGEST Mistake Men Make

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Lack of foreplay is one of the biggest turn-offs in the world of SEX.

Foreplay is often understood as the set of activities done before actual intercourse. The typical menu includes kissing, caressing, getting & giving head, touching, groping, hugging, fingering etc. Men feel like dogs if they don’t engage in it, and they’ve heard or read somewhere that plenty of it makes them a great lay so they sign up. Foreplay makes gentlemen out of horny boys.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a newbie or an expert, foreplay works like a charm ­and definitely gets Eve going.

Why? You wonder why? BECAUSE IT LARGELY EMBODIES WHAT WOMEN, THE XX GENDER, ARE ALL ABOUT.

They want it far, far more than any other part of the program, yes, even penetration. Not because they need extra ticks to heat up, but because it is in foreplay that their physical and emotional needs are met.

She wants to feel needed, wanted and appreciated. Kissing, caressing and gazing into her eyes accomplish exactly that. It makes her gasp, “Wow, he thinks more of me than just a vagina on heels!” It’s the most personal part of the act, and probably the only time  her presence is being fully recognized. (Because when the pumping begins, men
often fly off to their own worlds and forget about their partners.)

But ‘F’ geniusly bridges the emotional and the physical. To her, it captures the essence of the phrase: Being with a man. And something very interesting happens during foreplay. Eve not only senses the touch, the physical connection, but the emotional underpinnings as well.

For example, when you kiss her, she doesn’t just feel the lips touching, she relishes the emotional bond. (This connection is what women fuss about.)

In addition to this, foreplay is especially designed for the senses. The sensual bombardment is so remarkable, and the potential for pleasure so high, that it rivals the ecstasy of an orgasm.

Being multi-sensory, significantly fascinated by process and details, women relish every drop of the stuff going on. The smell of candles, the sound of lip-locks, the caress of your fingers, the slow and steady build-up of sexual heat ­ women are sucker for these.

Not that sensual bliss is solely found in foreplay, but tastefully done, Foreplay can be like one long orgasm.

Really! One… long… lasting . .  .climax!

The Grossly Underplayed Card

In a committed relationship, there are certain physical accesses and privileges that only YOU, her partner, can avail of.

Foreplay is one.

No one else is licensed to connect with her in the manner that you are encouraged to. Not even her long time girlfriend can do that to her body, as society limits them to hugs & kisses. Only you are tolerated to caress her breasts, lick her body or slip your fingers…without a lawsuit. Nobody else has that PRIVILEGE of ravishing and indulging her.

Only you.  Hands, tongue, any part of you, can mesh with hers… without apologies… without restraint.

Unfortunately, this is an underused card. Men take foreplay for granted, not understanding their total franchise of her body, mistaking kisses and caresses as means to an end.

The irony, is that out of the many uncontrollable emotional forces operating inside your woman’s body, one of the most potent is the yearning to be kissed & touched. She’s dying to be kissed and craving to be touched. She wants the warmth of another person. In a committed relationship, the source of all that (and more), is YOU.  The only one who can fill such an unimaginable need.

Think about that for a moment.

Why Is It Easier To Suck At Foreplay?

As I’ve said, foreplay works, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a newbie or expert, you can get a woman going. But when a well-intentioned guy fumbles, it’s not necessarily because he’s a jerk or that he fundamentally sucks. He’s probably still getting the hang of it.

Guys don’t have socially acceptable avenues to practice foreplay… except in the act itself. Both practice and the real thing happen at the same time and I if you don’t make-out or get laid, you don’t get practice.

Compare that to Eve’s world where they’ve been hugging and kissing since they were kids, where touching marks the affairs of women.

Moreover, foreplay involves a lot of being in the moment. Which, again, the goal-oriented fellows don’t do. We don’t ruminate, we’re always on the move, always making things happen, changing the world. The slow and steady build up that women like goes against every force of habit. We don’t even know what the heck ‘being in the moment’ really
means.

When guys operate as if sex involves paper work or deadlines, they may do their darn best, but they will still suck if they don’t stop acting as if they’re at the office.

So there you have it. A in-depth look at one of the biggest mistakes men make when making love with women.

How To Give Any Woman An Orgasm… Every Time!

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It’s like the Holy Grail for men. Making a female reach orgasm when we sleep with them is of the utmost importance to us men and often our number one priority, even outranking our own sexual needs.

But why is making a woman cum so high on our to-do lists when we’re in the sack and, once you know it’s something you’d like to be able to do, how do you give a woman an orgasm each and every time? Is there a special technique, a magic touch, or is it in the lap of the Gods whether or not she makes that elusive “O” face (and actually means it!)

Before we get into the techniques, the science behind female sexual gratification, let’s first have a quick look at the subject of orgasms as a whole.

The Male Orgasm

The male climax, which combines ejaculation with an orgasm is, unless a guy has something pretty seriously wrong with him, a foregone conclusion in sex. We guys know that when we cum it’s usually end game for us, so we tend to use our orgasms as a marker.

The amount of time that elapses between first insertion to final climax constitutes our sexual performance, good or bad. Whether we last as long as we’d like, or do all the things we’d love to do, we’re always guaranteed that predictable pay-off at the end of it all.

The Female Orgasm

Women, on the other hand, and somewhat unsurprisingly, are totally different. Whether they achieve an orgasm is entirely dependent on a host of requirements, including but not limited to: the guy’s sexual ability, the female’s knowledge of how her body works, and her mood at the time of sex.

Then there’s the added headache (for us!) of women faking orgasms just to please us and keep our egos in check. All combined, giving a girl an orgasm, and realizing that we have,is usually a tricky business for most guys.

But there ARE things you can do to ensure you stand the absolute best chance of bringing your partner or partners to the highest possible point of sexual pleasure.

These are concepts most men never hear of or, if they do, never try because, to be honest, if they did give them a whirl, the female orgasm really wouldn’t be such an elusive, unattainable thing. Here they are: the techniques and strategies you should use to give a woman an orgasm…every time.

1. Proper Build-Up

Sexual satisfaction and stimulation happens in two different ways: in the mind, and in the body. Many men forget about this balance of the mental and physical, and rush into penetrative sex too quickly, with too much pace.

Instead you need to start slow and gradually intensify the attention you give the girl and the actions you perform. So, begin intercourse with slow strokes that vary in depth and angle. Doing this does two things.

First, it warms the woman up physically and allows her body to fully accept and accommodate you. Second, it gives you a vital opportunity to watch for what type of stroke speed, depth and angle stimulates the girl the most and pleasures her to the highest degree. Listen to her moans, watch her eyes and try to sense her excitement levels as you vary your technique.

2. Display Your Focus

Don’t be afraid to make it obvious that your main goal is pleasuring her as much as you possibly can. Many men feel as if it makes them seem soppy or subordinate to display a desire to only pleasure the female and forget about themselves, but this is a mistake.

When you show how much you care about showing her a good time, you achieve three things. First, you turn her on emotionally and mentally (which, as I just mentioned, is vital).

Second, you open up healthy communication between the two of you. She can verbally tell you what feels the best and where you should focus.

The third reason is the simplest of all: the more you focus your attention on something, the more likely you are to achieve your goal.

3. Double Stimulation

Most women achieve their orgasms from external, clitoral stimulation and not penetrative, vaginal sex. So, focus plenty of attention on pleasuring her with your fingers or orally AND giving her external gratification (such as rubbing her clit lightly in a circular motion with the tips of your index, middle and ring fingers) while partaking in actual intercourse.

This more than doubles the chance of reaching orgasm.

Summing it Up

It’s important we sum up what we’ve just been over. Doing so locks the information in your head and makes it easy for you to use it next time you ‘get it on’.

First, take it slow and watch for her reactions. When you see her react strongly and positively, remember what action or stroke type or sex position you used.

SHOW HER you care about making her feel good. Not only does it make her feel turned on but also automatically more willing and eager to return the favour…in spades!

Lastly, vary the action. Mix up intercourse with external stimulation to really boost her pleasure. If you do everything you’ve read here, you’re guaranteed to improve your sex life and the number of orgasms your girl has in it. So give it a go!

The Real Secret To Sexual Mastery

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Tricks, without true sexual understanding, are empty, robotic… lifeless. Believe me, if sexual expertise simply requires rote tricks, then I would have simply thrown a bunch of cheap tricks to your face. We would have taken that route and my job would be much easier.

The real secrets of lovemaking are NOT suppressed, subverted, or reserved only for the sexual elite.

The opposite is true ­ they are sinfully plain to eyes and deceptively obvious, that’s why very few men (or women for that matter), see them for what they truly are… MAGIC.

Their simplicity is their tragedy. These “secrets” are not hidden nor obscure, they are so self-evident that nobody really takes the time to notice them. They are easily taken for granted and nobody gives them second pass.

The biggest sex secrets are not moves, tricks or techniques. ­They are specific mindsets, beliefs and mental programming.

1. Visual VS. Multisensory

SIGHT will instantly ignite a man’s pants. The sight of a foxy chick can get a man going…instantly! How about a woman? How can you make her brain think, “Sex…now!?”

Well, women are MULTISENSORY.

Through the 5 SENSES, you can talk her brain to lust. By employing smell, taste, touch and sound, you can really get her going. (And that’s certainly good news for guys with skinny bodies and ugly faces).

Because of this sensitivity to various channels of sensual stimulation, Eve gets turned-on by a variety of things…things guys would never understand why.

We agree that curves are sexy — very visual. But women consider things like (1) the deep voice of a hunchback poet, (2) the sweet smell of mornings, (3) the rich taste of Swiss chocolate, (4) the warm breath fondling her neck ­ as ‘SEXY’.

For guys, these are whacked. “What’s with the hunchback and poetry thing?!”

Moreover, men assume that women are highly visual like them, and guys still think their looks and external trappings are sufficient sexual come-ons. Starting today, when you think AROUSAL, go MULTISENSORY.

2. Physical vs. Psychological

Every time SEX is on the table, two elements come in focus ­ there’s a PHYSICAL and a PSYCHOLOGICAL-
EMOTIONAL side. Physical refers to those luscious lips you long to kiss, that pair of erect nipples on a horny woman’s
heaving bosom and that firm body you long to be on top of.

Psychological-Emotional can refer to many things. Since sex stands on an interaction and symbolic basis, the issues of self-esteem, self-control, self-concept, self- confidence, dominance and sexual hang-ups come in. Also included are the feelings for the person you’re with… or the lack thereof. It’s your perception of the relationship, is it a one-night stand or a long-term thing?

Men are naturally dialed to the physical. Huge breasts. Tight ass. And of course—a freak in bed, willing to try every silly trick in the book. Still, it doesn’t mean the psychological-emotional issues never come in.

Women dig the Psychological-Emotional, and for many, sex presupposes an emotional connection. Not necessarily the “I’m so gonna marry this guy” feeling, but at least a feeling of closeness and comfort.

3. Process VS. Goal

This is the 3rd crucial difference between men and women. Women ask, “What’s with men? They want sex so bad, but when you finally give IT to them, they sure want it  over as fast as possible!”

Guys are very goal-oriented. Look at everyday scenes and witness how we contrast with Eve. Take jogging at the park, for example. Observe how men and women go about this ritual and behold their idiosyncrasies.

Can you spot the differences?

Women are able to appreciate the view as they run, taking in the freshness of morning, sparing a second to marvel at flowers along the route. They are also more likely to smile at strangers along the way.

How ‘bout the men, how did we do? We were probably counting laps made, whilst cursing how many freakin’ more to go, constantly looking over those heart rate gadgets strapped on our wrists. Heck, we would gladly step over flowers just to get from point A to B! Men have a thing for goals. And this predisposition inevitably gets carried over to the bedroom ­ displayed by an obsessive drive to 3 specific targets:

Goal # 1 = Take her clothes off

Goal # 2 = Slide penis in

Goal # 3 = Cum

But with Eve… it’s not so much the destination; it’s really more about the journey. WOMEN ARE PROCESS CREATURES. For them, sex is a moment by moment experience. (Hint to would-be great lovers)

With HER, she’s thinking, “Ok what’s happening, NOW… what’s he doing down there, NOW… Ohhhh what he’s doing NOW really feels  good.”

Can you sense the critical difference?  They are on different worlds and different time zones! Women are into process, the Present ­ men obsess with goals ­in the Future.

So it’s quite difficult for the goal-oriented and process-oriented creatures to be on the same page. Is one more correct than the other? No, but men ought to look into process so they won’t miss the pleasures offered by along the way. If you’ve got eyes solely on the goal, you will miss on the beauty of the journey.

That’s not to say that women don’t bother if they cum or not, they just know that orgasms aren’t everything, and their quality depends so much on going through due process. Sextraordinary is found in the PROCESS.

The Three Paradoxes Of Great Sex

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These 3 mistakes all come from the “land of good intentions”, but still, they wreck merciless havoc on the lives of countless men.

I’m referring to the following:

1. The Paradox of Trying Too Hard
2. The Paradox of Thinking Too Much
3. The Paradox of the Simple Moves

1. THE PARADOX OF TRYING TOO HARD

Great sex will always be about FLOW.

One doesn’t need to press for it, trying too hard on any area will cause you to mess it up ­ that’s a guarantee. The tragedy is that most men don’t even see this one coming and end up working against themselves ­ the harder they try, the harder it becomes.

One of the temptations of having too many tricks in the bag is to unleash them in a grand overflow and put on a show. Needless to say, you’ll reek of the trying too hard’ vibe. Instead of dazzling Eve, you’ll turn her off ­ for the vibe masks a specific fear ­ the fear of inadequacy, that nagging feeling of not being good enough.

You’re afraid she won’t have a great time unless you pleasure the brains out of her, so you feel compelled to unleash every physical technique to compensate for a personal issue.

Like I said, this will backfire.

You don’t need to do everything ­ don’t be an overeager yes-man. The rookie mistake here is trying too hard to please every woman, every time, with the hopes of being the best she’s ever had. You’ll end up pleasing nobody.  Instead, learn to lean back and let sexual excellence come to you.

2. THE PARADOX OF THINKING TOO MUCH

Great sex is always UNCONSCIOUS; it’s not logical or rational.

The bedroom is not the place to think, and the absolute worst time to contemplate your insecurities, sexual hang-ups and skills. Deal with them BEFORE your next carnal encounter and AFTER your last one… NEVER DURING.

Calibrate… but don’t thresh-out psychological issues in the heat of things. Self consciousness and self-talk pull you out of the moment and into a negative spiral where you become sexually ineffective and out of touch.

Don’t be overly concerned with the mechanics and metrics of intercourse ­ like the exact pressure or angle of your hand, or the direction of your thrusts. When it comes to the real thing — stop thinking — focus on your partner and immerse in the moment.

Don’t plan every move as if sex is a series of perfectly executed maneuvers. When you over-think things, you’ll mess up.  The best crane operators don’t analyze every step… they just do it, the moves have become 2nd to nature.

If you think too much, I assure you that the sex will get worse ­ instead of enjoying, you’ll be too busy figuring out the next best move. Just enjoy the process, take it easy and don’t be too hard on yourself.

It goes without saying that one doesn’t have to gun for sexual perfection… there’s no such thing. Afford yourself some mistakes and don’t make a big deal out of it. This is very, very important.

3. THE PARADOX OF THE SIMPLE MOVES

Great sex will always about the SIMPLE MOVES.

It is the aggregate of simple things, done in the right way and at the right time, that makes the world of difference. You have to drive that one in your head. THERE ARE NO BIG TRICKS.

This is not about big moves or magic techniques ­it’s about the snowballing of easy to do maneuvers. The biggest lesson here is understanding that it’s the small things that truly matter. It’s not about making extensive changes to your game, but simply tweaking it.

It’s learning to feel not just with your hands, but with your fingertips. It’s being in-tune not just for her screams, but even to her breathing. Not just about writhing bodies but little twitches.

Great sex is simple, (‘simple’ doesn’t mean ‘boring’), it’s not replete with shock-and-awe. The road to sexual greatness is not some hidden mythic trick, for the most elegant and effective moves have never been kept secret, they have always been there.

They just have been overlooked… if not forgotten. Being unpretentious, they easily pass off as insignificant.

So there you have it, The paradox of trying too hard, thinking too much and simple moves. Remember these three concepts when making love next time and you’ll come across much more confident, sexy and natural.