Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for threesome

Will My Ex-Swinger Husband Cheat On Me?

By

The swinger lifestyle is taking the nation by storm. People are suddenly realizing this isn’t just some obscure cult.

Rather, it’s regular people, many of whom are highly educated professionals, expanding their already happy, healthy, and often exotic sex lives to include what some are calling “swinging”.

The shock for most people comes when they realize their neighbor Joe and his wife occasionally get together for drinks and some kinky sex with their other neighbors Bob and Suzy from two doors down.

“Wow, that happens here?” Absolutely, and much more often than you think…

But here comes the culture shock… Eventually people “in the lifestyle” end up paired with people who are not really open to this type of sexual adventure.

For instance, a man who has previously enjoyed a very open sex life with his previous wife starts dating a woman who is not very open to swinging. She may try it once or twice for his sake, but then decide it’s not for her. Worse yet, she’s afraid he’ll cheat on her because he’s used to having more sexual freedom. So what can she do?

Time away from something you want does NOT make you want it less.

She can ask him to stop it and stay away from seeing his former swinger friends and playmates.

But just saying no to something you enjoy, whether it’s ice cream or swinging and other aspects of an exotic, adventurous sex life, will not make your desire for it fade. This is basic human psychology… take away something you like, and you want it that much more. This is why most diets fail.

Can you quit swinging and just go cold turkey?

Is the problem that he’s swinging, or is it more basic than that?

It’s not really about whether he’s been swinging in the past or not. It’s about the fact that he had a very liberated sex life and he may no longer be OK in the long term with a more tame sexual experience.

He may agree not to do it any longer, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be happy and content with his new sex life.

Sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest problems in many relationships.

The reality is that not all people are a match sexually, and that can cause all kinds of stress and relationship problems. And yes, it can lead to break ups and divorce.

It’s crucial to realize that you may simply not be sexually compatible with your partner. It’s not very common, but occasionally two people are just not going to be a sexual match.

Jealousy and insecurity is one of the few major issues facing couples in the swinging lifestyle.

Most couples who enjoy the swinger lifestyle do it BECAUSE they have a strong and happy relationship and a great sex life to begin with. And for these couples, jealousy is not usually much of an issue. After all, you’re either OK with your spouse having sex with another person (or multiple other persons), or you’re not.

But the jealousy monster can still strike. But just what is jealousy?

At the core of it, jealousy reflects a person’s inner insecurities that they are not good enough and their partner may find someone better. It also reflects the need to control their partner. If they control what their partner does, then they won’t leave or find someone else.

In reality, neither of these things is true. The best way to keep your partner from finding someone ‘better’ is to be truly confident in yourself and love yourself unconditionally – only then can you truly love another person.

So can you trust someone who’s been in the swinger lifestyle for years to go cold turkey and be completely monogamous and content with only his wife?

Here’s a question from a lady in Texas struggling with the dire possibility of losing her husband…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband has a rather extensive swinging history. When we first met, I tried it with him a few times but due to my own jealousy and insecurities, it was not enjoyable. I chose to not continue. We talked about it and he said that it was OK that he loved me and did not want to jeopardize our future. He said, “Then we won’t do it, it’s no big deal.”

Recently, I found out that he has been carrying on with a woman on the internet and recently tried to kiss a woman after he had had a few drinks. He said that he will always enjoy the lifestyle and that he misses it. Where do I go from here? I feel awful and very uncertain about my future with him.

I don’t need to have sex with other people to feel happy and fulfilled. I love my husband. Obviously he does not feel the same way.

Will time away from swinging help to get it off of his mind? I want him to be happy with me and our marriage. I don’t want to feel like he resents me or worry that he is going to cheat on me to get what he wants, needs and misses.

— Lynne, Texas

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvxyLshRlgw[/youtube]

Exclusive Swingers – Are You CHEATING On Your Swinger Friends?

By

Exclusive swingers? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Exclusivity is not what you typically think of when you talk about the swinger lifestyle. Few in the swinger community would consider it cheating to play with multiple couples and partners without consulting them. It’s important to remember that swinging is largely about expanding an individual or a couple’s sex lives, and not usually about extending the romantic circle.

What about polyamory?

Some consider polyamory to be a more enlightened approach to swinging, though it’s really a very different animal. With polyamory, a couple will actually expand their love and romantic relationship to truly include others, not just for the occasional fun and sexual fantasies.

For many, the idea of swinging is really a stretch… polyamory is even more so because we’re no longer talking about being committed to a single person.

Can you expect an exclusive relationship with another couple?

People are interesting in their expectations, and since we’re all unique, nothing is really too far fetched to be expected. Think about an exclusive relationship between two people. It slowly evolves from the casual meeting, a few dates, and eventually exclusivity where you’re no longer seeing other people.

It’s entirely possible for two couples to also become close over time, and for some of the players to develop closer feelings for each other. In this case it’s definitely possible for one couple to get jealous when the other couple sees other people. No, it’s not the regular traditional lifestyle experience, but it definitely does happen on occasion.

And when it does…

Don’t talk with your family about your sex life and your exotic sexual fantasies

It’s always great to share our lives with our loved ones… not just our romantic partners, but also our blood families.

BUT… this can sometimes lead to problems, especially when we’re talking about parts of our lives that are not viewed as “acceptable” or “mainstream” by some segments of society.

This can happen when parents share intimate details of their sex lives with their grown children, as well as those same grown children sharing with their parents.

At first this seems to go against what we normally believe in, but stay with us here. Countless fights and arguments start when people share too much about their sex lives with their families.

We’re generally very adamant on having very open and honest communication in relationships, whether those are romantic relationships, family relationship, or friend relationships.

However we are not yet evolved and enlightened enough as a society, where your family (i.e. your parents, siblings) can have an open and honest discussion with you about your sex life and sexual preferences without judging you and without digressing into some type of fight or argument.

Hopefully our society will evolved to this point in the coming years, but by an large we’re just not there yet. Certainly there are some exceptions to this (as there are to anything based on a standard deviation), but if you want to play it safe – keep your sex life between you and your partner.

SO… Should you demand and exclusive relationship with another couple??  Shat what can you do if you’ve shared your dilemma with your family and they’re going nuts?

Here’s a question from a couple in Maryland facing this very frustrating problem…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I have now experienced swinging with two different couples. The first happened slowly over a long period of time with a couple that we were very close to. The second couple we found through a swinging website. We met them a few times to get to know each other and then met them for a sexual encounter. Ever since then, things have been a mess. We shared with the first couple that we had been with the second couple. They did not handle it well at all. They felt hurt and betrayed, especially the woman, whom I am extremely close to. I thought that our friendship was in jeopardy. I ended up talking to my father about how upset I was about this problem that I was having with my friend. I ended up telling him about my swinging experiences- BIG MISTAKE! He was very upset and my stepmother, who he told, was even more upset. So, my husband and I are finding a way to rebuild our relationship with the first couple, minus the sex. I am working through things with my dad. My stepmother is still concerned that we are going to rot in hell. With all of this happening, I am really struggling with the idea of swinging again. My husband wants to, of course. I am seriously struggling with whether it is immoral and sinful. Besides, with everything that has happened, I don’t have a good feeling about preceding forward. How can I make my husband understand this? He is extremely disappointed that I am not interested in continuing to swing, at least for now, and maybe forever. I know that this is long and complicated, but I am really in need of some advice. Please respond. Thanks.

— Jennifer, Maryland

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4sZ6cOoX2w[/youtube]

Swinger Seduction – How Can I Tell If Our Friends Want to Play?

By

Ah, the magical dance of flirting and seduction. “Does she like me?” “Will he go out with me?”

And for the swinger crowd… “They’re hot! Do you think they like us that way? Let’s ask them out.”

The same age old question repeats itself over and over again. And the world round, young men, young ladies, and couples, repeat the same mistake – they walk up to this person or couple they’re infatuated with and ask their question. “Will you go out with me“?

STOP! Don’t do it! That question has ended more relationships (before they even started) than perhaps any other factor in the history of mankind. That question forces the other person (or couple) into a corner, and makes them pick a yes or no choice, without knowing much of anything about you. Your odds are bleak to none.

Instead, get to know this person or this couple in a casual and non-threatening way. Give them a chance to get to like you. Attraction is a very complex set of feelings, emotions, urges, desires.

But how do you escape the swamp lands of the “friend zone“?

This is where subtle flirting and seduction comes in. Make the other person or couple feel your interest and desire instead of telling them about it. And here’s a magical fun fact: if they feel the same way, you’ll just know. You’ll FEEL it in the sparks that are flying around you, in the highly charged atmosphere, in the frequent casual touching, the unusual proximity, etc.

Enjoy the dance.

The danger of course, is if you’re wrong, you risk losing your friends. They may get freaked out and run away. Or they may just think it was cute or even flattering. But you won’t know unless you try.

So HOW can you tell if they like you in that way and want to play?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I recently became friends with a couple our age and we have a really great time together. It’s just that lately there has seemed to be this unusual tension. Through comments here and there and an occasional look, we thing they want to swing. How should I go about finding out if this couple wants to swing with us? We really like them and don’t want to lose them as friends but they’re really hot too and it’s hard to resist.

Please help! I’m tormented thinking about it.

— Ellen in Mississippi

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Fr_O2wAwmI[/youtube]

    Swinger Sex Partners: Should We Try a Threesome or a Foursome?

    By

    Some couples are much more sexually curious and adventurous than others.

    These are the swingers and other sexually liberated souls seeking threesomes and more, together with their life partner.

    While many have fights and arguments due to petty jealousy, others actually open their sex lives to others. They share and enjoy these experiences together, and amazingly enough, these experiences often bring a couple much closer together.

    Today’s question is from a couple in New York ready to try their first threesome, or even a foursome.

    Dear Dan and Jennifer,

    My girlfriend and I want to try a threesome or foursome. I agree with this, but I just want to know which one is least likely to cause me problem in my relationship?

    — Jose in New York

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5nGemX3a3k[/youtube]The mass media often portrays swingers as very risque and living a dangerous, risky life – but the fact is most swingers are much more cautions about safety and safe sex than their single counterparts. After all, these are generally couples playing together, so you have someone on your side planning with you at all times – you’re not winging it as you often do (and did) in the singles scene.

    While these relationships can sometimes develop into polyamory, often times swingers just live the lifestyle and enjoy playing with their friends.

    But of course the jealousy monster can always rear its ugly head, so always prepare and plan ahead before venturing into uncharted waters in search of new sex partners. There are rules and boundaries you must agree on with your partner ahead of time – no exceptions.

    Also there are some great resources below to help you make the most of your new experience and avoid the common pitfalls that can lead to relationship disaster and, yes, break up.

    1. Check out the largest swinger and sex personals dating site and find sex partners in your area today. They have millions of active members online, and 30,000 new photos uploaded daily.
    2. 500 Sex Tips and Love Making Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

    BUSTED! Our Kids Found Out We’re Swingers. Now What?

    By

    So you and your wife have a great relationship and an excellent sex life. You’ve recently discovered the swinger lifestyle, and you’re now both card carrying swingers. Life is great and you’re very happy with your lifestyle and your choices.

    But then your family finds out about your swinging adventures, and they start giving you a hard time about it. More importantly, they demand that you just stop swinging because they don’t think it’s right.

    How they found out isn’t really important, unless of course you bumped into each other at the same swinger club or adult dating site. 🙂

    But here’s the real question. Is your sex life really anyone’s business but your own?

    Should you start taking votes from your family on what sexual activities, and maybe even what sexual positions, are acceptable to them?

    Today’s question is from a swinging couple in this very predicament.

    Dear Dan and Jennifer,

    We are in our 50s and have been swinging for 3 years. Our adult kids have found out what we are doing and are very upset about it. Do we quit swinging for them, or live our lives like we want to?

    — Wayne, New Mexico

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ey5WsAKV7DE[/youtube]