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Monogamy: Can I Really Only Have Sex With 1 Person FOREVER?

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Monogamy is great for some people, but not for others. How can you tell if you’re about to make a big mistake by swearing to monogamy for the rest of your life?

I’m due to get married in a couple months, but I’m starting to have doubts. I don’t feel I’m as excited as I should be about the big day. This is the last person I’m going to sleep with FOREVER! What’s the difference between cold feet and making a huge mistake?

What She Said:

What kind of doubts? Little ones like, “Will I be able to live with a man who leaves his dirty clothes in a pile by the bed?” or big ones like, “Do I love this person and will I be happy for the rest of my life with him or her?” As you can see, it’s a wide chasm between what constitutes a doubt!

Cold Feet Are Normal

Cold feet are a time honored pre-wedding condition. It’s a big commitment – and an even bigger life change – that you’re lining up for yourself. Who wouldn’t feel a little scared? Even the most wildly in love couples are capable of feeling a tad apprehensive as they approach the altar.

No one wants to think about divorce on his or her wedding day – in fact, if you’re already contemplating an exit strategy, I think you have your answer. But the thought can provide a little levity. While there’s no discounting the magnitude of this decision, it is something that can be undone if you do ultimately decide you’ve made a “huge” mistake.

Be Honest With Yourself

That said it’s time to take a deep breath and be honest with you. Weddings are notoriously stressful events to plan. Is your lack of excitement due to feeling overwhelmed with everything from whom to choose as your bridesmaid to suddenly trying to meet the every demand of your family? Or is it something much deeper? Only you can discern what’s bothering you.

Are You In Love?

A huge mistake would be to marry someone you’re not in love with. It would also be devastating to tie the knot with someone who treats you badly before you’re even hitched. A ceremony won’t make any problems you’re having as a couple go away – in fact, it will only heighten them. If you’re truly in love and in a good relationship, a case of cold feet is merely jitters that will most likely smooth out by the time you cut the cake.

What He Said:

Thinking you can do anything for the rest of your life is impossible. If you focus on doing it today, then that’s very doable. It’s attainable. Focus not on the fact that you’re only going to be screwing one person for the rest of your life but rather on having the best sex you can with that person today and go from there.

Taking It Day By Day

It’s the same process for the rest of your relationship with that person. You’re probably freaking out over the fact that you don’t know if you can be in a relationship with them for the rest of your life. Just focus on having the best relationship you can with them today. Then go to bed. Then repeat. Then repeat. And repeat. And when in doubt, repeat. See a pattern?

You probably aren’t in line for an arranged marriage. You probably won’t say “I do” against your will. And you’re probably not marrying someone two dates in. That means you’ve been doing this relationship thing for a while with them and you obviously see something in them or you wouldn’t have been doing this for this long. So there must be something good to it. So relax, take a few deep breaths and throw the bridal bouquet at a really old lady and watch all the young women trample her. It’ll be loads of fun. Promise.

Breakup Advice: 9 Ways To Get Over Your Ex

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Breakup advice is in order if your heart has just been broken. Take a step towards a new future with these nine ways to put the past behind you.

What She Said:

Getting over an ex is never fun – but with the right breakup advice, it doesn’t have to be complete torture. Be gentle with yourself while you process what you just went through; but don’t wallow. There’s someone great waiting out there for you. Dry your eyes and follow these tips. You’ll be tripping through the daisies with someone new in no time!

Embrace The Old Adage

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It’s tried and true. Be sure you’re emotionally ready to share your body with someone and practice safe sex. If you’re ready, you’ll find having a fun fling will help you begin to release the memory of your previous lover.

Lean On Your Friends

This is what friends are for! Call, email, text and lament. You need to vent. You need to process. Just be sure to keep your boundaries. Leaning on pals during tough times is good. Making their ears bleed six months down the line because you can’t shake your feelings is bad.

Wine & Time

There’s no better breakup advice than curling up with a delicious glass of Pinot Noir and contemplating life. Think about what went wrong in your last relationship. Learn from past mistakes so you don’t have to go through those particular lessons again. Don’t drink your face off – but do unwind for a moment. Time heals all wounds. It will pass. And the passage of time will be eased with some relaxation.

Exercise

Don’t overdo it on hitting the bottle. You don’t want “wine waist” – or the depression that comes with drinking too much alcohol. It’s all about moderation. Balance that moderation with plenty of exercise. It’ll help keep your mood elevated – and you’ll be fit for the next time you’re ready to search for love.

Get Back Out There!

You’ve had a fling. You’ve gabbed to your friends. You’ve gotten familiar with your favorite wineries. And you’ve clocked in the miles on the treadmill. Now the best breakup advice is to dust yourself off and enjoy your hard-earned fresh start. Embrace it today!

What He Said:

Burn It

Get rid of all the shit they gave you. Gifts, pictures, clothes, everything. Get rid of all the reminders of that person. Don’t hold on to anything of the past. You’re moving forward not looking back.

Routine Is Your Friend

Ground yourself in your daily routines. Focus more on those things on your to do list. Add a bunch of things to it too. The busier you are the better. It will help you engross yourself in the present and that is a big key to moving on.

Add Some Hobbies

If you’re not really into anything, get into it. If you’ve got a hobby already, throw yourself into it.

One Night Stands Are Your Friend

Supposedly the best breakup advice and the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Sex like that just works. Not really sure why? Because it lets your mind and body know there are other people out there and other fish in the sea and the sooner you catch one the better you’ll feel.

9 Ways To Get Laid On Vacation

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The sex tips for your vacation is as follows: Get some! It’s really not a very good get away if you can’t get some action while you’re away. Here’s how you can get laid on your next trip!

What She Said:

Set the intention of finding a casual fling for your vacay – odds are you’ll meet someone with the same goal!

Go Tropical

Nothing says “vacation” like getting lit on rum and trying to limbo. It’s a great way to show that you’re fun loving, you’re loosing up and you’re willing to shed your inhibitions! It’s also a great way to get a preview of who’s the most flexible amongst your potential flings. Bonus – the warmer the climate, the fewer the clothes.

Go On A Singles’ Cruise

Yep, it sounds cheesy – and yes, they do still exist! However, if you’re willing to set aside you’re skepticism, odds are you’ll be knee-deep in fun. What else are you going to do, stranded together in the middle of the ocean?

Hit The Bars

No matter where your getaway takes you, bars and alcohol are the universal combination for folks who want to socialize and let their guard down. This is doubly true when you’re at a tourist destination. Make eye contact, start up a friendly conversation and see where it leads.

Flirt!

Be it the restaurant, the bar or in line for the next parasailing spot. If you see someone you’re interested in, give him or her a smile. You’ve got nothing to lose!

Ask

Vacations aren’t reality – they’re an escape from the daily grind. Therefore the normal rules don’t apply. Approaching someone with a bold proposition that might get you slapped back home could be just the ticket for a freewheelin’ traveler. Especially during Spring Break or Burning Man. Just saying!

What He Said:

Be Direct

You don’t have forever to make this happen. You are on vacation for a short, specified time. Make the most of it. Go big or go home. Being shy just isn’t get this done. You need to have some confidence, liquid or otherwise.

Forget Who You Are

You are not your job or your home life or your obligations. All the stresses and duties you have at home are at home. Not on vacation. So if you’re not the type of person to have a threesome or have a one night stand or pick up someone at a bar, who cares? You aren’t that person on vacation. Be that guy or girl you’ve always wanted to be.

Be Fearless

What do you care if someone slaps you for being too bold? What do you care if you get shot down? You’re on vacation? You’ll never see these people again! It’s not like you vacation in the place you live and work! That’s not much of a vacation. So you go somewhere new and exciting, and you go there for a reason. So go for it! Say and do things that you wouldn’t normally. That’s what a vacation is. An escape from reality. Own it. Embrace it.

Take Accountability

It’s your vacation. Ownership of it is on your shoulders. If you have fun or you don’t, if you have sex or you don’t, it is on you. You can’t control other people so having goals based on other people may not be so great but make sure you control things on your end and you can’t go wrong.

Can Sex Toys Spice Up Our Relationship?

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Sex toys are great for solo play, but can they make things better with your partner? Find out now!

Should I bring sex toys into our bedroom? I’m looking to spice up my sex life with my man, but I’m not sure how he’ll respond. I really want to try them. How do I work them in? (No pun intended.)

What She Said:

I’m going to cut right to the chase – Yes! Sex toys can add a new level of satisfaction for both you and your mate. There’s no shame in making them a part of your lovemaking.

Talk to your man first before introducing the toys of your (and his!) choice. Make sure the conversation takes place in a neutral zone – say the living room instead of the bedroom. It sounds like you’re slightly nervous about his response, so surprising him with a dildo between the sheets is definitely not the way to go!

Be Positive

It’s important to place emphasis on the positive. This is not personal. Let him know you love having sex with him and enjoy his lovemaking techniques. You don’t want to make him feel defensive or inadequate.

After you’ve established that you’re happy in the bedroom, let him know you’d like to add even more to the joy you two share. Have a catalogue (or website) marked with some ideas of things you’d like to try. Odds are he’ll be thrilled to help you explore. After all, the more aroused you are, the better it is for him too! Loving partners are usually open to growing and sharing – I have no doubt this will be the case here as well.

The final step is to go shopping together – either to your local sex store or online (Adam & Eve is great AND you can use Dan & Jennifer’s special offer code for 50% OFF almost any item and FREE shipping – offer code is DANJENN) and pick out your new pleasure seekers. Run home, wash ‘em off and go have fun!

What He Said:

Yeah, sex toys can help, If you can handle them. Not everyone is into that kind of thing. Many people are pretty vanilla out there. But everyone can get a little bit wilder, all they need is a little bit of encouragement. Just a gentle nudge in the right direction.

How Does Your Partner Feel About Sex Toys?

Notice I didn’t say a push or shove. This can’t just be your idea. This has to be his idea too. Get his input on the idea and see how he feels about certain toys and most importantly, try and find out what his specific turn ons or turn offs are and more importantly, why. Maybe he had a bad experience with a previous partner. Maybe he’s afraid he won’t be enough for you. Maybe he’s open to using them, but not shopping for them in public. Whatever the issue it can be overcome, but you have to find out what it is first.

After you do that, be very open to trying these things and be curious and non judgmental. Don’t be too attached to any one outcome. You’ll find one or more toys that you both will like, but it might take a little time to do so. And make sure to only nudge, never push.

Great Sex Tips To Spice Up Your Sex Life In The Bedroom

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Sex tips will undoubtedly make your lovemaking hotter – but these sex tips will set your bedroom on fire!

It appears I’m experiencing “the seven year itch.” I love my husband and all’s well at home – but I am bored in the bedroom. What’s the cure?

What She Said:

The cure is to get into the bedroom, pronto! Don’t delay. You have a lot of great things waiting for you as soon as you can break the boredom barrier. Some things that lie in store include a greater intimacy, a sense of play and lots of experimentation.

What you’re experiencing is completely normal, by the way. No couple can sustain the excitement and passion of the first months or years together. What comes in place of rip-your-clothes-off passion is a greater intimacy – physically, emotionally and spiritually. However, that doesn’t mean your love life has to grow stale.

Re-Introduce Foreplay

Let’s start with the advantages of a greater physical intimacy. Chances are that you know each other’s bodies like the back of your own hand.

You know the likes and dislikes, as well as the things that get each other off. While this is great information to have, there’s a danger in making sex perfunctory in order to expedite the end result, so to speak. The first step towards renewed sexual satisfaction? Stop taking the short cuts! Reintroduce foreplay, anticipation, role-play and time into your lovemaking. Experiment with toys. Check new positions of your list. Get some rubber sheets and whip cream. Whatever you do, make it fun!

Long Term Relationships Allow You To Really Up The Ante

Other benefits to a long-term relationship include the aforementioned expanded emotional and spiritual connections that can only come with time. Work that angle! Communicate with your mate about the need to spice things up. Make it a positive adventure. Don’t forget to take spirituality into the bedroom.

A torrid roll in the hay can be a blast; but so can fully appreciating the magnitude of the person you’re with for the long haul. Look into each other’s eyes. Tell one another what you love and appreciate about your mate. Soon that tenderness will translate into reignited passion.

What He Said:

It’s not rocket science. You guys are in a pattern. You need to break it. It’s that simple. Just sit down and identify the ways you guys do it. It’s probably the same every time, so this won’t take you very long. Resolve to never have sex like that again for the next thirty days. Then sit down and make a list of the things you’d like to do to each other or that you used to do to each other but stopped doing. Each of the next 30 days do one of those things. You can do more than one if you like, but you can’t do less.

New Sex Positions Could Be Key

Buy a book on sex positions. Go on vacation. Or just do it in a hotel in town while you have a sitter.

It doesn’t have to be a big production, though that’s cool too. You just need to do things a bit different and do so in a pressure free manner. Your boring sex life didn’t happen overnight. It was a gradual process so getting back to the hot and nasty sex you had when you first started dating may take a bit of time and effort. It’s worth it.