Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for loveandsex

Rough, Hard Sex – Is It A Fetish, Or Something More?

By

There are as many ways to have sex as there are people in the world – whether you enjoy slow, sensual intimacy with your partner or a little raunchy fun, sex is an incredible experience between two people. Many people enjoy rough, hard sex – is it just a fetish or something more?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love rough, hard sex.  I like to have it all the time!  Is this just a fetish or is there something wrong with me?

–Alyssa, New Jersey

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amgS6rWpSI8&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

What Goes On Behind Closed Doors?

What goes on in your bedroom – or living room or kitchen, for that matter – is your business as long as it is between two consenting adults and isn’t harming anyone. Most of the time sex – even the rough, hard kind – falls into this category but occasionally it doesn’t.

Make a mental checklist of what is going on between you and your partner when you have rough sex. Are both parties consenting adults? Is either party being hurt in some way? Usually, this is where some types of rough, hard sex cross the line.

Some people enjoy being hurt, but it’s important to look at the extent of it to decide how much is too much. Strangulation and asphyxiation are especially dangerous, as are things that would require either partner to seek a doctor’s attention afterwards.

If you like rough, hard sex, just make sure you’re being safe.

Is It A Fetish?

Typically, a fetish is an obsession with a single thing – such as shoes or bondage – but that doesn’t mean a liking for rough, hard sex is excluded. If you enjoy rough sex all the time, so much so that you avoid having any other type of sex, you might have a bit of a fetish.

That’s okay – as long as you’re not truly hurting someone or involving someone that doesn’t want to be involved. If your partner really enjoys rough sex and you do too, it can be a great way to connect in the bedroom.

If your partner enjoys rough, hard sex and you typically do not, that’s when it may cross the line.

Open Communication

If your partner likes hard sex and you don’t, make sure your partner knows this right away! You don’t have to submit yourself to sex that isn’t enjoyable to you and may be hurting you.

Chances are, your partner will be open to finding new ways of pleasing you and themselves without rough sex.

If feel that your partner might have a serious issue with rough sex, especially if they refuse to stop even after you’ve asked them to, it’s definitely going too far. If this is the case, consider the fact that you and your partner might not be a good match for each other.

Whether you enjoy rough, hard sex with your partner or prefer a softer side of your partner in the bedroom, just keep the lines of communication as open as you can.

Whether it’s coming up with a safety word that lets you both know it’s time to stop or simply letting your partner know you’re not really into the hard sex fetish, communication is the key to a healthy and happy sexual relationship.

Why Lube Is ESSENTIAL For Her To Orgasm

By

Lube. You’ve heard of it. You might have even used it. However, lube has gotten an infamous reputation for being needed only when either a) a man can’t get a woman turned on enough to get her wet (in which case he is a total dud) or b) a woman can’t get wet enough no matter how hard her partner tries (in which case there is something wrong with her).

Unfortunately, this common misconception about why additional lubrication is needed or useful during sex leads to couples choosing not to use lube and using saliva or nothing instead! This can be absolutely detrimental to a woman’s orgasm – as in, she won’t have one if she’s not lubricated enough.

Is There Something Wrong If She Can’t Get Wet Enough?

No. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your technique or her bodily functions if she’s not wet enough during sex. Some women just don’t produce a lot of natural fluids, while others produce copious, copious amounts and you might actually need a towel or two to mop it all up. Does this mean that a woman who produces more vaginal fluid is more turned on than the woman who is not? Hardly. The “wetter” woman persay may actually only be moderately turned on, while the girl who feels like her vagina is the Sahara could be on fire!

It is a myth that a woman’s production of vaginal fluids has a direct correlation with her level of arousal – there is some correlation there, yes. But not for every woman and not every time. So no, there’s nothing wrong with her. And there’s nothing wrong with your technique. Even if she’s as dry as a bone, she may really be digging what you’re doing. She just might be a girl who takes longer to produce fluid, or who doesn’t produce that much at all. No big deal if you’ve actually got some lube on hand.

What Lube Does For Her (And You) During Sex

When you use lube during sex, it provides a slicker, slipperier “work area” so to speak. Imagine sliding on a Slip N’ Slide that doesn’t have any water on it, or only has a little. You’re not going to get very far, are you? In fact, you might get plastic burn on your belly. Not cool, huh? The same goes for sex. Without adequate lubrication (her own or manufactured), it’s like a dry Slip N’ Slide. Turn the water on though, and you’re ready to have fun!

When you lube your girl up, everything feels better. Your tongue feels better, your penis feels better and it’s much, much easier for her to reach orgasm. Every sensation is heightened, whereas without a slippery surface to work with, she’s going to experience discomfort, chafing and pain. Her clitoris, for example, is going to be much more sensitive and responsive when it is lubricated than when you’re rubbing a dry finger or dry tongue over it. In fact, if you’re using a dry finger on her clit, get ready to be smacked! It hurts! A drop of lube really never hurt anyone. It is much, much more difficult for your lover to reach orgasm if she’s not adequately lubricated.

She can’t feel what you’re doing as well and she’s more likely to be experiencing discomfort than any kind of pleasure. If you’re too proud to use lube for the reasons that have already been disproven, you’re only fighting a losing battle and the only losers are you and your partner. Don’t forget that when she’s nice and wet, you’re going to benefit too! Every sensation is going to feel much better to you too – kind of like masturbating with lube! A dry hand isn’t all that awesome, but once you’ve got a buffer there, watch out! When she’s dripping wet, sex is going to feel even more amazing for you too.

Lube, Lube For Everyone!

There’s no reason not to use lube! No reason at all! Don’t think that water or spit works just as well, because frankly it doesn’t. It dries out way too fast and you’ll be in the middle of doing it when all of a sudden it’s like…well, the dry Slip N’ Slide again. Who turned off the hose? Do yourself (and your lover) a favor by keeping a few bottles of lube stashed wherever you like to have sex. Don’t get just one – get a few different kinds and experiment with them to find out what you like best.

Some people like thinner lubrication while others like more gel-like consistencies. Some people just can’t get enough of the smell of strawberries when they’re giving their lover oral sex. Lube is fun and it will help turn sex into something frustrating or plain old boring into something incredible!

3 Sex Positions For Deeper Penetration

By

Penetrating as deep as possible during sexual intercourse is a great way to connect emotionally and physically with your partner. Mixing sex positions that allow for deeper penetration with other pleasurable sex positions can definitely make your sex life even hotter than it was before! Try these positions if you want to go deep.

Doggy Style

Doggy style is probably the best sex position for going deep and stimulating the g-spot. It doesn’t allow for face to face contact with your partner, but if you want rough, deep and dirty sex, doggy style is the way to go. If you want to be closer to your partner while having sex (and still going deep) try some of the other positions below. Doggy style is usually fast and wild, so it’s great for a deeply penetrating quickie. While doggy style inevitably allows him to penetrate deeper, a woman can control the sensations by how she tilts her pelvis. Tilt your pelvis inward towards your stomach to cause the penetration to feel shallower, or arch your back and tilt your pelvis away from your stomach to make his penis go as deep as possible. Try experimenting with the way you position your pelvis so you can find out what feels best to you and your partner.

Not-Your-Boring-Missionary

Having sex with your partner missionary style is a great way to connect with them physically and emotionally, but if you’re looking for deeper penetration, you may be tempted to cross this sex position off your list. Think again! You can modify the missionary position to create the deepest penetration possible, while still being able to be eye to eye with your partner. When he’s on top, have him arch up a little so you can bring your legs back towards your stomach and hook your ankles on his shoulders. The more flexible you are, the closer he can lean in towards you – but if you’re not very flexible at all, don’t worry. The further his torso is away from you the less stretched your legs will be, but you will still be able to experience the difference in penetration depth between this modified missionary sex position and traditional missionary.

Woman On Top

One of the best things about the woman on top position is that she gets to control pretty much everything. The speed, depth and angle are all up to her and consequently, this often allows a woman to have an orgasm more easily than if the position were reversed and he were on top. If you’re on top and you want deeper penetration, have your partner spread his legs and bend his knees. This will allow you to push your pelvis down closer to his and allow your vagina to slide all the way down to the very base of his penis. This is also a great sex position for a female orgasm, because the closer your pelvis is to his the more friction will be created during sex and will allow you to stimulate your clitoris as well as your vagina. Experiment with different pelvic positions to find out which one feels the best to you and your partner and allows for the deepest penetration.

How To Play With HIS Nipples

By

Playing with a man’s nipples might seem like a very strange thing to do in the bedroom, but there are a lot of guys that love this. The nipple is a very common erogenous zone on the female and male body. Knowing how to properly kiss, touch and such on his nipples can be something that sets you apart from all of his past lovers. Much like other body parts, nipples come in different sizes and shapes. If your boyfriend or husband wants you to play with his nipples you need to know how to do it the right way. Here is a short guide to help you along.

Sensitivity In The Nipples

A man’s nipple is much like a woman’s. There are going to be varying degrees of sensitivity in his nipples that will affect the amount of pleasure and pain that he feels. When you are to use this during sex you need to know what kind of sensitivity he has and how you can use this to your advantage. Some guys are really into rough sex so making it hurt a little could be a turn on. When you are rubbing or sucking on his nipples, don’t be afraid to get a little rough. See how he reacts when you take this type of approach. Smaller nipples are going to be a little more sensitive than larger ones so make sure that you are careful if your guy has a smaller set.

Ask Him What He Likes

There is no greater way to find out what he likes than to actually ask what he likes. Asking your man how he likes his nipples to be played with might take a little of the mystery out of the equation, but you’re taking the shortest route to finding out what he likes and how you can really turn him. Ask him to get specific when he tells you. Guys might be a little nervous at first, but encourage him that you’re not going to judge what he likes. Some men find it a little effeminate to talk about getting their nipples played with, but creating a comfortable environment without judgment should bring him out of his shell. Taking the time to make him more comfortable with you and what he wants is going to bring you both closer together.

Nipple Biting

Biting can be a turn on but like everything in life, too much is never a good thing. If your guy wants you to bite on his nipples, make sure that you aren’t biting him to hard or it will not only send him running out of the room, it’s also going to give him a less than pleasurable experience. If you do decide that this something you’re going to do to him, gauge his expressions. Is he giving you looks of desire or does it look like you’re torturing him? Being able to tell when he’s really enjoying something is not very difficult. He will probably tell you when you’re not doing something right or will let out a shrill. Watch him while you bite and you will be able to get it just right.

Variety

Nobody likes the same moves over and over again. When you are playing with his nipples make sure that you are putting a lot of variety into it. Pull on his nipples for a little bit and then let go. Kiss him or give him oral sex and then come and suck on them. The last thing that you want to do is give monotony. Men who like to have their nipples played with are very open minded so keep this in the forefront of your process when you are trying to get him turned on. Once he is turned on you will be able to go much further with your nipple play.

Extremes

There are going to be guys out there that want you to go to the extreme with their nipples. Be careful with this. Some guys think that they want you to do things and then once they’re done they realize that it was a bad idea. If he says he wants it, make sure that you ease into any extremes. Playing with a guy’s nipples are one thing but biting hard, slapping or pinching hard can cause bleeding and damage to his body. Don’t go to the extreme unless your guy tells you it’s alright. It’s always good practice to have a safe word for when it’s too much for him to handle. 😉

Your Blowjob Questions – Answered!

By

Oral sex isn’t something every girl knows how to do. Most women have some things they need worked out. Here’s what you want to know about giving fellatio!

What If I Don’t Like The Taste Of Semen?

Many women are afraid to give their partners a blowjob because they’re afraid he will ejaculate in their mouths. Some girls are terrified of this simply because they’ve heard that semen tastes bad, or because they’ve actually tasted it before and didn’t like it. Either way, there are plenty of women out there that don’t like the taste of semen and either stop a blowjob well before their lovers are about to have an orgasm, or just don’t give head at all.

Not liking the taste of semen is no reason not to give your lover the gift of oral sex. If you do happen to bring him to orgasm with a blowjob, you don’t have to swallow, or even spit if you don’t want to. Make sure your guy lets you know when he’s getting close to the point of no return, so you can be prepared to finish him off with your hand. If you have lots of practice, you can also sense that he’s about to have an orgasm by the way his body begins to react to the stimulation.

When he’s about to blow his load, slide your mouth off of him and slide your hand on in one fluid motion and begin masturbating him until he’s finished with his climax. You can allow him to ejaculate anywhere you like – he may like to do so on your breasts or your face, or he may not even care if you hold a towel over his penis to avoid lots of clean up later. He may even want to finish off himself. To put it simply, there are lots of different ways to finish up the blowjob without having to get semen in your mouth.

How Can I Change The Taste Of His Semen?

Since many women are so grossed out by the taste of semen, it’s no surprise that they’re looking for ways to make their partners spunk taste better. Even if you don’t allow your lover to ejaculate in your mouth, the “pre-cum” that seeps out of the head of his penis while you’re stimulating him orally can taste just as bitter or just as chalky.

Fortunately, there are ways to change the taste of your partner’s semen, although it requires his full cooperation and it won’t happen overnight. If your lover’s ejaculate tastes really terrible, it’s likely due to what he’s eating or ingesting. Start by looking at toxins – cigarette smoking, drug usage or alcohol drinking. All of these things will make his semen taste fairly nasty, because the toxins in these products are leaving his body through his ejaculate.

Next, eliminate foods that are well known to cause gas, like cabbage and asparagus. These can make your partner’s semen taste bitter as well. To improve the taste, have him eat more fresh fruits or drink fruit juices. Fresh pineapple or pineapple juice is very popular, because it will sweeten the taste of his semen significantly with regular consumption.

If your lover starts leading a healthy life, eliminates toxin usage, eliminates eating processed junk food and cleans up his diet, as well as getting enough sleep and exercise, he’s going to have much better tasting semen because he’s taking care of himself and his body will begin to show it.

How Do I Keep From Biting Him?

Biting a man’s penis accidentally during oral sex is a very valid concern for both women giving a blowjob and men receiving one. Getting bitten or even lightly scraped by a woman’s teeth while getting a blowjob is the fastest way to completely ruin it and turn him off for the whole night – not to mention it’s the fastest way to cause pain and discomfort.

Although this is one of the biggest concerns with going down on a man, it’s also one of the easiest to avoid. Simply curl your lips in your mouth over your teeth, covering your teeth with the inside of your lips, top and bottom. When you move your mouth up and down over your lover’s shaft, he’ll actually be rubbing up against the outside of your lips and the skin there.

You can even use your lips to cushion him against your teeth so you can put more pressure on his penis, which many men really enjoy. This simple maneuver will keep you from hurting him while you’re sucking him off, a gesture he is sure to greatly appreciate.

How Do I Keep From Gagging?

Gagging is a common problem when it comes to going down on a guy, especially if he has a long penis or is particularly well endowed. A longer penis will bump up against the back of the throat and the gag reflex more easily than a shorter penis, making it more difficult for a woman to keep from gagging while she’s going down on her lover. If your partner has a smaller penis, you may not be as worried about this. However, if your lover makes you gag every time you give him head, even when you’re not deep throating, this can pose quite the predicament.

However, even if your man has a big penis, you don’t have to worry about gagging if you use certain techniques. You may not be able to fit your man’s entire penis in your mouth if he’s big, and if you try, you’ll likely stimulate your gag reflex. So don’t sweat it and use the hand-and-mouth technique. Place your hand at the base of your man’s penis and place your mouth over the top of it, with your mouth and hand touching each other in the middle of his shaft.

As you suck up and down on the top of his penis, your hand should be in sync, stroking the bottom of his shaft at the same time. You want your mouth and hand to go up and down at the same time, as if your hand were an extension of your mouth. This will stimulate his entire penis during the blowjob without you having to cram the entire thing down your throat, causing you to gag.

On the other hand, sometimes a woman will gag if her lover has a particularly strong smell down there. Ensuring that he keeps his pubic hair short and showers well right before oral sex can cut the smell down significantly, reducing the chance a woman will gag during oral sex because of the way his genitals smell.

What Is The Best Blowjob Position For Him?

A man might answer this question with the word “any,” and this is true to an extent. Most guys are going to prefer oral sex positions that allow him to see you lavishing attention on his genitals, but some guys like laying back, closing their eyes and relaxing while you go to work on them. Every guy is going to like something different! So in all honesty, the best oral sex position for him is the one that is best for you.

You need to be comfortable while going down on him, and if your neck is sore after two minutes or you’re cutting off the circulation to your hands because all of your weight is on your wrists, you’re not going to be able to go down on him for very long. Cutting a blowjob short because you’re uncomfortable is the pits for your man! Select an oral sex position that allows you to keep going for longer without getting uncomfortable as quickly (or at all if you can manage!) will make him happier, because you’ll actually be able to get into it as opposed to continuing to shift your weight around.

He’ll be able to tell you’re uncomfortable and he’ll know instantly that you’re not as into it. He won’t care what position you choose if it’s one you can throw caution to the wind in and really go to town on him.