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Is It Okay to Have Anal Sex Without Lube?

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Anal sex, when done correctly, can be a source of pleasure for both men and women. It can break the sense of what is “taboo” and help spice up your sex life as well as giving both you and your partner new and exciting sensations.

However, if done incorrectly, anal sex can cause damage and infection. Without proper lubrication, you and your partner can get into some serious trouble with anal sex!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a sadist, and my girlfriend is a masochist. We both agreed that we wanted to have anal sex without lube.

My fear is that I could cause serious damage that way, because as you stated in a previous segment about anal sex, it’s not meant to be an in-hole and it doesn’t lubricate itself. So, is it possible to have anal sex without lube and not cause serious damage? Or is that just an impossible fantasy?

–Anonymous, California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G80U_9ZCOGg[/youtube]

Tearing The Membranes

Anal sex is somewhat difficult to begin with, especially for the inexperienced. When having anal sex, it is extremely important to use lots of lubrication to make sure there is no friction. Keep in mind that the anal cavity is quite unlike the vagina. It doesn’t self lubricate like the vagina does.

Without external lubrication, the friction between the penis and the anal cavity can cause tearing. The rectum itself could easily tear, as well as the inner membranes of the lower intestine.

Remember, the anal cavity wasn’t built for sex! It was made for the expulsion of waste. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it though, if you take the proper precautions.

For example, the mouth was designed for eating but that generally doesn’t stop people from having oral sex. With oral sex though, people take the proper precautions and make sure they don’t choke their partner with their penis.

Anal sex is similar, but there are a few more precautions to take. Using lots of lube helps keep the penis and anal cavity moist so there is little to no tearing. Remember to go slow when having anal sex and if it hurts too much, stop!

Infection

Tearing the anal membranes is of special concern because the anal cavity is filled with lots of unfriendly bacteria. In the event of an injury, the bacteria will go straight to the wound and severely impede healing.

Just imagine rubbing feces into a cut on your arm. You wouldn’t want to do that, would you? It’s the same concept with anal injuries. You don’t want them if you can help it.

The bacteria from feces can keep the wound from healing properly and it can also cause infection. If the tear is in the right place and big enough, it can cause fecal matter to leak into your abdominal cavity, causing serious health issues and possibly requiring surgery. Anal sex isn’t something you take lightly!

Take Proper Precautions

If you plan on having anal sex, use every precaution you can. Always use plenty of lubrication and you can protect yourself even further by having your partner wear a condom.

Never insert a penis or other object into a vagina after it has been inserted into the anal cavity without washing it thoroughly. Wash your hands and all toys or other body parts involved in hot, soapy water after you’re finished.

Be careful, and go slow at first, especially if you’re inexperienced. It might be a good idea to come up with a “code word” that means stop, in the event that you’re experiencing too much pain. Never force anal sex! If you are safe and smart, anal sex can become a pleasurable addition to your sex repertoire. If done incorrectly, anal sex can cause you a lot of damage, money and health problems.

It’s always better to be safe and smart!

In Love and Dating… Does Our Age Difference Really Matter?

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In the day in age where celebrity couples and other couples are dating even though they’re five or even ten years apart in age, it can lead many people to believe that age doesn’t matter when dating or getting married.

In truth, it does matter but it matters less and less as you get older. Should you let age be a factor during dating?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Does age difference really affect relationships? My partner and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. My parents are determined it won’t work because of our ages. We’re 4 years apart but I’m under 18 and he is 19. We have been through so much and we both still believe we can make this work and we’re planning to get married as soon as possible. So is this a waste of time for us or is it possible?

–Corie, Virginia

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYkS-oUF5lU[/youtube]

How Young Is Too Young?

First, let’s take a look at how young “too young” might be. For example, if you have a 15 year old person and an 18 or even 19 year old person, you’re asking for trouble. Although the four year age difference isn’t much when you look at a couple that is 50 and 54 years old, a four year age gap when you’re that young really seems like a bigger age gap than it really is.

Sexually speaking, if these partners are sexually active, you bring in a whole new element to the equation. Statutory rape charges can be filed at that point and one or both partners can end up in more trouble than they’d like to be in. Even a two year age gap at that stage can make a big difference, for example, if one partner is 17 and the other is 19.

Once both partners become “of age” or turn 18, age differences begin to matter less and less as you age. While an age difference between an 18 year old and a 26 year old might seem like a big deal, the age difference between a 41 year old and a 49 year old doesn’t seem bad at all.

When you’re young, be aware of statutory rape laws and other laws and make sure your relationships abide by them. Keep in mind that even once you turn 18, a huge age gap still makes a difference until you get a little older.

Slowing Down

Regardless of your age difference, if you’re young you might want to rethink rushing into a relationship and especially rushing into a marriage. Right now is the time to really figure out who you are and focus on yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t date or have a relationship, but trying to take a plunge into a serious relationship or even a marriage might be more than you want to take on right now.

Sadly, you won’t really realize it until it’s too late, when your responsibilities are overwhelming you. Take some time right now to really enjoy your life and figure out what you want to do with it. Focus on school or your career and let your dating relationships be a source of enjoyment to you, not a source of responsibility.

Let’s take one last look at why age differences seem to matter more when you’re young and why they matter less when you’re older. In past centuries, women were married off when they were very young, as young as thirteen, to much, much older men.

As society grew and developed, this became less of an accepted practice. Laws were created so that 18 was the accepted age where someone becomes an adult, and that sex is illegal unless it is between two consenting adults. If your relationship goes outside those boundaries, you might want to rethink it.

Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships Without Even Knowing It?

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Have you ever noticed yourself falling into an ever familiar pattern of self sabotage shortly after entering into a new relationship?
Self sabotage can take many forms such as engaging in addictive behaviors (i.e. drugs, alcohol, pornography, work , etc), engaging in affairs, withdrawing emotionally, becoming irresponsible with financial matters or personal hygiene, regressing into child like behaviors where you are unconsciously asking your partner to take care of you or rescue you, etc.

Self Sabotaging Behaviors

Of course, such behaviors can only be tolerated for so long even by the most caring and loving of partners before things become unstuck and everything falls apart.

The self sabotaging partner will then feel initial pangs of grief and sadness but there may also be deeper feelings of relief as well. Why is this?

Well, largely because the self sabotaging behaviors are sourced from deep emotional hurts that the individual carries within them either from earlier relationships, and more often from early childhood familial traumas.

These emotional hurts often make the individual feel unworthy, lacking self esteem and self confidence, defective or deficient in some way (i.e. the “there’s something wrong with me” feeling), afraid of being found out by others (especially their partner), incapable of sustaining a healthy relationship for any length of time and generally fragile and anxious.

It’s Really Just a Facade

So although this person desires to be in a relationship, being fully known to their partner entails the great risk of being rejected hence they supposedly feel more in control when they themselves initiate the demise of the relationship through self sabotage.

Behaviors that supposedly compensate for such inner feelings of hurt and allow the individual to “appear together” when they first meet a new partner. However such a facade is in place to unconsciously seduce the partner into a relationship so that they can begin to fulfill a hidden unconsciously held agenda.

The facade is needed because deep down the self sabotaging partner does not believe that they are genuinely lovable.

The hidden agenda is about allowing the “handicapped” partner get the care, soothing and love they need to feel whole and OK about themselves. Unfortunately this not what was bargained for by the relatively more healthy partner and so when it becomes apparent that they have been deceived the relationship begins to falter.

So How Can This Be Remedied?

Well, in my view the only way to effect any real and rapid change in this situation is to help the self sabotaging partner release their emotional pain once and for all from within.

As a former psychiatrist it was my experience that psychotherapy cannot do this. It was this awareness that led me to develop an entirely new and revolutionary approach that goes beyond what most therapists call “therapy”.

This new approach, called the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP),  is a process that helps to effectively clear the “hard drive” of your unconscious of any old traumatic memory that is holding you back in your life. The process is such that when the memories are released old negative self sabotaging behaviors associated with them also spontaneously dissolve without any extra effort on your part.

This releases one and helps to build self worth, self confidence, self esteem, a feeling of OK’ness about one’s self, boosts energy, healthy and leads to healthy relationships.

eXtreme Sex Ed: I Feel Like I Have To Pee During Oral Sex!

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Feeling like you have to urinate during oral sex, or any other type of sexual activity, can be quite unnerving the first time it happens. If it happens often, you might become even more confused or be tempted to avoid oral sex all together.

Is it normal to feel like you have to urinate during oral sex or other sexual activity? What can you do about it so you can enjoy your partner?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m relatively new at this whole sex thing. I grew up a pastor’s kid…. Anyways, I’m married now, and there are problems. I’ve got tons of questions but no one to ask. Questions that can’t be answered by books. Is it normal to feel like peeing when a person does oral on you? I kind of squirm, cause it feels like I want to pee, and I would be mortified if that happened. So I avoid it all together, which is a shame cause I’d like to know how it truly feels…

–Scarlett, NJ

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPq3_2ADKwI[/youtube]

The Whole Package

Your genitals actually come in a whole package. The muscles, nerve endings and organs all work together to help you to urinate, achieve orgasm and have sexual intercourse or other sexual activity.

Some of the muscles and nerve endings do two different things. The same muscles that contract while you urinate are also the same muscles that spasm during orgasm.

It’s only natural to consider that sometimes your body might get a little confused. You’re experiencing sexual pleasure and the muscles that are getting ready to spasm during an orgasm might actually make you feel like you have to urinate instead. This is totally normal and it actually happens to both women and men.

Although it’s perfectly normal to feel like you have to urinate during oral sex or other sexual activity, that doesn’t make it any less frustrating or confusing when it happens.

Prevention is Key

If you feel like you have to urinate during oral sex, does that mean you actually do have to urinate? Probably not, but it is certainly possible. If you find yourself feeling like you have to urinate during sexual pleasure, try to preempt yourself by using the restroom before you and your partner get busy.

This can help reduce or eliminate the feeling of having to urinate once you and your partner start pleasuring each other. If you feel the need to urinate during oral sex, feel free to stop your partner and let them know that you need to use the restroom.

You can incorporate it into your sex play by suggesting a hop in the shower with a nice soapy massage or you can just do your business and continue afterwards. It’s up to you based on how comfortable you feel with your partner at the time.

If It Happens

Although it probably won’t happen, if you do urinate a little during oral sex or other sexual stimulation, it’s really not a big deal. Most likely it will be a tiny, tiny amount and your partner may not actually notice it if you have other secretions going on as well. If your partner does notice, relax a little bit!

You’re not the only one it’s ever happened to and it might be good for a laugh later. There’s no need to avoid sexual pleasure, oral sex or other types of sexual activity because you’re afraid of urinating during the process.

When experiencing sexual pleasure in general, it’s likely that your body is going to do many different things, some of which might be considered embarrassing or uncomfortable.

You may pass gas or you may feel the need to urinate. Relax a little and chalk it up to the human body. Learn to accept your body, and your partner’s, and everything that comes with it.

MILF Fantasy – Should I Have Sex With My Ex’s Mom?

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When it comes to dating, finding the opportunity to make your move can be intimidating and frustrating. Fortunately, sometimes the universe smiles in your favor and gives you a golden opportunity.

What if you don’t take it, only to realize later on that you wished you would have taken it? Have you lost the opportunity forever?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6-MrWG1M_c[/youtube]

Realizing It Too Late

Whether you were at a dinner party where your prospective partner had a little too much wine and let you give them a massage, or whether you’re in a dark theater and their hand gently caresses yours, a golden opportunity is what it is. It’s the perfect time to make your move and see what happens and where it goes.

If you find that you’ve only noticed this opportunity after the opportunity has already passed, you may be feeling angry at yourself for missing it or realizing it too late. You’re not alone!

Plenty of people miss great opportunities in the dating world, although that might not make it any easier for you to cope with an opportunity missed. The question then becomes, have you totally blown it?

Recreating The Chance

Sometimes when you miss a chance to get with someone, you have a chance to recreate the opportunity and try again. While this doesn’t always happen, you can try. Think about how to recreate what happened when you missed your “golden opportunity.”

Did it happen at the movie theater? Invite your prospective date to another movie. Do what you can to recreate the mood and ambiance of your opportunity.

You Might Have Missed Out

Recreating your missed opportunity might be a good idea, but it doesn’t always work and you should realize that before giving it a go. Many times, people make decisions that they wish they hadn’t later. For example, that great massage after the dinner party might have been something that person regretted or wished hadn’t happened.

They might be grateful it didn’t go any farther than that. Be prepared to find out that your missed opportunity happened only because of a lapse in judgment.

Picking Up The Spare

Being successful in recreating your golden opportunity can feel a bit like picking up the spare in bowling. Consider that your potential partner may have opened up the opportunity the first time because they like you. It is certainly possible.

If this is the case, they might be disappointed that you didn’t take them up on it, but they could still be open to taking it further if you pursue making a move of your own. If this is the case, you’ll likely be more successful in recreating your opportunity and nabbing a date or a kiss.

If this should happen, you can easily explain to your date that you didn’t realize the opportunity was knocking the first time around but you’re definitely into them and want to take it further.

No matter which way you go about it, you’re going to have to accept the fact that you might have blown it. Then again, you might not have. The only way to find out is to try again. Recreate your opportunity and see what happens. You might be surprised!