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Gasp! Do People Actually Have Oral Sex?

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Everyone has their own sexual preferences, whether it’s plain old missionary position, lights off, oral sex, anal sex (gasp!), or any one of dozens of exotic sexual activities.

Of course, nobody thinks of what they like as a weird fetish. No, what they like is always “OK” and “mainstream”. Then we hear about someone doing something just a little more weird, just a little different from what we’re comfortable with, and suddenly it’s a “kinky fetish”.

Here’s a question from a man in Georgia, who’s absolutely shocked to have discovered that some people seem to actually enjoy oral sex. Is it blasphemy, or has he just been missing out?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Do people really perform oral sex? Seems disgusting to me. Is it rare, or do couples regularly do it? I never thought of such a thing until I got on the Internet. It was never discussed in my circle of friends.

— Harold, GA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRbhd-VHwog[/youtube]

Do Regular People Actually Engage in Oral Sex?

Absolutely. There are people out there who enjoy every type of fetish and exotic sexual activity imaginable. From enjoying oral sex, to relishing anal sex, to threesomes and swinging, and other fetishes you’ve never even imagined.

And of course there are people who want absolutely no part of any of these activities. They are content with missionary position on the third Thursday of every month, give or take a week. 🙂

There are even some people out there who consider sex without the specific objective of making a baby to be a sin!

The Most Important Rule for Sexual Fantasies and Fetishes

Most importantly, figure out what you like to do, and find someone who likes to do these things with you. And then have fun, lots of it…

This is a private agreement between the two of you. Don’t focus on what other people do or say, unless you’re looking for other things to try with your partner. Also, don’t try to force something on your partner that they are not comfortable with. This is about making each other happy, not forcing your ideas on your partner. Especially with oral sex, if you do it right, I think your partner will come around. Yes, the pun was intended!

How to Become an Expert at Giving Oral

Remember. Just because women aren’t very vocal about requesting oral sex, doesn’t mean they don’t like it and WANT IT.

Two of our most popular articles in recent months have focused exclusively on pleasing your lady with oral sex. These are the Female Orgasm Black Book review, and a review of well known romance expert Michael Webb’s excellent guide called “Lick by Lick”. If you haven’t seen these already, go check them out.

Men shouldn’t feel left out though. If you’re looking for a guide to buy for your lady friend, get her a copy of Michael Webb’s just released “Blow By Blow” – a guide to pleasing the man in your life. Yeah, you read that title right, and that’s what it’s about. Don’t blush, you know you either like it or would like to try it. 🙂

How Well Do You REALLY Know Your Partner? 1000 ‘Must Ask’ Questions for Couples

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How compatible are you really with your partner? Down deep, where it really counts?

How would you know? Just because you like the same types of foods and pets certainly does NOT mean you’ll have a happy, blissful, long-term relationship.

Do you know why your mate does or doesn’t attend church? Do you really? Do you know how they really think about the way you dress? Have you ever asked your partner what are the three most sensitive parts on their body? Thinking you know doesn’t make you right.

Does it really matter what your partner thinks about sex, religion, careers, household work, money and the future? ABSOLUTELY! Even if you are one of the lucky FEW who will never argue about these topics (like most people do), core differences like these can cause many, many issues in a relationship.

Love and a strong relationship can indeed conquer anything, but you have to know what you’re facing and what you’re really dealing with.

Don’t fly blind – find out where you stand.

Learn how to listen! Sit down, ask, and LISTEN to what you partner really feels.

Here’s our review of Oprah Love Expert, Michael Webb’s excellent book, 1000 Questions for Couples.

In 1000 Questions for Couples, Michael asserts that “An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions”. Wow!

Fact is, a lot fewer couples would get divorced (or even marry each other in the first place) if they actually knew each other well enough before they got married. Married couples could cut down on a lot of their clashes if they simply knew more about their partner’s thoughts, beliefs and emotions.

Do married couples really need to bother with asking each other questions like these?

Absolutely. Not to mention the obvious point – showing your partner that you care enough to take time to get to know them EVEN BETTER (no matter how long you’ve been together) is sure to bring you closer. And that’s always a good thing.

While most of the questions in 1000 Questions for Couples apply to couples that are in their first months together, an amazing 700 of the questions are critical to married couples as well.

So many times a secret from one partner’s past comes out and you hear the question “how could you have not told me about that?”. The usual answer is “you didn’t ask”.

Amazing, isn’t it. And it can really be that simple…

Fact is, most couples are honest with each other, they just don’t take the time to actually get to know their partner, to actually ask each other about their past, their feelings, their convictions. 

The best way to get to really know someone is to ASK!

Here are the key relationship areas where you’ll now have great questions to ask…

  • Personality, Feelings & Emotions
  • Sex
  • Morals, Convictions and Beliefs
  • Religion & Spiritual Matters
  • Relationships, Past & Present
  • Favorites
  • Pets
  • Attractions
  • Health, Food & Well Being
  • Vacations
  • Car & Driver
  • Holidays & Celebrations
  • Home & Home Life
  • Past & Future
  • Hobbies & Entertainment
  • Love, Romance & Date Nights
  • Friends & Family
  • Communication
  • Career and Education
  • Money
  • Children & Child Rearing
  • Wedding & Honeymoon 

Michael Webb recommends trying doing this as a fun activity with your partner. Get creative, make it into something enjoyable, and you’ll get a LOT more out of it.

Make it a fun date and treat your partner!

Set aside an evening every few weeks to stay in and get to know each other more intimately. Set a romantic atmosphere… red wine, candles, just the two of you. And get to know each other better, on a deeper level. Choose a couple of the more probing questions and have fun revealing secrets to each other… getting closer.

How about an intimate, daily ritual for one special week? 

Have fun with this! Here’s an idea. For a week, spend a few quiet, intimate minutes every evening and ask each other any two or three questions you’ve picked that day.

You’ll be amazed how much you can learn about someone you’ve spent months or even years with – if you just take the time and care enough to ask!

So what CAN you possibly ask someone you’ve been with for months or even years? 

Here’s a hint… go through the book and pick a question or two from each category that jumps out at you. You’ll be surprised how much that gets you thinking, and how easy it is.

Whatever you do, have fun with it, and don’t make it a chore. Show your partner you care and truly do want to get to know them better, and become even closer – and enjoy the process!

Summary: 

While we really love this book, there was one major problem with 1000 Questions for Couples… the sheer number of questions! Wow, 1000 of them! Where the heck do you start? Can you actually get anything useful out of this and not get totally lost? It can be a little overwhelming at first.

But we’ve got good news… Michael tells you exactly which few critical questions to start off with, so you don’t get lost – and most importantly – so you don’t get off on the wrong foot and come off like you’re grilling your special someone instead of just trying to get to know them better.

Overall we highly recommend this book.

Get your copy right now before you get busy and forget. Surprise your partner with something they’ll never expect – a true willingness to get to know them better and become more close and intimate.

While you’re at it, you’ll definitely want to check out Michael’s other terrific resources below. 

Don’t put it off.

You’ll kick yourself if you don’t get 1000 Questions for Couples today.

Danger! Is Too Much Sex With Your Wife Bad for Your Health?

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Having hot, passionate sex with someone you love is a wonderful experience, certainly more fulfilling than sex with someone you barely know.

And having lots of sex and erotic adventures with your partner is usually a really good thing. But how much is too much?

Here’s a question from a man in India, who’s happy to be having a lot of sex with his own wife. But he’s worried what might happen if they have TOO MUCH sex!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How much sex can I have in a month with my wife? If I have more, will it be bad for my health?

— Sorri, India

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szBKMTkr1x4[/youtube]

Is Too Much Sex Bad for Your Health?

The biggest question is – what do YOU consider to be “too much” sex? Some people can’t conceive of having too much sex, and many people (men especially) tend to always be looking for ways to have more of it.

Aside from sheer exhaustion and maybe the occasional soreness, we’ve never heard of any real problems resulting from too much sex.

Sexual Health Warning!

Just like starting any other vigorous exercise program, you should always consult your physician first. And if you feel any pain or discomfort, stop all “exercise” immediately and consult your physician!

Wait. Can More Sex Actually Be GOOD for You?

A great article from Forbes points out some amazing benefits of actually having frequent sex, and enjoying it!

  • Improved sense of smell: After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges. This in turn causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s olfactory bulb, its smell center.
  • Reduced risk of heart disease: In a 2001 study, researchers found that by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half.
  • Weight loss, overall fitness: Sex, if nothing else, is exercise. A vigorous bout burns some 200 calories–about the same as running 15 minutes on a treadmill or playing a spirited game of squash. The pulse rate, in a person aroused, rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same as that of an athlete putting forth maximum effort. British researchers have determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times a week for a year. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles. Men’s Health magazine has gone so far as to call the bed the single greatest piece of exercise equipment ever invented.
  • Reduced depression: Such was the implication of a 2002 study of 293 women. American psychologist Gordon Gallup reported that sexually active participants whose male partners did not use condoms were less subject to depression than those whose partners did. One theory of causality: Prostoglandin, a hormone found only in semen, may be absorbed in the female genital tract, thus modulating female hormones.
  • Pain-relief: Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge to five times their normal level. This in turn releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headache to arthritis to even migraine. In women, sex also prompts production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS.
  • Less-frequent colds and flu: Wilkes University in Pennsylvania says individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30% higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, which is known to boost the immune system.
  • Better bladder control: Heard of Kegel exercises? You do them, whether you know it or not, every time you stem your flow of urine. The same set of muscles is worked during sex.
  • Better teeth: Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay. Since this is a family Web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system. Suffice it to say that it could be a far richer, more complex and more satisfying experience than squeezing a tube of Crest–even Tartar Control Crest.
  • A happier prostate? Some urologists believe they see a relationship between infrequency of ejaculation and cancer of the prostate. The causal argument goes like this: To produce seminal fluid, the prostate and the seminal vesicles take such substances from the blood as zinc, citric acid and potassium, then concentrate them up to 600 times. Any carcinogens present in the blood likewise would be concentrated. Rather than have concentrated carcinogens hanging around causing trouble, it’s better to evict them. Regular old sex could do the job. But if the flushing of the prostate were your only objective, masturbation might be a better way to go, especially for the non-monogamous male. Having sex with multiple partners can, all by itself, raise a man’s risk of cancer by up to 40%. That’s because he runs an increased risk of contracting sexual infections. So, if you want the all the purported benefits of flushing with none of the attendant risk, go digital. A study recently published by the British Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week.

OK, so how about getting a firm grip on your health? Find someone who likes to play the way you do and have fun – lots of it!

Emotional Competency Builds Healthy Passionate Relationships

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Explore the Logic of Passion 

Emotions are the primal bonds of our relationships. They are authentic, immediate, intimate, passionate, and memorable. They provide a window into another’s most genuine thoughts and feelings while they reveal our own true selves.

Emotions are colorful, dramatic, fascinating, and essential dimensions of every person’s experience. These primitive mechanisms send a constant stream of powerful signals that can guide us along the difficult path of survival, or quickly send us off on destructive and painful tangents.

How well do you understand these essential and universal signals?

Many believe that living life to its fullest requires experiencing and enjoying the full range of human emotions. Yet so many of us are uncomfortable with emotions; we don’t recognize what they are, what they are telling us, how they can be helpful, or the choices we have in how to respond to them. Many of us were taught to ignore, suppress, diminish, or deny our own subtle feelings and vivid passions. Do you know how you feel? What emotions can you recognize and describe? We may have mistakenly learned to overreact to various negative emotions while suppressing positive ones. Unfortunately some of us are prisoners of anger, hate, guilt, sadness, fear, anxiety, shame, humiliation, envy, pain, and violence without understanding what has consumed so much of our lives. Others endure a lonely and sterile existence without experiencing genuine feelings or passionate emotions.

The Emotional Competency website helps people explore the logic of passion. The site is dedicated to developing the essential social skills to recognize, interpret, and respond constructively to emotions in yourself and others. It features an in-depth description and discussion of twenty-four distinct emotions.

Emotional competency is an important skill that can provide several benefits throughout many aspects of your life. It can increase your satisfaction with relationships while it increases your gratification and contentment with the many interpersonal events in your life. It can give you greater insight and help you better understand the motives and actions of yourself and others. You can begin to free yourself from anger, hate, resentment, vengeance, and other destructive emotions that cause hurt and pain. You can feel relief and enjoy greater peace-of-mind, autonomy, intimacy, dignity, and wisdom as you engage more deeply with others. Increasing your tolerance and compassion can lead to an authentic optimism and a well-founded confidence, based on your better understanding and interpretation of what-is.

On the Emotional Competency website, you’ll find:

Why not improve your emotional competency and the strength of your relationships? This is a great resource that’s definitely worth checking out…

Help! My Husband is Addicted to Porn!

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OK, fine… We all have different views on pornography and sexually explicit movies and pictures.

Some people take a firm stand against porn, while others use porn and erotic movies to enhance and spice up their sex lives.

And these days, internet pornography is easily accessible to those interested, and it’s very easy to hide from those who are against it. No more hiding magazines under your bed…

This has been the topic of many heated discussions between couples and family members for generations, and the sparks are really starting to fly.

Here’s a question from Serena in Illinois. She found internet porn on her boyfriend’s computer and is furious with him!

Dear Dan and Jennifer, My husband of 5 years has always seemed like an honest person. But I recently found internet porn on my computer. When I asked him about it he lied – of course.

He knows I’m dead set against Porn. It made me feel disgusting both inside and out. I told him that if that’s what he needs then I’m gone because I can’t and won’t live like that. He swears to never do it again.

Is he being truthful? Plus if he knew I was against it why would he still do it? It made me feel like I’m not good enough for him. Did I do something wrong for this to take place? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

–Serena

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37d8MaPOH2A[/youtube]

Why is Porn Wrong?

So why do so many feel that it’s wrong to view pornography? I feel that it’s largely due to the social stigma around sex that exists in our society today. Sex is portrayed as evil and wrong, which is just silly if you actually think about it.

Sex is not evil, so why is it wrong to watch others have sex? It’s very interesting that it’s OK for our kids to see incredible amounts of violence, but seeing even a breast is horrible. OMG! Don’t believe me? Check out cartoon network and then pay attention to what can and cannot be shown in a G-rated or PG-rated movie. This to me is what’s really scary!

Fighting, violence, and blood are acceptable for our children, but sex is not. That’s just messed up!

Trying to Control Your Partner

If you’re in a partnership and your significant other enjoys porn but you can’t stand it, what do you do?

Ask yourself what it is that you don’t like about pornography. Why is it disgusting or unacceptable to watch a sexual act? What’s really wrong with nudity?

Once you’ve got a true understanding in your own head, only then can you have an intelligent discussion with your partner. Yelling and ultimatums never work.

And put away that ugly jealousy monster. Just because your partner enjoys pornography does not mean that he or she does not find you attractive, or is going to leave you for someone else.

In fact, why not try watching with them to get an idea of what they enjoy. It could actually make your sex life even better.

Next…

How about accepting your partner for who they are and letting them enjoy themselves as long as it doesn’t turn into a true addiction. Excessive need for anything is not healthy, whether it is chocolate donuts or nudity.

Love is not about controlling our partners and bringing them around to our way of thinking. There are some things that you’ll differ on. In this case you may simply need to agree to disagree.

Why Ultimatums Never Work

“It’s X or me! Pick one!”

How many times have we heard, or said, this to someone? What actually happens when you say this is that you close the door for open an honest communication. Your partner now feels that they cannot be honest with you for fear of retribution, and that begins a downward spiral to destroying a relationship. In most cases, this person will get angry and defensive, and sometimes they’ll just storm out of the room. And guess what, they’re probably going to go behind your back and do it any way.

If you feel that there is a really an issue with addiction, then counseling or other professional help may be the answer, but ultimatums rarely work.

If you do choose to make and ultimatum, then you’d better be prepared to back it up, and possibly to lose your relationship. Ask yourself… is it really worth it?