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Threesomes As An Alternative Approach to Marriage Therapy?

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Many times, after about six or seven years of a relationship or marriage, the sex life tends to dwindle.

As time goes on, the sex life continues to dwindle and sex with your partner becomes routine.

Your interest in sex with your partner may lessen, but this doesn’t mean that you love your partner less or your relationship is doomed. It just means your relationship has progressed naturally!

Can having a threesome bring the spice back into your partnership?

You had mentioned the other day that some therapists actually recommend bringing

a third person into the bedroom to spice up your sex life. Please explain…

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Threesomes aren’t for everyone.

It’s true. Bringing another person or another couple into your sex lives can be fun and enjoyable and ramp up your sex lives. It’s also true that having a threesome or swinging isn’t for every couple. Only you and your partner can decide whether incorporating other people into your sex lives is the right choice for you. How do you know?

  • You and your partner are happy with each other in every other aspect of your relationship
  • You and your partner aren’t the jealous type
  • You are secure in your relationship with this person and have no self esteem issues
  • You and your partner have talked the situation over . . . and over, and over and over.

After talking to your partner about having a threesome or swinging, if you feel it’s the right decision, go for it! Work out who you think the third person or couple should be and talk to them. Go over what you feel is right and what you’re comfortable with and what actions are considered out of bounds.  Then have fun!

Playing it safe.

When you’re in a monogamous relationship, you generally don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases. If you’ve been in a relationship for quite awhile, it can be difficult to remember safety when making the switch to incorporating sex with another person or couple.

If you are going to have sexual relations with another person, it’s important to take safety precautions so you can keep both you and your partner free of sexually transmitted diseases. Getting tested is the only sure way to make sure neither party has any STD’s but if that’s not an option; you can use other methods as well.

Use condoms when having oral sex or intercourse and use dental dams when performing oral sex on a woman.  To be extra safe, you can even use latex gloves or finger cots if you plan to be using your hands at all.

Having a threesome or incorporating another couple into your sex life isn’t something everyone should do. It’s a decision that must be made carefully by all parties that will be involved. The most important thing you can do other than being safe is to talk to your partner and talk to everyone that is going to be involved.

Make sure everyone is comfortable with the situation and make sure the boundaries are clear and known by everyone. If you’re not comfortable having a threesome or swinging, it doesn’t mean your sex life is doomed forever. You can incorporate lots of other new things, such as sex toys or role-playing. Find out what turns you and your partner on and have at it, as long as no one is getting hurt (too much!)

I Like Watching Porn… What’s The Big Deal?

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Pornography has been around for hundreds and possibly even thousands of years.

There are different levels of pornography, from the mild romance novel to the hardcore BDSM movie.

Pornography also spans across different cultures, and some cultures are more accepting than others.

Many people may ask whether watching porn is wrong or if it shouldn’t be done, but the answer isn’t a clean cut “yes” or “no.”

Is it wrong to watch pornography?

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What’s Wrong To You Isn’t Wrong To Me

Every culture, every country and every person has different views and beliefs about what is wrong and what isn’t. Therefore, when trying to determine whether watching pornography is “wrong” or not, you can’t simply abide by one set of beliefs because there is likely ten thousand other sets of beliefs who believe differently.

For example, there are some sects of strict Baptists and other religions who believe that dancing is downright wrong, while many other religions and cultures feel that dancing is just fine and still others that embrace it. Some people consider pornography to be “dirty” and therefore they feel that watching it is “wrong” but others find it completely acceptable.

How does watching pornography make you feel? How does that coincide with your religious and moral beliefs? Are you comfortable with mild, soft core pornography but not the more hardcore style films?

Really analyze and think about how you yourself feel about pornography, and decide what is right for you. Then, try your best not to impose your beliefs on someone else because realistically, they probably have an altogether different set of morals and beliefs.

My Partner Is Addicted To Porn

Perhaps you don’t approve of pornography, or it just doesn’t do anything for you. Your partner, however, might really like watching pornography and does so regularly. You might feel your partner is addicted to porn, when in reality they’re probably not.

How can you tell if it goes too far? If your sex life is becoming dull or non-existent in favor of pornography, you might have a problem on your hands. Does your partner miss work to watch porn, or skip family meals to do so?

If your partner seems to be watching pornography more than he or she is doing anything else, you might want to seek counseling. If they’re just watching it say on a Saturday night when you’ve gone up to bed early, there’s really nothing wrong with it.

If it truly bothers you, try being open and honest with your partner about how it affects you. Together you and your partner can find a compromise. If you or your partner refuses to budge about the situation, think long and hard about what steps you want to take next. You can’t change someone, you can only change how you react to what they do.

That said, if you find watching pornography uncomfortable or it just doesn’t do anything for you, join the thousands of other people who feel the same way you do. Just remember, not everyone feels the way you do, even if you feel that watching pornography is perfectly normal.

Don’t force your beliefs on anyone else and if you’re with someone who feels a different way about pornography than you do, take time to talk it out with them and reach a middle ground. Relax a little and go with the flow – everybody’s different!

Are My Sexual Fetishes And Kinky Fantasies Bad?

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Almost everyone has a sexual fetish or fantasy of some kind, but many people don’t like to admit it.

Society has put sort of a damper on being open and honest about what turns us on sexually, however, most of it is healthy and even natural.

Most fetishes and fantasies aside though, some of them can be dangerous or harmful. How do you know if what turns you on goes too far?

Are sexual fetishes bad?

Are fantasies healthy?

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Healthy Fetishes and Fantasies

First, let’s distinguish between a fetish and a fantasy. A fetish is in part an obsession on one particular thing whereas a fantasy can incorporate several different sexual and non sexual elements.

You’ve probably heard of a fetish before, such as a foot fetish, and who hasn’t had a sexual or non sexual fantasy? You may, in fact, have both fetishes and fantasies. That’s perfectly normal. It only means that you’re human.

So what is a healthy fetish or fantasy? Well, there’s no “list” of what’s healthy and what’s not, so it’s something you need to determine yourself. Does your fetish or fantasy make you uncomfortable in any way?

Don’t use others’ reactions as a guide. Someone might find that a fetish for crotchless panties disgusting when there’s really no harm at all in enjoying crotchless panties. It’s really a classic example of “to each his own.”

What if your fetish or fantasy is a little more extreme than that? Do you like S&M pornography or do you enjoy biting or being bitten during sex? These are still relatively healthy and normal fetishes, although that is where it starts to get a little hairy.

When Does It Cross The Line?

Basically, it crosses the line when someone gets hurt and they don’t want to. Now, in S&M and some other fetishes and fantasies, people do get hurt a little.

It all boils down to consent. If all parties involved are consenting, there really is no harm in . . . well, a little harm. It does go too far though. If you’re really hurting someone and they don’t like it. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be “harmful.”

If any other person involved isn’t comfortable with what you’re doing, you’ve crossed the line. Back up a little and find another way to enjoy your fetishes and fantasies without harming someone or making them uncomfortable in any way.

That said, there are some fetishes or fantasies that might signal you need some help.  If you have any questions about whether your fetishes and fantasies are normal, run it by a therapist or more specifically a sex therapist. Most fantasies are normal but in rare cases where someone might fantasize about really hurting someone else, it’s time to seek help.

If you’re worried that your fantasy or fetish isn’t normal, keep in mind that there’s a very wide range for what “normal” is. Some people fantasize about phone sex while others think feet are the most erotic thing in the world. Some women fantasize about a sexy pirate with rock hard abs sweeping them off their feet while others just want to spank their partners.

As long as everyone involved is comfortable and consenting, there is nothing wrong with indulging your fetishes and fantasies!  Remember that everyone is different and unless someone is getting hurt or is uncomfortable, or you are fantasizing about really hurting someone, just enjoy the ride!

Relationship Suck? Need Counseling? Read this first!

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Sometimes, we have problems that we just can’t fix on our own.

Whether they’re relationship problems, sex problems or even behavioral problems and problems from our pasts, we don’t have the resources or the knowledge we need to right ourselves, no matter how hard we try!

Therapy can work wonders, but where do you start? There are hundreds and hundreds of different types of therapy available to you. How do you know which one is right for you?

What is the difference between the various types of couples counseling that’s available? (traditional counselor, hypnotherapy, alternative treatments, etc)

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Treating the problem chemically.

Psychiatrists are under the study that all mental illnesses and behavioral problems are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Psychiatrists often treat these illnesses with an array of medications that are intended to replace the lost chemicals or reduce the amount of abundant chemicals, therefore stabilizing the patient’s mood and behavior and quieting any mental illness.

Psychiatry is not a type of therapy that is for everyone, but it is certainly beneficial in some situations. Talk to your doctor to find out if a visiting a psychiatrist is something you should consider based on your current situation.

Talking it out.

A popular type of therapy nowadays is psychotherapy, or talk therapy. What happens in this type of therapy is that you and your therapist sit together for a determined period of time and together, you are able to talk through your issues.

Your therapist can give you the tools you need to make the changes in your own life that you need to make, and they can definitely be there to help you through difficult decisions and unpleasant situations such as divorce, a job loss or even relationship troubles.

Religious based therapy.

Everyone has a belief system and some people prefer to counsel with therapists that incorporate their chosen set of beliefs into the therapy. Catholics will often visit a priest to confess, and Christians and other religious people will visit a therapist of this same religion.

If your faith is an integral part of your life and is often what you base your life decisions on, it makes sense that you would seek out a therapist of your same beliefs.

Hypnotherapy and alternative therapy.

There are many different types of alternative therapies, including acupuncture, hypnotherapy, past life regression, reiki, and more. These types of therapy can work well on their own or even alongside a more traditional type of therapy. These therapies are designed to help bring you peace and an understanding of yourself. They too can help you work through life issues and help you learn what you need to solve your current problems and deal with new ones as they present themselves.

Only you can decide what type of therapy is right for you! Take your motivation into consideration, as well as your beliefs and whether or not you’d like your insurance to pay for the therapy sessions. The most important thing in therapy is to never have a closed mind, and to stick with your therapy long enough for it to work! Just a few weeks in therapy aren’t likely to do you any good, so talk with your therapist to find out where you see things going.

You and your therapist can work together to find a path through this life that is fulfilling and satisfactory. Seeking a therapist does not indicate weakness. It only indicates that you care enough about yourself and those around you to make some much needed changes in your life, and you have the power to do that!

Love, Sex, or Money? The Three Biggest Reasons Couples Fight and How They Can Be Avoided?

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It’s a fact of life. Almost all couples fight!

Some arguments are mild and others are really knock down drag out fights where one or both partners come out breathless and wounded.

Not surprisingly, the reasons that couples fight aren’t all that different from couple to couple. They’re often the same!

While almost every couple argues and fights from time to time, regular fights can lead to serious discord in the relationship. Understanding why couples fight is the first key to stopping arguments in their tracks.

What are the biggest reasons that couples fight?

And can they be avoided?

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Compatibility

Some couples argue and fight because they’re simply not compatible with each other. Sometimes two people aren’t compatible with each other mentally or spiritually, and this can lead to lots of arguments. Often, these types of arguments will eventually lead to the end of the relationship because very rarely do two people with two totally different spiritual beliefs and mindsets work out.

More often, however, is sexual incompatibility. Whether you’re a novice who just can’t seem to get it right or someone with lots of experience in the sack who’s just gotten bored with the routine, if you and your partner aren’t hitting it off in the bedroom, you can have some serious issues out of the bedroom.  Open up and talk to your partner about what you can do to ramp up the sex life or gain more experience. Don’t be afraid to incorporate new things!

Money

Many couples, especially married couples, argue and fight over money. In fact, money problems are the leading contributor to divorces in the U.S. Sometimes, there are issues over who makes more money or issues over who spends more money. If you’re having money problems though, you don’t have to resign yourself to a doomed relationship …

Talk to your partner and devise a budget and a spending plan that works for both of you. This is where you may need to get creative. Find something that works for you and your partner. If the Mr. Jones down the street brings home the bacon and the Mrs. stays home and cooks, that might work well for them.

In your relationship, however, it may work better if the Mrs. is a high powered executive CEO and he stays home to play Mr. Mom. With a little effort and planning, you and your partner can work together to find a compromise that works for your relationship!

Lack of Understanding

The biggest reason that men and women fight is that they’re from two totally different planets. Haven’t you read Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus? If you haven’t, you should get a copy this instant!

Men’s brains and women’s brains are actually hardwired differently. Sometimes, you and your partner could be fighting because you simply don’t understand each other! Do your homework and take some time to understand how your gender functions differently than the other.

You’ll be surprised to find that almost everything is different, even the social stigmas that are put on us every day. You’ll learn ways to communicate with your partner in a way they can understand and vice versa, eliminating many disagreements before they even start.

While almost every couple argues and disagrees, which is healthy, you don’t want to have to deal with fights on a regular basis as they can tear your relationship apart before you can even pinpoint what went wrong. Work to end these common reasons that couples fight and save the disagreements for situations that are unique to your relationship!