Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for Love & Relationships / Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice: How To Make A Major Decision With Your Partner

By

Relationship advice is something all couples need, especially when making a big decision together. Here’s how to get through it without too much fighting.

When you’re one half of a serious relationship, especially if that relationship is a marriage, you can no longer make large decisions on your own. Everything that you do affects not only you, but also your significant other. Therefore, it’s imperative that you seek out relationship advice and learn how to make major decisions as a unit.

You must become better at judging where to compromise and where to stand your ground. Furthermore, you need to be able to determine when sacrificing something you want and allowing your S.O. to get what they want will be better for your relationship as a whole. This, among other things, will require you to strengthen your communication skills together.

Take Time To Talk About It

The first step toward making a big decision together is to set aside time to discuss it. Make sure that you’re both in good moods. If you’ve just had an argument or one of you has had a particularly bad day, you’re not going to be in the proper mindset to make a large scale decision.

If you’re both feeling fairly calm and happy, ask your S.O. if you can talk about the big topic at hand. Then eliminate any possible distractions. Turn off the TV or your music, set your phones to silent and put the computer to sleep. This is a potentially life altering choice for both of you, so you want to make sure it has both you and your significant other’s fullest attention. Don’t have the talk if you’ve been drinking or while you’re drinking, either. You should both be in a very clear state of mind.

Lay Out The Facts

Once you’ve found the proper time and setting to hold your discussion, begin by establishing the facts. Let’s say that you’ve decided you’re ready to start having kids, and your S.O. isn’t quite so sure. You need to state your position and the reasons why you feel ready—you don’t want to wait until you’re too old, you feel financially settled, etc.

Then ask your S.O. to explain what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it. Maybe he or she wants kids, but feels like they need more time to establish themselves at their job first. Without getting defensive or hostile, ask how much more time they think they need. No matter what the topic is, you should do your best to get your mate to open up fully and be honest about their feelings. It’s important that you both be completely open about what you want and your related fears.

Looking For Compromise

After you’ve each fully explained your side of the story, it’s time to look for compromise . In the case of the baby issue, you may have to agree to wait a little longer than you’d like, as long as your S.O. agrees to get started a little earlier than they’d hoped. When meeting in the middle is a possibility, go for it. Of course, sometimes it isn’t.

Perhaps your issue is that your mate wants to move to a new city to take a promotion in their job, and you don’t want to move because you’ll be giving up your current job to do so. In a case like that, there’s no way to fully compromise, so you’ll ultimately have to decide what will be best for your partnership. Step back and attempt to view things more logically. Will there be other job possibilities for you in this new city? Is your S.O. the bigger bread winner in your relationship, or are you? Do the pros for one side outweigh the cons for the other?

Staying Calm, Cool And Rational

If you and your S.O. can keep the right relationship advice in mind and both keep your cool and be as rational as possible, you’ll find you’re able to reach a consensus sooner rather than later. That doesn’t mean that either of you should be a pushover, but it does mean that you can’t let emotions alone rule your choices. Most importantly, though, you have to remember that you’re no longer in it only for your own good. The health, happiness, and success of your relationship as a couple are now your priority when it comes to making big choices.

Relationship Advice: How To Travel Together For The First Time

By

In a relationship, you’re going to want to go places with your partner at some point. Here’s how to make sure your relationship survives the trip.

It can be very exciting when the time comes for you and your significant other to take your first vacation together. Time away from your everyday surroundings and obligations can make for a truly wonderful bonding experience. But travels don’t always go as planned, and you may find yourself encountering a side of your partner you don’t find very attractive. How can you make sure that your trip goes smoothly? Lots of advance planning helps, along with patience and a good sense of humor.

Plan Ahead!

It’s always important to have a rock solid plan when you’re traveling, but never more so than when it’s the first time in the relationship that you and your mate go away together. The better you plan, the less you’ll have to worry over during the trip. First and foremost, make sure to pick a place you’re both truly interested in visiting. Since it’s your first trip together, unless you’re both seasoned travelers, you should probably stay closer to home.

A domestic destination promises a shorter flight, no need for passports, and no language barrier to worry about. It can also make for a more affordable trip, which can help eliminate a common traveling worry—overspending. Minimizing stressors before you’ve even stepped into the airport can be very helpful. Speaking of airports, you’ll also need to decide on a mode of transportation. For a first trip, flying or taking a train is probably your best option.

Road trips are notorious for quickly going from great to terrible; you can get lost, your car can break down, etc. While flying and taking the train also have their drawbacks, at least neither of you will be directly to blame if something does go wrong. After settling on a destination and a mode of transportation, make sure to pick your accommodations together. Agree ahead of time on how you’ll pay for your lodgings, so you won’t have to worry about it later.

Allow For Extra Time & Plan What To Pack

A few days prior to your trip, plan how you’ll be getting to the airport or train station. Establish a meeting time and place that allows you both extra time to get there. If one of you cuts it too close and is late, you’ll be starting your romantic getaway with a guaranteed fight. Next, plan what to pack together. You want to make sure that both of you bring the right clothing for any activities that either of you have in mind, like a fancy dinner out, hiking, swimming, etc. That way, none of your plans will be ruined because someone doesn’t have the right clothing to participate.

You should also make sure you both pack a few things to keep you entertained on the journey. You’ll want to bring a couple of things you can enjoy together, like playing cards. However, you shouldn’t assume that your mate will stay awake and entertain you through the whole flight. Bring a book or an MP3 player in case your S.O. falls asleep while you’re en route.

Remember To Have Fun!

Once you’ve arrived, let the fun begin. Different people have different traveling styles, so you may discover that you’re more laidback, while the person you’re in a relationship with is a scheduler. If you two don’t see eye to eye on how to manage your daily activities, try to compromise. Block out half of the day to be spontaneous and the other half to stick to an itinerary. Being able to compromise during your vacation won’t just make your trip easier, but will also demonstrate that you are generally considerate.

What if you encounter a traveling disaster? How you handle little road bumps will say a lot about you as a person and a partner. Try not to panic or go into heavy complaint mode. Remain calm, help your mate calm down as well, and remind yourselves that you’re just on vacation. Don’t let someone’s lost wallet or an extreme flight delay ruin your entire trip. Showing some grace under pressure and keeping things light will turn you into a hero.

Don’t Let A Bad Vacation Ruin Your Relationship

What if the vacation disaster is that you really don’t like being with your boyfriend or girlfriend 24/7? The best thing you can do is suck it up and weather the trip, then get home and think about where your relationship is headed. Don’t do anything rash when you’re away from home. While a vacation together can teach you a lot about each other, you shouldn’t let one bad week in unfamiliar territory ruin your entire relationship. Of course, most vacations go wonderfully, and you may return more in love than ever before. Planning ahead and staying flexible once you arrive will certainly help toward getting that happy result.

 

 

Conflict Resolution: How To Apologize Gracefully

By

No matter how fantastic your relationship is, there are going to be times when you screw up. We’re only human and we all make mistakes. Whether you say something particularly mean in the heat of an argument, or do something far more serious, you’re going to have to apologize every now and again. As such, it’s pretty important to know how to apologize the right way.

Sometimes a simple “sorry” just doesn’t cut it. In fact, if you do a poor job of apologizing, you may find yourself getting into a whole new argument with your S.O. and you’ll never reach a conflict resolution. A truly good, genuine apology, however, can be like a well-executed set of stitches. Not only does it close the wound you’ve opened up, but it can minimize the chance of future emotional scarring.

Mean What You Say

Though it may seem obvious, one of the most important ways to apologize properly is to really mean it. If your apology is cast off carelessly just to end the fight at hand, it won’t be believable. An insincere apology will only rile your mate up, not satisfy their need for appeasement. Instead of hastily saying you’re sorry, hear your partner’s argument all the way through.

Then pause to consider what you’ve done wrong, and genuinely apologize for it. It can be hard to acknowledge your own wrong-doing, but if you really love your partner, you need to admit that you did something wrong and are really sorry about it. If you’re not really sorry, then you need to call a time out on the argument so you can think more by yourself.

Choose Your Words Carefully

When you actually go about apologizing, you really need to be careful with your word choice. Saying things like “I’m sorry you’re so angry” or “I’m sorry that you don’t approve of what I did” isn’t really apologizing and won’t do anything for actual conflict resolution. That’s just turning things around on your partner under the guise that you’re sorry. You need to actually take responsibility for your actions when you apologize (i.e. “I’m sorry that I forgot to mail our rent check this month”.)

You also need to be careful with your tone. Don’t yell your apology angrily, and don’t let sarcasm creep into your voice. Take a good, deep breath to calm yourself down before you start speaking. If your S.O. starts to interrupt you as you’re talking, just let them. After they’ve said their piece, start your apology again. If you keep your cool, even if your partner can’t, your apology will feel more genuine.

See Your Partner’s Point Of View

To further improve upon your apology, make sure to acknowledge that you understand where your partner is coming from. Simply stating that you get why they’re mad shows a level of empathy and regret that they’ll appreciate. If you really want to win them over, say that you want to discuss how to prevent a situation like this from happening again.

Ask for their advice and input. Inviting them to help figure out the best conflict resolution reminds them that you really do value their opinion and their role in your life. Part of apologizing is not only showing that you are truly sorry for what you’ve done, but also showing that you want to keep from repeating your mistakes in the future. A hug and a kiss once you’ve both calmed down never hurts, either!

How To Get Your Way In A Relationship

By

A relationship is a give and take – isn’t it? Not always – here are some strategies that will help you get your way in a relationship when you need to.

No matter how in love you may be, there are going to be plenty of times in your relationship where you and your significant other disagree about something. Maybe you can’t decide on where to move to, or maybe you just can’t agree on what to have for dinner. Either way, it is possible to get your way without coming off like a self-centered jerk. You just have to make a calm, reasonable argument and know how to pick your battles.

How Important Is It?

If you find that you and your partner are at an impasse, the first thing to do is to decide how truly important it is that you get your way. How upset will you really be if you have to let your S.O. win on this particular topic? If you feel that you can live with it, you should go ahead and let your partner win. In doing so, you’ll not only end the debating, but you’ll also give yourself bargaining power in future disagreements.

If you agree to move into your boyfriend or girlfriend’s apartment instead of having them move into your place, you may find that you have the upper hand when it comes to choosing your next place of residence.

On the other hand, if you decide that you really want to get your way on the matter at hand, you may have to suggest that you’ll let your significant other make the call next time. Either way, ensuring that neither of you always gets their way is a compromise that can pay off. It makes sure that you don’t look too self involved when it is your turn to get your way.

Solidify Your Argument

When you are determined to come out on top, make sure that you have a truly solid argument. A lawyer wouldn’t show up to court without having done their research, and you shouldn’t show up to a decision-making debate empty handed, either.

Let’s say you get a job offer that would require you both to move, and you know your partner likes where you currently live. You need to have a well-considered list of positives when the time comes to discuss the issue.

Moreover, your argument can’t just be about how the move would be good for you. You should be able to point out how it will benefit you, how it will benefit your mate, and how it will benefit you as a couple. Don’t gloss over things or fib about how great it will be, but do look for a way to sell your S.O. on it.

You might start by admitting that this new city will be more expensive than where you currently live, but that the raise you’ll be getting and all of the added amenities will make it worthwhile. Perhaps your partner loves hiking, and you know that this new city is near a big national park.

Not only will these positive revelations make your partner feel better about moving, but demonstrating how much research you’ve put into the decision shows them how much you care about it. If you can make them see how important it is to you, your S.O. will be more likely to let you have your way.

It’s also key that you make them feel included in the decision, even if the outcome does end up in your favor. Never make a big decision without consulting your partner, even if you suspect that it will take some effort to win them over.

Stay Calm And Don’t Be Critical

Ultimately, if you can remain calm and congenial while making a clear, solid argument, you’ll drastically increase your odds of getting your way. Promising to compromise on future issues or offering a trade off can help.

Most importantly, make sure that your significant other knows that you really do care about their opinion in the matter, and they are sure to show you the same respect.

How To Reveal A Deep, Dark Secret To Your Partner

By

A relationship involves honesty and trust – so what do you do if you have a secret that you should share with your S.O.? We all have secrets, some of which are significantly less pleasant than others. Maintaining trust and honesty is probably the best relationship advice you’ll ever get. As a result, there may come a time wherein you have to come clean about a dark secret or two to your S.O.

It won’t be an easy thing to do, and you may be tempted to chicken out. That’s when you have to remember that your significant other will be far angrier about your secret if they find out about it from someone other than you. What many people fail to understand is that the act of hiding something is often as bad (or worse!) than the very thing you’re hiding. Keep that in mind and you’ll realize that you have to move forward with talking about your secret, no matter how difficult it will seem.

How To Make It Less Painful

There are, however, ways to make your big revelation less painful. First and foremost, never tell a dark secret in the heat of the moment. The time to tell your girlfriend that you have herpes isn’t in the middle of a hot and heavy make-out session. You need to tell her well before it gets to that point, and you need to do it in a manner that befits the gravity of your news. Wait until you’re in private and let her know that you need to talk to her about something.

Then tell her the bad news and provide her with as much information as you possibly can. In the case of the STD revelation, be certain to fill her in on all the precautions you can take together, on any testing she might need to get (which you should offer to pay for), etc. She will likely be upset, but your diligence will show her that you will do everything you can to make the situation right. Be understanding if she’s freaked out and needs a breather.

Sooner Is Better Than Later

Getting the secret out sooner rather than later is generally a good bit of relationship advice. The longer it festers before you bring it to light, the angrier your girlfriend will be. Let’s say that your credit is less than desirable. Your boyfriend has proposed to you and you’re having a discussion about all the things you’ll need to do surrounding your impending marriage. Instead of waiting to talk about your poor credit score until after your wedding, bring it up now.

When he brings up the question of whether or not you should combine your finances, be honest about your debt. Tell him you want to work together with him to figure out the best solution possible. No one enjoys discussing financial problems with their significant other, but it’s an important talk to have. You could keep it a secret now, only to have it bite you in the rear later when you try to apply for a home loan together. When your spouse finds out you hid it from him for all that time, he’ll be far more upset with you.

Maintaining Control Over The Situation

Another reason that it’s important to tell your significant other your unpleasant secret as early as possible is that it gives you more control over how you break the news. It’s better to have a serious talk on a day when your lover is in a good mood than on one when they’re already upset about something else in their lives. If you have to come out with a secret at the last minute, you can’t control what kind of day your mate’s been having. You also might not have time to prepare appropriately before then.

That means that you won’t have any good news, like being able to list possible solutions, to talk about alongside the bad. Plus, the longer you put it off, the higher the chance that your lover will find out from someone else or through another channel, which just makes you look like a big, fat liar. Plan out how you’re going to do it and make sure you have as much control over the situation as possible. As a result, you’ll likely have an easier time with your discussion. Take this relationship advice and do anything you can to soften the blow for your significant other.