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My Boyfriend Wants Anal Sex – What Do I Do?

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My BF wants to try anal sex , but I’m not so sure I’m into it. It’s a bigger commitment on my “end,” so to speak! What do I do?

What She Said

Oh, honey! This is a question for the ages and I’m so glad you asked it. There are two schools of thought: (1) It’s great and everyone should try it. (2) No one wants to marry the “up the butt girl.” Yes, I’m pulling quotes from the Sex and the City series – those ladies had some good advice!

Is Anal Sex Actually Fun?

Let’s start with the “It’s great” theory first. Anal sex – with the right partner and the right lube – can be a lovely experience. If you choose to do this, have a frank talk with your boyfriend beforehand. He already knows you’re a bit nervous; if you agree to this, you get to call the shots. He needs to be gentle – he also needs to be willing to use lubricant and a condom. Your vagina and anus are separated for a reason – he can’t pull out and enter you vaginally in the middle of anal sex.

Be sure to let him know that health and safety come first, even before the two you. Now on to the fun stuff! If you’re feeling good about your talk, go for it. There’s no harm (with proper precautions) in trying something once. You might find that you love it – in which case you can consider adding it to your repertoire. If you didn’t enjoy it, you don’t have to do it again. At least you’ll be basing your “no go” from a position of experience.

And here’s the “flip side,” so to speak. No one wants to marry the “up the butt girl.” Of course this is an antiquated notion – anyone who would judge you for experiences you’ve chosen to have can shove off, in my book.

Would You Really Rather Not?

What I mean to point out via this example is: What’s the state of your relationship? Is he pushing you into trying something you don’t want to do? Is the decision to try anal based on a last ditch effort to save your coupling or is it based on a mutual agreement to spice things up? If you guys are on the rocks, he might be pushing for anal so he can try it before he dumps you.

Sound harsh? Imagine how you’ll feel if you give in to something you’re not comfortable with only to find yourself single weeks later. Why give it up for someone who doesn’t care? If the relationship is sound but this isn’t your preferred way of adding something new to your sex life, talk with your BF then buy a copy of the Kama Sutra. There are plenty of other sex positions out there that don’t involve the ass.

What He Said

Snoop Dogg once said “You can’t make a ho a housewife.” If you can’t, I’ll never get married. Seriously, the “no one marries the up the butt girl is” stupid and untrue. Your marital charms are not based on any particular sex act. If he likes you, he likes you, pure and simple.

IF you’re concerned about anal sex and don’t want to do it, just tell him he can screw you up the ass right after you get to screw him in the ass with a sex toy. (See the ‘Bending Over Boyfriend” series for details if he actually agrees to it)

There’s No Reason To Be Scared

If you’re into it and are scared for whatever reason, don’t be. You are not the first person on the planet to want their boyfriend to do them in the butt (assuming you’re into that). It doesn’t mean you’re a slut or a whore, or that you’re going to hell. Just that you like it up the ass. It’s that simple. Raise your concerns whatever they may be with your man and go from there. You’ll be glad you did.

That is, unless this is some last ditch effort to save your relationship. If it is, than it won’t work. You can’t take it up the ass to save your relationship any more than you can have a baby to save it. This can enhance it, but if it needs saving, that’s a whole other issue.

Best Anal Sex Tips Of 2010

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Anal sex is an activity that lots of couples enjoy, including both men and women. It can create wonderful sensations for both partners if done safely (and with lots and lots of good lube). For women, anal stimulation can be a wonderful addition to oral sex or vaginal intercourse. Contrary to popular belief, many women truly do enjoy anal play with their partner or even with toys.

Anal stimulation can also be a great way for men to discover their prostate gland and have more powerful, earth shattering orgasms. Even though anal play has lots of great benefits, if proper safety precautions aren’t taken before engaging in the activity, it can have lots of drawbacks as well – almost all of which can be prevented with a little planning. The anus does not self lubricate, so a generous amount of a good sexual lubricant must be used at all times. Also, when experimenting with anal toys, it’s important to make sure they are designed specifically with safety in mind.

Toys without a wide, flared base or ring on the end can get lost inside (this usually will require an embarrassing trip to the emergency room). This past year, we’ve found the information you need to not only make anal stimulation super pleasurable and fun, but also to keep it clean and safe. Check out our top “rear entry” techniques of 2010 so you can have fun well into the new year!

Anal Sex: Which Lubricant Is Best For Sensitive Skin?

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There are a variety of sexual lubricants out on the market and they range from water based to silicone with many different scents, flavors and textures in between. Choosing the perfect lube for anal sex can be tough, especially if you or your partner have sensitive skin. Some lubes, especially those with spermicide, can cause itching and burning. Here’s how to select one that won’t sting – for vaginal intercourse or anal sex!

Hey Jenn and Dan! I’ve got a question concerning lubricants. My girlfriend and I of 2 years have tried using many different kinds of lubricants for anal sex such as KY Jelly and Astroglide. Every time we use these lubricants, they sting her inside the anus – but not her vagina. The only lubricant we’ve found that works is spit but I feel that it is not enough because I’m concerned it won’t be enough lube. Do you know of any lubricants that will not sting for anal sex?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC4GO2jxTp0[/youtube]

What Makes An Adequate Lube?

There are many things that can be used as lubricant for sex and anal sex, but that doesn’t mean they are all adequate for the job. Spit, for one, is definitely not a good one at all. It is acidic in nature and contains throngs of bacteria that you definitely don’t want to introduce into your genital area. Baby oil and cooking oil (as well as any oil-based lube) will break down latex and can increase the risk of transmitting and contracting STD’s or becoming pregnant if you’re using a condom during vaginal intercourse. Good sexual lubricants are generally either water based or silicone based, with the former being a little more gentle on the body but not quite as thick and long lasting. A water based lube is easier to wash off (it can simply be rinsed away with water) while one that is silicone based requires soap and perhaps a little elbow grease to get completely clean.

Searching For Allergens

If you or your partner find that using a variety of sexual lubricants still irritate, itch or burn during sex or anal sex, try doing a little investigation on the ingredients found in the lubes. For example, there may be a common ingredient in all the lubes that you’ve tried that could be causing the irritation and sensitivity. You could start by searching for one without that particular ingredient to see if the ingredient is, in fact, the allergen that is causing the problem.

When searching for the right sexual lubricants for penetration, it can be expensive if you purchase an entire bottle of each lube that you and your partner want to try. Instead, look online or in sex toy stores for a “variety pack” or “sampler pack” of lubes. Each kind will be in a small “pillow” and is usually just enough for one use – so you can decide which one works the best. Remember that the lubricant that you use for vaginal sex may not be the same one that you want to use for anal sex or even fingering – and that’s ok! Do your best to keep track of which lube worked best for what activity.

Gentle Lubes That May Work Best For Sensitive Skin

If you’re looking for specific sexual lubricants that are made just for people with sensitive skin, try very mild lubes such as Doc Johnson’s Prescription Lubricant, Pure, or Pink Hypoallergenic Lubricant For Women. Gentle ones will be paraben free, fragrance free, glycerine free, and preservative free. These types of lubes may not cause as much irritation, burning or itching of the vagina or anus during sex, but they may be thinner than traditional sexual lubricants. Simply use more of the product during sex if this is the case.

When To Visit The Doctor

If you or your partner experiences itching, burning or irritation during vaginal intercourse or anal sex regardless of what sexual lubricants you’re using, it may be time to make a visit to the doctor. Burning in the vaginal area can be a symptom of an infection (STD’s, bacterial or yeast infections) and excessive burning or pain during anal sex regardless of what lube is used can be a symptom of small tears in the anus caused by anal sex or something common like hemorrhoids. If you experience a lot of discomfort during sex and anal sex – even if you’ve switched to a more natural, water based lube – you’ll definitely want to visit your doctor to rule out anything more serious that could be going on.

The Male G-Spot: How To Find And Stimulate The Prostate Gland

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Believe it or not, men have a sort of “g-spot” too, and when stimulated, it can bring him explosive, amazing orgasms – we’re talking the kind he’s never had before. The male g-spot is called the prostate gland and it’s not at all difficult to find and stimulate. When you do, he’ll beg you for more! There are a few things to keep in mind before you stimulate his prostate gland and when you do, such as making sure he’s into it first (it is easiest to stimulate from inside the anal cavity) and using a good lube. Here’s how to find and stimulate your partner’s prostate gland and have him writhing in carnal pleasure!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMRl8I5_AG4[/youtube]

The Male G-Spot Is His Prostate Gland

The male g-spot is called the “prostate gland” and is located about 2 inches inside the anal cavity on the top. That means when you’re facing him, you can insert your finger, feel along the top wall of his anal cavity and you should feel a small, chestnut sized “bump” of flesh. This is the prostate gland. It is often best stimulated with a “come hither” motion if you’re using your finger, meaning that once you locate the prostate gland, move your finger in a motion as though you were telling someone to “come here.” You can also use side to side movements or simply place your finger on the prostate gland and apply firm pressure. Different guys like different things here, so make sure to experiment to find out what he likes best.

Is He Interested In Prostate Play?

Before you get super excited about giving him an amazing orgasm and slip your finger in his anus to stimulate his prostate gland, you need to make sure he’s into it first. This is not something you want to surprise him with, because a lot of guys are a little squeamish about their anuses. Some guys are a little homophobic and feel that any anal play (on him, not on you of course) is considered “gay” and if this is the case, he may want you to stay as far away from his backdoor as possible. You can also slowly introduce him to the idea of prostate stimulation without inserting anything into his anus by playing with his perineum during a blowjob. The perineum is the skin in between his testicles and his anus, and it can be stimulated with firm, kneading pressure. This indirectly massages the prostate gland and will give him an idea of how pleasurable prostate stimulation can be, but it is nothing at all like direct prostate stimulation. If he seems to like it, inch your hand closer to his anus and see what he does. If he doesn’t seem uncomfortable, play with his anus a little as you’re applying lube to the opening. If at any point he stops you, prostate stimulation may not be for him.

Stimulating The Prostate Gland With Sex Toys

Many sex toys are made specifically for prostate stimulation and can often be easier to use than your finger once you’ve located the prostate gland. Don’t try to use a sex toy the first time, because it will be more difficult to feel the prostate gland and know you’re in the right spot. Prostate massagers are often thin with a bulbous tip that is angled to properly reach the prostate gland. Other prostate sex toys include butt plugs – which range from large to very, very tiny – and glass sex toys or vibrators. Make sure that any anal sex toy you use is made with a wide base or a ring at the end that will prevent the toy from slipping inside the anus and getting lost.

Using The Right Lubricant

Anal play is not to be had without a good sexual lubricant – and a lot of it! The anal cavity does not lubricate itself and as a result, anal sex without lube can be painful and may even cause some of the delicate tissues down there to tear and bleed. Not cool! You can make anal play and prostate massage more comfortable and pleasurable by applying a very generous amount of lube to the outside of the anus, your fingers and whatever sex toy you choose to use. Feel free to apply more lube as needed. If you are using a condom or latex glove of any kind, make sure to use only water based lube, because silicone lube will break down latex and cause condoms and gloves to become ineffective.

Anal Sex Play For Beginners – Tips & Techniques

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Anal sex is very erotic for many people, both men and women. There are many nerve endings in the rectum, particularly around the opening of the anus, that a lot of people find pleasurable when stimulated. Men often love the super tightness of a woman’s anus. Anal play – whether you’re having anal sex or using a toy or your fingers – can be intensely intimate.  The taboo of enjoying a so-called ‘prohibited’ activity with your partner can be super exciting and just what you need to turn up the heat in your sex life! There are, however, a few guidelines that should be followed for anal sex to make both you and your partner safe and comfortable!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLLVEL1Rrns[/youtube]

Don’t Skimp On The Lube

The anus does not naturally lubricate itself at all, therefore, it is an absolute must to use a good water based or silicone based lubricant during anal sex. While you don’t want to use silicone based lube in the vagina because it’s difficult to clean out, silicone lube will get flushed out with everything else when you go to the bathroom so feel free to use it for anal sex. Don’t ever attempt to have anal sex without lube, because you could easily tear something on the outside or even the inside, which would require a not so fun trip to the hospital. Also, do not use numbing or desensitizing lubricant, because if it hurts, you need to feel it and you need to stop! Just use lots and lots of regular water or silicone based lube for any kind of anal play.

Learn To Relax!

If you’re not able to relax when you have anal sex, you’re going to find it very uncomfortable or painful. Practice relaxing your anus around a small anal sex toy or a finger and work your way up to the bigger stuff. You certainly can’t expect yourself to accomodate a large sex toy or penis if you’ve never tried anal sex before, but if you learn to relax during anal play, you’ll gradually get to where you can take more and enjoy more.

Keep Things Clean

Since going through the backdoor will potentially (probably) get you at least a little dirty, it’s very important to keep things clean. Clean any and all sex toys used for anal play with hot, soapy water or special sex toy cleaner and wear a condom when inserting the penis into the anus. Wearing a condom during anal sex will allow you to slip it off and go straight to vaginal sex without worrying about bacteria spreading. If you don’t want to wear a condom during anal sex, you will need to wash your penis thoroughly with warm, soapy water. Neglecting to keep things clean during sex will increase the risk of spreading bacteria and giving your partner an infection.

Warm Up And Get Turned On First

Just like with sex, if you want to have good anal sex, it’s important to have a little foreplay first and get turned on before you start. Giving yourself a warm up period will help you relax and help get you turned on so that you’re more ready for anal play. If you’re not turned on before you receive anal sex, you’re anus is going to be clamped tight and you’ll find that anal play is going to be more uncomfortable and painful than if you allow yourself a good warm up period first. Try having your partner give you oral sex first and even a rim job if you both like it.

Go Slowly And Be Gentle

Anal sex is not the time to be rough or practice BDSM. Since the anus is basically made for things to come out of, you have to be very careful when putting things in there. Go slowly and be very careful not to be too rough, even if you’re extremely turned on by having anal sex. Communicate with your partner about whether it feels good or it hurts too much, and if it hurts make sure you stop right away. Have a safe word that your partner can use to let you know that she wants it to stop immediately, such as “banana” or another non-sex word. Remember that your first time having anal sex doesn’t have to last very long or be perfect. There’s always another time! The important thing is to make sure your partner is comfortable and having a good time too.

Safe Anal Sex Toys

If you’re going to use anal sex toys, it’s important that you purchase toys that are specifically made for anal sex. Many sex toys that are for vaginal use or even homemade sex toys can get lost in your anus because there is no “end” like with a vagina. Getting a sex toy lost in your anus is not only extremely painful and dangerous, it is also very embarassing because it will require a doctor and most likely surgery to remove it. Instead, choose anal sex toys that have a wide, flared base or ring on the bottom that keeps the toy from sliding too far into the anus.

Best Sex Positions For Anal Sex

While almost any sex position can be used for anal sex, there are some sex positions that are better for anal sex because they allow for easier access. The missionary position with the girl on bottom and her legs lifted high allows for great access to the anus, as does the doggy style position. You can also try the reverse cowgirl position where the woman is on top but facing her partner’s feet, or you can try spooning with your partner behind you. The sex postion doesn’t matter as much as long as you and your partner are both comfortable and having fun!